Paying the Consequences
by Amanda Hawthorn
Summary: She felt betrayed, confused and lost all in the same moment and all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and forget everything. Spoilers for 6x17 and 6x18 Now COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: Burn Notice doesn't belong to me unfortunately.**

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout all of the fandoms I have been involved in. I've met some truly wonderful people who I know will be in my life forever. I appreciate every review and as much as I would love to send some personal replies sometimes I just don't have enough hours in the day.**

**As always, thank you to my wonderful friends, Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this story for me.**

**Also thank you to my lovely twitter friends. You're all very special and I am blessed to have you all in my life**

**This story is based on 6x17 and 6x18. I'm still recovering from that final scene and this is my way of dealing with it.**

_**She felt betrayed, confused and lost all in the same moment and all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and forget everything.**_

Paying the consequences

1

The darkness around her matched the black sheath that encased her heart. The numbness had set in some time ago to leave her feeling utterly drained. Had the last few months just happened or had it been a nightmare? She'd asked herself that question every time she succumbed to sleep, taking five minute cat naps when her body couldn't keep up with the physical strains she was putting on herself.

She had believed everything Michael had told her…right down to his promises of leaving the CIA, but when she'd seen him only hours ago trying to explain his motives to her she just couldn't hear him out right now. She felt betrayed, confused and lost all in the same moment and all she wanted to do was curl up into a ball and forget everything.

A knock on the bedroom door brought her out of her self-imposed gloom and she slowly looked towards the beam of light that entered into the darkness.

"Fi…"

Madeline's voice brought another wave of tears to her eyes but she blinked them away as she leaned back against the headboard.

"I'm fine," she whispered hoarsely through the rawness in her throat. "Just…"

"I know you're not fine, honey," Madeline told her softly when she pushed the bedroom door further to let more light pool into the room. Stepping further inside she focused on the tiny woman who was huddled on the oversized bed and felt her heart break for her.

"Madeline…" Fiona whispered brokenly. "Please…"

Shaking her head Madeline made her way towards the bed and sat down onto the edge before she reached out to lay a hand over Fiona's ankle.

"Michael called aga—"

"I don't want to talk to him," Fiona all but hissed as she spun her head around to face her.

"I know, I told him you wouldn't," Madeline sighed. "But he asked me to tell you something."

Fiona shook her head, part of her still unwilling to hear what Michael's mother had to say, but when Madeline squeezed her ankle she could feel her eyes sting with fresh tears.

"He really does love you," Madeline started but she stopped when Fiona drew in a sharp breath.

"No," she growled, pulling away from Madeline's touch. "He doesn't. All he loves is his damn job."

"Fi—"

"No!" Getting up from the bed Fiona turned to face the older woman, thankful that the bed was between them as she wrapped her arms around herself. "He's got what he wanted. He never wanted me."

"Honey you don't believe that," standing up, Madeline stepped around the bed towards the younger woman but she backed away.

Looking around the room, Fiona searched for her bag but suddenly realised that she didn't have anything left. Nothing…not one thing…

"I need to leave," she gasped out suddenly, her voice rasping through the ache in her heart. "I—"

"But it's the middle of the night," Madeline protested even though she stepped back when Fiona surged passed her and practically ran out into the hallway. "Honey…please…"

Fiona swallowed down the burning in her throat and hurriedly wiped her eyes before she blindly headed towards the door and yanked it open. The night air hit her full on and she gulped in greedily like she was starved of oxygen. Her eyes stung and her lungs hurt as she tried to breathe in while controlling the shaking that had overtaken her body.

Taking another step forward she lifted her head upwards and closed her eyes tightly as she tried to pull herself together. This wasn't who she was…she was strong, she was a Glenanne…but no matter how many times she tried to tell herself that, it just didn't seem to register.

A sound behind her brought her back to the present and she turned abruptly to meet Madeline Westen's worried eyes. Swallowing hard she tried to smile but her mouth wouldn't seem to work.

"Fiona, he's my son and I—"

Fiona held up her hand to stop her before she could say anything else and took a step backwards.

"I know," she whispered brokenly when another tear slipped down her cheek. "I really do…"

Madeline's eyes glistened in the darkness as she held out her hand, gesturing for the young woman to come back inside, but to her dismay Fiona stayed stock still and unmoving.

"I know you're upset, believe me I am too, but you shouldn't go through this alone," stepping closer again, Madeline's fingers grazed Fiona's arm as her own torrid emotions slipped down her cheek. "Please come back inside."

"I _can't…_"

The tremble in Fiona's voice almost broke Madeline's heart but before she could speak, the younger woman stepped forward and laced their fingers together.

"I need to…process," she murmured softly as she untangled their hands so she could pull the older woman into a tight embrace. "My life is a mess…I just need to figure out where I go now…"

"Honey, stay here with me. Mich—"

Pulling back, Fiona reluctantly moved out of Madeline's arms only to hold onto her hand for a few more seconds before she released her and stepped away. The raw pain in her eyes shone out into the darkness but she knew that Madeline understood.

Nodding her head, Madeline ignored her own tears as she pulled her cigarette pouch out of her pocket and tried to smile, but failed miserably.

"Do what you have to do, sweetheart," she told her softly, placing a cigarette in between her lips. "You always have a home here."

Fiona felt her heart clench as she slowly turned away, feeling Madeline's eyes on her with every step she took. Michael's betrayal had cut far too deeply to make her think of anything but the hurt right now, and maybe she could forgive him eventually…but right now she couldn't see anything but pain.

Her head hurt and she had no idea where she was going from here but she knew she just needed to get away, far away from Miami but she just couldn't think straight right now. Heading out into the street she felt another pang encroach her when she realised that her car had also been lost in the aftermath that was Michael Westen. Everything was gone, everything but her love for him and she knew that even that would take time to quench. How could she stop herself from loving a man she had loved for so many years…But that was her problem and she had to learn to deal with it.

Looking around the darkened street she surveyed the area before she chose a mode of transport to get her out of here. Her new life had to start and to do that she had to purge herself of the old one; she just had to say a mental goodbye to something first…

000

Madeline sat at the kitchen table and plucked a cigarette out of the pack and lit it using the one she had only just finished smoking. Taking a long drag she watched until she could see the satisfying glow at the end of the cigarette before she stubbed the old one into an ashtray.

She sensed a presence behind her and knew instantly who had come to her house at two in the morning. Without turning around she tapped the burned ash into the ashtray before she lifted the white stick to her lips again.

"I wondered how long it would be before you showed up here."

Michael drew in a sharp breath as he moved closer towards her and for the first time since Nate's death, he realised he hadn't heard her voice sound so flat. Moving closer he placed a tentative hand onto her shoulder before he stepped around her and sat down into the opposite chair and reached for her hand.

"Hi mom."

"Three weeks!" she hissed as she snatched her hand out of his and folded one arm across her stomach while she stared at him. "Three damn weeks they had us in a holding cell and all you can say is, hi mom?"

Michael shifted in his seat and swallowed hard as he thought of what he could possibly say to explain why he had done what he did. Lifting his eyes to hers he opened his mouth to speak but the words died on his lips when he saw the empty shelves where the family photos once sat.

Madeline turned to see what he was staring at and for a fleeting moment she felt a little sorry for him but that soon passed when she remembered the way Riley and her agents had ransacked her home, leaving her feeling violated. Lifting her cigarette to her lips again she held it there for a few seconds as she regarded him quietly.

"Riley and her men helped me…de-clutter."

The mention of Olivia Riley's name sent shards of regret to soar through him but he pushed those feelings away when she turned back around to look at him.

"I'm sorry, mom," he sighed, repeating those same words over and over again. And he was sorry, he just had to try and convince the rest of his team that he was ready to explain everything to them, but that was proving harder than he's first thought.

"Don't worry about it honey," she told him nonchalantly as she waved her hand over the bare shelves. "I was in the middle of packing them away anyway."

"Mom?"

"It seems like the best idea," she shrugged. "You've got your job back, Sam's talking of getting married and as far as I know Jesse's still got his job…and with Fi leaving too there's nothing left for me here."

"Fi's leaving?" Michael moved forward in his seat and grasped hold of her hand again to bring her eyes back to his. He opened his mouth to blurt out another succession of apologies but the words died on his lips when she shook her head.

"So was it worth it?" she asked, her eyes holding his as she spoke. "I don't really know what happened but I'd like to believe you did it because you didn't have a choice—"

"Mom you have to believe me," Michael's gaze softened as his eyes glistened with tears. "I never wanted any of you to be detained—"

"None of us wanted to be locked up Michael," she snapped, but her voice softened once more when she saw her son's eyes flare with sorrow. "Just tell me you'll make it right with Fi."

"I promise," he nodded, even though he knew that first he had to try and make her believe that he didn't want things to end like this.

She watched him for a few more moments before she stubbed her cigarette out into the ashtray and pushed the chair back to stand up. Her whole body felt like she'd been hit by a truck but her sorrow and disappointment kept her grounded while she watched her son unravelling before her eyes.

"_Mom…"_ he tried again, his voice breaking as he spoke. "I need you to know…I'm sorry…"

"You said that already," she told him shakily as she fought with her instincts to comfort him. "Look honey, I'm tired…none of us have really slept much since…well…"

Michael stood up and swallowed at the lump in his throat, his eyes searching the back of the house for any signs of the woman he loved, but he couldn't see anything but empty bookcases and desolation.

"Did you tell Fi I needed to see her?"

"I tried," she sighed sadly as she turned to face him, her heart aching for him when he looked so lost. "She just needs some time."

"How can I explain when she won't listen to me?" he groaned miserably. "I have to see her…I—"

"She's gone," Madeline sighed, her own sorrow causing her voice to quiver. "She said she had to get away, and—"

"Get away?" he gasped out, his voice slicing through hers. "Mom, where did she go? I need to see her to explain why…I…"

"Why you broke her heart again?" she asked sadly when she saw the realisation dawn in his eyes. "Yeah she told me what you'd promised."

"But I had no choice…I had to do what I thought was right," he urged as he stepped forward to grasp hold of her hand. "I had to go back. It was the only way to save all of you."

Madeline's gaze dropped down to their joined hands before she lifted her eyes to his. There were so many things she needed to say to him but she just didn't know where to start, so instead she squeezed his fingers before she pulled her hand form his.

"I'm going to bed," she told him sadly. "If you're staying lock the door, okay. I'll talk to you in the morning."

"Mom…" he whispered, his voice trailing away when she carried on walking away from him and towards her room. Michael's mind was screaming at him to find the people he loved and make them understand that he didn't turn his back on them like they all believed he did. He never intended for this to happen, he never wanted…

Looking down at the watch that he had been presented with on his return to the CIA he suddenly realised why they all thought the worst of him…he had to make it right before he lost them…lost Fiona, forever…

Reaching for his phone he dialled Fiona's number and placed it against his ear as he mentally prepared for her to hang up on him, but the phone went straight to voice mail. His heart thundered inside his chest and he clamped his eyes shut before he pressed the phone off and slid it back into his pocket.

Where would she go? The agency had assured him that she wouldn't be held accountable for anything that she had done in the past; he just wished he could talk to her to make her understand. He did everything for her, not because he wanted to break his promise he'd made to her in Panama, he just wanted to keep her safe.

His cell phone chirped to life and he snatched it out of his pocket again. Glancing down at the screen he saw an agency number blinking up at him and immediately pressed it on.

"Westen."

"_Sir, you asked to be informed of Glenanne's whereabouts."_

"Yes I did," he nodded, even though his brain screamed out at him for sounding so unemotional.

"_She's just been seen entering your former residence. Do you want—"_

"No," Michael snapped officiously as he turned on his heal and headed towards the door. "I'll handle it."

000

Fiona's heart thundered inside her chest when she pushed the charred heavy door to the loft open. The metal scraped across the ashes that used to be the wooden floor and she tried not to let her emotional attachment to this place get the better of her, but she couldn't help it. Stepping further inside she heard a sob echo throughout the loft and it took her a few moments to realise that the noise had come from her.

Holding her hand over her mouth she allowed her eyes to adjust to the darkness and she suddenly regretted coming back here. The bed she had once shared with Michael was a burned mess, and she couldn't help but compare the sight of their former bed to their relationship. They were damaged and maybe they were too far gone to be repaired.

Lowering her hand she sniffed back the moisture in her eyes and stepped tentatively over the blackened floor to stand beside the shelves that Michael had built for her so long ago. All that was left of it now was a shelf that had escaped the destruction of the flames and she wondered if it had anything to do with her snow globes that it had once held. Looking around the floor she spotted a charred base of one of her collection and slowly bent down to retrieve it.

The glass was gone, obviously destroyed in the fire and the, 'Welcome to Miami' plastered across it was no longer white but a dirty grey. She pondered for a few moments on what this had meant to her when she'd first arrived but in the end it didn't really matter anymore. Sighing heavily she picked up the unburned shelf and rested it onto what was left of the work bench before she placed the remains of her snow globe onto it. Stepping back to admire it she felt her eyes sting with emotion but she swiped the beginnings of tears away to search for more of her broken globes.

She was so engrossed in her work that she didn't hear Michael enter the loft until he stepped on a buckled floor board, the crack alerting her to his presence. With lightning speed she reached for her gun and pointed it at the intruder, her aim unwavering when she moved closer.

"Fiona," he whispered her name on a sob, his voice breaking when he moved closer. "I—"

Snatching her arm back she lowered the gun and tucked it into the waistband of her jeans and returned her attention back towards her broken globes, before she trusted herself to speak.

"What are you doing here, Michael?"

Michael's eyes stung with emotion when he moved even closer, all the while regarding her with the same trepidation that he did with any explosive.

"I've been calling," he started as he edged closer. "I wanted to talk to you…"

Gasping in a shuddered breath she stepped away from him before he could touch her and turned away to move towards the smouldered remains of the dresser that used to house most of her clothes. She was trying her best to ignore him but it was becoming increasingly more painful as the seconds ticked by.

With a heavy heart she pulled open a cracked drawer and looked inside, hoping to find something that she could salvage, but everything that she'd once kept in here was gone. Abandoning her search she moved to the broken wardrobe and carefully lifted the charred door away and propped it up against the blackened walls. She heard Michael approaching but she refused to let his closeness affect her any more and busied herself with pulling the remains of a large metal box out onto the floor.

Surging forward Michael helped her place it onto the floor, relieved that she was letting him. That relief was short lived however when she managed to prize the lid up and revealed the items that he'd told her she had to leave behind.

"Fi—"

"_Don't_," she forced out through the raw pain that carved its way through her heart. Reaching inside the box she picked up the photographs of her family and tried not to cry when she realised that most of them were beyond saving.

Michael watched her as she shook and ached to touch her but he was afraid to. He didn't think he could ever forget the way she broke before his eyes when she realised what he'd had to do to save all of them. He hadn't intended for their lives to be like this or for her to react the way she did. He just didn't expect her to leave him…not after everything they'd been through.

"Let me help you," he pleaded when she got back to her feet and tried to search for anything that she could salvage from this mess.

"You've done enough," she told him through gritted teeth, the numbness giving way to the anger that had been simmering inside her beneath the sorrow.

He watched her brokenly as she snatched charred fabric from hangers only to toss items to the floor when she saw how ruined they were. She just seemed to be a beacon of fury, going from one place to the next leaving as much destruction as the fire before she suddenly stopped to survey the damage around her.

"Fi—"

"Nice suit," she snapped haughtily as she shot him a deadly glare. "It's good to know one of us did okay out of this deal of yours."

Swallowing hard he cursed himself for not changing out of the black suit and he could only imagine the thoughts that were rampaging around inside that head of hers.

"I have money for you to buy as many clothes as you want," he tried, hoping that the promise of an unlimited supply of money would bring her around, but all it seemed to do was infuriate her more.

"I don't want your damn money," she growled furiously. "I want my snow globes and my photos…"

"I'll replace your snow globes," he urged desperately. "And I can ask the agency to help repair the damage to your photographs."

Fiona's body shook as she made her way back towards the box that had once housed all of her treasures and snatched out the sodden pieces of paper that only held blurred images now. Looking down at them she searched the loft for something that she could place them in but in the end she realised that there was nothing left here for her anymore.

Lifting her eyes to his face she tried not to love him when she saw the hopelessness in his gaze but the memory if his betrayal was all too much to bear. The photographs slipped from her fingers, falling into a moulded head onto the floor but she refused to look at where they had come to rest.

"Everything I owned is gone," she managed before her emotions betrayed her. "Everything I was has been destroyed."

"I'll replace it," he told her quickly, reaching out to touch her but she snatched her arm away from him.

"You've got what you wanted…why don't you just go back to your damn job and sit in your nice office and give your orders," she raged. "And I'll try and rebuild some kind of life for myself."

"You're being unreasonable," he tried, reaching for her again but she slipped out of his grasp. "Fiona just _listen_ to me."

Standing stock still she wrapped her arms around herself and stared at him, the look in her eyes enough to bring a mere man to his knees, but Michael wasn't just any man, he was and always would be the love of her life.

"Okay," she told him coldly. "Talk."

"Can we please go somewhere else for this?" he asked, his words coming out on a sigh as he spoke.

Shaking her head in defiance she kept her eyes on him and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't have anywhere else to go."

"Fiona…" edging closer he tried desperately to reach her and hoped that this time she wouldn't pull away. "Please…"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for the reviews, PM's, and for all of the follows, favourite author and story adds. I really do appreciate all of your comments. I wish I had more time to send a personal reply to everyone but with Christmas and RL, it has been more hectic than usual.**

**Huge thanks to my wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me, and to JediSkysinger for finding the time to BETA for me.**

**Also much love to DaisyDay and to all of the lovely girls on twitter**

2

The silence in the burnt out loft was deafening, but that wasn't the only thing that was causing Michael's heart to beat faster. Here he was, standing with the one person he loved most in the world and she was glaring at him with nothing but disappointment in her eyes.

Opening his mouth to speak, he tried to think of everything he wanted to say to her and condense it into something beautiful, but his brain wouldn't work. He knew she thought he'd planned this, but he hadn't. He didn't lie to her when he told her that he would leave and they would be together; he still wanted all of the same things that she did. He just had to make her understand that all of those things would have to be postponed for a little longer.

He watched the myriad of emotions transforming her face and found himself transported back to when he could only see her through a glass wall. She had to know that he couldn't live like that again. That's not the life he wanted for her.

Trying again, he reached out to graze her arm with his fingertips, needing the feel of her skin beneath his, but when she didn't respond to him, he lowered his hand again and tried to gather every ounce of his courage before he met her glare with what he hoped was a loving gaze.

"I know you think I wanted this," he started cautiously, watching her for any kind of reaction. "But I didn't go in with any intentions of—"

"Oh, come on, Michael," she spat, breaking her stony silence. "You expect me to believe that the CIA dragged you back to them kicking and screaming?"

"Fi—"

"This is what you wanted from the moment you were burned," her voice rose when she cut through his words, her anger peaking fiercely to cause her eyes to flare with defiance. "Well, good for you, you got what you wanted in the end, right?"

"NO!" Surging forward, he grabbed hold of her arm and yanked her towards him, his grip tightening when she fought against him. "FIONA!"

"GET your _DAMN_ hands offa me," she growled as she pushed him backwards and kicked him so hard he yelped out in pain.

He strengthened his grip, refusing to release her despite the throbbing pain in his knee. Reaching around her, he twisted her backwards so that she had her back pinned against his chest, part of him relishing the heat from her body as they both gasped for breath. Holding her tighter, he fought the sudden urge to press kisses over her neck and whisper to her how much he had missed her. But despite how much he wanted to make things right and explain himself, his CIA instincts took over.

"Not until you _LISTEN_ to me," he hissed angrily, tightening his hold on her. "Let me explain."

Fiona reacted quickly and threw her head backwards, the loud crack resounding throughout the loft when her head came into contact with his nose. Momentarily stunned, he released his hold for a fraction of a second, but it was enough for Fiona to break free of his grip and scoot away from him.

They stared at each other breathlessly, both of them reeling from what had just happened. But instead of Fiona reacting with violence, she caught him by surprise when she crumbled before his eyes. Tears slipped down her cheeks unchecked when she shook her head helplessly and sobbed out her frustrations. She had nothing left to give him; he'd taken it all and left her with nothing but emptiness.

Unable to bear the weight of his stare any longer, she sniffed and swiped her hands across her face at the same time, angrier at herself than she was with him right now. She was tired and sad, defeated and utterly broken…she hated crying, especially in front of him. He'd brought her to tears so many times and she had just had enough. She had to get away if she was ever going to find any remnants of her old self. She had to leave Miami.

Her whole body shook as she turned away from him and tried to reign in the grief for her lost family, her lost life and her lost relationship.

She felt Michael's gentle touch on her shoulder as he tried to turn her around to face him but she fought with him even now. She couldn't just take it anymore, not when his false promises had destroyed everything they'd worked for over the last six years.

Fiona's eyes clamped shut as she tried not to let her chaotic emotions influence her into making a wrong decision. She didn't want to leave him, she really didn't, but how could she not? Michael had to understand that he couldn't keep treating her this way and expect her to accept it. Thoughtlessness was one thing, but blatantly disregarding her was something else entirely. Yes, in time she would forgive him, because she knew that sometimes he could be totally clueless. But there were just some things that she couldn't disregard and she doubted that she would forget about his latest decision in a hurry.

So where did that leave her? Even if she forgave him, the last few months would still have happened. He had still left her, and their friends, to sit in a tiny cell without any kind of explanation, regardless of his lame excuses. Did he just expect her to understand it and carry on as if nothing had happened? Taking a shaky breath, she pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes to try and stop them from watering, but she couldn't seem to stem the flow.

"Fiona," his voice surrounded her as he tried to soothe her with his touch. "Please just…talk to me…"

"What do you want me to say?" she asked him, her voice catching as she spoke. "I've heard all of the excuses, Michael…there's nothing you can say to make up for what you did."

"I know," he nodded. "But I would like a chance to explain myself."

"You're always trying to explain yourself," she sighed. "It just gets us nowhere in the end."

"Please just hear me out okay…that's all I'm asking…just let me—"

"And what if I still decide to leave when you're done explaining? Will you try and stop me when I don't want to watch you turn into the people you said you hated?"

"I…"

Pulling away from him, she turned around to face him, her sadness dying away to be replaced by a solemn acceptance that this really was the end of them.

"Would you fight for me, Michael?" Her voice was level as she spoke and it scared him more than he could ever admit. She was always so effervescent and her smile was one to match a thousand stars, but the look in her eyes was far from the vibrant woman he'd come to love so much.

"I _have_ fought for you," he urged as he tried to make her understand. "I love you, why do you think I got back in? I needed to keep you safe."

"By re-joining the people who burned you?" Pulling away from him, she swallowed against the rawness in her throat as she regarded him carefully. Looking over his suit, she folded her arms across her chest as her tough mask fell over her face once more "Yeah…It really looks like you did all of this for me."

Michael watched her as she struggled to keep herself from shaking, and not for the first time since this whole nightmare began, he cursed himself for making a decision without thinking of what it would do to her. He needed her so much that sometimes he didn't know how he had ever survived all of those years without her. How could one person weave themselves inside another's heart so tightly? She was everything, had always been everything. So why had he managed to try and do the right thing only to hurt her so badly?

"Fi, listen to me…"

"Why did you say you meant it, Michael?" she asked suddenly, her soft voice disabling him. "I asked you not to say it if you didn't mean it."

Michael's heart lurched inside his chest when he remembered the exact conversation that they'd had in Panama. He had meant it, of course he had, but things weren't so simple now. Before he could answer her she spoke again, her emotionless voice sending fear through his body.

"I guess when it came down to it; you just loved your job more."

"What? No…Fiona…" Moving towards her, he reached out to take her hand, but before he knew what was happening, she turned on him again.

Whipping around to face him again, she surveyed him watching her, his expression one of sheer apprehension. Suddenly, she felt her hurt transform into irritation when her mouth spurred on ahead of her brain. "Shall we talk about how you seem to think you can do anything you want, and know you can get away with it because I love you too damn much?"

Michael opened his mouth to tell her no, but closed it again when she took a step towards him. "Shall we talk about how you seem to forget about me every time it suits you?"

"Fiona, I've never forgotten about you—"

"No?" she asked, her voice rising. "So what was all that crap you spouted in Panama? Did you hope that by promising me something you never planned to give me that I'd be okay?"

"You know I meant it," he insisted. "I thought about you—"

"Okay," she nodded. "When?"

"When, what?" he asked, slightly confused.

"Was it before or after you decided to sign away your soul?"

"Fi—"

"Was it before or after you remembered that the rest of us were living in separate cells while you were running around in your plush suit…" She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to answer, feeling powerful and afraid all in one moment. "Well? Aren't you going to come out with one of your explanations? Because you must know they aren't going to work this time."

Michael was fast becoming frustrated. Yes, he had acted without thinking how she would feel about this. He just hadn't thought at the time that by making a deal and re-joining the agency that it would cause so much damage to his relationship with Fiona. He wished he wanted to take it all back, but the truth was he didn't know how.

He had to find a way to do the job and hold onto the woman he loved, without the two of them intruding on the other. He needed to fix this whole mess, but he couldn't seem to find the right words and his silence only seemed to be angering Fiona further.

"You can't answer me, can you?"

"FIONA," he snapped, but immediately regretting his sharp retort. Drawing in another breath, he reached out to her but she stepped out of his grasp.

She turned away from him then and moved back towards the pile of photographs on the floor. Swallowing hard, Fiona sank down onto her knees beside them and ran her fingertip over the blurred image of her mother.

"I'll never see my mother again," she spoke so softly that he almost didn't hear her at first. "I've lost everything."

Michael closed his eyes against the visions swirling around inside his head. All he could think of was how much he had hurt her and how she had suffered alone and in silence while he was out making a deal to secure their futures. Opening his eyes again, he could see the anguish in her gaze and slowly moved closer towards her.

"I know, Fi, and I am truly sorry. I know what you've lost because of me—"

"I don't think you do," she told him quickly, looking up to meet his eyes. "Remember when you told me if I cared about you then I damned well should want for you what you wanted for yourself?"

Her words struck him, had he really said that to her? Thinking back he realised that he was a different man back then. He was selfish and only had one goal in mind, but that was before he almost lost her.

"I remember," he nodded solemnly. "But that was a long time ago."

"But the sentiment is exactly the same," she challenged miserably. "You might think you were ready to give up on your spy life, but we both know you'll never be ready."

"Fiona, I did this to protect you…to protect all of us—"

"YOU DID THIS BECAUSE IT'S WHAT _YOU_ _WANTED," _she yelled angrily as she snatched a limp photo up and waved it in the air. "So this means what? I go back to waiting around for six months without any word whether you're dead or alive? You think I'd be happy about living that life again?"

Sighing heavily, he moved closer and knelt down on the floor beside her. "It won't be like that this time," he promised. "I made a deal because it's what I needed to do for the team…why can't you be happy about this?"

The second those words left his lips, he knew it had been a mistake. The light in her eyes all but disappeared to be replaced by nothing but pure disbelief. Shaking her head, she tore her eyes away and returned her attention to what was left of her possessions.

"You expect me to be happy about this because of what? What makes you think I need your protection?" Piling the sodden photographs onto her lap, she clutched them together before she got to her feel. "You can't protect me, Michael. You'll never be home long enough to do it."

Michael drew in a sharp breath and tried to formulate some kind of reply, but the spitfire that he loved so much had already rebuffed anything he might say.

"And having your agents tail me wherever I go is not protecting me, it's just pissing me off!"

The breath left Michael's lungs in seconds and it took every ounce of strength he had to pull himself back and stop her from leaving.

"I was worried—"

"Worried I'd leave?" she hissed angrily as she threw one of her hands in the air. "Tell me, Michael, where would I go exactly?"

"Fi—"

"No, Michael, tell me where?" Stepping away from him, she turned full circle indicating the burned out husk that used to be her home. "Everything I once owned is in here. I have no clothes, no passport…where do you think I'm going to go?"

"With me," he urged quickly before she could move away. "I found us an apartment. I thought—"

"You found an apartment…" Closing her eyes, she lowered her head as the ache from lack of sleep pounded through her skull. A few years ago she would have been overjoyed about him putting down roots and thinking of settling down, but she knew it wouldn't last. She was exhausted and emotional, but none of it eased the sting of his betrayal.

"Yes," he tried again. "I'm trying to make things right, Fi…"

_Make things right?_ His words echoed inside her head and she suddenly heard herself laughing a humorless, hollow laugh. There were some mistakes he couldn't just fix with outlandish gestures and empty promises. He'd kept his promises to everyone to make things right, everyone except her. Maybe it really was too late.

Drawing in a shallow breath, she slowly lifted her head and opened her eyes. The man she loved was standing before her with a look of hope and fear in his gaze, but he was only simmering beneath the CIA man he had once again become.

"I've lost you, Michael," she told him in a whisper, her voice bearing the weight of her sorrow. "The man I loved will be gone a year from now and all that will be left in his place will be the man who left me in Ireland."

"How can you say that to me?" he asked flatly when she shook her head in sorrow. Stepping closer, he reached for her and yanked her against his chest, holding on tight even though her arms remained limply at her sides. "I didn't do this to hurt you."

Closing her eyes tightly, Fiona lifted her free hand and held him for a few seconds before she slowly pushed him away from her. She glanced around the blackened walls of the loft and released a sad sigh when she allowed the memories of the past to flow through her. He'd given her a glimpse of what it had been like to be his first priority…but that had already changed.

"I know you didn't," she told him, all the fight in her gone. Maybe she should just head back to Madeline's and try to get some sleep, but she knew if she did then Michael would only follow.

"I can't talk about this right now…maybe later when it's not so raw…I just can't…"

Michael watched on helplessly when she huddled the photographs against her chest and slowly moved towards the loft door. It was going to be a long time before she slept, but maybe she could find a cheap motel somewhere just for a couple of nights…just until she could process, but before she could step over the threshold and out into the night, his voice stopped her.

"Where are you going?"

That was a very good question, one that right now she didn't know how to answer. Without looking back, she shrugged her shoulders and stepped fully outside to gasp in a lungful of the cool night air. The breeze lingered around her body, causing goose bumps to pepper her skin. All she had left were the clothes she was wearing and she hadn't really thought about anything else since she'd been taken off to Madeline's house in a daze.

Lifting her face up into the night sky, she suddenly felt incredibly weary. After all these months of prison, Nate's death and essentially running for their lives had culminated into this moment…a disappointing and devastating moment. She was living in an endless blur, ruled by hurt and anger, both of which were distorting the logical side of her that had lived with loss before.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and she knew by her body's reaction that Michael was standing right behind her. Shivering slightly, she clamped her eyes closed and waited for him to pass her, but when he didn't move, she opened her eyes and wrapped one of her hands over the metal railings around the loft steps.

"What do you want from me, Michael?" she asked tiredly. _Why couldn't he just leave her alone to recover and formulate some kind of plan?_

"I want you to understand why I did it," he told her softly, giving in to his temptations to touch her. Stepping closer, he laid his hand over her shoulder, instantly feeling the chill of her skin beneath his fingers. "I thought I was doing the right thing. They were going to throw all of you in prison forever. They wanted—"

Turning around to face him, she felt a tear slip down her cheek as she clutched her photographs closer.

"I know," she nodded brokenly. "I really do…and I told you once before that you should do what you needed to do."

"So, you know why I did it?" he asked hopefully, even though by the look in her eyes he knew that she didn't.

"You made a deal for everyone," she agreed. "You mom got her life back, Sam's back with Elsa and Jesse got his job back with a recommendation from the CIA…"

"Fi," he spoke her name softly because he knew what she was going to say. He'd made things right for all of them, but when it came to her, even his new CIA position couldn't fully erase her past. Reaching out to touch her again, he wasn't surprised when she shied away from him.

"You have your life back," she nodded as she slowly turned away to begin the walk down the metal steps. "You did what you had to do…"

"Fiona," he gasped out her name and started after her, only to grab hold of her arm to keep her from moving any further. "I kept you safe, too. They were talking of MI6 and deportation…I couldn't let them do that."

"I wish I could believe that you only did this to save us...but I know you, Michael, the CIA offering you everything you've wanted since you were burned was just too tempting to turn down wasn't it?" she asked knowingly, challenging him to answer her with the truth. When he opened his mouth to answer but couldn't, she nodded again, a humorless smile forming over her lips.

"I thought so…"

Pulling herself from his grasp, she turned away from him and continued down the metal steps, her footsteps echoing beneath her shoes.

"Wait…Where are you going?"

"To find a place where I can shower and change," she told him emotionlessly when she finally reached the bottom. "Then I'm going to _burn_ these damn clothes."

Following her down the stairs, he walked swiftly by her side, matching her pace even when she moved faster. It was three in the morning and they were both running on adrenalin, but he'd come to the conclusion that the only way to get through to her was to show her with his actions that nothing had changed between them.

"I'll go with you," he told her defiantly when she shot him an irritated glare.

"Don't you have some CIA agents to order around or a mission to go on?" she snapped back. "Go back to your agency friends_, Michael_."

With increasing frustration, Michael reached out and caught her arm, stopping her mid stride as he yanked her around to face him. He'd had enough of this back and forth. He'd had enough of explaining his actions and it was time she damn well listened. Tightening his hold on her arm, he kept her grounded to the same spot and looked her right in the eyes.

It was time she listened to what he had to say…

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for the reviews on here and on twitter, the PM's and favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate everyone who has supported me throughout the fandoms I've been involved with.**

**My sympathies with the finale lie with Fiona, as those of you who have read this will already know. If you want to read something from the opposite side that is beautifully written then I'd like to recommend my friend Caroline Jessamine's story **_**It's Not Over. **_

**Huge thanks to my special friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this and the rewrites. Extra thanks also to JediSkysinger for finding the time to BETA for me.**

**Lastly special thanks to DaisyDay for being so wonderful, and all of the girls on twitter for being the most beautiful people I have ever been fortunate to know. You're all very special and I am so blessed to have all of you in my life.**

**Lastly Happy New Year to all of you. I wish you all a happy and healthy 2013**

3

Fire flared in Fiona's eyes when Michael refused to release her arm. He was being absolutely infuriating and confusing her with his insistence. This wasn't how he was supposed to act, not now that he had his life back. Taking a deep breath, she opened her mouth to offer him a string of obscenities. But the love in his eyes caused all of the angry retorts to fall away, albeit briefly.

He was watching her with the same devotion and it was confusing…

"You're going to listen to me," he told her defiantly as he kept his fingers wrapped around her arm. "We can either do this here or somewhere else, BUT you are going to hear me out."

Anger flared throughout Fiona's body once more and she ripped her arm from his grip to glare up at him, daring him to come closer.

"I'm going to find a motel," she groused when she turned away from him and began to walk. "If you're coming with me, then do it."

Michael's mouth opened in a mixture of shock and surprise when she trundled away from him with a determined stride. She could be so infuriating, but at the same time her passion was what caused him to be so drawn to her side. Coming to his senses, he followed her, catching up to her pretty quickly.

"Look, I know you're angry—"

"I'm not angry, Michael," she snapped back.

"Really?" Shaking his head incredulously, he couldn't help but smile when she turned to look at him with a furious gaze.

"You think this is FUNNY?" she growled, stopping suddenly to cause him to crash into her side. Her eyes flared and she took a step closer, so they were practically nose to nose. "Yer a bastard Michael McBride."

Her breath left her body and she stepped back just as quickly and turned away from him again. Michael lunged forward and took her arm and tried to ignore the alarm bells that were ringing inside his head. She was letting him lead her, submitting to whatever place he was going to take her, and it scared him to his core.

Loosening his hold to a little more gentle grasp, he slowed down their steps and changed direction to walk her towards the dark sedan that the agency had provided for him. Even as they approached the vehicle, he was waiting for the inevitable explosion from his Irish lover and it wasn't until he opened the door that he was met with the first act of defiance.

Staring up at him, she shot him a look of irritation and waited for him to motion for her to get inside before she moved, determined to stand her ground.

"Get in," he almost ordered, softening his voice at the last possible second when she stared blankly into the empty car. "Please, Fi…"

For a moment, the softness in his voice reminded Fiona of a time a few months ago when he had pleaded with her to do as he asked. He always did know how to get her to do what he wanted by using a certain tone and she really was too tired to continue this fight. Sighing heavily, she looked at the plush interior on Michael's new car before she finally climbed inside. Placing her treasured photographs onto her lap, she jumped slightly when Michael closed the car door and leaned her head back against the headrest.

To his credit, Michael eyed her cautiously when he climbed into the driver's seat and closed the door behind him. He was already waiting for the inevitable questions about his new ride; but, to his immense surprise, she just turned to him and waited for him to say something.

"Look…Fi," he started. "I know what you're thinking and I want you to know I didn't intend to ever go back to the CIA."

"You told me that already," she told him, her voice no more than a whisper. "And I asked you to give me space."

"Yeah, you did," he nodded, holding her gaze while he fought the temptation to reach out and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I let you go with my mom—"

"Michael," she groaned out his name in exasperation. "Giving me six hours is not giving me time, it's pissing me off!"

"Okay, you're angry," he nodded. "I get that."

"Really?"

"Despite what you might think Fiona, I did this for us, all of us." Turning his eyes back onto her, he waited for her to respond with one of her stinging retorts, but was surprised to find that she was just watching him.

Her silence was unnerving and, for a moment, he wondered if he really should have just let her go off on her own. When she shifted in her seat and placed her hands over the damp photographs in her lap, he braced himself for whatever was coming.

"So, what happened with Riley?" she asked, her eyes dropping to the blurred images beneath her fingertips. "After the boat moved away, Jesse and I waited, but when we didn't hear anything from you…well, I guess you already know the rest."

"Riley…decided to come clean," he told her on a sigh, skipping over the details of the when's and where's. "She called the CIA, admitted everything from hunting us down and bringing in a drug cartel to do it."

"And then what?" she asked. "They dragged you in for questioning? Locked you up, what?"

"Fi, I killed a CIA officer. They weren't going to let that go," Reaching across the seat, he laid a hand over hers and waited for her to react against his touch, but she didn't move. "They asked a bunch of questions and kept me in a cell until they got the answers they wanted, I guess."

"How long did they keep you in a cell?" she asked him then, turning to look him in the eyes when he didn't answer. "How long, Michael?"

"I don't know," he sighed, trying to avoid her question. He knew he'd been kept in the CIA cells for a far shorter time that his friends had. But even though he'd been out to roam freely, he'd been on a mission to prove his loyalty to his country and bartered for his friend's freedom at every opportunity.

"They asked me the same questions over and over." Closing her eyes, she laid her back against the head rest again. "What did I know about Card? Did I know what Riley had done…and all the time they just wrote things down and ignored me when I asked about you."

"I'm so sorry, Fi," he told her as he squeezed her hand, and he really was sorry that after everything they'd been through together, all the sacrifices she'd made for him, it had essentially led him back into the CIA.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't just me. They had your mom, Sam and Jesse…they wouldn't answer questions about them either."

"I know you think I didn't mean what I told you in Panama…I did…but—"

"Look, Michael, I get it okay," she sighed, opening her eyes to meet his gaze. "They offered you a deal that you couldn't turn down. Despite what you told me in Panama, I do know who you are. You'll be a spy until the day you die. I shouldn't have taken your promises seriously, I know that, but you have no idea how long I waited for you to put me first…"

"I did put you first," he insisted. "You're the reason I got back in. You're the whole reason I took the deal."

His words stung as much as they did only hours ago and she had to fight the urge to scream out his name in frustration. Swallowing hard she turned to him, her mind trying to formulate some kind of reply, but she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Not like that," he gasped out when he realised what his words had implied. "I didn't do this to spend as much time as I could away from you or because I wanted to hurt you, Fi…they wanted to send you back to Ireland. What else could I do?"

"So, what's stopping them from sending me back any time they want?" she asked him. "I'm not an official asset anymore, so why?"

The apology in Michael's eyes told her everything that she needed to know and she felt the loss of her future all over again.

"So it was either work for them or they send me back," she whispered, her voice losing all of its power.

"Something like that, yeah," he nodded as he watched the sadness envelope her once more. Sitting forward he reached across the seat to encase both of her hands in his. "But is it really so bad that I'm back in, Fi?"

Fiona's heart sank when she heard his voice rise a little when he spoke. He was happy, she could hear it in his tone, and maybe she should be happy for him right now. After all he got what he wanted in the end, even at the cost of her own happiness.

"You have to do what you have to do," she nodded, her voice thick with emotion. "You have your life back, Michael. So, I guess this means I should try and salvage what's left of my reputation and get back to—"

"Uh...Fi..." he started, not sure how to tell her that she couldn't get back to the life she had. But before he could even verbalize any kind of explanation, he heard her sharp intake of breath and prepared himself for the explosion.

"No!" Shaking her head from side to side, she was torn between anger and disbelief when he tried to keep hold of her hands.

"I'm sorry." He started only to sigh in exasperation when she yanked her hands from his.

"This whole day just keeps getting better!"

"Fi…you can't—"

"I _know_, Michael," she groused as she laid her head back and stared up at the roof of the car. "This is just _great_!"

"I have money…" he started, but his voice trailed away when she suddenly stiffened in her seat and turned her head to stare at him. "Fi—"

"So, you're telling me I have nothing?" she asked lowly. "My old contacts are gone, everything that made me who I am—"

"The MI6 wanted your head on a platter, Fi," he told her urgently, his voice desperately trying to make her understand. "If they got you, then I'd never see you again. I couldn't let you go to jail for me, not again."

"How did this become so damned complicated?" she asked, her voice no more than a whisper. "All I ever wanted was to be by your side…even in Ireland. I never asked you to give it all up for me; all I asked for was your time."

"Fiona…" Her name came out as a sigh and he reached across the seat once more to lay his hand on her knee and was shocked to feel the cold seeping through her clothes and over his skin. He began to rub her thigh, subconsciously trying to warm her, just like he had when he'd brought her home from prison. "I'll work on a way to get out," he promised. "Once—"

"_Don't_…" she whispered, her voice breaking slightly as she reached out to lay her hand over the handle to open the door. "Just…_don't_…"

Reaching down to the sodden photographs that she'd taken from the loft, she looked down at them through emotion filled eyes and scrunched them together before she clutched them against her chest and climbed back out of the car.

"Fi!" he called, opening his door and climbing out to run around to where she stood. "Look, I know this didn't happen how we'd planned it, but at least we're both free."

"No, you're free, Michael," she told him, her pulse increasing as she lifted her head to hold his gaze. "I'm not behind bars, but I'm still in a prison."

Turning her head away, she swallowed against the lump in her throat, but the sorrow that had encased her heart long before tonight found its way to her eyes once more. Why couldn't he see that by taking away everything that made her the person she was, he was slowly destroying the woman he'd known, and she worried that at the end of it all, Fiona Glenanne would no longer exist.

"I'm a Glenanne," she told him lowly, sorrow and irritation merging together to form a deadly combination. Turning her head, she fixed him with an unwavering glare and dared him to speak her name. "You once told me I should know who you are and I shouldn't ask you to be someone you can't ever be."

"I never—"

"I remember every bad thing you've ever said to me, Michael," her voice dipping even lower. "You told me I had to accept you and to hell with everything I wanted…well, what about what I want?"

Michael tried to think, his mind searching for every snippet of conversations from their past, but she was going too fast for him to keep up.

"Well, _you_ know who _I_ am," she challenged. "I am _not_ going to sit around a house and do nothing. That isn't who _I_ am!"

"You can still work," he told her quickly, reaching out for her again. "The CIA—"

"I will _not_ work for those bastards, Michael!"

"You already do, Fi," he told her suddenly, only to regret his announcement when the light died in her eyes. "When you signed a paper to—"

"I thought you said that was taken care of," she groaned, frustration seeping into her voice. "After the last fiasco, you told me it was over."

"And I thought it was," he sighed. "But Manaro and Bailey…" His voice trailed away when he saw the realization flashing in her eyes. Not only had he signed his own fate to the CIA, but she too had been locked into the organization as well.

"Those damned idiots!"

"I'm sorry, Fi—"

"Will you stop apologizing?!" she snapped haughtily as she tried to think of what she was going to do now. He was never like this, never in their past had he ever kept pushing her, even after he'd slapped her around the face on a job that one time. She should have left him then. If O'Neil hadn't shown up and caused total chaos to reign around them, she might have succeeded. At least she could have spared both of them this heartache.

Stepping backwards, she clamped her eyes closed and turned away from him. She needed to clear her mind, but she couldn't focus, not with him hovering over her.

"I asked you to give me space," she told him when he laid a hand over her shoulder. "I need to think about what I'm going to do now."

"Fiona, you're acting like I'm leaving you…" Stepping even closer, he moulded himself to her back and wrapped his arms around her middle, holding her as close as he could. "I want you _and_ the job…I want both…why can't I have both?"

Opening her eyes, she leaned back into his body and relished the heat that seeped into her cold limbs. He had always had everything his own way, even in this relationship. It had always been on his terms and he only allowed her to become part of his life when he wanted it and now he wanted her to be happy for him?

Taking a breath, she tried to keep her body from shaking. Because she knew if he didn't let her go, then she really would say something she'd regret. Angry words were always the hardest to take back and, despite everything he had dished out to her in the past, she wasn't going to succumb to that anger, not yet.

Pulling herself out of his grasp, she slowly turned around to face him. She tried not to love him, tried not to miss him, but her heart betrayed her, even now.

"When do you have to leave?" she asked him in a voice that sounded foreign to her own ears. "How long do we have before—"

"I'm expected to attend a debrief tomorrow," he urged as he stepped forward again to take both of her shoulders in his hands. "But after everything we've been through, they told me I'm entitled to some time off."

So…here they were again, back to square one.

Lifting her eyes to his, Fiona fixed him with a determined gaze and forced herself to pull away from him once more.

"Since we've been together, everything has been on your terms, Michael," she told him, congratulating herself on keeping her voice from breaking. "I've done everything you wanted. I've always been the one to wait behind while you go off on your CIA missions…well, now you can do something for me."

"Anything," he promised, nodding his head when he saw her eyes glistening with tears.

"You can give me time on my own. Time when I'm not stuck worrying if you're ever coming back to me…I _need_ this." When he didn't answer, she tried saying the same words that he'd used on her, words that he had used to hurt and cut her deeply; words that would forever come back to haunt him. "And if you cared about me _you _would damn well want for me _what I_ want for myself."

Michael's heart jolted inside his chest, regret and sorrow bursting out to remind him of the mess he'd left of their relationship when the only thing he wanted back then was to re-join his precious agency. Well, now he had that wish, but the only problem was he was only now just realising the price of that wish and how much it had cost him.

"Fi…" he called her name when she turned away from him, wishing he could take back those words that had etched their way into Fiona's heart. "Fiona…"

"I'll call you," she told him quietly when she turned back around to look upon him for one last time. "When I buy a phone."

"What?" he asked, his mind swimming in confusion. "You have a phone…I've been calling—"

"You friends have my phone, Michael," she sighed. "Just like they have everything else."

_They still had her phone?_ Shaking his head, he couldn't believe that those things hadn't been returned to her. His mother had hers, so did Sam and Jesse…so…

"I'll get it back for you," he promised. "I'll make this right."

"Don't bother, Michael," she sighed tiredly as she turned away from him again and began to walk away. "I'll buy a new phone."

He watched on helplessly, torn between going after her and staying where he was. So many things about this whole situation hadn't gone the way he had planned. He was the one who pulled the trigger to end Card's life, yet the rest of his team had paid the price. He'd been offered a chance to clear his name and return to the agency with no questions asked. He'd taken their deal with the added immunity for his friends. He just hadn't thought of the consequences. If he'd have known that he would lose Fiona because of it…

Taking his phone from his jacket pocket, he punched in a number and held it to his ear before he barked out an order to keep tabs on his girlfriend. He knew she would be furious, but that was a chance he was willing to take. He'd give her space like she wanted and find out exactly why her personal belongings hadn't been returned. He owed her more than the life she had been dealt with, so much more.

000

The small motel room wasn't something she was used to, but it provided a much needed sanctuary away from Michael and everything related to their past. Everything seemed to remind her of him and she knew after she'd had time alone to process everything that had happened then she could try and make sense of it all. That's if Michael left her alone long enough to do it. So far, he wasn't giving her the space she'd ask for.

Throwing her new purchases onto the bed, she looked around the sparsely decorated room and allowed herself to breathe. The whole room was devoid of emotion, much like how she felt at the moment. There was nothing here that could cause any personal distractions barring her damaged photos, but even those blurred images of her family couldn't ease the emptiness inside her.

She couldn't help but wonder how differently her life would have turned out if she had just ignored the call that brought her to Miami six years ago. After everything Michael had done to her, after all of the rejections and hurtful words, she just couldn't purge him from her heart or mind. She wished she could move on and leave everything behind, but for some reason she couldn't let him go.

Sitting onto the bed, she pulled off her shoes and sighed in relief when she placed her bare feet down onto the soft carpet. She had been wearing the same clothes for so long that she didn't want to even look at them again after today. Pulling the gun out of her waistband, she looked down at it and couldn't help but smile when she remembered her meeting with one of her old contacts. The fear in his eyes had given her a spark of herself back; it made her remember that part of her that she had been slowly losing. If she was going to regain her strength, then this is what she needed to do to find herself again…and Danny had been just the person to show her…

_Banging on the door again, she stood back and waited for Danny Barnes to open up. When there was no answer, she glowered at the wooden barrier and folded her arms across her chest impatiently before she stepped forward to pound on the painted wood again._

"_OPEN UP, DANNY," she yelled, slamming her fist onto the door. "DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT—"_

_The door suddenly opened to reveal a sparsely dressed man hurriedly tying a cord around his robe as he blinked sleep from his eyes._

"_I heard you already," he told her in a hushed voice. "What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?"_

"_Yeah, I know what time it is, Danny," she grinned. "You owe me money and I've come to collect."_

"_What, now? Look, I know I owe you for the last gun shipment I sold for you, but last I heard you were out of town…" he hissed, shaking his head in disbelief. Grabbing at the door, he moved to push it closed again. "Come back in the morn—"_

_Fiona pulled the gun out from the back of her jeans and held it on him, her aim unwavering._

"_No…I don't think so…I'll take it now. ALL of it."_

_Danny Barnes focused on the gun pointing at him, his eyes centring on the barrel. Holding his hands up, he took a backwards step inside and nodded rigidly. _

"_Okay…okay…yeah, you'd uh…"_

"_I'll come inside and wait," she told him with a satisfied grin as she slowly lowered the gun. "I'm in no hurry!"_

Placing the gun on the bed, she smiled at the memory before she pulled the black vest top over her head and threw it onto the floor in disgust. Standing up again, she moved over towards the door and checked that everything was locked tight. She didn't trust anyone right now and she knew that Michael had put a tail on her again. She'd known the second she'd gone to Danny's to pick up the debt he owed her that she was being watched. Her first reaction had been to march on over to the dark car and demand that he told his boss to go to hell, but she doubted holding a CIA agent at gunpoint would do her any favours right now. So, instead she'd moved into one of the all night stores to pick up some fresh clothes and supplies, deciding to deal with her tail later.

Looking over at the bags that contained her purchases, she emptied one of them out onto the bed and plucked her favourite shampoo and shower gel out of the pile. Picking up the gun again, she regarded it for a few seconds before she made her way into the small bathroom, taking it in with her. Looking around the tiny room, she placed it on top of the toilet cistern before she placed her toiletries onto the bath edge.

The bathroom had no windows and she was struck with how the emptiness mirrored how she was feeling right now. Taking a deep breath she started to move, her joints aching as if they were lined in lead. Everything hurt, her body, her heart, her soul. No part of her remained untouched by Michael's repetitive behaviour and she was tired of it all.

Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on the weeks and months ahead, knowing that the break she needed to recover from the wreck of her life was waiting for her; she needed a new line of work, something that was her own and didn't involve Michael Westen. That last thought struck an emotional chord inside her, bringing a fresh onslaught of tears to her eyes. Not working with Michael… It seemed so final, so desolate. Even though she knew she had to distance herself to repair the damage he had caused, but she couldn't stop her wavering heartache.

Sudden anger flared through her body, her inner pain rearing itself higher to spark a simmering light into a burning, angry flame. Her hands ripped at her jeans, stripping them off of her body only to throw them against bathroom wall

"Damn him," she seethed. "Damn him for making me fall in love with him."

Moving towards the bath, she inserted the plug and turned on the taps until the burning steam had started to filter around the room. Thoughts of Michael invaded her mind, determined to wreak havoc with her already crumbling defences. She pushed him away, every thought, every memory, banished from every region of her mind. Tomorrow, she would emerge from this motel as a different woman. She would erect a stronger barrier around her heart to protect her from further heartache and it was time she returned to who she used to be before love made her so soft.

Removing the rest of her clothes, she allowed the final wave of tears to overtake her body as she stepped into the hot water in the tub. The more she cried, the more hopeless she became, until every last tear had escaped her to leave her exhausted. Lying back in the tub, she closed her eyes to let the heat of the water cleanse her tired body and erase the pain that seemed endless in its torment. As fresh new tears formed inside her closed lids, she felt them leak down over her face. And for the umpteenth time since this whole nightmare began, she wished for the pain to finally come to an end and leave her alone…

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for the reviews, PM's and for the favourite story and author adds as well as the follows. I really wish I had more time to send everyone a personal reply but RL and a bout of sickness has kept me away from the computer.**

**Huge thanks as always to my very special friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this and extra thanks to JediSkysinger for finding the time to BETA.**

**Lastly special thanks to DaisyDay and all of the girls on Twitter. You're all very special to me and I love you all**

4

Fiona stepped in front of the bathroom mirror and looked at her own reflection. Her eyes were still dull and she had dark circles lingering over her skin beneath them, but she hoped that the new clothes she'd brought last night might help to lift her mood. Glancing down at her jeans and T-shirt, she sighed heavily and decided she needed to go and shop for more decent clothes. The clothes were the best she could do, given the sparse outfits that were available in the store in the early hours of the morning.

Running a brush through her hair, she took a deep breath and moved out of the bathroom, grabbing the new bag she'd brought earlier. She needed everything from make-up to shoes and she wasn't going to stop shopping until she felt marginally better. Taking one last look around the tiny room, she picked up her gun and threw it into her bag before she moved towards the door and stepped outside.

The bright sunshine warmed her face, the heat lifting her mood slightly until she spotted the dark car that was parked a little way down the street. So much for Michael giving her some space; he was making it incredibly difficult to understand his side of things when he wouldn't even let her be. Pulling the door closed behind her, she locked it and watched the dark sedan furiously before she allowed her anger to rule her and marched over towards the car. If Michael was insisting on keeping tabs on her, she was going to make it as uncomfortable as possible for her chaperone.

Walking towards the car with a determined stride, she stopped beside the passenger side door and leaned down to look in through the window. Tapping her knuckles onto the glass, she stood back and folded her arms across her chest impatiently as she waited for the driver to acknowledge her. After a few seconds, she realised that he was doing his best to ignore her. She knocked on the window again and shot him one of her best glares when she recognised him as the same CIA agent who had brought her out of her cell the day before.

She saw his eyes flare with recognition and she took the opportunity to motion for him to wind down the window. He opened it just enough for her to talk through. But when she changed her glare to an even deadlier one, he relented and opened it further.

"If you're going to watch me, you can give me a ride to the mall," she told him, her tone letting him know there was no point in arguing. Reaching up to the handle, she enclosed her fingers around it and dared him to stop her.

Fiona could see the CIA man's eyes grew wider when she glared at him through the half open glass and she was delighted that he was torn between doing as she asked and driving away. She kept her gaze on him as he touched his ear piece and glanced across at her apprehensively when he spoke and it didn't take much thought to know who he was talking to.

Stepping closer, she banged on the half open window again and yelled at him through the glass, fury seeping through her words as she tugged at the door.

"IS THAT _MICHAEL_?"

Without waiting for a reply, she yanked the door open and flung it wide before she climbed inside. Surging forward, she pulled the ear piece out of his ear, the force dragging his head towards hers as she placed it to her mouth

"MICHAEL…THIS IS _NOT_ GIVING ME SPACE!" she yelled angrily, already gearing up to scream some more expletives at him, but the man beside her had other ideas.

Pushing her backwards, he grabbed the ear piece from her and shoved it back into his ear as he readjusted himself. Shooting her a look of annoyance, he started to open the door, intending to walk around to her side and drag her out of the car, but suddenly stopped when she folded her arms across her chest.

"Tell him I'm waiting," she barked impatiently. "He _OWES_ me."

Keeping silent, the man beside her just nodded to a silent question as he kept his eyes directly ahead of him and Fiona knew that Michael had told him to do whatever she wanted. He'd messed up _again_ and this was one time he would wish he'd have done what she asked. Smiling to herself she pulled at the door, slamming it closed before she settled herself into the seat.

Turning to look at her driver, she studied him with a scrutinizing stare and she could see by the twitching on his temple that her observations were unnerving him. Sitting back in her seat, she shook her head and congratulated herself on still being able to make any man turn into a nervous wreck; at least Michael hadn't taken _that _away from her. So if he wanted to keep up this farce and keep her under constant surveillance, she was going to make it as difficult as she possibly could and she was going to start the second she was done with this ride…

"You can take me to Sawgrass Mills and then the Galleria, you know, those malls in Broward County," she told him with a satisfied smile when she could see him calculating the mileage inside his head. "And when we're done there, you can drive me back to Bal Harbor…"

Sitting back in her seat, she shot him a triumphant grin when she caught his jaw twitching and congratulated herself on her choices of shopping malls…Michael would think twice next time when he went against his word.

000

Michael ran his hand over his face and tossed his cell phone down onto the butchers block counter top in what should have been his and Fiona's new kitchen. Leaning forward, he hunched over and rested his elbows on top of the wood while he tried to think of how he could explain things to her this time.

Looking down at the silent cell phone, he snatched it up once more and pressed in a number he'd come to know well before he pressed the phone against his ear. There were still some unanswered questions and he was determined to find out just why his girlfriend's possessions hadn't been returned to her.

"Raines," he spoke his boss' name officiously and forced down the anger that was slowly burning through his voice. "I know we're scheduled to meet but I want to ask you a question first."

"_You can ask me anything you want when you get here,"_ Raines told him emotionlessly. _"I'll—"_

"Why are you keeping Fiona Glenanne's possessions?"

Michael waited for the man on the other end of the phone to answer him. But when he remained silent he tried again, this time unable to hide the irritation in his voice.

"My mother, Sam's and Jesse's things were returned to them, so I want to know why you're keeping Fiona's. This wasn't part of the deal."

"_The deal was that you kept her under control, Westen," _Raines ground out. "_She can have her phone back when the lab has finished analyzing it."_

"Analyzing? What the hell for?" Michael hissed. "Tom Card had access to all of her old contacts. There's nothing—"

"_She's wanted by MI6 and there's a strict guideline to keep her as an official CIA asset, you know that."_

"This isn't what I agreed to, Raines."

"_You're an official CIA agent again, Michael,"_ Raines told him in a slightly lowered voice. _"Having a relationship with a wanted terrorist isn't helping your reputation and you already know my views on her."_

"I am NOT giving her up," Michael growled down the phone, his fingers tightening around it. "The deal I made was to be reinstated, free my friends _WITHOUT_ any repercussions _AND_ to keep my girlfriend in the US."

"_Yeah and that's the exact deal you got. Holding onto Glenanne's possessions is just a precaution."_

"A precaution for what?" Michael sighed, frustrations seeping into his voice. "Her reputation is ruined and you know as well as I do her former clients aren't going to be willing to trade with her now…"

"_You knew what would happen to her before you agreed to be reinstated, Michael. This is what you asked for."_

"I asked for Fiona's freedom, not THIS!"

"_The last time I checked she was free,"_ Raines hissed out. _"I'm not discussing this with you now. Be here for your debrief as arranged."_

The phone suddenly became silent and Michael pulled it away from his ear to regard it gravelly. Nothing about this whole deal was working out how he'd planned it inside his head and he had to wonder if signing a deal was the biggest mistake he'd ever made. Placing the phone back onto the counter, he stepped back and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, all the while wishing he could turn back time.

000

Fiona wandered around the boutique, holding onto some of the bags with items she'd purchased from Broward County malls. She was laden down but she didn't care; shopping was like her comfort food and it had always made her feel so much better. Plucking a white sundress from a rack, she held it up so that she could see the full length of it before she hooked it over her arm and added it to the other items draped over her. So many of her nice outfits had been destroyed in the fire and, even though she knew she could replace most of them, this little shopping outing wasn't as fun as it should have been.

Her mind was still reeling from Michael's torment and she didn't know how she was supposed to deal with him now. All those years ago when she'd awoken in Ireland to find him gone, she hadn't thought that any pain she felt since could even come close to that, but she'd been so, so wrong. The anger and desolation had slowly started to ease away to be replaced by a sad acceptance. There wasn't anything she could do about his choices. But if she was going to get through all of this chaos, she knew she would have to try and see things from a different perspective. The sting of his betrayal still cut her deeply, but she had some decisions to make regarding their future, if they still had one.

She needed some time to be able to process everything that had happened, but with his constant presence, she knew she couldn't do that. He already knew where she was staying and, if she was going to find some place that was away from the prying eyes of her CIA tail, she had to find a way to lose him. Reaching inside her bag, she pulled out the new cell phone she'd purchased the night before and held her finger over the speed dial button as she decided who to call. There were so few people she trusted now to keep her location a secret.

Scrolling down the list, her thumb hovered over Sam's name before she pressed it down and took a breath before she placed it against her ear. The line connected and she jumped slightly when the ringing tone disappeared to reveal a voice she knew so well.

"Sam?"

"_Hey there, sister,"_ he breathed out. _"It's good to hear ya voice. You doing okay?"_

Fiona could feel the moisture building in her eyes and she hurriedly swiped it away before she moved to a quiet corner of the store.

"I've been better," she managed before her voice cracked slightly. "I need a favour."

"_Anything Fi, you know that."_

His words seemed to open the floodgates to her emotions, and despite the determination to do things on her own, she knew the second she heard the worry in his voice that she just couldn't do it. Taking a breath, she closed her eyes and lowered her voice as she spoke into the phone.

"I need some place to stay. Somewhere quiet and private…" swallowing at the lump in her throat, she forced her voice to remain even as she spoke. "I need a place where Michael won't look for me."

She could hear Sam's breath hiss out slowly, and for a moment, she wondered if this had been a mistake. Sam was Michael's best friend and she had no doubts where his loyalties lay. Shaking her head, she opened her mouth to tell him that she understood but his voice startled her, causing a tear to slip down her cheek.

"_Elsa kept a suite free for you, just in case,"_ he told her_. "Stay as long as you need. Mike won't hear it from me."_

Lifting her fingers to her cheek, Fiona wiped it away and sniffed back the moisture that threatened to overflow.

"Thanks, Sam," she whispered. "As soon as I've lost the tail Michael put on me, I'll—"

"_Wait? He put a tail on you?"_ he asked with a sigh. _"Where are you? I'll come get you."_

"It's okay, Sam…I—"

"_I'LL come and get you,"_ he repeated forcefully, his voice indicating that it wasn't open for discussion this time. _"Ya need somewhere to lie low for a while and at least if you're here…"_

Despite the tears in her eyes, Fiona chuckled softly and couldn't help the teasing smile that lifted her lips. "You'd better watch what you say Sam. Anyone would think you've gone soft!"

"_Me soft? Never,"_ he told her, but she could hear the laughter in his voice. _"Now, where are you?"_

"Okay," she sighed, even though she couldn't keep the smile from her lips. "I'm at Bal Harbor…"

"I'll meet you in the parking lot," he told her softly before the line grew silent, leaving Fiona to dwell on what she was going to do now.

Thinking for a moment, Fiona looked out towards the people moving backwards and forwards outside the store and formulated a new plan in her mind. She had limited time and she had to act quickly if she was going to free herself from her CIA tail. Reaching up to another shelf, she grabbed a belt from a discounted rack and threw it onto the pile of clothes that she held over her arm before she placed them onto the counter and waited for the sales assistant to scan them.

Pulling out her wallet, she took some money out and passed it across the counter while she took hold of the bag containing her items. Her mind was on so many different things and she found herself smiling automatically when she took her change and purchases out of the boutique.

Looking around at the other stores, she kept her eyes open for her unwilling babysitter, spotting him almost instantly beside one of the elevators while he observed the other patrons going about their business. She took her opportunity while his attention was diverted away from the store she'd just been in before she made her move. Darting into a shoe store that she knew had a back exit into the parking lot, she quickly scanned the rows of shoes, but resisted the urge to buy any. Instead she calculated the time she had left to sabotage her tail before Sam came to pick her up.

When she emerged out into the parking lot, she scanned the other cars that were parked in rows before she quickly made her way towards the dark sedan that was parked a short distance from where she was standing. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out the belt she'd just brought and rolled it up before she looked around her for prying eyes as she ran towards the car and shoved the belt inside the exhaust.

Smiling to herself, she turned away from the sedan and moved swiftly to the spot where Sam had told her he'd meet her. For a moment, she had a lightness in her heart that she knew wouldn't last, but she welcomed it nonetheless, and she hoped it would last long enough for her to figure out just exactly where she was going from here.

000

It was two in the afternoon, the following day when Sam finally heard from Michael. He'd left Fiona in her suite earlier that morning, promising to keep her location a secret until she was ready to talk to the man who had caused so much chaos in their lives.

The sight of Fiona had almost torn down his defences when he'd seen her looking so exhausted. He'd hoped that by being somewhere secure and comfortable that she would have managed to get some rest, but the dark circles beneath her eyes seemed even darker than before. He'd vowed in that moment to protect her, even if it meant hiding her from his best friend, because out of the two of them he knew she needed him more right now.

"Hey, Mikey," Sam greeted cheerily as he tried to ignore the darkness within his friend's eyes. Sighing heavily he could see that Michael wasn't faring any better than Fiona at this point, but a promise was a promise after all. Keeping Fiona's location from his friend was also something that grated on his conscience, but until Fiona was ready he was going to keep her safe, even from the man who was approaching the small table.

"I was wondering if you were still talking to me," Michael told him with a half smile as he slid into the seat opposite his friend.

Sam looked upon him with solemn eyes and regarded him for a few moments before he held up his hand and motioned for the waitress to head over as he lifted up his glass. "Refill for me, please Consuela, and a beer for my buddy."

Grinning at her, he winked when she turned away before he returned his attention towards his friend.

"So, what brings you to Carlitos, brother?" he asked with a smile. "I thought you'd be off doing some secret CIA business somewhere."

"No…I tried to talk to Fi, but she's shut herself off," he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger. "She won't listen."

"Ah, you know what a little hothead she can be, Mike. She'll come around," Sam grinned as he nodded to the waitress who placed his Mojito and a beer onto the table. Lifting the glass to his lips, he took a sip and released a satisfied sigh when he swallowed down the cool liquid.

"I'm not so sure," Michael told him. "She thinks I wanted back in. She—"

"Well, I can see why she thinks that, brother. That's all you've been harping about for the last six years," Sam told him as he took another swig of his drink and swallowed it down. "Give her some time..."

Michael sat back in his chair and looked towards his friend, "You don't know, Fi…she's really upset."

"Yeah, I know," Sam nodded. "But she always forgives ya. And I know Fi better than you think, brother. Who do you think picks up the pieces whenever you disappear?"

Michael's eyes widened when Sam shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, as if protecting Fiona was something that he took upon himself to do. His words brought a wave of remorse to fill Michael's mind; the power of it bringing everything back, and even though he'd thought he was doing the right thing, it still hurt to know that he had been the one to bring Fiona to tears.

Shaking his head, he fought off the sting of guilt and reached for his beer, hoping that Sam would be able to see his side of things, but he didn't know where to start. All he knew was that Fiona had ditched her tail and he had his suspicions that Sam knew where she was right now.

"You know where she is," he sighed, his gaze meeting his friend's. "Don't you?"

"Look, Mike," Sam started as he shifted in his seat. "I know you made it right just like ya promised to. But you need to give her some space…Cuz, ya know, I've been on the receiving end of that Irish temper of hers and it's not somethin' I go out of my way to experience."

"I gave her space," he groused miserably. "She acts like it's all over…"

"And it isn't?" Sam asked in surprise as he regarded his friend solemnly.

"How can you even ask me that?" Michael almost hissed, casting his best friend a look of total disbelief. "You know what I went through to get her out of prison."

"I do," Sam nodded knowingly. "But you're free to do what you want now, Mike. You're not stuck in Miami anymore. You can go anywhere, see anything…hell, you could even—"

"It's _NOT_ over."

Sam reached out and reclaimed his Mojito before flashing the man opposite him a lopsided grin. "Glad to hear that, brother. Now drink your beer and we'll think about how to get you back in Fiona's good graces later.

Looking down at the bottle in his hand, Michael watched a water droplet roll down the glass as memories of his girlfriend's face came back to haunt him once more. He'd seen so much bloodshed and a lot of his nightmares he'd created himself, but hearing Fiona's sobs had stayed within his mind and he couldn't seem to shake them away. It was far worse than when he'd sat in that tiny room when she was in prison, unable to stop his tears from falling when he'd desperately wanted to reach out to touch her. Her tears had broken him then too, and once again he had to ask himself why he couldn't let his old life go.

Lifting the bottle to his lips, he swallowed a mouthful down, hoping that the liquid would dislodge the lump that had formed in his throat. But no matter how many times he tried, it wouldn't budge and he knew that it wouldn't until this thing with Fiona was resolved.

"I found her at the loft," Michael told him in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "She'll never forgive me for this, Sam…"

"Yeah, she will," Sam told him as he placed his glass back onto the table. "She did all the other times you left her, didn't she? She loves you, Mikey. That's all you need to know, okay?"

"Is she at least okay?" Michael asked hopefully as his eyes dropped down to the label he'd started to pull away from the bottle.

"She's doing about as good as you are, brother. That's all I'm gonna tell ya, but…Come on, Mike, you put a tail on her? Are you _nuts?"_

Michael closed his eyes briefly and wished that he could have denied what he'd done, but he couldn't. He'd been driven by desperation and utter shock by the state he'd left his girlfriend in…he'd just wanted to make sure she was okay.

"So," Sam started, his voice breaking through Michael's thoughts. "Your burn notice is finally over, huh? You're a free man. How does it feel, brother?"

Shaking his head slowly, Michael wished he could have told him that it felt exhilarating, but he couldn't. He missed his girlfriend and he missed his friends. Despite everything that had gone on in the past, he wanted the life he'd planned in Panama… He wanted Fiona.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for the reviews, PM's, follows and favourite story adds. I really do appreciate all of your comments. **

**Special thanks to my friends Purdy's Pal, DaisyDay and Jedi Skysinger for making me smile every single day. Huge thanks to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this and extra thanks to JediSkysinger for the BETA.**

**Lastly much love to all the girls on Twitter for the love and support too. **

_**I need to ask the anonymous reviewers who use reviews to leave derogatory remarks to please think before leaving comments. I understand that not everyone will like what I write and as I've been writing for over 20 years I have become used to all variants of reviews. I don't however approve of people cussing. It's not only offensive to me but to the people who like to read the story and the reviews. If you don't like what you've read then either PM me personally or press the back button and go to another story. Thank you**_

5

The rain clouds outside the window matched Fiona's mood as she threw her cell phone onto the bed. So far she'd tried three of the contacts whose numbers she knew from memory and all of them refused to listen to what she had to say. There were very few of them left that she knew for definite that she could rely on to deal with her, but without their numbers she was a little stumped.

The only thing she could do was to pay Danny Barnes another visit and maybe persuade Sam to go with her. Leaving Danny's house after collecting the money he owed her hadn't gone as smoothly as she'd hoped, but she was certain that she could change his mind again with a few carefully placed blocks of C-4…and besides, she needed to start getting back to being the woman she used to be. She needed to be the woman that everyone feared again, not the girlfriend of a burned spy…ex-_burned _spy_._

Lifting her eyes, she stared out of the window and watched as a raindrop landed on the glass outside. She had always loved to listen to the rain pattering against her window when she was in Ireland. In some ways, the sound soothed her senses and this was one of those times that she wished the heat of Miami would disappear just long enough for the rain to come through and calm her nerves.

Sighing heavily, she sat down onto the bed and rubbed her temples with her fingertips, hoping that the pressure would relieve the headache she could already feel forming inside her skull. She'd stopped feeling so angry with Michael hours ago, but the loss of the trust they once shared was only now just beginning to impact deeply within her. She thought after the way he'd broken her heart in Ireland that she would never feel so utterly desolate like that again. But this was worse, far worse than anything she'd felt back then.

She'd been so young and so much in love that it had clouded her judgement. She trusted him with her life and that trust hadn't fragmented throughout all of the years they had been apart. There had always been something in his eyes that told her everything she needed to know, but he took it all away when he turned his back on everything they had fought for and stripped her of the one thing she always thought was indestructible.

A sudden knock on her door forced her out of the self-made gloom that had settled over her. Looking towards the wooden barrier that stood between her and the outside world, she sighed heavily and slowly walked towards it. When the knock sounded again, she stopped and took a step backwards, grasping her gun from the edge of the small couch before she moved to greet her unwelcome visitor.

"Fiona, open the damn door, will ya?" Sam's voice called from the other side. "I'm not gettin' any younger out here."

The sound of her friend's voice stopped her in her tracks and she placed the gun back onto the couch before she moved towards the door to pull it open.

"Sam?" she asked incredulously when he trundled into the room carrying various bags in each hand while balancing a cardboard tray. "What—"

Stepping over the threshold, he motioned for her to take the tray carrying two large coffees before he made his way towards the bed and dumped the bags onto it.

"Lola said you hadn't gone down for breakfast," he told her with suspicion in his eyes.

"I wasn't hungry," she shrugged miserably even though she eyed the various bags containing food from her all of her favourite stores.

Sam watched her for a few seconds before he picked up the bag from Adrian's and handed it to her before he took the tray holding the coffee's off of her. Taking one of the drinks he watched her expectantly as he lifted it to his lips.

"Eat," he ordered as he swallowed down a mouthful of the hot liquid, wincing slightly.

Fiona eyed him incredulously when she pulled the food bag open and looked inside at the contents before she felt her heart beat that little bit faster.

"How…" she started, but her voice trailed away when she realised that there was only one person who knew all her favourite foods. "You saw Michael?"

"He's worried about ya," Sam shrugged, not in the least bit apologetic. "I told him I'd look out for ya and that's just what I'm doin'."

Sighing heavily, Fiona sat down onto the edge of the bed and dangled the bag in between her fingers. She was so tired and completely numb…she didn't even know how she felt anymore. Everything and everyone seemed to be conspiring against her, as if her feelings of betrayal were something that she shouldn't even feel. Maybe she was being too hard on Michael, but how many times did he expect her to forgive and forget? She couldn't do that anymore.

"Look," Sam tried again. "I know you think he did all of this because he didn't want to settle down—"

"Don't," she warned, her voice dipping as she slowly turned to face him. "You have no idea what hell he's put me through."

"I know how it is, Fi," he told her quietly before he sat down onto the edge of the bed beside her. "He promised to quit and realised it wasn't going to be that easy. You have to see it from his side, too."

"His side?" she asked, her voice tinged with hurt and anger. "I am sick of people telling me to see _his_ side. He left _our_ bed in the middle of the night when we were in Ireland. He left me to deal with questions from my family all on my own. I didn't know what had happened. All I know is I went to bed with a man I thought I…" Her words trailed away as she clamped her lips closed, unable to admit to the man beside her that she had cried for weeks afterwards.

"Fiona—"

Getting to her feet, she dropped the food bag onto the bed and tried so hard to keep her emotions under control. There had been so many years of hurt and anger, mixed with so much love, that until a couple of years ago she thought it had all been one sided.

"You're his friend. I get it," she nodded. "But for once I'd like someone to see things from _my_ side."

"Hey, I'm your friend, too, sister," he told her soberly. "And I do see things from your side too. That's why I'm here."

"To do what? Make sure I eat?"

"That and to bring you a message," he nodded, already waiting for the inevitable surge of anger that he could see sparking in her eyes.

"Sam!"

"Listen, just hear him out okay?" he asked quietly, hoping she wasn't going to just shut him down. "I'm meeting him at Carlitos tomorrow night and I thought maybe you'd like to come, too."

"You want me to talk to him?" she groused as she folded her arms across her chest. "What if I need more time?"

"Then he'll give it to you," he promised. "And if he doesn't, I'll help you kick his ass."

The ferocity in Fiona's eyes suddenly died away to be replaced with something akin to amusement. Her lips turned upwards into a slow smile as she lifted the bag from the bed again. Moving it towards the small table, she placed it on the top before she sat down into one of the chairs and poked around inside the bag.

"Is that a yes?" Sam asked hopefully when he saw Fiona open one of the food boxes and pull out the disposable cutlery. She was loading the fork up with a mound of salad before she turned to look at him and smiled.

"It's a, maybe."

"A maybe?" he nodded, knowing that this whole visit hadn't been a total loss. "I'll take it."

Fiona swallowed the food down before she turned to him with a look of glee in her eyes and he knew instantly that there was a big _'but'_ attached to her acceptance.

"Uh oh," he groaned softly. "I know that look."

"I need to start making some money," she told him with a smile as she lifted another forkful of food to her lips. "I've lost all of my contacts and I need some help to get them back."

"And you want me to come with you to do…what?"

"Just come along," she grinned. "That's all."

"That's it, huh?" he asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing when she cast him another sly smile.

Nodding her head, she swallowed another mouthful of food and placed her fork back down into the plastic carton before she rubbed her hands together. Turning towards him, she crossed one knee atop of the other and watched him carefully.

"I need access to some old business associates of mine, but unfortunately Card took my list when I was in prison." Getting up from the chair, she turned to gauge his reaction before she continued. "I know someone who can give me that information, but…"

When her voice trailed away, Sam shook his head incredulously when he realised what was coming next.

"Don't tell me; ya pissed him off, right?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Fiona's lips merged into a smile as she picked up the half empty food carton and shoved it back inside the bag.

"I may have turned up unannounced…and I may have…been a little, uh…mad…"

"Uh Uh.." Shaking his head, Sam got up from the bed and picked up the cardboard tray before he placed it and his empty coffee cup onto the small table. "You're nuts if ya think I'm—"

"I'll go myself then!"

Sighing heavily, Sam cursed himself for getting in between the two people who had managed to turn his life into total chaos. He knew Fiona was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but after everything she'd been through over the last few months, he knew he couldn't let her do this one her own.

Despite his better judgement he nodded in acknowledgement and sighed out her name as he turned towards the door again.

"Saaaam, where are you going?" she asked, her voice sing-songing his name.

Turning around to face her again, he groaned out in frustration when he recognized the determination in her eyes. Fighting an inner battle, he toyed with his conscience, berating himself once again when he slowly nodded his head.

"Okay," he sighed. "But we go in, get your contacts and we leave," he warned, waving his finger at her as he spoke. "Nothing else!"

Her eyes sparkled with delight and she offered him a triumphant smile before she plucked her new shoes out of the closet and sat down on the bed. Slipping the wedged shoes onto her feet, she combed her fingers through her hair before she stood up and grabbed her bag.

"Okay! Let's do this…"

"What?" he asked in exasperation. "_Now_?"

"No time like the present, Sam," she cooed as she practically sashayed out of the door to leave her friend staring after her.

"_Why_ do I let her do this to me?" he muttered as he slowly followed in the direction she had gone, knowing that this little crusade of hers would be anything _but_ uneventful.

000

They sat in Sam's car opposite Danny's house, both of them silently watching for any signs of movement. The rain outside pummelled onto the metal roof and Fiona took a deep breath and felt herself slowly relaxing. So far Sam hadn't mentioned Michael again, not since they had left the hotel and even though Fiona had insisted that she didn't want to talk about him, her mind returned to him none the less.

"So, what do you think he'll do now that he's back in?" she asked, her voice breaking the silence between them. Turning her eyes towards the windows, she followed the drips of rain that trailed patterns over the glass as she tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever Sam might say.

"Fi," he started, her name coming out on a sigh. "You know I can't answer that."

"Can't or won't?" she asked as she turned to face him. "Sam?"

Sam closed his eyes briefly and silently wished he was somewhere else right now. He wished he could have told Fiona exactly what she wanted to hear, but in all honesty he really didn't know what to tell her. Michael was finally where he wanted to be within the CIA, and yet he knew if he told Fiona that, it would only add fuel to an already out of control fire.

"I don't know what the deal was, Fi. So, the only one who can answer that is Mike. I can't speak for him, but I have my own ideas why he can't let the spy in him go."

"I knew he wasn't ready to give it up," Fiona mused, her voice so soft that Sam had to strain to hear her. "When he said he'd leave I believed him…he was so sincere…and I thought…"

"What?" Sam asked when her voice trailed away. When she didn't answer, he touched her arm but withdrew his fingers when she turned to look at him. "You thought what, Fi?"

"I really believed him." Shaking her head, she turned away from him and shifted in her seat as she pushed the vulnerability in her body away.

She needed to take the subject away from Michael because she just didn't seem to be getting anywhere. The chaos swirling around in her mind only seemed to be confusing her more. She shifted from loving him to hating him within seconds of each other and she just didn't know how she was supposed to feel anymore. She'd given up her own happiness for the sake of his on so many occasions. She'd been pushed down his list of priorities more than once and she knew it was time to decide if being his…whatever number she came on his list, was enough for her now.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, she focused her attentions onto the house opposite and forced herself to concentrate on her own feelings this time. She had never relied on anyone before in her life and she wasn't about to start now. She had made a lot of money during her years in Miami and just because she had lost most of her contacts didn't mean she couldn't rebuild the reputation she once had. The heavy rain stopped as quickly as it had started and she readied herself for the _chat_ with Danny, but Sam wasn't ready to let things go yet.

"Fi," Sam started softly, but stopped when he thought of what he could say to ease her mind. He knew he had to carefully choose his words, but when she turned to look upon him with those deeply sad eyes, he lost all power of speech.

"Jesse told me a while back that Michael wasn't the man I should have gotten involved with if I was looking to settle down." Shaking her head, she sighed sadly. "I should have listened to him."

"Jesse told you that?" Sam asked, his voice raising a little as he shifted in his seat. "When?"

"It doesn't matter now." Sitting up in her seat, she grabbed her bag and placed the straps over her shoulder before she looked across at him expectantly. "Are you ready?"

Sam's mouth fell open and once again, he marvelled at the tiny woman's strength. He'd come to admire her in the years they'd both been in Miami. She'd shown incredible loyalty to his best friend, despite everything he'd put her through. He knew Michael was lucky to have her by his side and maybe in some ways he did take her for granted, but he could also see why Michael was so driven in the way he was.

Reaching across the seat, Sam placed his hand on her arm and stopped her before she could climb out of the car. When she turned suddenly, her eyes flaring with so many raw emotions, he found himself robbed of all power of speech. Squeezing her arm, he offered her a slight smile before he released her arm.

"Mike's lucky to have you," he managed before he coughed uncomfortably and reached across to open his own door.

Fiona sat in her seat feeling absolutely stunned. His words had disabled her defences for a moment and she could already feel a slow burn rising inside her chest when his little admission began to sink in. Opening her door, she stepped out into the sunshine, unsurprised by the heat on her skin. Lifting her face up into the sun, she revelled in the glow that warmed her cheeks.

"Hey, sister," Sam called out to her, all softness gone from his voice. "Let's do this so I can go home and grab a beer!"

Shaking her head in incredulously, she smiled despite the situation and moved forward to walk by his side. Reaching inside her bag, she pulled out her gun and flashed Sam a bright smile before he could ask her what she was doing and banged on Danny's front door.

"Fi—" Sam started, only to be quietened by a wave of her hand.

"Oh hush, Sam," she beamed. "You know I work better with a gun in my hand!"

Before he could answer, the door slowly opened and Danny gasped in a breath only to try and slam the door closed again. He hadn't counted on Sam being faster when he shoved his foot in the doorway.

"Is that any way to greet a friend?" Fiona asked as she lifted her gun up and pointed it at Danny's face. Smiling sweetly, she cocked her head to the side and waited for him to pull the door open.

"I already paid you—"

"Oh, Danny, I don't want money from you," she told him dangerously. "Not _this_ time."

"Yeah listen, pal," Sam groused when he shifted his foot and barged his way through the door. "Move out of the damn way!"

Danny's eyes grew wide when he was pushed backwards to be pinned against the wall and the door. Waving his free hand around, he babbled incoherently when Fiona stepped inside and glared at him impatiently.

"Oh, quit snivelling, Danny," she snapped. "All I want is some information."

"And a beer," Sam chimed in, shrugging his shoulders when Fiona shot his a look of disbelief.

"What?" he asked innocently. "I missed breakfast!"

Fiona grinned, despite the situation, but the smile slipped from her face when she returned her attention back towards the man who was pinned against the wall.

"I just need some contact numbers and I'll leave you alone," she promised. "BUT if you open your mouth and tell _anyone…"_

"No," Danny babbled, shaking his head emphatically as his eyes focused on the barrel of the gun. "I won't say a word…I won't…"

Watching him for a few moments, Fiona nodded and withdrew her gun. Patting him on the shoulder, she smiled brightly and urged him to move away from the wall.

"That's good to hear because I'd hate to have to come back with some C-4!"

Shuffling away from the wall, Danny moved swiftly away from her and sauntered off into a nearby room, mumbling as he walked.

"Do you have this effect on everyone you meet?" Sam asked her with a lopsided grin when he followed the nervous man into the room.

Fiona looked after him and smiled as she shrugged her shoulders innocently. "Pretty much, yeah!"

000

Michael looked down at his watch for the eighth time in two minutes before he looked up to see if he could see them. He was uncharacteristically nervous about seeing Fiona after what had happened between them and he couldn't shake the nagging fear that he may have pushed her too far this time.

The thought of seeing her again caused his whole body to ache with anticipation. He had longed to call her frequently, his finger lingering over Sam's number as he fought off the temptation to call and demand to speak with her. He had even started to write dozens of letters, but each one had been torn up and discarded. He never wrote letters. He never left anything behind that could be used against him, but he just needed her to know how much he had missed her in those three weeks they were apart. If only now she would be able to forgive him for taking the job he'd been offered without being able to tell her. He just wished she would understand and let him explain.

Sitting back in his chair, he picked up his iced tea and lifted the straw to his mouth only to place the glass back onto the table before it made contact. This felt a lot like a first date and he was as nervous now as he had been all those years back in Ireland. Reaching out for his glass again, he took a deep breath and forced himself to stay calm. He'd know soon enough if she was going to listen and he just hoped that she would stay with him, even for an hour. Standing up, he made his way out to the sidewalk, hoping to catch a glimpse of her before she met him inside, and it was only then in that one moment, his breath caught in his throat when he saw her…and he was lost.

Outside Carlitos, Fiona looked down at her watch for the tenth time, only to see that a minute had passed. Her whole body was tense and on high alert as she tried to figure out what she was going to say to Michael when she saw him. Sam had abandoned her the second they'd parked the car, saying something about needing to speak to Elsa. But even though he'd tried to apologize, she didn't hear a word he'd said. Her main focus was on the man inside Carlitos waiting for her and she didn't know what she was supposed to say to him.

Closing her eyes with a groan, she leaned back against her seat and fought with everything she could to focus on something else, anything that would stop her heart from exploding with nervous tension. She was being foolish. She knew Michael probably better that he knew himself and sitting here dwelling on things that might never happen wasn't going to solve her problems for her. Opening the door, she stepped out onto the sidewalk and pushed it closed behind her.

Her body stiffened as the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. She could feel him, her finely tuned senses homing in on his presence and she found herself slowly turning around to scan the people sitting around the tables inside the restaurant.

Michael stilled, rooted to the spot as his eyes caught sight of her through the throng of people that separated them. His heart lurched inside his chest as he took in her features. Even though it had ben mere days, he had almost forgotten how beautiful she was. His eyes burned with unshed tears, his emotions finally unable to withstand the barriers around them any longer. With deliberate slowness, he started to walk towards her until her eyes suddenly found him, locking them together in her steady gaze.

Fiona's heart leapt inside her throat the second she saw him. His slow approach allowed her time to take in his handsome features, igniting the spark inside her that she had deigned to bury, but so far hadn't succeeded. Her eyes filled with burning tears until she could no longer fight the need to be close to him. Moving slowly, matching his unsteady pace, she began to move towards him.

Michael's eyes roamed her face when she came to stop before him, her gaze just as tremulous as his own.

"I…Fiona," he said softly, his voice dying on his lips as his eyes raked over her. She was so incredibly beautiful and he always marvelled how she still managed to steal his breath away from him.

"Michael," she whispered, her own body trembling as she spoke. "I…"

Unable to keep his distance any longer, he stepped forward and pulled her into a tight embrace, relishing her closeness as he buried his face into her hair. They had been apart for so long and he never thought he could miss her as desperately as he had. For a brief moment, Fiona stayed perfectly still, her hands hanging limply at her side. He was holding her so tight and, despite the anger and disappointment that still flooded her mind, she slowly found herself raising her arms to embrace him, holding him with as much force as he did her.

Their bodies shook with desperation as they clung to each other for what seemed like an eternity, but the time for their brief reunion soon came to an end and he felt her start to pull away from him slowly.

"It's good to see you," he told her at last, his words failing him once again when she cast him a small smile. In that moment, he allowed himself to believe that they could get through this…all he had to do now was explain…

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, PM'd and favoured this story. I really do appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read this. RL has been keeping me away from my computer and I really wish I had time to send personal replies to all of you.**

**Huge thanks and love to my wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this chapter, and extra thanks to JediSkysinger for the BETA even though she's been so busy.**

**Lastly much love to DaisyDay and all of the girls on twitter. Thank you for your support**

6

Michael couldn't seem to stop watching her. Since she had enforced what he hoped was their temporary separation, he'd taken the time he'd had in solitude and used it to go over every detail of the past few months. His mind was tired of reliving events over and over, but in the end he knew it was something he had to do to show Fiona that she was more important to him than the CIA.

Reaching out, he traced his fingertips over her bare arm and allowed them to linger there for a few seconds before he withdrew his hand. He longed to touch her like he had used to. He wanted to have all of those moments that he'd taken for granted back. He wanted her back in his life.

"Do you want to go inside?" he asked tentatively when he gestured towards the empty table he'd just vacated.

Fiona followed his eyes, but shook her head curtly. She didn't want to be in a place that held far too many memories of all of them. If he was going to tell her that the job had come between them once more, she wanted to be in a place where no one could see her falling apart.

"Let's walk," she suggested as she lifted her eyes to meet his hopeful gaze. She saw how his deep blue orbs flared with understanding and, before she knew what was happening, he was steering her away from the restaurant behind them.

They walked silently side by side, neither of them really knowing what to say. Michael kept sneaking quick glances at her as they walked, still acutely aware that right at this moment he didn't know where they stood in regards to their relationship.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, even though he knew that she wasn't. "I mean—"

"I know what you mean, Michael," she told him on a sigh as she readjusted the sunglasses on her head to slip them down over her eyes. Turning her head away, she swallowed hard against the constant lump that was in her throat before she reluctantly admitted, "No…not really."

The quiver in her voice overpowered his senses and he reached for her hand before he could even think. Wrapping his fingers around hers, he tried not to think of how cold she was, even in the burning heat surrounding them. Glancing towards her, he knew without a doubt that if she allowed him to look closely that she would have dark circles beneath her eyes because he knew he had them too.

"Me neither," he told her as he clung on tightly to her hand. Looking out towards the throng of people who walked around them, he focused on the one place that he knew would calm her enough for them to talk.

"Michael, where are we going?" she asked tiredly when he changed direction and pulled her towards the sandy beach. "Michael?"

"Shh," he commanded softly, feeling more confident with every step that took them closer to the rumbling ocean.

They walked in silence, stealing looks at each other only to look away just as quickly. Michael knew she thought he'd purposely returned to the CIA because he couldn't let it go, but he hadn't…he just had to find a way to tell her that.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked softly, breaking their silence.

He felt her hand squeeze his fingers before she untangled herself from him and stopped suddenly. He wished her could see her eyes, but she hid them away behind those big sunglasses she wore, leaving him to hope that she would at least let him explain.

"Depends," she sighed.

"On what?" he asked, his voice tinged with hope.

He watched her as she slowly lifted the sunglasses away from her eyes to place them back atop her head as she fixed him with her sad, tired eyes.

"Whether you're leaving as soon as you get the answer you want," her voice was soft, softer than he'd ever heard her before and before he could even formulate some kind of reply, she turned away from him and started to walk again, leaving him stunned for a moment until he came to his senses and followed her.

"Fi…Fiona," he gasped out her name as he caught up with her and pulled her to a stop beside him. "Look, I know things have been off between us, but you have to believe that I am really, really sorry."

"Maybe you are," she told him sadly. "It doesn't change anything…it's too late now, anyway."

"It's not too late," he told her urgently, his fingers holding onto her arm as he turned her around to face him. "I do this one thing and you're ready to leave us behind?"

"Me, Michael?" she asked softly, her voice shaking slightly as she spoke. "You left _me_ behind a long time ago."

As she spoke, a single tear fell from her eyes to roll down her cheek, followed by another as she closed her eyes to stop them. Turning away from him, she cursed herself for allowing his words to unravel her once more. Her heart ached when she swiped her fingers across her eyes before she reached up to place the sunglasses back over face in an attempt to hide her heartbreak from him.

Taking a breath, she turned back towards him and tried to smile, knowing that whatever happened from this moment on, he was still in the CIA no matter how many times they rehashed it. She had two choices now, make up or break up and she didn't know if she was ready to do either one right now. So instead she swallowed her pride and looked back out towards the sea, hoping he would try to understand just how much he had hurt her.

"Fiona," her name slipped from his lips as he reached for her again to grasp hold of her hand. Lifting it up to his lips, he pressed a kiss over her knuckles and held on tight to prevent her from moving away.

"So, what happens now?" she asked him quietly. "You go back on missions—"

"Fi," he gasped out helplessly. "I meant what I said in Panama. I really did want to give it all up."

Lowering her gaze, Fiona was more than relieved that she had her sunglasses on to mask her eyes. How many times did they have to go over the same thing time and time again? He'd re-joined the CIA, she was trying to rebuild her reputation and that's how it would always be from now on.

"Walk with me," she told him, while she congratulated herself on managing to keep her composure. Part of her wanted to lash out at him and make him pay for the pain he'd caused her, but even she knew that no amount of yelling was going to change anything. Wrapping her fingers around his, she relished the feel of his touch while it lasted and thanked whoever was listening for giving her this final chance to set things right.

They walked together in silence until they came to a quiet part of the beach. Releasing his hand, she grasped hold of her sunglasses and took them away from her face before she folded them up and placed them into her bag.

"I had to buy new ones," she told him absently as she folded her arms across her chest. "The bag's new, too."

Michael's mouth opened to issue another wave of apologies, but before he could utter one word, she turned to look upon him with such haunted eyes that everything he was going to say to her died on his lips.

Fiona turned her eyes back towards the crashing waves and concentrated on the sounds that filled her ears. Her need for him scared her. She knew she couldn't change the fact that she loved him. Her adoration always came back to grasp at her heart, much like it had done for so many years. Feelings weren't his thing and words of love didn't come easy to him either, so she knew that if they were going to get anywhere in this mess of their relationship, then she would need to make the first move. Clasping his hand tighter, she took a deep breath and turned to watch him.

"How does it feel?" she asked quietly as her eyes drifted down to their intertwined hands. "To finally have your life back?"

He let his gaze wash over her. She had always been by his side through everything, standing firm, protecting him from situations she couldn't possibly control and all he had done was take her love for granted time and time again, hurting her deeply in the process.

Lifting their joined hands to his lips, he pressed a small kiss on her fingers before meeting her eyes. "It's nothing like I remembered."

Fiona nodded mutely; her eyes focused on the skin where his lips hand just burned. How could this be happening to her now? She had spent the last few days erecting walls around her heart only to have him break them down with his touch.

"I guess you should be careful what you wish for," she told him sadly, her gaze dropping back towards their joined hands. "You finally have everything back the way you wanted… it took a while, but at least you're happy now…"

"You think I'm happy?" he gasped out incredulously. Shaking his head, he turned around to face her, grasping her shoulders firmly between his hands. "How can I when you're not?"

"I told you I'd be okay," she blurted, maybe a little too quickly. "I have a few contacts who are still talking to me. I still have my reputation…I—"

"Don't," he whispered brokenly as he pressed his forehead against hers. "Please…"

Tears stung her eyes, but she clamped them closed. His words hurt and for a few seconds she fought off a sudden burst of anger, quashing it before any stinging words had time to reach her tongue.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked helplessly. "You want me to be happy, but you know as long as you're in the CIA…"

"I had to go back," he insisted. "It was the only way to keep you safe."

The raw emotion cascading throughout Fiona's body suddenly became too much to bear. A sob escaped from her lips and she tried to pull away from him in dismay, but he wouldn't let her go. Shaking her head helplessly, she met his gaze and felt a surge of heat rise over her cheeks. What had he done to her? She'd been in love with him for so long that she'd lost the person she used to be.

Pulling herself away from his body, she stepped away and held up her hand to stop him when he reached for her again. Tears cascaded over her cheeks and she was grateful that the part of the beach they were on was virtually empty.

"You keep saying that," she managed before her voice became thick with tears. "But you left us there for three weeks, Michael…_THREE_ weeks…"

"Fi—"

"No!" she gasped out as she swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. "Have you any idea how it looked to me? Do you know how it felt to be marched up towards you only to be held back until you said it was okay? I couldn't even have _one moment_ to think before you threw it all at me and you thought I'd just accept it?"

"I thought you'd be relieved," he implored as he stepped closer. "I didn't think of how it would look to you until you… but I did what I had to do for all of us."

"I know." Turning away from him, she wrapped her arms around her body to try and stop herself from shaking, but her tired body refused to cooperate. "I'm just so damn tired…"

"Me, too." Moving forward, he tugged her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "It'll be different for us this time."

She was silent for a long time and it scared him more than he ever thought it would. These last few days had been taken up with a mixture of work and missing her. He never knew how much he'd come to need her until she wasn't with him.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, leaning in closer towards her as he spoke. When she remained silent, he pressed his lips into her hair and nuzzled her soft strands. "I need you to understand why I did what I did."

Fiona's eyes closed as she lifted her arms, so that she could rest her hands over his on her stomach. She had missed him, but even though her love for him still burned, the bitterness of his choices still left her feeling completely alone.

"Why do we always come here when we've been apart?" she asked quietly as she slowly opened her eyes to watch the waves crashing upon the sand. "We came here when I left prison, too."

Michael gasped out her name but held her tighter, still not sure what he was going to say. He knew she loved the ocean; he'd known since Ireland. They had spent hours walking along the beach back then, even when it was bitterly cold. He'd loved her far too much even then, but his job had ripped them apart, just like it was threatening to do now.

"Fi…" he whispered, nuzzling his cheek against her hair. "I just…I…"

Fiona's breath caught in her chest and she clamped her eyes closed again as she sought out some of the strength that she'd drawn on when he'd left her in Ireland. She had used anger to purge him back then, and the sheer desolation she'd felt had caused her to leave destruction wherever she'd gone. Her pain had echoed throughout the whole of Belfast and she had drawn on that power to get through her heartbreak…but the woman she used to be was gone. In her place stood an older, wiser woman who had still allowed herself to love far too much.

Turning in his arms, she opened her eyes and regarded him fondly before she reached up to press a finger against his lips, "I never always agreed with your choices, but I learned to live with the consequences."

"The consequences?"

"Your actions always affect more than just you," she told him on a sigh as she lowered her hand. "Everything about us has always been on your terms…everything…"

"That's—"

"It's the truth and you know it," she snapped haughtily, but pulled herself back from the spiteful retort that bubbled on her tongue. "But I don't want to talk about that now."

"Fiona, I know how it looks, but I didn't break my promise to you…" He met her eyes and grasped hold of her shoulders again when she looked up at him disbelievingly. "I told you I'd leave when I got the man who killed Nate, but none of us knew that it didn't stop with Grey!"

"I know that, Michael," she told him, unable to fight off another surge of mistrust. "But you got Card, right? When I was brought out of that holding cell the first thing I saw was you giving orders to CIA agents. You made your deal, and with one word from you, we were all released…and I'm left wondering just how much of your soul you actually sold for this crusade of yours."

"I did what I had to do," he ground out. "I did a deal for _US_. If I hadn't, then you would be in some cell somewhere in the UK and I would _never_ find you again."

His words sent a surge of loss through her heart and she glanced at him quickly before she looked away again. _When had everything become such a mess? _

"Despite what you think, Michael, I do understand why you did it," she sighed. "And when you come back from whatever mission they send you on this time, I'll have had time to deal with it…but until then…"

"Fiona?" he spoke her name worriedly when she stepped out of his grasp and moved backwards. "I'm not going anywhere—"

"Not right now, no," she agreed. "But we both know it's only a matter of time."

"Fi, I need you with me on this," he told her. It frightened him sometimes how much he needed her to bring balance to his out of control life. "Please just come back to the apartment with me. I need—"

"What about what I need, Michael?" she asked him defiantly. "Am I supposed to forget everything we've been through since the day we met? When will it ever matter what I need?"

"It's not like that," he snapped testily, but the heat of his anger dissipated when he saw the loss in her eyes. Stepping forward again, he skimmed her shoulders with his fingers and held her within his grasp. "I made a deal to clean up the mess Card and Riley made and that's all I can tell you, okay…it's—"

"Classified," she sighed. "Yeah, whatever."

"I do the job, clean up the mess and then I'm out…that's it."

"Until someone else comes along to change your mind," she groused. "It'll never be over."

"There won't be anyone else, Fi. After this I'm done."

Fiona lifted her eyes to his and shook her head and offered him an empty smile, "We've been through this so many times before, Michael. There's _always _some else. After Card there's the guy above him, and then another…it'll go on and on…"

Michael sighed with frustration and looked up at the clear blue sky as he fought to maintain his torrid emotions. He'd known that this wouldn't be easy and he really did understand why she was so reluctant to believe him, but they had been having the same argument over and over since he had been burned.

"Fi—"

"Michael, we're just going around in circles, so let me make this easy for you," she told him, her voice bringing his attention back to her. "You want me to support you, right?"

"You know I do," he nodded hopefully.

"Then you can support me too. We'll go back to the way we were before Anson and Card screwed with our lives," she told him firmly. "I'm setting up a meeting with one of my old contacts and—"

"I can't!" his voice ground out her name and he shook his head in frustration. "And neither can you! I'm in a higher position now. I'm not just a field operative anymore…I can't get involved with your deals, and you shouldn't be drawing attention to yourself now either... I don't want you to contact any—"

"So, I'm supposed to do what exactly?" she asked hotly, defiance suddenly surging to her eyes. "You want me to support you, but you're not willing to do the same thing for me?"

"I _am_ supporting you!"

"Really?" her voice lost its force as she closed her eyes for a few seconds in a bid to calm her raging heartbeat, but before she could reign in her temper, he spoke again to reignite the flame.

"You know who I am, Fi…I—"

"You know who I am, too, Michael, or have you forgotten what I once was?" Folding her arms across her chest, she glared at him defiantly and dared him to argue with her.

"You know I haven't," he told her as he reached out to unclasp one of her hands that was clamped around her body. "That's why I made a deal."

"So, what you're saying is I'm on my own?" she asked tightly. "Until you need my help with one of your CIA jobs!"

Michael was fast becoming flustered and shook his head slowly when she fixed him with one of those penetrating looks that she was so good at.

"I—"

"Answer me something, Michael," she told him seriously as she tried to ignore the feel of his thumb rubbing against hand. "When you asked me to move in with you, where did you see our lives going?"

"What?"

"Say, five years as an example…us. Where do you see us?" Pulling her hand from his, she tucked it back from where he'd plucked it and watched him expectantly.

"I uh…I don't…" Swallowing hard Michael wished she would have asked him a simpler question, but before he could even formulate any kind of reply, she spoke again.

"Do you know what I see for us in our future?" she asked him, her eyes bright as she spoke. When she watched his mouth suddenly open and close, she chuckled mirthlessly and turned her whole body away again to look out at the rolling waves. "I see…this…"

"The sea?"

"No," she sighed as she gestured between them. "The same conversation of there being just one more job, one more bad guy to get and then it'll be over."

Michael's eyes widened with a mixture of surprise and worry when he watched her turn her gaze back towards the water.

"I don't," he told her firmly. "That's not what I see."

"No?" she sighed wearily. "What then?"

"I don't know…maybe we'll have a house and…" He moved towards her to stand by her side. "Married, maybe?"

Turning her head, she regarded him quietly before she looked away again and shook her head. "No."

"You don't see us married?"

Shaking her head again, she returned her gaze to the spray flying up from the waves and smiled sadly. "You'll never be ready for marriage, Michael…and maybe I won't be either…"

"We'll be together," he urged her, unable to keep his fingertips from grazing her arm. "I just need to finish this and—"

"No…" she croaked out as she struggled to keep her voice from breaking. "The CIA will always be your life…and I started to accept that until you said you were done."

"I meant it."

"I know you did," she nodded. "And if we weren't running for our lives and trying to survive, I would have known you were running on adrenalin the same as I was..."

Her voice was so soft that he had to strain to hear her over the roar of the sea, but he knew by her words that she had already given up. Reaching down to take her hand in his, he held on tight and wished for the hundredth time that he could turn back the years and undo all of the pain he had caused her.

"I see us together," he told her. "I see us working with Sam and Jesse, helping people who need us…I see a closet full of your shoes and more clothes than we have room for…"

"And a spare room full of C-4?" she asked hopefully, turning to offer him the first real smile he'd seen since he'd taken Riley down.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Whatever you want."

"It's a nice fantasy," she told him softly. "I can almost see it."

"I promise—"

"Michael…" she sighed as she lifted her eyes to his once more. "No more promises…just…stop, okay."

"What do you want me to do, Fi?" he asked helplessly. "I can't just walk away from the job."

"I want you to do what you have to do," she told him lowly as she kept her gaze fixed on his face. "And I'll do what I need to do to get through it, just like I always have."

"Fi—" his voice halted when the loud ring of his cell phone broke through what he was going to say and he could already see the light dying in her eyes. Leaning forward, he held onto her arm lightly with one hand while he held the phone to his ear to bark a frustrated greeting into it.

Fiona returned her eyes to the rhythmic waves, allowing the sounds of their power to drown out the words that she knew were going to take him away from her again. When he released her arm and turned away from her with the phone still pressed against his ear, she argued with herself on whether she should just walk away now while she had the chance, but she couldn't seem to move.

When he turned back around to face her with apologetic eyes, she knew without a doubt that their separation courtesy of the CIA had already begun.

"Go," she told him on a sigh before he could utter a word. "Make a start on whatever it is you have to do."

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly, his words laced with sadness. "I don't know how long—"

"Just go," she muttered, caught between disappointment and acceptance. "I'll see you whenever…"

Without a word, Michael stepped forward to grasp her shoulders before he mashed his mouth to hers, kissing her so hard her knees almost buckled beneath her. The bag she'd just looped over her hand fell from her grasp as she found her arms rising. Her hands roamed his neck before her fingers tangled themselves into his hair, losing herself in the feelings he had always invoked in her. She pulled him to her with such a force that she could feel his heart thudding into her chest alongside her own. He was intoxicating…

After a few moments, they slowly pulled apart, lips touching in tiny lingering kisses until they reluctantly parted and he stepped away. He held onto her hand as he watched her, his eyes memorising every delicate feature of her face.

"I'll be back soon," he told her adamantly. "I don't know if I'll be able to call."

Fiona nodded mutely, too stunned by their rapturous kiss to form any kind of coherent words. When he turned away from her and began to walk away, she forced herself to push those feelings for him aside and wondered how many times she could watch him walk away before it became too much to bear…

She had a big decision to make, and she knew either way it would break her heart…

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, PM'd and added this story to their favourites. I really do appreciate all of your comments but due to RL I don't always have a lot of time to get online.**

**I'd like to give another story recommendation to my very talented friend Caroline Jassamine and her beautiful story, 'It's Not Over.' We have both promised not to read each other's stories until after we've both finished. CJ I promise I haven't read any more even though I'm dying to! **

**Also for anyone who hasn't read Purdy's Pal's incredible A/U season 6 story, Aiden, then please go and read. It is perfection.**

**Special thanks as always to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me, and extra thanks to JediSkysinger for finding the time to BETA. Both of you along with DaisyDay keep me smiling every single day.**

**Lastly many thanks to the girls on twitter for your love and support**

7

By the time Fiona arrived back at the hotel, her mind was already in turmoil. Everything she thought she wanted was wavering and causing her to doubt all the plans she'd made the day before. Seeing Michael again had blurred her resolve and she tried desperately to purge him from her mind, but the kiss he'd left on her lips had melted some of the anger in her heart.

His presence in her life had always been dominating and, even though she had tried to move on from him so many times, she still couldn't purge him from her heart. The way he'd kissed her on the beach had sparked off so many memories. Past encounters with him had sent passionate memories to warm her body and already she was finding it difficult to hold onto the anger she had surrounded herself with_. _

_She leaned back into him, breathing in the scent that was uniquely his. The heat from his body seeped into hers and she found herself gasping in an elicit breath when his fingers danced over the fabric of her short dress before he slowly gathered the material upwards. With every movement, he exposed a little more of her thighs, higher and higher until…_

Sitting down onto the bed, she looked around the room and slowly closed her eyes. This isn't what she had envisioned herself doing when she'd gone to meet him today. He was infuriating. How was it that he could dominate her mind with carnal images when they hadn't been intimate for weeks? It wasn't something that either of them had been thinking about while they were running from the CIA, so why wouldn't those memories leave her now?

_She gasped when his hands raked over her skin, pushing all of her clothing barriers away, so he could lay his possessive hands over her heated flesh. Her breath caught in her throat as he continued to move his fingers over her to send rippling pleasure throughout her body…_

She needed a distraction, something to stop the intrusions that were causing havoc inside her body. Looking around the room, she focused on the closet in the corner of the room. But another memory hit her, causing her heart to surge inside her chest.

_Her whole body was on fire, his fingers igniting those fires wherever they touched. Grabbing the edges of his t-shirt, she pulled it over his head to toss it onto the floor beside them before she offered him another sinful smile. Reaching behind her back, she unclasped her bra. Her eyes never left his while she discarded the flimsy material, dropping it onto his t-shirt on the floor. Stepping closer towards him, she pressed her body against his so they were skin on skin… before clamping her mouth to his in a kiss so powerful that she could feel him shaking with her touch…_

Getting up from the bed, she moved towards the main closet where she had stored some of the weapons that she and Sam had taken from Danny's house the day before. She knew she needed something to bargain with because her old contacts would no doubt be suspicious of her long absence. She knew her cooperation to take down Grayson Miller was something she didn't know if she could talk her way out of, but she had to hope that he had been arrested and hidden away before he'd had a chance to get any word to the outside.

Pulling open the double doors, she pushed several clothing items to the side before she reached inside to pull out the bag that she had concealed there last night. Pulling it out, she dumped it onto the bed and immediately pulled open the zipper before delving inside to lay her hand over the cold metal that lay concealed within.

Closing her eyes, she took her time to allow her fingers to wrap themselves around one of the guns before she pulled it out. Returning to the bed, she sat down onto the mattress and revelled in the feel of the weapon in her hand, her eyes looking over it with glorious appreciation. She had missed feeling like this and she suddenly felt all of the years slip away. Her solitude combined with the feel of a gun in her hand was all she needed to calm her troubled mind…it had always soothed her in the past.

Closing her eyes, she laid the weapon onto her lap and took a deep calming breath. This was who she was, a ruthless woman who thrived on violence brought on by her own personal vendetta. Michael Westen had already brought far too much chaos into her life and it was time she took back what he had taken. She had become soft and allowed her love for him to cloud her judgement, but no more…

The phone in her bag vibrated; the sound breaking into her solitude and, for a few moments, she attempted to ignore it. But whoever was calling wasn't going to give up so easily. With a frustrated sigh, she placed the gun back into the bag, relishing the clack it made when it dropped next to the other weapons.

Snatching her bag, she rummaged around inside and pulled out the phone before she looked down at the caller window. For a few seconds, she watched Madeline's name flashing wildly before she pressed the answer button and lifted the phone to her ear.

"Madeline?" she asked softly, feeling the warmth seeping through her just by speaking her name. "Is everything okay?"

"Honey…can you come over?" Madeline asked in a strange disjointed voice and immediately alarm bells began to ring in Fiona's mind.

"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly while she lifted the heavy bag from the bed and placed it back into the closet, all the while listening for any sign of distress from the older woman.

"I found something and I…"

"Are you okay?"

For a moment, there was a rustling against the phone and Madeline's voice came through, shaking slightly.

"Remember that time we were going to go to Disney World a few weeks ago?"

Disney World? Taking a steadying breath, Fiona tried to calm her raging heartbeat when she recognised their own code word that indicated that it was time to get out of town. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good and she reached across the bed for her bag.

"Madeline…" Fiona breathed her name and clutched the phone tighter. "Is there someone there?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart," Madeline lowered her voice, but the line grew silent before she could say anything else. "I just thought I'd…call…"

Fiona opened her bag to make sure she her gun was still inside before she hurried towards the door and rushed out into the hall. Pressing Sam's number, she pulled the door closed behind her and waited for Sam to answer before she blurted his name.

"Madeline's in trouble. We need to go."

"_Jeez, Fi…okay, I'll meet you in the lobby in a couple of minutes."_

000

"FIONA, IS THAT YOU?"

Madeline's voice rang out throughout the house the second Fiona opened the door. Stepping forward, she quickly caught Sam's eye before the two of them made their way inside and Fiona pulled the door closed behind her. Moving together, she nodded to her friend, who held his own gun in his hand, before they both rushed into the kitchen.

"Madeline, what—"

The second she laid eyes on the woman she had always regarded as her surrogate mother, she drew in a sharp breath when her eyes landed on a man who was sitting beside her at the table. His dark features stole her breath from her lungs and she fought hard to fight off the sudden burst of vehemence that rampaged throughout her body. His presence momentarily stunned her. She had only met Arthur Meyers on one occasion before, but that had been enough to form a life-long impression.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Madeline told her shakily as she plucked another cigarette out of her pack. "He said he was a friend of yours and then…"

"It's okay, Madeline," Fiona told her reassuringly, even though she knew that just by his being here that everything really wasn't okay.

The MI6 agent was doing his best to make his presence bring Fiona to a standstill and his smug expression only infuriated her more. What was he doing here? Michael said he'd made a deal to end this. He'd gone back into the CIA because of this, so either he was lying or…

"What do you want?" she asked lowly, her icy gaze matching the tone of her voice. "Does Michael know you're here?"

"Ah, come now, is that any way to greet a friend?" he chirped sarcastically as he revelled in the way her body language revealed her discomfort. "I've come all this way to talk to you."

"You're no friend of mine," she spat, her fingers tightening around her gun. "So, why don't you do all of us a favour and LEAVE."

Sam lowered his gun, but kept his eyes on Madeline, instantly bothered by her silence. The older woman was in the process of lighting another cigarette with the unfinished one still in between her lips. He could see that her hands were shaking and, whoever this person was, he had managed to unhinge not only Madeline, but Fiona too.

"Who the hell are you?" he growled, his gaze flitting between Madeline and the mysterious man. "What do you want with Maddie?"

"He's MI6," Fiona told him as she turned to glance at her friend. "He tried to have me deported when I was in prison."

Meyers lifted his eyes to hers before he folded his arms across his chest. Shifting his gaze he regarded the older man in the bright Hawaiian shirt and followed his arm right down to the gun in his hand. He didn't like to be disappointed and Glenanne had more than angered him the last time he'd been in Miami. She had allied herself with an unlikely bunch of Americans and he knew extracting her was going to be more difficult that he'd first thought, especially since she had also managed to make herself an asset to the CIA.

"Oh, I'm not here for Madeline Westen. My interest is in Fiona Glenanne," he drawled, his British accent drenched with smugness. "If I'd have known you would come running to _me,_ I would have tried using this method a long time ago."

Fiona's eyes flared with resentment and, regardless of who he was, she wasn't going to have her family used by the arrogant man who had invaded Madeline's home. Moving towards him, she tightened her grip around the gun in her hand, drawing strength from the metal against her skin.

"What do _you_ want?" she asked, her voice dripping with venom. "I'm an official—"

"Yes, yes," he drawled. "You're an asset of the CIA and you can't be touched." Moving the chair backwards, he got to his feet and stepped towards her, his eyes sparking with distaste when he looked down at her. "I got the memo."

"That _INCLUDES _my family," she hissed, her eyes flaring with hatred. "Here _AND_ in Ireland."

"Oh, now that is a surprise," he grinned. "Didn't your boyfriend tell you?"

"What are you talking about?" she snapped as she caught Sam's worried eyes before she turned back to the MI6 agent again. "Michael said he made a deal to—"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?" he asked with delight. "Now it falls to me to break the good news."

"What are you talking about?" she hissed, her erratic temper slowly becoming frayed as she glared up at him dangerously. "Either tell me now or get the hell out of this house!"

Meyers tilted his head down towards her and refolded his arms across his chest as he beamed down at her, obviously joyous over the bombshell he was about to drop on her. "The deal he made only lasts if you don't violate certain rules…and I have it on good authority that you're trying to contact some of your previous associates."

"Wha—"

"I'll be watching you, Miss Glenanne," he told her with an acrid grin. "One foot wrong…and you'll be on the first plane back to Britain, CIA or no CIA."

Turning back towards Madeline, he nodded his head before he walked towards the door, "I'll see myself out."

The door slammed shut, the sound causing Fiona to jump slightly when they were once again alone. The numbness around her caused her to block out the muffled voices of Madeline and Sam and all she could hear was her own heartbeat thumping inside her ears.

Sam touched her arm and she whirled around to face him, her eyes flaring with fire. Her anger and frustration coursed through her body and suddenly she didn't know whether to be angrier with Michael or herself. She should have left the second she got out of that CIA holding cell instead of hanging around. If the so-called deal Michael had made wasn't worth the paper it was written on, then there was really no need to stay.

Taking a step away from him, she wrapped her arms around her middle, nestling her gun against her chest. Nothing good could ever come of this, no matter how many times she tried to convince herself that it could. She needed a way out, some way to escape with a new identity and a brand new start. Clamping her eyes closed, she took a deep breath, allowing the motion to calm her raging pulse rate before she opened them again and offered Sam an apologetic smile.

"I'm…"

"Hey, it's okay, sister," he nodded reassuringly. "He kinda caught all of us by surprise."

"Why is he after you Fi?" Madeline asked quietly as she picked up her pack of cigarettes to pull another one out. "He told me you did things…terrible things…"

Swallowing hard, Fiona glanced at Sam to find some kind of balance, but she knew she couldn't hide from her past forever. Moving towards the table, she reached down to cover Madeline's hand with hers to take the packet of cigarettes away from her to place them back onto the table.

"Madeline," she started, the weight of her emotions laying heavily in her voice. "We've all done things we're not proud of—"

"He said you bombed a prep school," Madeline told her brokenly. "He said you killed innocent people—"

"_NEVER_," Fiona gasped out as she pulled the chair out beside Madeline and sat down heavily into it. "I've never killed a civilian_, never_."

"But he said—"

"He _lied_," Fiona hissed out as her past rushed back to encompass her once more. "I stopped a prep school bombing. That's why Thomas O'Neil came after me here. It was _HIS_ bombs I diffused."

"And Michael? This deal he made to keep you safe isn't going to keep you safe at all?"

Shaking her head, Fiona regarded Madeline worriedly when the older woman looked upon her with such haunted eyes.

"I met Michael while he was under a cover ID in Ireland," Fiona told her softly, the memory of their first meeting bringing a rush of warmth to her cheeks. "He spent every day and night beside me for over six months. I trusted him even though he'd been lying to me for all that time…and I trust him now…"

Standing up from the chair, Fiona looked towards Sam and met his worried gaze before she stepped away from both of them.

"He tried to make things right…but maybe some things aren't meant to be."

"Listen, Fi, don't let that guy rattle ya. We'll call Mike and he'll get it straightened out—"

"No, Sam," she sighed heavily as she looked up towards the ceiling before she lowered her gaze once more. "I need you to stay here with Madeline for a while…there's someone I need to see."

"Now, Fi—"

"I won't shoot anyone, Sam," she told him with a slow grin. "You believe me, don't ya?"

"WAIT!" Moving towards her, he handed her his gun and looked into her eyes to see any kind of indication on what was going on it that mind of hers. "I'll pack Maddie up and we'll go back to the hotel."

"I don't need packing anywhere," Madeline snapped indignantly. "I'm not some old woman who can't fend for herself."

Fiona looked around the room, as if she was memorising the surroundings for the very last time. Sighing heavily, she knew if she was going to do the things she needed to do, she wouldn't be able to set up any meetings while she was worrying about Michael's mother.

"Sam's right," she nodded, much to Sam's surprise. "You shouldn't stay here alone, especially if Meyers is watching this place."

"But—"

"Do it, Madeline," Fiona told her firmly, her voice raising enough to stop Madeline in her tracks. "Michael will want you safe."

The older woman regarded her for a long moment, her gaze drawn to the dark circles beneath Fiona's eyes. If she was totally honest with herself, she was worried for the woman who she loved like a daughter. She seemed to be so much quieter than she used to be and she was weathered…as if the events over the last few years had finally succeeded in extinguishing the spark that had always been in her eyes. She would make sure that it wouldn't go out completely, if it was the last thing she could ever do for her family.

"He'll want you safe too, honey," Madeline told her gently as she slowly rose out of her chair. "I'll get my things."

Fiona watched her as she moved towards the back of the house before she felt Sam's gaze upon her. Sighing desolately, she turned towards him and looked at him expectantly.

"What?"

"Nothin'," he shrugged, the smile on his face indicating that he did indeed have something to say. Cocking his head to the side, he watched her for a few seconds and challenged her to question him, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Just…don't okay," she told him in defeat. "Don't…"

"You don't even know what I was going to say!"

Lifting her eyes to his, she smiled despite the wetness welling there. "You were going to try and talk me out of meeting—"

"I wasn't going to say that at all," Sam told her worriedly. "I just want you to promise me you won't do anything stupid okay."

"I can't promise anything…"

"Maybe you can't," he shrugged. "But I promised Mike I'd look out for ya and I intend to do that."

"I won't let that bastard hurt you, Sam," she told him adamantly, her hand waving towards the door where Meyers had gone through. Seeing Madeline come back into the room, she lowered her voice so that she didn't hear. "And if you stay with me, that's what he's going to do."

"We need to call Mike—"

"We can't," she told him on a sigh. "He said he didn't know when he'd be back…and I can't sit around here and wait for him to call when I have Meyers breathing down my neck."

"You can't just leave us, either!"

Madeline came further into the room griping as she walked. Moving towards the table, she grabbed her cigarettes from the top and tossed them into her bag before she stopped suddenly and regarded the two of them questioningly.

"What are you two whispering about?"

Sam glanced up at her and grinned, attempting to mask the frustration in his eyes before he looked back at Fiona for an answer, but she wasn't going to comply. Instead she was watching him with narrowed eyes and he already knew that he'd hit a raw nerve with her.

"I'm _not_ leaving," she told him in a whisper, hissing out the words before she offered Madeline a tight smile, while she shot Sam a warning glare.

"What's going on?" Madeline asked suspiciously as she eyed both of them. "You two are up to something."

"Who? Us?" Sam grinned as he shrugged his shoulders. "Nah… we were just—"

"Don't lie to me," Madeline warned, her eyes narrowing to slits when she watched both of them exchanging guilty glances before Fiona stepped towards her.

"Sam was just concerned that I was going to leave without telling any of you where I was going," she sighed as she reached out to pluck Madeline's overnight bag from her arm.

"You're not—"

"No," Fiona told her with a reassuring smile. "But until I decide what I'm going to do with my life, I need to stay out of Meyer's way. I can't do much if I'm deported, now can I?"

"Honey, don't joke about that, okay?" Madeline told her worriedly.

"I won't," Fiona promised. "I've got a few people I can call, so don't worry."

"You're sure?" Madeline whined. "Because I can't lose you, too."

"You won't lose me…" she told the older woman reassuringly. "We should all be together tonight. Maybe call Jesse and order pizza?"

"I like the sound of that," Madeline nodded enthusiastically. "But why can't we just do that here?"

"Just trust us on this, Maddie," Sam sighed. "Fi's MI6 buddy could be out there watchin' and you ain't telling me you'll be happy bein' here alone."

"Sam's right," Fiona told her before she turned towards Sam and narrowed her eyes in annoyance. "And _he_ isn't my _buddy_!"

"Well, he ain't mine, sister!" he griped before he broke out into a wide grin as he ushered them both towards the door.

000

They had gathered together in Fiona's hotel room, the four of them sharing stories and pizza. Fiona sat back against the couch and looked down at the beer bottle in her hand. It seemed so surreal to be surrounded by the people she loved, yet she still felt so alone. There were so many things she needed to sort through in her mind, but for now she really wanted to sleep through the night without the bad dreams.

Jesse swallowed down a mouthful of beer and reached across the couch to tap her on the thigh. He waited for her to react to his touch before he regarded her worriedly.

"You okay, Fi?"

Looking up at him, she forced a fake smile to her face and nodded a little too quickly before she glanced around at her friends with confusion.

"Uh…did you say something?"

Jesse chuckled softly and shook his head as he placed his empty bottle onto the floor beside his feet. Turning slightly, he pulled at his jacket that was draped across the arm of the couch and pulled a sealed envelope out of his pocket. Turning back around, he looked down at it thoughtfully before he passed it across to her.

"I was talking to my boss," he told her when she took the envelope from his hand and looked down at it curiously. "There's a couple of guys that jumped bail, owing my boss a lot of cash, so…"

Fiona opened the envelope and ran her fingers over the wad of cash that filled it before she lifted her eyes back up to his. A jolt of excitement ran through her when she pulled out the sheet of paper that was nestled in with the money and opened it out, her eyes drifting over the words.

"What is it?" Madeline asked from her place on the balcony with a cigarette in her hand. Taking another drag, she blew out the smoke and stubbed the end out onto the concrete floor before she stepped back inside.

"Fi?"

Sam couldn't help the smile that lifted his lips when he realised what Fiona was holding in her hands. Looking up at Madeline, he grinned across at her and then lifted his beer up to Jesse in a thankful salute.

"I believe Jesse has just given Fiona a way to make some money legally," he told her when he met Fiona's disbelieving gaze.

"You know I tried doing this a couple of times before, right?" she asked as she looked back towards Jesse with bright, uncertain eyes. "I didn't make many friends then either. But if I do this, I'll need to do it legally…especially with Meyers watching me. I'll need licences."

"Yeah," he agreed. "My boss is willing to help you get them. He wants you to meet with him tomorrow to go over the details and he'll vouch for ya.

"And the cash?" she asked curiously as she looked down of the wad of bills in the envelope.

"Yours," Jesse grinned. "On the condition that you make the meeting tomorrow."

"That's it?" she asked dubiously. "He's giving me four grand just for turning up?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"What's the catch?" she asked, distrust shining in her eyes. "There's got to be a catch."

"Nope, no catch," Jesse shrugged. "He wanted someone with guts, so I told him about you."

Fiona opened her mouth to question him some more, but he held his hand up to silence her before she could continue.

"Before you ask, he knows enough about you to want you on his team," he told her. "So, come on, Fi…I know it's not what you wanted but—"

"Okay," she nodded, her voice slicing through his as her eyes drifted back down to the paper again. "Tell him I'll be there."

"Great," he grinned. "I'll let him know."

"Hey, this calls for more beer," Sam announced when he lifted his empty bottle up to the light to see how much he had left. "Come on, Maddie. What do ya say we head to the store and leave Jess and Fi to make some calls?"

"Would someone _please_ me what the hell is going on?" Madeline asked on a whine when she looked to each of the three people in turn. "Fi?"

Taking a breath, Fiona felt the ache in her heart dull a little when she realised what having this job meant. It wasn't just independence, it was a way to keep on doing the things she loved: guns, C-4 and violence were all of those things. She could be really good at this if she wanted to be. Lifting her eyes to the older woman, she offered her a slow smile before she spoke.

"I just got a job," Fiona told her as she indicated the documents in her hand. "It looks like I'm going to give bounty hunting another try."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, PM'd and added this story to their favourites. I really do appreciate every comment.**

**Huge thanks as always to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger for giving this a BETA despite being very busy. Both of you as well as DaisyDay make me smile every single day.**

**Thanks as always to the girls on twitter for the constant support. You're all very special to me**

8

There were so many things going through Fiona's mind right now, but she couldn't seem to focus on just one. So far she hadn't allowed her mind to wander towards Michael and, if she was going to survive this separation and move on, she had to purge him from her thoughts.

Sighing heavily, she waited for Jesse to come out of his apartment, every second causing her irritation to flare. She hated answering to anyone, especially someone who was going to essentially be responsible for paving the way to get her life back on track. She knew she had to swallow her pride to meet Jesse's boss and smile and nod in all the right places. She'd been surviving on her own for so long that she'd lost that feeling of knowing she had some kind of security now. She just didn't know if this new job was something she could sustain, even though she had been promised massive payouts when she'd brought the bounties back.

Shifting her eyes towards the apartment block again, she placed her hand over the horn, ready to press it a few times to hurry Jesse up, but something caught her eye. Glancing into the side mirror, she noticed a dark car parked across the street, the tinted windows and licence plate ringing all kinds of alarm bells inside her head. She knew Michael wouldn't be foolish enough to place another tail on her, so this had to be something else.

She was so distracted by her observations that she didn't notice Jesse coming out of his apartment until he knocked on her window. Her eyes flared and she gasped out a startled breath before she punched the central control panel to unlock the door. Shifting her attention back towards the mirror, she kept her eyes fixed on the dark car, ignoring Jesse's inevitable questions.

Reaching for her phone, she opened up the text message box without averting her gaze from the number plate as she imprinted it into a message and saved it into drafts.

"Fi," Jesse asked worriedly when she ignored his attempts at conversation. "What's going on?"

"I don't know yet," she told him distractedly as she tried to physically see through the tinted window to see who was inside the car.

Shifting in his seat, Jesse turned to look behind him to see what she was looking at but she hissed out his name to halt his movements.

"Meyers said he'd be watching me—"

"You're not doing anything wrong, Fi," Jesse told her as he reached out to touch her arm. "This is a legit meeting that's going to be totally legal. He can't arrest you on official stuff."

"I know," she nodded before she turned to meet his worried gaze. "But my toys back at the hotel aren't exactly…legal!"

"Oh, didn't I tell you?" he grinned teasingly. "The boss was impressed when he met you and anything you need for the job is yours…you just have to ask."

The slow smile that lifted Fiona's lips brought a spark back to her eyes and she turned to look at the man in the seat beside her. She did feel a little more liberated since the promise of unlimited supplies of ammunition and money were now on offer.

"So I just need to ask, huh?"

"Yeah," he nodded with amusement when her excitement escalated. "But what do you want to do about your _friend_?"

Fiona's gaze slipped from his and back to the wing mirror to check on the car that still hadn't moved. Watching it thoughtfully, she sat back further in her seat and narrowed her eyes.

"I'll make him wish he never heard the name Fiona Glenanne," she muttered lowly. "And if he keeps following me, I'm going to show him exactly why I was recruited by the IRA."

"Fi, he's MI6—"

"He's pissing me off," she snapped back. "This so-called deal Michael made doesn't protect me from the likes of that snake, so I'll deal with it on my own."

"Fi—"

"I won't kill him," she promised as she turned to him and smiled. "But I promise to make that son of a bitch walk with a limp for the rest of his life!"

Jesse sighed heavily and shook his head as he tried to distract her with work, but she was way ahead of him. Reaching behind her, she grabbed her bag from the back seat and unzipped it to pull out a folded piece of paper and handed it to him. Flashing him a bright smile, she re-zipped the large bag and threw it back in the seat behind her.

"What's this?" Jesse asked warily as he slowly unfolded the paper in his hand. His eyes scanned the words written in Fiona's unique scrawl before he lifted his gaze up to hers worriedly.

"It's my shopping list," she beamed as she readjusted the seat and started the car. "You can get everything on the list, right?"

"Fi, you're taking down a bail jumper, not an army!"

"Hey, a girl has to be prepared for every possibility," she told him, her eyes sparking with excitement. "I like to go into a job with the right…equipment!"

"The right equip—"

Breaking off his own words, he shook his head. He looked down at her list again, his mouth opening with disbelief when he reeled off the weapons one by one.

"Walther PPK/S …SIG-Sauer P228 …Remington 870…Browning Automatic Rifle…" Lifting his eyes, he regarded her with a mixture of pride and incredulity. "An automatic rifle?"

"Yep," she grinned triumphantly as she kept her eyes focused on the road. "Did you read the rest?"

"Oh yeah," he gasped out incredulously as he reeled off the other items on her list. "Beretta 3032 Tomcat… Glock 26…SIG SG 552…SIG P556 SWAT…Heckler & Koch SL8 suppressor…"

"I could have asked for some more C-4," she told him, laughing with glee when she spotted the car that had been watching her just a few cars behind. "Hang on, Jesse."

"What? Wait…Fi!" Grasping at his seatbelt, he'd started to pull it across his chest when she accelerated, zooming away from the cars behind them.

"HANG ON!" she squealed in delight, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a very long time, when she put her foot down to leave nothing but empty space behind them.

000

Two days later, Fiona sat in her new blue Hyundai and watched a house a short distance away. Glancing down at the bail piece and a copy of the bond that was attached to it, she read the fugitives name one more time before she checked that the address she was surveying was the eldest sister's house and also his known hideout right now. Reading down the list, she couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of sympathy for the woman she'd spoke to on the phone just over an hour ago. Turning her own brother in couldn't have been easy, especially since he had a history of violence.

"Jason Webber," she muttered as she allowed her eyes to wander over the black and white photo attached to his file. "Well, aren't _you_ a piece of work?"

Reading down his list of felonies, she felt herself bristle again when she saw that he liked to beat on his girlfriend. His photograph showed his arrogance and she had already taken an instant dislike to him before she'd even met him face to face. According to his terrified sister, he was a hot tempered bully who thought woman were his for the taking. It was time for that to change.

Laying her hand over the cool metal of the Glock across her lap, she stroked it delicately as she lifted her eyes back towards the house again. This fugitive was particularly nasty and he loved nothing more than to demonstrate his power over women. Well…maybe it was time he met this particular woman; she was neither weak nor pathetic. If he wanted to try and take her on, then she would make sure he went back to jail with a few extra distinguishing scars.

Picking up the binoculars in her lap, she checked for any movement coming from inside before she lowered them and placed them inside the glove box. This was her second time at detaining a bond jumper legally. She hated all of the red tape that came with the job. But with Meyers making his presence frequently known, she couldn't do anything else but play by the rules. It irked her, but she had made a good profit from the first job which was enough to take away the sting of annoyance. Plus she got to play with all of her favourite toys.

It could be worse; she could still be locked up inside that stupid CIA cell.

Thoughts of Michael filtered onto her thoughts, but she pushed them away as quickly as they'd come. She could dwell on his absence another time when she didn't have twenty grand riding on her being alert and focused. Besides, she'd have plenty of time to miss him later when she went to look at what had the potential to be her new place, especially with its great sea view.

Movement from the house brought her back to the present and she took the Glock in her hand before she climbed out of the car. Moving around the back, she opened the trunk and pulled out her taser gun, regarding it with affection before she slammed the trunk shut. Slipping her large bag over her shoulder, she surveyed her target and watched him silently as she formulated some kind of plan in her mind. She knew just by the way he was gawking at two young women walking past his house that he was some kind of womanizer and that just made her blood boil even more.

This called for a different approach, one that she knew so well how to do. Slipping her Glock and taser into her bag, she looked down at the buttons on her vest top and popped the top three open to expose the red lace of her bra. Pushing the back of her jeans down, she exposed just enough of her thong to tempt her prey before finishing off the look by ruffling her fingers through her hair.

Moving towards the figure that had appeared just to be collecting the mail, she strode towards him purposely, plastering her best seductive smile onto her lips. She felt a rush of adrenalin course through her, the power of it bringing a spark of fire into her eyes as she moved forward. The closer she got to him, she knew she had to resist the urge to skip over this whole façade and just deliver a powerful kick into the first part of his body she reached.

Just as she'd planned, she caught his attention instantly and flashed him a sultry smile when he abandoned his mail box and began to move towards her.

"Hey," he drawled. "You're not from around here."

"No, I'm not," she told him with a soft giggle as she looked over his shoulder, acting out her confusion. "I'm here to meet with my cousin Lenny…but I can't remember his house number!"

"Lenny?" he asked as his eyes raked over her body to settle on the lace peeking through her vest. "This is my sister's place, but we ain't got any Lenny's here."

Fiona sighed dramatically, amping up her innocent act as she looked up at him. Swallowing down the distaste that his unwanted attention caused, she fought to keep up the pretence and became Wanda, Lenny's long lost cousin.

"Oh, no," she almost wailed. "That can't be right…I'm sure this is the right place."

"Nope," he told her as he stepped a little closer. "Maybe I can help you look."

"Really?" she gushed, moving one of her hands to her chest as much to draw his attention there as well as to conceal her dignity. "I have her address in my car."

Looking up at him with wide eyes, she waved a hand behind her and indicated the general direction of the car that was to become his temporary prison. Lowering her hand, she flashed her eyes and watched the lust flare in his and that was the moment she knew she had his full attention.

"Sure," he nodded, his voice thick with desire when she smiled up at him again.

"Great," she beamed as she turned around to give him full view of her exposed thong before she turned back to wait for him. To her delight, his face was flushed and she could already see the unmistakable beads of sweat that peppered his forehead. He was within her grasp.

Walking towards her car, she sashayed her hips and flashed him the odd smile to keep him enraptured. She knew how to be a siren. She had performed this very action many times before in Ireland when her associates needed someone luring into their ranks. This was no different; it was only the venue and the price tag that had changed now.

When they reached the car, she walked towards the driver's door to pull it open before placing her bag into the floor board while she pretended to find the non-existent letter she'd told him about. Reaching into her bag, she wrapped her hand around the cold metal of the Glock and popped the trunk on her way back out. Grabbing the Taser gun, she tucked it into the front of her jeans and smiled to herself with anticipation.

"Here it is," she told him chirpily as she manoeuvred herself backwards, allowing him to ogle her for a few more seconds before she turned and held the gun to his head. "Surprise!"

Jason's eyes bulged wide and his jaw twitched as his whole expression changed from arousal to anger. Within seconds, he lunged for the gun but he wasn't fast enough. She darted out of the way and kicked him hard in the back of the thighs. She heard the dull whack when her shoe connected with flesh and the rush of adrenalin that followed to spur on every movement that came after the first.

He yelped in pain as he dropped to his knees, cursing a string of obscenities when he tried to turn his head. But before he could even turn, Fiona punched him in the side of the head, the force of it knocking him to the ground.

"_GODDAMMIT_," he cussed in a mixture of anger and pain. "What'ya do that for _BITCH?_"

"_What_ did you call me?" she asked him, hissing out the words. "Call me it again_. I_ DARE YA."

"Or you'll what?" he asked tauntingly. "Gonna try and hit me again with your little gun?"

Fiona slowed her movements and narrowed her eyes when she calculated what he was trying to do. She knew that if she took him to the jail with bruises or broken bones, then they wouldn't accept him back. So instead she drew herself up to her full height and shot him a wide grin.

"I don't hit with guns," she told him brightly before she pulled the Taser gun out from where it was nestled in the waistband of her jeans. "I like to use something different for my _special _people!"

Shooting the electrodes out of the Taser gun, she watched with glee when five thousand volts shot through the man before her, causing him to crumble into a heap at her feet. His eyes opened wide in a startled stare, unable to move as she hovered over him with a bright smile before she shoved him onto his front with her high heeled shoe.

"See what happens when you piss me off?" she sing-songed to him as she bound his hands together with a black zip tie. Pulling it tight, she repeated the process to his ankles before she rolled him back onto his back and retrieved the electrodes from his body.

Using her brute strength, she hoisted him upwards and used the leverage of his taut body to tip him over into the trunk before she smiled down at his blinking eyes. Grabbing her bag of guns from the trunk, she looked down at him when he started to come around, a string of obscenities beginning to slur off of his tongue.

"Oh, quit whining," she groused when she reached up to the trunk to grab hold of the top edge. Glancing down at her bounty, she smiled sweetly before she dropped her bag onto the ground. Releasing the trunk, she bent to rummage around in her bag to pull out a roll of duct tape. Twirling it on her finger, she grinned down at her squirming prisoner who had finally found his voice after his temporary stasis and pulled a strip of the silver tape from the roll. Bending into the trunk, she placed the strip over his mouth before she stood back and slammed down the trunk.

Bending down to grab her bag, she grinned happily as she opened the back door to place her bag lovingly onto the back seat and placed her Taser gun inside before she zipped it closed. She felt alive, more alive than she'd felt in a very long time, and as she climbed into the front seat and slid in behind the steering wheel, she finally allowed herself to believe that she could survive anything after Michael Westen.

000

Later that night, Fiona followed the realtor around the high rise apartment and tried to show some enthusiasm as she walked. She couldn't help the reminder of the last time she had looked around an apartment just like this one. She'd been close to signing a lease too, that was until Michael had asked her to move in with him.

Michael…just the mere thought of his name sent a well of pain to encompass her heart and, no matter how much she tried, she was finding it so difficult to purge him from her heart. He'd reinforced his hold so many years ago and she had willingly been a prisoner to the terms of his reluctant relationship. Something had to change. She knew it and so did he. Before Anson, they had been well on their way to having some kind of happy life…happy for them at least.

She had never wanted all of the hearts and flowers, the big church weddings and the promise of happy ever after's. All she'd ever wanted was to be by his side and to be one of the most important people in his life…but even after all of these years, he proved to her yet again that the number one priority would always be his job. This dream of hers was nothing but a fantasy and maybe they shouldn't have even tried to make it any different.

The only way she was going to keep any kind of relationship with him now was if they reverted back to how they were before: her with her own place and him with his. They'd meet up just like they used to when the need for physical contact brought them together. **B**ut even the thought of not having him by her side left an ache in her heart that she knew would never heal.

"So what do you think?" the realtor asked with a bright smile, unable to see the pain that her potential client was going through.

Fiona looked up at her and offered her an empty smile as she took another look around the bare apartment. Before, she could picture places where her furniture was going to go, but now she didn't have anything. There were no antique chests or hand-made bookshelves…and it _hurt_.

Taking a deep breath, she felt the words of her acceptance bubbling on her tongue, but the chirping of her phone broke through her would-be words and she smiled apologetically at the woman before her.

"You take your time," she gushed. "I'll just be out in the hall."

"Thanks," Fiona nodded, returning the warm smile before she pressed the answer button without looking at the screen and placed it against her ear.

"Yeah," she barked as she rummaged around in her bag for her planner to write down the name of her next job.

"_Fi?"_

Stopping in her tracks, Fiona's breath caught in her throat and she blinked a few times before she finally found her voice.

"Michael?"

"_Hey,"_ his voice softened and he spoke with such affection that he threw her defences off centre. _"I tried to find you at the hotel."_

His words caught Fiona by surprise and she felt her heart lurch inside her chest. Closing her eyes tight, she fought to control her breathing as she moved closer towards the open window.

"You're back?"

"_Yeah, I got back a couple of hours ago. Sam said you were working. Are you guys taking clients again?"_

"No," she sighed as she opened her eyes and gazed out to the sea. "Look, can we talk about this later? I'm kinda in the middle of something."

He was silent for a while, but she heard the hitch in his breathing and forced herself not to crumble and blurt out that she'd missed him. Instead she waited, both wishing and dreading that he'd ask to see her.

"_Where are you, Fi?"_ he asked softly. _"I need to—"_

"I'm looking around an apartment if you must know," she told him quickly through a sudden burst of annoyance. He always did this. He always left her behind and expected to find things exactly how he'd left them when he returned…Well, no more. "I need to find a place to live because, as much as I like Elsa, I can't live in a hotel room forever."

"_Fiona…"_ he sighed out her name. _"Where are you? Let me come get you and we'll talk over dinner, just you and me…"_

"You want to have dinner?" she asked in surprise. "Since when do you want to take me out to dinner?"

Before he could reply, she realised that dinner for Michael was either a yogurt cup or a sandwich at the Carlito and she berated herself for thinking he meant anything else. Sighing heavily, she looked around the apartment once more and tried to imagine herself living in it full time, but her mind wouldn't seem to cooperate.

"I'll meet you at Carlitos in an hour," she sighed. "I'll just finish up here first."

She heard him call out her name as she pressed the end call button. Maybe he would understand now how it felt to be cut off before you'd finished speaking. Things were going to change in their relationship, if they still had one, and he was going to know the same desolation that she'd felt since they'd been together.

"Hey," the realtor's voice broke into her thoughts as she walked back into the apartment, her heels clattering on the wooden floors. "Have you had enough time to make up your mind?"

Fiona glanced down at her silent phone and found herself so tempted to say yes, but there was always that part of her that held back…still silently wishing that she would one day be his top priority. Lifting her eyes back up to the woman before her, she returned her smile, even though she didn't feel like smiling at all.

"I have to get back to work," she told her apologetically. "But I'd really like to look around again when I have more time."

"Sure," the realtor grinned. "I have a spot free tomorrow afternoon at three."

"That's perfect," Fiona grinned as she turned around and began to walk towards the door. "I'll meet you here tomorrow."

Without waiting to hear a reply, she made her way towards the elevator, already planning on finding something to wear that would make Michael realize just what he had left behind…

000

Fiona chose to sit in the quiet corner of Carlitos that had become their regular spot over the last few years. She had made it here within half an hour and so far there hadn't been any sign of her elusive boyfriend. Part of her wondered if he only wanted to meet up with her in a public place to tell her it was over between them. Well, if he was expecting her to cry in front of him again then he could think again. She'd already been preparing herself for this moment since he'd sprung his decision on her when they'd been released from CIA custody. It really was the only conclusion to their whole relationship.

"Fiona…"

His voice caught her by surprise and whatever she had rehearsed to say to him suddenly disappeared when he came to stand before her. Her heart hammered inside her chest and when she looked over his dark suit, he looked far too overdressed for Carlitos.

"I…" Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears when she finally managed to speak. "Michael…"

"You look beautiful," he gasped out, far more emotionally that she ever expected him to be.

Regarding him slowly, she took in his appearance and she was reminded of their first meeting in that tiny little room when she was in prison. She had been so happy to see him then, but so utterly sad that it was behind a pane of glass. Those feelings returned to her in a wave, much to her dismay. She was supposed to be showing him that she could get through life without him, but she hadn't counted on the burst of love to encompass her.

"You look…" she thought of the right word. "Happy…"

Michael watched her silently, his eyes telling her more than his words ever could. He was struggling to remain in control, just as much as she was… and in that moment she allowed herself to believe that everything was not lost.

"I didn't order," she told him dully as she averted her gaze. "I didn't know how long you were going to stay. So I—"

"When I said I wanted to have dinner, I didn't mean here," he told her quickly, his voice growing in speed and confidence as he stepped closer towards her. Holding out his hand, he urged her to take it when she continued to stare up at him in confusion.

"Michael…"

"Please, Fi," he asked quietly as he reached down to enclose his fingers over hers in her lap. "I meant what I said…I need you to trust me."

"Trust?" she almost groused but pulled herself back before she could launch into why he had broken the trust she had in him in so many ways. Instead she just nodded, trying not to let the touch of his hand unhinge her like it had on so many other occasions.

When she stood up from the table, he kept hold of her hand, refusing to release her even when they walked outside into the night air. She stayed with him, meeting his gaze several more times before she finally found herself blushing beneath his observations of her.

"I missed you," he told her quietly when they reached his car. But instead of opening the door for her like she'd expected, he pushed her against the hard metal and captured her mouth with his…

He pressed closer to her body, the firmness of his mouth becoming more demanding, and she whimpered softly when she felt his tongue probing her bottom lip, begging for entry.

Fiona's hand slid up his chest to his neck as she opened her mouth to him, giving him everything she possessed. He moved closer, his kisses becoming almost desperate as he pulled her against his body. He needed to feel every inch of her…he needed to show her that everything he'd told her when they were in Panama was all true…but when she reached up behind him to pull his head down forcefully, every thought just melted away.

She groaned softly when his fingers traced the small of her back. Within seconds, he had banished all of the resolutions she'd set for herself and instead she was swept along the tide of passion, falling deeper and deeper into their kiss, until the need to breathe forced them apart.

Pulling away slowly, Michael gazed down at her breathlessly. Her hair was tousled and her lips were swollen and at this precise moment all he wanted to do was take her away from here to show her with his body just how much he loved her. He knew he had to reign in the passion that flowed through right now if they were going to get onto the same page again. Leaning his forehead down to hers, he looked into her eyes and saw the flare of desire that matched his own.

"We should go…" he managed to whisper, but made no move to pull away.

"Yes," she agreed softly, relishing his closeness for a little longer before she untangled herself from his embrace. "We should…"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has left a review on here and on twitter. Thank you for your PM's, favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate everyone who takes time to read my stories and I am always truly humbled by all of your kind comments.**

**As a thank you to everyone who has remained patient with Fiona as well as this story, this is a sort of reward for that patience. I know a lot of you have been waiting for some reconnection between these two so this is my thanks to all of you.**

**Huge thanks to my lovely friends Purdy's Pal, DaisyDay and JediSkyinger for making me smile every single day. Special thanks to Purdy's Pal and Jedi Skysinger for reading through this with their fans on standby! Some more extra special thanks to JediSkysinger for suggesting the restaurant, and for finding the time to BETA for me despite her busy schedule.**

**Lastly thank you to all of the girls on twitter for the love and support. You're all wonderful**

9

Fiona couldn't quite believe that she was sitting in Pascal's on Ponce, the French restaurant Michael had been promising to take her to for months. Like many other things over the last year, so many promises and plans had never come to anything but disappointment.

Looking around the private room they had been taken to, Fiona took in the décor with silent appreciation. Unlike the main restaurant that was amidst a bank of glass windows, the private room was softly lit with a sparse amount of tables providing a more intimate setting. So far the other tables were unoccupied, leaving the two of them to enjoy the silence.

"I know it's a little late," Michael started softly as he reached across the table to lay his hand over hers. "But I finally brought you here."

Fiona lifted her eyes to his and regarded him carefully as she stroked her thumb over the top of his hand.

"Yeah," she told him as she glanced down at the dress she wore. "Although, I think I'm a little underdressed for this place."

"You look beautiful," he gasped out quickly, tightening his hand over hers. "I really _am_ sorry, Fi."

"For what?" she asked as she shrugged her shoulders. She knew he was apologising yet again for the mess he'd made of things but she regarded him with confusion none the less. Besides, part of her liked to see him squirm a little, especially after what he had put all of them through.

Michael kept his eyes on her face and knew instantly that the nonchalant attitude she was displaying to him was nothing but a façade. He knew her well enough to know that she was still hurt and angry about what had happened and he knew she had every right to be.

"I know you think I wanted to go back—"

"Can we not do this here?" she asked him with a sigh, her voice halting his words. "Let's just enjoy dinner, okay?"

Her voice, although soft, had a tremor that sent a wave of regret to surge through his heart. She looked almost resigned to the fact that he had left her again and, despite everything they had been through, she still thought he valued his job over her.

"Fi…"

"Look, I asked you for time to get used to this life again…and I'm trying," she sighed. "I'm rebuilding my life."

"By finding a new apartment?" he asked incredulously.

"I need somewhere to live, Michael," she snapped haughtily, but reigned in her temper before it could take hold. "I can't stay at Elsa's hotel forever."

"I got us an apartment," he told her quickly. "I told you that before I left."

"Yeah, you did," she nodded. "But like I already told you, you've got your life back now and you forget I know you too well. You won't want to be tied to me for too long. You'll be out on missions and—"

"You think I don't want to be with you anymore?" his voice croaked out as he stared at her in complete shock. "Fiona…"

"Isn't that what all this is for?" she asked knowingly. "I'm a big girl Michael and it's not like you haven't done this to me before."

Michael's mouth dropped open and he shook his head in denial. She honestly thought that after everything they had been through over all these years that he could just dismiss her like she had no meaning? How had they become so distant in such a short time? Swallowing at the lump in his throat, he reached across the table to encompass her hand in both of his.

"No," he told her defiantly. "That's not what this is."

"It isn't?" she asked disbelievingly, still unwilling to believe that this was actually a date. "So, what is it?"

Michael could feel his frayed nerves becoming even more frayed when she sat opposite him looking every bit the scorned woman. Glancing down at their joined hands, he tried to think of something to say to her that would convey that he meant every word he would say to her tonight. He decided that honesty would always be his safest bet, even though she fought him at every point.

"I wanted to spend time with you, _just_ you," he told her softly as he lifted his eyes to meet her gaze. "The last few months have been…a mess…and I wanted…"

"What happened to us, Michael?" she asked him suddenly, her voice no more than a whisper. "We used to be so sure of ourselves and where we wanted our lives to go…but now…"

"I know," he told her as he squeezed her hand again. "I made a mess of things, but I want to put all of that behind us. We can build a future—"

"We can't build anything while you're in the CIA, Michael," she told him honestly, sadness seeping into her words. "And we can't have a life together while MI6 keeps watching my every move either…I know Meyers is just waiting—"

"_What?"_

Lifting her eyes to his, she shook her head in confusion as she tried to figure out what it was he was asking her. Opening her mouth to offer him another one of her reasons why this wouldn't work, he stopped her as he leaned forward.

"What do you mean MI6 is watching you?"

"That _bastard,_ Meyers," she shrugged. "He was at your mom's house—"

"HE WAS _WHAT?_" Pulling his hands from hers, Michael shook his head in disbelief as he rooted around inside his jacket pocket to reach his phone.

"He said you knew…" Shaking her head she sat back in her chair and looked up at him in confusion. "He told me you knew that the deal only stuck if I didn't break any rules."

Shifting in her seat, she felt herself bristle when thoughts of killing that arrogant British bastard entered her mind. He'd made her believe she was placing everyone in danger just by being with them and all along he was lying to her? Michael's voice broke through her anger, causing her to sit back and watch him on the phone as he tried to hold his temper. His face was becoming redder by the second and she suddenly felt a little sorry for whoever was on the other end of the phone.

While Michael hissed orders down the phone, Fiona sat back and observed him. He'd lost that haunted look that had plagued him ever since Nate had been killed. She wondered if he was managing to sleep now without being plagued with nightmares. Did he wake up searching for her? She found herself wishing that he couldn't sleep alone anymore because she found the task virtually impossible.

Sitting forward, she reached out for the glass of red wine and plucked it from the table to place the rim against her lips. Taking a mouthful of the claret liquid, she swallowed it down and savoured the sweetness that encompassed her senses. Closing her eyes, she allowed the warmth of the wine to heat her from the inside and just listened to the sound of Michael's voice. She had missed him so much, more than she had when she was in prison. Back then she never thought that she could have ever missed him more than she did when they were separated by force, but she did.

"I _DON'T _care if he's in a meeting. I want to speak to Raines _NOW_."

Michael's voice carried throughout the room as he hissed out his anger. Pushing back his chair, he moved to stand and shook his head in frustration.

"No, _YOU_ don't seem to understand," he growled. "MY girlfriend is under surveillance from an organization that has NO _RIGHT_ to be here…yeah, you go and do that and get back to me. NO, I'll hold. I want this dealt with right NOW."

Feeling increasingly irate, Michael allowed his eyes to drift back to the woman who was sitting at the table. She had her eyes closed and while he waited for Raines's secretary to come back on the line, he took a moment to take in Fiona's beautiful features.

She was a stunning woman, one who had turned his whole life upside down on more than one occasion. She had been loyal and devoted to him even when he knew he didn't deserve it. She had given him so many chances and his biggest fear had always been the day when she would finally give up on him. They had become so close over the last two years, to the point where he knew without a doubt that he was nothing without her. He couldn't lose her, not to something that had always been the source of the disagreements between them.

Hearing a voice at the end of the phone, he withdrew his attention from the woman he loved and listened to the gravelled voice of his boss.

"_What the hell is this about, Michael?"_ he groused. _"What can't wait until tomorrow?"_

"MI6," Michael snapped back. "Did you know MI6 has been to my mother's house and threatened my girlfriend?"

"_Now, Micha—"_

"DID YOU KNOW?"

Raines was silent for a few moments before he released a slow breath, the sound vibrating through the phone. _"No, I didn't know, Michael. I made you a promise when you returned to us and I meant it."_

"Okay, so why is Fiona still under surveillance?"

"_I don't know,"_ Raines sighed out_. "Who was it? Did she get his name?"_

"Yeah, it was Arthur Meyers," Michael told him, the name already imprinted into his memory. "I want this dealt with, Raines. Or the deal we made is off."

"_Now, Michael…don't—"_

"I mean it. This ends _now_."

"_Okay…I'll make some calls and meet with you tomorrow."_

"I'll be expecting your call," Michael nodded as he turned off the phone and returned to his seat to sit back down. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his rising temper before he diverted his eyes back towards the woman who still had her eyes closed.

"Fi…" he whispered her name, urging her to react to him in the same way she used to.

Opening her eyes when she heard his voice, Fiona placed her glass back on the table and turned to him expectantly.

"What did he say to you?" he asked as he quietly seethed. "I mean exactly."

"Only what I told you already," she shrugged. "He told your mom things about my past, but you'll have to ask her about that."

"Wait..."Shaking his head in disbelief, he reached across the table again. "What did he say?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes, it does," he urged, his eyes softening when she turned to hold his gaze. "Please, Fi."

Sighing heavily Fiona tilted her head to the side to ease the soreness from her shoulders before she recalled the smarmy face of the British MI6 agent. Just thinking of him brought an acrid taste into her mouth, but when Michael rubbed his thumb across her fingers, she simply nodded.

"He told me he knew I was trying to contact some of my old associates," she told him, her voice unwavering as she spoke. "He said you'd kept the details of your deal from me on purpose—"

"You know that's not true," he hissed out urgently as his voice cut through hers. "I would never do that to you."

"I know," she nodded, suddenly feeling very emotional. Taking a deep breath she tried to calm her torrid heartbeat and reign in the wetness that had already began to form in her eyes. "I know."

Michael held onto her hands, unable to release her. When he'd planned this dinner, he'd intended it to be romantic and free from work, but the bombshell she'd just dropped on him had torn away all of those plans. The arrival of another couple sent shards of annoyance to sour through him and it was only when he lifted his eyes that he caught the smile on Fiona's lips.

"What?" he asked, he too unable to stop a smile from forming.

"You're scowling," she grinned. "I haven't seen it in a while…"

Whatever thoughts that had been coursing through him only moments ago seemed to disperse in mere seconds. Her smile lifted the darkness that had shrouded over him since their last goodbye and it was only now, seeing the sparkle in those beautiful eyes of hers that he felt his whole body relax.

Pushing his questions to the back of his mind, he untangled their joined fingers and sat back into his chair to regard her fondly. Thoughts of their last separation had haunted him during the whole time he had been away, but now wasn't the time to dredge up all of those fears. He did have so many questions for her, but they could wait until later.

"So," she started as she reached out to retrieve the wine glass from the table. "How long are you here?"

"Fi…"

"Sorry," her voice came out on a sigh and she lifted her glass to her lips to mask the angry questions that burned on her tongue.

"So," he tried again. "You're taking jobs?"

Swallowing the red liquid down, she lowered her glass and raised her eyebrows when she knew what she was about to tell him would no doubt end in another fight. Despite saying that he didn't want to talk about work, he had brought up the subject time and time again.

"I thought you didn't want to talk about work," she told him flatly. "Or is it just _your_ work you don't want to talk about?"

Michael's mouth dropped open and he knew by the glare she was shooting his way he'd managed to piss her off again.

"Fiona," he sighed out her name and replaced his glass back onto the table before he started to reach for her hand again. "I didn't mean—"

"Look ,if you really need to know, I'm a bounty hunter," she told him defiantly as she swirled the wine around in her glass. "And before you ask, _yes_ I have a licence."

Before Michael could open his mouth to protest, the waiter stepped towards their table and smiled down at both of them. Holding his pad in his hand, he regarded the two occupants at the table with appreciation before he spoke, his French accent causing Fiona to smile brightly.

"Good evening, madame, monsieur," he greeted. "Are you both ready to order?"

Michael opened his mouth, ready to tell him that they needed more time, but Fiona silenced his words when she smiled up at their waiter.

"Merci oui. We allez tous les deux le saumon sauvage poché au Lentement l'huile d'olive, Pappardelle, caramélisé chou-fleur, vinaigrette aux truffes."

The waiter's eyes grew wide and he beamed down at her with delight when she spoke to him in his own native language.

"Ah, madame, je vois que vous parlez français…"

"Oui," she told him with a smile as she reverted back to English again. "I lived in Paris for a while."

"Really?" he gushed. "And I'm sure Paris would love for you to return."

Michael watched the Frenchman charming his girlfriend and cleared his throat to announce his irritation. Folding his arms across his chest, he glared at the waiter before he caught the incredulous smirk on Fiona's lips. She seemed to be enjoying his discomfort far too much.

"_Darling,_ I ordered us the salmon," she told him sweetly as she allowed her gaze to filter over to him. "That's okay, isn't it?"

Michael knew exactly what she was doing and he found himself nodding automatically. Despite her earlier frostiness, he had just witnessed his girlfriend transform into the woman he'd met and fallen in love with so many years ago. For the first time since their disastrous separation a few weeks ago, he started to really believe that they would get through this mess.

000

Sometime later when they emerged from the restaurant, they had started to regain some semblance of their former relationship. Fiona smiled up at him and leaned against him before she slipped her hand into his. Her eyes sparkled when she gazed at him before she gave his hand a gentle tug and pulled him along with her.

"Walk with me," she insisted, her voice laced with love. "Before you have to go back."

"Fiona…about the bounty hunting—"

"You really want to talk about this now?" she asked huffily as she shook her head. "Look, a girl's gotta eat and I needed clothes. If you've forgotten, all of my stuff got burned in the fire."

He hadn't forgotten, how could she even think that he could? He knew his decision to return to the CIA would hurt her, but it had seemed to be his only option to regain some semblance of their old lives. He found himself apologising once again but she stole the words from his lips when she shook her head defiantly and placed her fingers over his mouth.

Michael swallowed hard and covered her hand that covered his lips. His eyes held hers as he pressed a kiss onto her fingers before he pulled them away from his mouth. He wanted her more now than ever. He didn't want to wait anymore, not after being away from her for so long. Without hesitation, he skimmed his fingertips over her arms and stepped closer to place a chaste kiss onto her lips.

The kiss only lasted for a few seconds but it was enough to spark the embers of passion that had been lain hidden for so long. Lust mixed with the wine may had been a major factor in the kiss that immediately followed and, as Michael allowed himself to drown in her lips, he vaguely recollected that he was going to suggest they go back to the apartment.

Fiona felt herself falling into him, his kiss drowning her senses. Stepping even closer, she pulled him to her so that his body was pressed into hers. She felt herself tremble slightly when his arms snaked up around her, pulling her in tighter to him. He had never been so public with his affection before, but her questions suddenly disappeared when he opened his mouth and ran his tongue over her bottom lip, desperately trying to deepen the kiss. She had never been able to deny him anything and this was no exception. When she opened her mouth to him, readily accepting him and the passion he was evoking inside her body, she was rewarded with his soft groan.

The sound spurred her onwards and she suddenly didn't care that they were standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the night, surrounded by lights, people and cars. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing but him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity, building in a passionate frenzy as they both fought for control in the haze of desire. Michael suddenly pulled away, breaking his lips from hers. His breaths were coming out in deep shuddering gasps as he fought through the fog of love and gazed into her eyes.

"Fiona," he breathed "I…"

She leaned forward to place a single finger to his lips, watching his eyes with a smouldering passion. She knew that tomorrow the ache of betrayal would no doubt reduce this moment to another memory, but for now she pushed those doubts away and allowed herself to be lost in him.

"Let's go…" she whispered through a string of soft kisses… "to your apartment…"

"Ours," he corrected, returning to her lips as he surrendered to the deep intoxication that had always been Fiona Glenanne.

000

When they arrived at the apartment, he opened the door to usher her inside, closing the door and locking it behind them.

His whole body was on alert, tingling with anticipation as her beautiful fingers once again began to work their magic touch over his skin. He could feel his pulse thumping wildly in his veins, his whole body very aware of the woman beside him.

"I missed you," she whispered as she reached out to touch him through his clothes. She opened her fingers when she smoothed her hands over his shirt clad chest, spreading arousing flames throughout his body. She smiled up at him when she recognised the signs of want in his eyes and she knew through their familiar touch that she had his full attention.

His eyes closed as she moved to his shirt, pulling the buttons aside one by one as her lips moved to his chest, kissing her way over his flesh as each button exposed more of his chest.

"Fiona," he groaned, as her hands moved lower, pulling the material from his pants to push his shirt and jacket from his shoulders and onto the floor. Coming back up, she met his gaze, the dark desire she found there igniting her with a fervent desperation so powerful, she almost couldn't breathe.

Michael watched the flush beginning to creep its way up her chest, her gasping breaths only fuelling his desire as he stepped into her personal space, lifting her up onto the bare kitchen counter top. Leaning forward, he caught her mouth in a searing kiss that left both of them needing to reconnect to the aching longing that had eluded them for so long. Parting her legs, she clawed at his back, pulling him closer to nestle his body between her thighs.

Tearing her lips from his, she gasped in a breath when he tugged at the strap of her dress and slid it over her shoulder. Eager to help him, Fiona manoeuvred her body and reached around behind her back to ease down the zipper that kept the fabric flush against her body. Shuffling forward, she lifted herself upwards so that the soft fabric was pooled against her waist and then proceeded to help him ease the dress away from her. She vaguely saw the flimsy dress being tossed to the floor only to be closely followed by her bra, leaving her nearly naked before him.

Michael was having a hard time controlling his breathing. Here she was, in the apartment he'd brought for them, encouraging him with her gasps. She wanted him to make love to her…she wanted him...

She sat up a little higher, inviting him to take her as she offered him her total commitment. Shuffling towards the edge of the counter, she eased herself down off of it to wrap her arms around his neck, bringing his mouth crashing down to hers.

Michael's body was in overdrive as he picked her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. Instincts took over as he carried her towards the general direction of their bedroom, keeping their lips joined in a heated string of carnal kisses.

The bedroom door flew open with a bang as he moved them towards the bed, dipping lower so he could lay her onto the mattress. She didn't give him a moment to move away before she pulled him down with her, capturing his mouth into another deep drugging kiss.

He hovered over her, coaxed onwards by her seductive whimpers, enticing him deeper as her hands frantically pushed his pants and boxers away from his hips, manoeuvring them down his thighs with her feet until the final barriers between them were disappearing.

They slowly melted into each other, frantically needing release as well as the connection that had been denied from them for far too long.

Lifting her, hips she helped him push her underwear away from her body and heard herself sigh with some kind of relief when his familiar touch soothed the past away. He worshipped her with his touch, whispering over and over that he wanted her…he loved her…he missed her.

Fiona arched her back as she welcomed him into her body, whispering his name when he buried himself deeply inside her. She urged him onwards, clawing at his back in an effort to bring him closer. Angling her neck, she gasped when his mouth closed over her throat, kissing her skin as he chanted her name.

With every movement they came closer, pulling each other towards oblivion. He groaned, whimpering her name one last time as she pulled him forcefully into her. He moved with her, faster and deeper, until she propelled them towards the ecstasy they both knew was approaching.

With one final movement, she tumbled over into bliss, taking him with her as she cried out his name. Her shuddering body was his undoing and he lost control when he followed her into heaven a few seconds later.

They held each other until their ragged breathing became more controlled and their shaking began to subside. Fiona glued herself to his body, wrapping her arm around his stomach as she relished the feel of his heated skin and closed her eyes. She had missed this and, no matter what was going to happen when reality returned them into the real world, she was going to hang on to this feeling for as long as she could

000

It was starting to get light when Michael slowly cracked one eye open. For a few seconds he fought to remember where he was, but when the woman beside him muttered his name, everything flooded back to him in one glorious memory. Unable to keep himself from touching her smooth skin, he traced his fingertips delicately over her curves and smiled triumphantly when she breathed deeply before she blinked her eyes open.

"Morning," he whispered as he turned onto his side so that he could place a kiss onto her cheek. The touch of his lips caused her eyes to open fully and she stretched against him like a cat before she smiled up at him.

"Mmm…" she hummed happily. "Morning to you…"

Michael leaned up on his elbows so that he could look down at her. Her eyes were warm and glowing as she smiled, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a very long time. Lifting one of her fingers she reached out to trace his lips, loving every line with a simple touch. She didn't think she would ever feel this way again, not after all of the anger and pain…

"I've…missed you…and I know it's my fault…" he whispered, his lips covering hers before she could answer. He purposely prolonged their kiss, taking her words into his mouth as he felt her hands run over his back, as she set him ablaze once again.

Her fingertips ran down his torso, her nails raking over his flesh and causing him to shudder above her. Pulling away from his lips, she met his gaze, noting right away that the love she saw emanating from his cobalt blue eyes was a truth that he couldn't deny. In that moment, she felt her heart thaw inside her chest. Despite everything else that had happened since that fateful day when he'd re-joined the CIA and broken her heart, she knew she would cherish whatever little time they had together before he left her again. There would be time for explanations and talking tomorrow, but right now she wanted this…she wanted a happy memory.

"I don't want to talk," she whispered breathlessly as he loomed over her looking so beautiful and so powerful at the same time. Tracing her fingertip over his chest, she smiled up at him before she caught a foot under his leg, flipping them over so he was on his back with shock emanating from his eyes.

"No talking," she whispered seductively as her head sank lower, kissing her way down his torso, making every nerve in his body tingle with anticipation. His eyes clamped shut when he felt her lips sheathe the very essence of him in the most intimate way. She ignored his pleas to end her heavenly torture, instead choosing to torment him some more. His desperate whimpers only caused her to slow things down until it became increasingly apparent that he couldn't hold on. As she took him towards his heavenly release, he gasped helplessly as he came apart, whimpering her name in total submission as he gave into her fully, letting her take him to higher realms.

As he sank back down to earth again, he pulled her up to lay her head on his chest, encasing her in his arms as he kissed her hair.

"Shhh," she whispered against him, her voice hazy with sleep as she snuggled into his warmth.

Michael was completely lost in her, both physically and emotionally. For the first time in months he felt completely at peace, contentment washing over him when he tugged her tighter against him. Glancing down at her beautiful face, he could see that she was struggling to keep her eyes from closing. Lowering his head, he pressed soft kisses into her hair and coaxed her into slumber with soft whispers and words of love.

He felt her heavy limbs tangled around him and relished the feeling of having her this close. His eyes traced her face with wonderment and he realised that he hadn't been this happy in a very long time. He watched her as she slept until his own body craved the blissfulness of sleep. His body ached gloriously, reminding him of muscles that hadn't been used in such a long time. As he closed his eyes, he felt exhaustion pulling him deeper and deeper until he surrendered to the blissful darkness, his final thoughts of the woman in his arms and how much he loved her.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews, PM's, favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate all of your comments.**

**Special thanks to my friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through the various drafts of this. Extra thanks to the wonderful JediSkysinger for giving this a BETA even though she's very busy.**

**Lastly thank you to DaisyDay, Noelle and all of the girls on twitter for your love and support**

10

Sunshine poured in through the bedroom window to highlight the lone figure in the large bed. Hours had passed since the night of passion had reignited the spark of love that she had tried so hard to push away. Taking a deep breath, Fiona hummed in contentment as she stretched her tired limbs before she slowly opened her eyes. The bright sun caused her to blink at the intrusion and she turned her head away, intending to bury herself against the man beside her.

Reaching out a hand she splayed her fingers over the space beside her but snapped her hand back when all she was met with was empty space. She tried not to let the panic swamp her as she leaned up on her elbows to look around the bedroom for her elusive lover.

"Michael…" she called out his name, expecting him to answer her, but all she was met with was silence. Shifting position, she scooted towards the edge of the mattress and dangled her legs over the side as she tugged at the sheet so that she could wrap it around her naked body.

"Michael," she tried again when she padded towards the bedroom door, opening the wooden barrier before she ventured out of the room.

The silence was deafening, which only succeeded in making her more edgy. If Michael was inside the apartment he certainly was going a good job of hiding. Glancing down at the tile floor, she shivered slightly when the cool ceramic impacted against the soles of her feet. Pulling the sheet tighter, she moved towards the living area, dragging the pooled sheet behind her.

If he'd left her again after the night they shared then—

Stopping mid-step, her eyes honed in on the white piece of paper that was propped up against the kettle and she felt the first pang of sadness envelope her. How many times had she awoken alone like this? The CIA had always been the only ones who could lure Michael from their bed, even when they lived in the loft. She'd let him back into her heart for one night…_one_…and she wondered how many times he would do this exact same thing to her as time went on.

Her mind filtered back to the night before, the memory heating her skin. They hadn't made love in such a long time, so what happened between them last night was something they had both craved for months. She loved him, absolutely…completely…only him… _always_ only him… and he knew it.

On the phone last night she'd heard him tell Raines that he'd meet him today. Maybe that's where he was, but despite knowing that, with Michael she would never really know everything…it still hurt.

When she walked towards the kettle, she held one arm around her stomach to keep the sheet secured around her body. Reaching out with her free hand, she plucked up the paper and allowed her eyes to linger over the folded paper, wishing that her heart wouldn't keep telling her that she should just wait a little longer. She was tired of waiting for him to show her that there would be a life for them after the CIA.

With a heavy sigh, she unfolded the note and prepared herself for whatever it might say, but when she scanned the paper all she could see was a blank page. Turning it around she checked the back to see if she'd missed anything but there was nothing…no words, just nothing.

A sudden noise caused her to start and she spun around to try and remember where she'd put her gun. Hoisting up the sheet, she moved towards the living area but her foot snagged on a piece of the material wrapped around her body, causing her to fall into an unceremonious heap on the floor.

"FI?"

Michael's voice echoed throughout the apartment and she struggled to get to her feet before he came in and found her like this.

"I'm okay," she told him quickly when he rushed in to dump the food cartons he'd brought from the store onto the table.

"What are you doing?" he asked incredulously when she managed to pull herself up onto her knees. Holding out his hand, he helped her onto her feet but refused to release her. Her eyes told him things that he knew she would not and, by the wetness gathered in them, it suddenly hit him. She'd woken alone again, just like before and he berated himself once more for not making sure she was fully awake before he left.

"Where the hell were you?" she snapped angrily as she gathered the rumbled sheet up so that she could keep it secured around her. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"I did," he urged when he saw the disbelief in her eyes. "I told you I'd be back before you woke up again, but I had to make a detour before I came back"

"What was so important that it couldn't wait? I swear, Michael, if you—"

"We don't have any food in the apartment," he told her as he lifted his hand to tuck some errant hair behind her ear. "I haven't been staying here much, so I stopped off at the store to pick up your favourite shampoo... and I thought you might be hungry, so—"

Before he could finish, she surged forward to cover his mouth with hers, stealing the words from him. The kiss only lasted for a brief moment but, when their lips parted, they couldn't seem to pull away from each other.

"I'm sorry," he whispered when he rested his forehead against hers. "After last night, I wanted to…"

"I know," her breath fanned his face as she felt her senses calming again. His warmth surrounded her and she realizsed that everything she loved about him had been wrapped up together when his arms enclosed her body.

They stood together for what seemed like an eternity, both of them relishing the closeness that had caused them to gravitate together all those years ago. Her own words resounded inside her head; words that she had written down in a parting note when she didn't think that she would ever see him again without a glass wall between them.

She meant what she'd said in that letter. Loving a spy meant that she had to make sacrifices because he made them every day. She had seen what he'd given up just to keep everyone safe, but she had given up a lot of herself, too. She wished that he would remember everything she'd lost in order to stay by his side, but sometimes she felt completely invisible to him.

"I heard from Raines," his voice broke through their silence. "He wants to meet with me today to talk about Meyers."

"Okay," she told him simply, her mind already creating so many scenarios of the things that could go wrong.

"I'll be back here as soon as I get done," he told her reassuringly when he felt her slowly pull away from him. "Then we'll talk."

"Talk about what?"

"I think you already know," he sighed. "I don't want to fight with you, Fi, but I know you need an explanation—"

"You need the CIA," she told him nonchalantly as she hoisted the sheet tightly around her body before she turned away from him. "You can't give it up."

"Fi—"

"I'll get dressed," she sighed as she bent to gather her clothes from the floor. "I know you'll want to get out of here."

Michael shook his head in frustration and moved towards her. Halting her movements, he took hold of her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Without warning, he claimed her mouth with his, kissing her with such passion that her clothes and the sheet fell from her hands to pool around her feet.

Fiona's body was melting under his intense touch, igniting her with molten fire. He had managed to render her powerless once more by reminding her of the fire that had coursed throughout their early relationship. He was Michael McBride again, the man who had taken the woman she had been and moulded her into the woman she was now. He filled her with passion, showed her how it felt to love and be loved. He was her heart, her soul and everything else in between.

Tearing her lips from his, she gasped in a breath as she tried to control her racing heartbeat. Lifting her eyes to his face, she focused on his lips before she met his gaze. He was watching her with so much adoration in his eyes that she really didn't care that she was standing completely naked inside his kitchen.

Wordlessly, they gravitated together once more, seconds away from another kiss when the silence was interrupted by a cell phone ringing. They both stilled, torn between him answering or ignoring the annoying sound and seeking out each other once more.

Fiona's eyes opened, her gaze focusing on the uncertainty in his eyes and, in that one moment, she knew that he wouldn't be able to allow the call to go unanswered. With a frustrated sigh, she lowered one of her hands to his chest and pushed him backwards before she bent down to grab at her discarded dress again. She watched his eyes flare when she didn't bother to pick up the sheet again. She was far too angry and defeated to care about her modesty right now.

"Maybe it would be best if I go," she told him when he opened his mouth to apologize. "Answer your phone, Michael."

Michael's eyes seemed to darken in that moment; needing her with everything he possessed. Reaching out to grasp her wrist before she could turn away, he tried to find the right words to tell her how much he needed her, but in the end he could only think of one thing to say.

"Stay," he told her helplessly as the ringing phone grew silent. "Please?"

Fiona found herself nodding before she had time to stop herself. He confused her with his tenderness and she really didn't know what to believe anymore. Shivering slightly, she looked down at the dress in her hand and opened it out so that she could pull it on over her head, covering her body. She'd been standing in his kitchen naked and suddenly she felt herself flush beneath his intense gaze.

Within seconds, he had descended on her once more. He couldn't seem to stop touching her. Having her close and responding to him far outweighed the desolate loneliness when he was without her. She could shift between fury and tenderness in mere seconds; she was infuriating and confusing but she was perfect.

Capturing one of her hands, he gave it a gentle tug and pulled her towards him. He knew from experience that Fiona was a woman who didn't need words. This exquisite woman needed only one thing and he intended to give it to her in any way he could. Taking another step closer, he met her uncertain eyes and smiled down at her reassuringly before he dipped his head to capture her lips.

When their lips touched again in a kiss that rocked her soul, Fiona found it difficult to deny him anything. His arms encircled her waist, pulling her against him tightly as he deepened the kiss. Fiona was lost, drowning in her passion as her hands moved up his chest to the back of his neck to entangle themselves in his hair. Being close to him had always been like a drug, intoxicating and addictive. One touch and she had lost all of the tenacity that kept her so strong, but his actions tore away all of her fears.

The phone began to ring again, the intrusion causing both of them to groan with frustration. Michael tried to ignore the sound, instead keeping his focus on the woman in his arm. He pulled her tighter, hoping the distraction of having her so close would reduce the calls of duty, but in the end he knew whoever was calling wouldn't just give up. Reluctantly, he started to pull away from her, their lips slowly parting. Opening his eyes, he saw the trust in her eyes mixed with the deep resignation that the job would always have to come before anything else. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong, but in the end he knew that she wasn't.

"I have to…" he whispered in between pressing kisses against her lips, reluctant even now to be away from her.

"I know," she murmured softly, holding his bottom lip in between her own, tugging on it gently before releasing him completely to step away breathless.

Michael's heart was pounding in his chest, he knew he had to leave, but the adoring pull of her eyes held him there, a willing prisoner in her gaze.

"I'm going to head back to the hotel," she told him firmly. "I'll need a change of clothes."

"Stay here," he told her then, stepping closer for a second before moving back again knowing that her touch would render him motionless. "Live here… with me."

She considered his proposal for a few seconds before a cautious smile graced her face, "I know you think you want this, Mich—"

"I _do_ want this," he told her with as much conviction as he could muster. "We lived together, we shared a home…nothing has changed Fi."

"A lot has changed, Michael," she told him on a sigh. "Before you were a burned spy trying to get back in—"

"I'm still the same man," he insisted. "I still want the same things that you do."

Fiona lowered her eyes and shook her head slightly before she lifted her gaze to his again. He was trying to show her that he had changed and despite the defiance that dominated her mind, she knew she owed it to him to at least let him try.

"I'll stay until you get back," she nodded. "We'll talk about it then."

"Okay," his voice seemed to be wavering as he stepped away from her, his need to be near her almost outweighing the need to do his job. "I shouldn't be any longer than a couple of hours."

"Okay."

"I'll call you when I'm on my way," he promised as he plucked his phone from his pocket and hurried out of the kitchen without looking back.

Fiona stood still and listened for the front door to close before she released the breath she didn't realise she was holding. With a resigned sigh, she bent to pluck her discarded underwear from the floor and headed towards the bathroom, hoping that a hot shower would ease the heaviness in her heart.

000

An hour later, Fiona checked her phone to see if she'd missed any calls. Scrolling through the menu, she sighed in annoyance when there wasn't anything listed in her call log. Angling her wrist, she looked at her watch again and noted that only ten minutes had passed since the last time she'd looked.

Placing her phone onto the kitchen table, she moved towards the windows and looked outside. Michael had chosen this place with her in mind and that should have been enough to convince her that he really was trying to put her first this time. When Michael told her he would leave the CIA back in Panama, it had given her something to cling to. It made everything they'd all been through since Anson came into their lives feel like a distant memory; it just seemed to make everything she'd lost worth it.

Now, as she looked out into the clear blue sky, she had to ask herself if she was really happy with how things had turned out. She had felt so close to Michael last night. The two of them had seemed to regain a lot of their spark and she couldn't deny that she still loved him. She just didn't know if she could take being second best again.

Turning away from the window, she turned back around and surveyed the large living area. It was practically bare, the only signs of life being a single chair in the corner of the room. The only room that showed any signs that the apartment was lived in was the bedroom, and even then the room and bed lacked any kind of organization. The décor had always been _her_ job… well; it was when they lived together before.

She was suddenly struck by intense sadness. She hadn't felt this alone since she was in her tiny cell in prison. She'd hung on to what little hope she had by believing that the man she loved was missing her just as much as she was. It got her through those dark times. It was the only thing that kept her going.

Moving towards the lone chair, she sat down into it and lay back against the headrest. Those months in prison had been her darkest times. There was nothing but despair and loneliness…until Michael came to visit her in that tiny little glass walled room.

Tears welled in her eyes when she remembered that meeting. She had missed him so much and wanted nothing more than to find her way through that glass barrier, to crawl into his arms and never let him go…when had it all gone wrong?

Maybe the anger was the only thing that was allowing her to cope now. Maybe she couldn't function without feeling some kind of fury; it seemed to be the only way she could deal with her grief. It served her well after Claire was taken from her and it had fuelled her actions when she needed to release her pain. Maybe that's why she couldn't seem to let it go now. Staying angry at Michael seemed to be part of their relationship…she didn't know how to be anything else.

Lifting her eyes up to the ceiling, she traced the patterns that the sunlight made on the paint. She had loved the loft with its tatty paintwork and rusty old stairs. Every crack that made it look so derelict only made her appreciate it more. It had been more than their home; it had also been their haven.

Sitting forward in the chair, she allowed her eyes to wander around the vast empty space around her. She could see why Michael had chosen this particular apartment block. It reminded her of the loft in many ways, the only difference being that there were two separate bedrooms. Her eyes drifted over towards the kitchen area, her mind flashing with the memory of what almost happened in there. She'd never really been an exhibitionist and she was thankful that the apartment was high enough up that no one could have spotted her wandering around naked. Unless Meyers was on a boat on the Miami River, then she was pretty sure that her modesty was still intact.

Getting to her feet, she moved towards the doors again and slid open the patio door. The sound of the sea hit her senses and she suddenly found herself smiling despite her determination _not_ to fall in love with this place. Michael had surely set out to find them the perfect apartment that resembled the loft, and she was pretty sure he'd found one that looked out to the sea just to appease her.

Stepping out onto the balcony, she lifted her face into the sun and closed her eyes. She could get used to an apartment like this, especially one that resembled the one place that she'd always regarded as her home. But she wasn't sure if she was ready to forgive and forget what Michael had done; this would always feel like his place _not_ hers.

Keeping her eyes closed, she took a deep breath before she opened them again to take one last look around the apartment. She shouldn't be waiting here for him to come back; she'd done far too much of that already. Besides, she had to check in with Jesse's boss to see if he had any more bail jumpers for her.

As if on cue her phone sprang to life and she practically skipped towards it. Plucking it up from the table, she pressed the text screen and smiled brightly when she saw that her day was going to turn out to be more interesting than she'd thought. The prospect of taking down another fugitive brought a spark of excitement into her heart. The conversation with Michael could wait; after all, she had spent most of their relationship waiting for him.

Glancing down at her watch, she wondered if she should leave him a note, but in the end she thought better of it. He probably wouldn't be back for hours anyway and, when he did eventually return he would be so consumed with whatever mission he had next, she might as well not exist.

A sudden sound caused her to look around for her bag and she silently berated herself for not paying more attention. She spotted it on the floor not far from the kitchen, resting in the same spot where it was discarded last night.

"FI," Michael's voice called out and she felt herself relax a little when he appeared before her.

"Michael," she smiled distractedly as she moved towards her bag and picked it up from the floor to dump it onto the table. "I didn't expect you back so soon."

"I told you I'd be back," he told her, his eyes following her when she avoided his gaze to look around the apartment as if she was searching for something. "Fiona…what's going on?"

"Sorry," she sighed when she turned towards him to offer him an apologetic smile. "Something's come up."

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly when she still seemed to be so distracted.

Instead of answering him right away, she set alarm bells ringing within him when she opened her bag to take out her favourite gun. With expert eyes, she checked that it was fully loaded before she lovingly replaced it back into the bag.

"I'm fine," she told him with a bright smile as she slipped the bag strap over her shoulder. "I've gotta run."

"What?" he asked quickly his confusion merging into dismay. "But we were going to talk."

"I'm sorry, Michael, but I have a job to do," she told him with a shrug.

"You mean you have another bounty?"

His voice halted her movements and she slowly lifted her head to look at him, the smile dropping from her lips. The time bomb that was Fiona Glenanne suddenly sparked to life, the trigger being the look in Michael's eyes.

"Yeah," she told him with a little more venom than she'd intended. "I've got a _bounty_. What of it?"

"_What_ of it?" he asked aghast. "Fiona, it's dangerous. You could get—"

"Don't _YOU_ dare do this now," she snapped back, her voice slicing through his. "I lived every day you were away worrying about you, not knowing whether you were alive…I spent _three_ weeks in a tiny CIA cell wondering if I'd ever see you again and no one came to tell me anything."

"I told you—"

"_YOU_ told me _NOTHING_," she hissed. "I was left to fear the worst and I was terrified I'd lost you."

"But you didn't." Stepping closer he touched her arm, hoping to bring back some of the passion that they had relived last night. "I'm still here."

"Are you?" she asked him, her eyes already wet with unshed tears.

Michael held onto her hand, squeezing her fingers hoping to reel her back in with understanding words, but he recognized that look in her eyes. She was angry and determined, a combination that he knew all too well.

"Listen, I had a meeting with Raines. MI6 have no jurisdiction where you're concerned. What he's doing is violating your—"

"So, what's he going to do about it?" she asked tightly as she folded her arms across her chest. "Having him following me is distracting."

"He's making some calls—"

"That's it?" she snapped haughtily. "Well, I feel so much better now!"

Michael was fast becoming exasperated. She wasn't making any of this easy for him, but he tried to reason with her anyway.

"I'm trying to help you, Fiona! At least stay here until we can—"

"I have to work," she snapped.

"You don't have to work, Fiona, _I_ can take care of us," he hissed out, his mouth spurring on ahead of his brain.

"_You?_ Take of _us_?" she laughed humourlessly. "Oh, that's _rich_ coming from you!"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" he groused, becoming more frustrated by the second when she shot him a furious glare as she surged towards the door.

"I thought you wanted to talk and you're leaving?" He followed her towards the door, his mind in complete turmoil as he moved closer. She was making every effort to ignore him and that just infuriated him more. When she reached for the handle to pull the door open, he felt his heart hammering inside his chest. He couldn't let her leave like this, not after they had come so far.

"You're putting _your_ _job_ before _us_?" he blurted out before he could stop himself. He meant to point out the irony of the situation, but it wasn't until he felt the burning sting of the slap across his face that he finally realised what he had done.

"You're a bastard," she growled angrily, tears springing to her eyes. "_You_ have put your job before _us_ ever since I've known you and you have the NERVE to say that to me?"

"I'm sorr—" he started to say as he reached for her but she batted his hand away. "Fiona…"

"I've got to go," she managed to say before her anger spilled out onto her cheeks. Turning away from him, she swiped at her eyes angrily as she hurried towards the door again, ignoring his apologies, promising herself that he had hurt her for the very last time…

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, PM'd and for all of the favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate all of your comments.**

**Special thanks to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this as well as the early drafts and rewrites. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger for giving this a BETA too.**

**Lastly thank you to DaisyDay, Noelle and all the girls on twitter for your constant support**

11

There was always something about Michael that kept her by his side. Even though he'd constantly treated her badly, she still returned to him time and time again. When he'd told her that he was done with the CIA, she really believed him. Those words he'd spoken had given her the strength to carry on fighting beside him because she genuinely believed that he'd meant every word.

She was still a little angry as she sat in her car and adjusted her seat. Last night, she had given herself to him completely. She'd fallen for him all over again and allowed herself to believe him once more. She had gone against everything she'd promised herself after they'd been released from that CIA prison. She had set out to restore her life to some kind of semblance of what it was before, but one touch and he'd melted all of her resolves away.

Lowering her sunglasses over her eyes, she pushed all thoughts of Michael Westen to the back of her mind. He was infuriating and she hated that she loved him so much. He still had the power to occupy her thoughts, even when she didn't want him to. Shaking her head, she sat back in her seat and started the car. Already she'd broken her own personal rule and allowed him to creep back into her mind, but that would soon change as soon as she picked up the paperwork for her bounty. Maybe some good old fashioned aggression was all she needed to purge him from her thoughts.

Pulling out into the road, she didn't fail to notice that a black sedan pulled out a few cars behind. Tightening her hands on the steering wheel, she kept her eyes on the road, only looking up into the rear view mirror every few seconds to see if her tail was still there.

The car directly behind her turned off to leave just one car between them, but she fought with her instincts to put her foot down and speed away. If what Michael told her was true, then Meyers and his MI6 cronies didn't have any jurisdiction here. They couldn't arrest her for speeding and she would only reappear on their radar for acts of terrorism. Since she didn't have any plans to blow things up right now, she knew he couldn't touch her.

Something didn't feel right. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end and she couldn't seem to shake the nagging doubts that there was something more to this than Meyers wanting to settle an old score. The car behind her turned off into a side road, leaving no space at all between her and the sedan behind her.

Slowing down, Fiona smiled to herself when she looked into the rear view mirror to see if she could get a clear view of the driver, but something else caught her attention. A flash of silver brought a rush of adrenalin through her body when she recognised the barrel of a gun and immediately put her foot down, speeding off to get away from her pursuer.

A loud twang hit the side of her door, a sound that she knew all too well. Whoever was following her didn't want to arrest her; they wanted her dead. With one hand on the wheel, she reached across the seat to fumble around inside her bag for her phone and yanked it out the second her fingers closed around it.

Another twang resounded around her and she instinctively ducked when it was followed by another. Pressing in number one speed dial, she drove faster, hoping to put some distance between them but the car behind her wasn't giving up. The engaged tone greeted her from Michael's phone and she growled with frustration when she hung up and tried again only to be met with the same sound. Abandoning the call she instead pressed speed dial two and prayed that it connected.

A loud crack echoed behind her, shattering the glass window to send shards of glass flying in all different directions. Wind whistled through the open hole, whipping her hair in all directions and she practically screamed Sam's name when she heard his voice over the phone.

"SAM!"

"_Fi, what the hell's happenin', you sound—"_

"I'VE GOT MEYER'S BEHIND ME…HE'S—"

The bullet that hit her in the shoulder propelled through her body with burning heat, taking the words from her lips. She could hear Sam's pleading voice, screaming at her to tell him where she was, but she couldn't seem to move her mouth. Time seemed to slow down as her limbs became heavy causing everything to become hazy and she couldn't seem to keep hold of the steering wheel any longer.

There was a loud thud when her car ploughed into a road sign, propelling her forward into the airbag that only succeeded in knocking her backwards. She vaguely managed to cling onto the wheel as her car spun out of control; tossing her around like a rag doll inside before it finally came to a stop upside down.

The squeal of tires seeped into her pain fogged mind as she slowly registered that she was lying in a puddle of something. Shakily, she tried to feel around for her phone, but instead her fingertips dipped into the pool forming around her. As she lifted her fingers and tried to focus, the sight of the red liquid dripping down her hand caused her heart to hammer loudly in her ears. Her last thoughts before she slipped into darkness were of Michael and their new life…

000

"FIONA!" Sam's voice yelled out as he crouched on all fours beside the battered car. "Come on, sweetheart, open your eyes for me…"

Fiona's eyes fluttered with recognition and she rewarded Sam's pleas by slowly opening her eyes, only for them to slide closed again. Sam shook his head desperately and tried not to yell at the paramedics, who were trying their best to stem the flow of blood that seemed to keep coming.

"Fiona, c'mon, don't do this," he urged brokenly when her hand grew heavy in his. "Stay awake. You have to stay awake!"

Her eyes opened again and Sam seized her hand in a desperate grip. "Mike's gonna be here soon, Fi. He's on his way _right_ now."

"Mic-hael…" Her words were slurring a little as she opened her eyes again to try and focus on Sam's face.

"Yeah, darlin'," he choked on his own tears as he brought his other hand up to clasp around hers. "He'll be here soon."

"No…" she mumbled as if the effort of that one word took all of her strength. "Won't…"

"Yes, he'll be here any minute," he told her again, squeezing her hand to reassure her. "Now, don't ya be even thinking of leaving us. You hear me, Fiona? It'll destroy Mike if he loses you."

She mumbled something he couldn't quite hear, so he leaned in closer to try and hear what she was saying.

"H-hurts…"

"I know," he choked. "Stay with me, darlin'."

"Sa-m?"

"I'm here, Fi," he told her softly as he tried to combat his own tears.

Her voice was almost inaudible when she opened her mouth again, urging him to come closer. When he leaned in further, he heard her soft shaking voice.

"Take…care…of…him."

"NO," he gasped out, grasping her hand as tightly as he could. "FIONA…FI…!"

But there was no answer…

000

Michael arrived at the scene in a complete state of panic. Sam had to hold him back while Fiona's listless body was surrounded by paramedics who were working on stabilizing her for travel to the hospital.

He couldn't hear a word that Sam was saying to him or the traffic and sirens that wailed around them. All he could focus on was the woman he loved lying on the ground while he stood around waiting. Yanking his arm from Sam, he surged forward yelling Fiona's name, but Sam caught hold of him once more stopping his movements.

"LET ME GO!" he yelled as he tried to see his girlfriend amidst the wall of people around her. "FIONA!"

"She's gonna be okay, Mike," Sam assured him, even though his voice was breaking as he spoke. "MIKE, come on, buddy, let the paramedics do their job!"

His words seemed to impact into the struggling man in his grasp. Michael stilled, his body suddenly crumbling and Sam had to use all of his physical strength to keep him upright. He was scared too; he'd seen the state Fiona was in before the paramedics pushed him out of the way. The fact that her heart had stopped and she needed CPR wasn't something that he thought Michael needed to know right now…maybe when Fiona was well again, then he'd tell both of them of the images he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"What happened, Sam?" Michael almost wailed. "Who did this to her?"

Before Sam could formulate any kind of reply, sudden movement caused Sam to release his hold on his friend and allow him to move forward. He kept up, anxious to see any signs that Fiona was okay, but she was bundled into the ambulance before he could get a good look.

"I'm going with her," Michael told him urgently, his emotional state obvious. He was far from the stoic spy that never cracked under any kind of intense pressure, not now…

"GO!" Sam told him quickly, urging him onwards as he stepped closer to the ambulance. "I'll call Jess and your mom and meet you at the hospital."

Michael looked back at him and nodded briefly before he climbed into the back of the ambulance to take his place at Fiona's side. The vehicle's doors were slammed closed, obstructing Sam's view, and he found himself stepping backwards when the sirens began to wail loudly before it sped away. He watched in a daze for all of two seconds before the dust cleared and he was left only with the remaining police officers that had surrounded the wreckage of Fiona's car. The scene jolted him back into the present and he turned sharply, rushing towards his car while reaching for his phone at the same time.

Elsa answered on the first ring, her voice bringing a flood of emotion to burn his eyes. Swallowing hard, he tried to keep his voice calm, but the soft waver filtered through his words.

"Elsa…baby, I…" Looking down at his shirt, he gasped in a breath when he saw that it was stained with Fiona's blood. He'd seen so much stuff, had so many people's blood on his clothes, but this was Fiona's…it was different…personal…He had to forcefully quash the bile that rose up into his throat when he closed his eyes and tried to regain his composure.

"_Sam…honey? What's the matter…Are you—"_

"Oh god, baby," he groaned. "Can you meet me at the hospital with a new shirt? I got blood on this one."

"_WHAT? SA—"_

"No, no," he gasped out. "I'm okay…it's Fiona's. There was an accident and she…"

"_I'll be right there,"_ she told him as relief bled into her words. _"And Fiona? Is she…"_

"I don't know," he told her honestly as his eyes fell onto one of the officers, recognition forming instantly. "Listen Elsa, I gotta go. There's something I need to do."

"_Sam?"_

"Yeah?" he asked softly as he started the slow walk back towards the wreckage of the car.

"_I love you…"_

Those words for so many years had filled him with dread, but since Anson, Fiona's prison stay and everything since Panama, they didn't seem to scare him anymore.

"Me too, baby," he told her honestly before he hung up the phone and made his way towards his buddy, who was walking around the wreckage of Fiona's car.

"DEAN!"

The officer looked up when he heard his name and grinned when Sam made his way towards him.

"Sam," he greeted as he reached out to shake his hand. "What brings you out here?"

Sam winced visibly and tried not to look at the car, but before he could even open his mouth to ask if his friend knew any information, the other man held his hand up to silence him. Reaching out to Sam's arm, he ushered him away from the scene and looked back at the upturned car briefly before he turned back to Sam.

"What do you know about this?" he asked in a hushed voice. "Cuz I got a call that our guys were here to keep the scene secured until the Feds arrived."

"The Feds?" Sam asked as he shook his head. "Why?"

"No idea; but there's something not right about all this. I got it on the QT that some heavy handed CIA guys want the vehicle and reports ASAP."

"The CIA?" Sam asked in confusion. "What's this got to do with them?"

"Beats me," Dean shrugged. "All I got was to keep the area clear until they arrived."

Sam's mind was racing; why would the CIA interested in this unless… Turning back to the man who stood beside him, he shoved his phone into his pocket and nodded towards the car.

"But you must have some idea what happened here," Sam pushed. "When I got here, I found the car on its head and Fi…" Images of Fiona, bloodied and broken, brought a lump to his throat, but he fought it back. "She was in a bad way."

"All I can tell you is we got a report of two cars. A dark sedan, with blacked out windows, was firing on the driver of the Hyundai. Witnesses said the sedan shot out the rear window and ran the other car off of the road before it sped off."

"That's it?" Sam asked in disbelief. "That's all ya got?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Dean nodded solemnly. "Why are you so interested in this, anyway?"

Sam sighed heavily and tried to reign in his growing temper. If the CIA had anything to do with this, then it meant that the bad apples Michael had spent his whole time rooting out went deeper than Card and Riley. He was getting too old for this.

"The car belongs to a good friend of mine," he started. "Her bag is still in the car. Do ya think ya can get it for me?"

"You know I can't—"

"Come on, Dean," Sam urged. "Look at me; I've got her blood all over me. At least let me make sure she gets her stuff… "

Dean shuffled on his feet, but it was enough for Sam to know that he was swaying a little. Trying again, he said something that he knew his friend couldn't resist; he played into his love of his family.

"Look, you know as well as I do once the feds get here, I might as well kiss her stuff goodbye and I've gotta call her mom, ya know? All the numbers for her family are in her bag and her mom lives out of the country." When the officer beside him still looked unsure, Sam tried anothertact. "I know she'd want to know that her daughter is at the hospital…think how you would feel if it was your Kimmy."

Dean Pritchard turned his eyes onto the man beside him and sighed heavily before he began to walk towards the upturned car. Sam followed, hoping that he didn't change his mind half way there. When they reached the car, he nodded towards Sam and indicated for him to retrieve the bag that was lying in a pool of Fiona's blood. Reaching in to grab it he tried not to let the sight of the red pool render him into a jabbering wreck. Fiona needed him to be strong now. Looking around the rest of the wreckage, he tried to find her phone, but it must have been crushed somewhere in the mangled metal.

Standing back up, he tucked the bag beneath his arm and shook Dean's hand once more before he hurried off towards his car. Climbing into the driver's seat, he started the engine and stuck his cell phone on loud speaker while he waited for Madeline's voice to echo around him.

"Maddie," he hissed out, his voice breaking through his warring emotions. "There's been an accident."

"_What? Who? Oh god…Sam, what happened?"_

"It's Fi," he told her solemnly. "Meet us at the hospital, okay? I'll fill you in when you get there."

Turning off the phone, he tossed it onto the passenger seat and eyed the bloodied bag before he reached across to pull it onto his lap. He knew if Fiona was here she would kick his ass just for touching the heavy handbag. It was still partially zipped closed, so hopefully whatever was inside would still be there. Opening it up, he raked around inside feeling like an intruder, when his fingers snagged on a long box. Curiously, he plucked it out and then stared down at it in complete shock…He had to get to the hospital!

Reaching across for his phone again, he pressed in Michael's number as he started to drive, only to hiss in frustration when it went straight to voice mail. Tossing the bag and the phone onto the passenger seat again, he tried not to think of what the unopened box could mean for Michael and Fiona. He couldn't picture the two of them with a baby, but he had to get to the hospital as fast as he could. They needed to know that their patient could be pregnant.

000

Around him the doctor's voices became a blur when he felt her fingers grasp on to his. Looking down, Michael searched Fiona's face, wanting nothing more than to see her open her eyes. Squeezing her hand, he held on tightly and walked quickly alongside her as the gurney began to move.

"It's okay now, Fiona," he told her when her eyes slowly opened to fix on him, confusion marring her gaze. He could see her lips moving beneath the clear oxygen mask over her mouth and leaned in a little closer to try and hear what she was trying to say.

"Mic-hael…"

"I'm here," he told her quickly as his eyes welled with relief. Quickening his pace, he held on tightly to her hand and tried to get closer so she could see him more clearly. "I'm right here."

He could see that she was struggling to remain awake as her eyes tried to stay fixed on his face. Michael smiled down at her, eager to give her some reassurance that she was safe; all the while hoping that she couldn't see the tears in his eyes. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, he squeezed her fingers before repeating, "I'm here," over and over again.

He stayed by her side all the way into the hospital, holding onto her hand until he was forcibly moved aside as she was wheeled into the Trauma Unit.

He began to move forward again before the doors swung closed, but was prevented from going any further by a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't go in there."

Turning sharply, he glared at the young nurse who held onto his arm. "I need to be with her-"

"She's in good hands; try not to worry," the nurse told him quickly as she tried to get his attention on her instead of the closed Trauma Unit door. "Are you family?"

Michael sighed heavily as he turned to her. How could he explain to some stranger how Fiona was more than family to him? She was his lover, his best friend, his everything. How do you wrap so much love and condense it into a simple yes or no?

"Yes," he told her quietly, "I mean..."

The nurse looked at him in confusion before offering him a sympathetic smile. "Okay, then can you tell me what your relationship is to the patient?"

"Oh…" Shaking his head, he closed his eyes briefly in an attempt to banish the fogginess from his mind. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze swept across to the blind covered window that blocked his view into the Trauma Unit.

"Sir?"

"I love her." His voice sounded foreign to his own ears as he spoke and he suddenly tore his eyes away from the windows to look at the nurse who was regarding him understandingly. "I mean…we're…she's my girlfriend…"

"Okay," she nodded with a small smile. "Well, I'll need you to fill out some forms—"

Michael slowly looked down at the clipboard in her hands and was momentarily tempted to snatch it from her and throw it across the floor. All he wanted to do was be in that room with Fiona. She needed him to be there. A sudden thought struck him and he spun his head back towards the nurse beside him.

"She's allergic to penicillin," he told her quickly, cutting her off mid sentence as he pulled away from her to move closer to the trauma room. "Do they know?"

"Yes sir, they will now."

"She's not been eating properly either," he scrunched his eyes closed and lifted his fingers to his temples, trying to erase some of the tension. "She managed to say my name..."

"She's receiving the best care; try not to worry." Reaching out, the nurse patted his arm. "Why don't you go and take a seat and fill these out. Someone will come and see you when your girlfriend has been assessed."

"I need to be in there with her," he hissed desperately before shaking his head by way of an apology. "I'm sorry…it's just—"

"MIKE…" Sam came bursting through the doors, ignoring everything else around them as he quickly made his way to Michael's side.

"Sam…I…" Michael's voice was starting to crack and he hurriedly turned away from his friend before he could see for himself just how emotional he really was.

"How is she?" Sam asked him as he laid a hand on his arm. "Is—"

"God…Sam…what happened…?" Michael's voice caught in his throat as he turned around to face his friend, not seeming to notice when a lone tear escaped and made a wet track over his cheek. "She…"

"I know," Sam told him gently as he slowly manoeuvred him over towards the plastic chairs that lined the wall. When they both sat down, Sam took the forms from the nurse who looked on sympathetically before he turned his attention back to the broken man beside him. "She loves you. She'll hold on for you."

Michael pulled away from his touch and looked over towards the blind covered window again. "I should be in there."

Sam looked down at the clip board in his hand and placed it onto the chair next to him. He knew he had to tell Michael what he'd found in Fiona's bag, but how was he supposed to tell his friend that his girlfriend could possibly be pregnant?

"Let them do their job," he told him finally. "Fi will be okay."

Swallowing at the growing lump in his throat, Michael shook his head miserably before he turned back towards the man beside him.

"How did this happen, Sam?" he asked desperately trying to understand. "She left the apartment this morning to go to one of her damn bounties—"

"She called me sayin' that she was being shot at," Sam told him in a rush, cutting his voice off mid sentence. "All I got outta her before all hell broke loose was that Meyers was behind her and shootin'."

"MEYERS?" Michael hissed out, springing out of his seat. "MI6 Meyers?"

"I talked to a buddy of mine at the scene after you'd left. He said the feds had been all over them to not disturb anything." Looking down at his hands, he sighed heavily when he realised that what he was about to tell his friend could very well open up a gigantic can of worms. "He said the CIA had ordered all evidence of the accident, including Fiona's car, to be handed over to them."

Michael's sorrow filled eyes flashed with sudden darkness when he processed what Sam had just told him. Lifting his head, he glanced over towards the Trauma Room door before he abruptly stood to his feet.

"You're telling me that the CIA had something to do with this?" he hissed out, his voice louder than it should have been. "Is that what you're telling me, Sam?"

Sam got up to stand beside him and stood in front of his friend to keep him from doing something stupid. Michael was angry and he was upset, those two combinations had almost caused the man before him to combust when he had been separated from Fiona the first time.

"Mike, before you go all out nuts, there's something you should know," Sam faltered over his words, unsure whether this was the right time to tell Michael what he'd found, but he couldn't think of anything better than this to deflate his anger.

"WHAT?" Michael growled, already reaching for his cell phone. "I'm going to call Raines. I'll _make_ him tell me what the hell is going on."

"Uh, Mike, you might want to hold off on that for a second," Sam suggested cautiously, as he reached into his back pocket to pull out the crumpled box he'd taken from Fiona's bag.

"Really, Sam? Someone tried to kill my girlfriend and you want me to wait?" Shaking his head, he pulled his phone from his pocket, but froze when Sam shoved the box towards him.

"Yeah," he nodded solemnly. "I think you should wait."

"What's this?" Michael snapped impatiently. "I don't—"

"I found it in Fiona's bag."

Michael's anger seemed to die away instantly when his eyes fixed onto the box in his friend's hand and he suddenly deflated. Reaching out for it, he held onto it like it was some precious object before he felt a sob escape his throat. _Fiona was pregnant?_

Without speaking, Sam gently manoeuvred his friend back over towards the chairs where they had been sitting in only moments ago and eased him into one.

"It hasn't been opened," Sam tried to reassure him, but he knew the implications didn't really matter now. "But…what do I know?"

"She didn't say anything," Michael spoke softly, unable to keep his voice from breaking. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"Maybe she didn't know," Sam offered. "You know Fi…"

"They need to know about this," Michael told him suddenly as he looked up to try and find the nurse who had been with them only moments ago. "I need to find someone."

"Sit. I'll do it," Sam offered when he realised that the man beside him couldn't have got up even if he'd wanted to. With one last look behind him, he sighed heavily and went in search of a nurse, hoping against hope that Madeline got here soon…

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, PM'd and for all of the favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate every single comment. RL is taking up a lot of my time at the moment and I wish I could send out more personal replies.**

**Huge thanks as always to my friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me, and to JediSkysinger for finding time to BETA. **

**Lastly special thanks to DaisyDay, Noelle and all the girls on twitter for your love and support**

12

For a moment both Michael and Sam sat in total silence, neither really wanting to speak. Sitting up a little higher in his chair, Sam unhooked the pen from the clipboard and started to fill in Fiona's name on the form.

"She was so…" Leaning forward, Michael rested his elbows onto his knees and held his hands over his eyes. "She wasn't moving…l…I've never seen her so…still…"

"She's a fighter," Sam told him gently.

Michael sat back up and let out the breath he was holding as his eyes drifted back towards the unit window. "What's taking them so long?"

"Mike, it's only been twenty minutes."

"Well, it damn well feels like a life time to me," Michael snapped as he stood quickly to his feet and tried to look through the blind-covered window to see if he could see her.

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to focus on the forms in his hand. "So, I can probably fill in her name, but she doesn't really have an address…"

"What?" Turning back around, Michael regarded him with annoyance until he saw how much his friend was beginning to struggle with his own emotions. Moving back towards the chairs, he sat back down and shakily took the forms from Sam's hands.

"Mike…" Sam began, his voice cracking as he spoke. "Are you going to contact her family?"

"No, not yet."

"But—"

"She wouldn't want me to worry them until we know what's going on."

Sam turned disbelieving eyes on the man beside him and tried to comprehend what he'd just said. Part of him wanted to ask him why, but when Michael's eyes never left the forms that he was now scrawling on, he decided it was a question for another time.

"She doesn't talk about them much now." Michael stopped writing and leaned his head back against the wall. Closing his eyes, he tried to take deep breaths to steady his racing heartbeat, but all it seemed to do was remind him of why he was sitting here in the first place.

Before Sam could respond, the doors to the trauma room suddenly opened and he found the forgotten clipboard shoved into his lap when Michael sprang to his feet.

"How is she?" Michael's voice was shaking when he moved towards one of the doctors who was coming to find him.

"Mr Westen is it?"

"Yeah…" he breathed, desperately trying to look over the doctor's shoulder to see inside the room. "How's Fiona?"

The doctor looked upon him with a measure of sympathy as he steered him away from the trauma room door so that he couldn't see the flurry of movement around the prone figure on the gurney.

"The bullet fractured the humerus and she has three cracked ribs. There's a shard of metal embedded in her thigh. I _can_ tell you she was very lucky that it didn't sever her femoral artery, any deeper would have been fatal."

Michael's face paled when he realized that this could have been so much worse. Swallowing back the bile that rose in his throat, he met the doctor's concerned eyes.

"Is she…"

"She's being prepped for surgery," the doctor told him reassuringly. "Until we open her up, we don't know the extent of the damage. But by the amount of blood loss, we suspect the metal nicked the pedal artery."

"Can I see her?"

The young doctor's eyes focused on the commotion behind Michael's shoulder when the waiting room suddenly began to fill with a few more people before turning his attention back to the man in front of him.

"She's going to surgery in the next few minutes, but…" he lowered his voice. "Are you her husband?"

The question threw Michael for a moment until he was suddenly filled with a deep, emerging dread. "The baby… is it about the baby?"

"Sir?" the doctor asked in confusion. "Is she pregnant?"

"Yes…no…I don't know…she had a pregnancy test in her bag and I…"

The second Michael saw the sorrow emanating from the younger man, he knew. Gulping visibly, he lifted his hands to his eyes and palmed away the wetness pooling there. "If she's pregnant, what are the baby's chances?"

"I'm afraid I can't give you any guarantees. The chances of her miscarrying are extremely high at the moment—"

Michael's breath caught in his throat when he was filled with overwhelming hopelessness. It was his duty to protect the woman he loved _and_ their child, but he was feeling like he'd failed miserably on both counts. Blinking back tears, he tried to squeeze the words out through the burning in his chest.

"When can I see her?"

"When she's out of surgery, someone will come and find you," the doctor told him as compassionately as he could. "I'm sorry I can't give you anything more."

"I…I need to be with her…she…" Michael's words trailed away when he couldn't trust his own voice not to break. His eyes pooled as he desperately tried to keep in control, but when Madeline came to stand beside him to lay a gentle hand on his arm, he broke.

"I'll see what I can do," the doctor promised in a hushed voice. "Wait here."

"Michael," Madeline whispered softly when she saw the complete devastation in her son's tear filled eyes. Her hand fell away from his arm and dread filled her. "Is she—"

Shaking his head, he gasped in a breath and tried to keep himself in check. Placing his hand over Madeline's on his arm, he squeezed her fingers and closed his eyes, the pressure causing tears to spill over onto his cheeks.

"She's going to surgery," he whispered brokenly. "But…"

Before Michael could go any further, the nurse he'd first conversed with spoke from the doorway of the trauma unit. "Mr Westen, we're taking her up to the operating theatre in the next five minutes. You can come and see her before she goes up. I'll come and get you, okay."

Nodding hurriedly, Michael started to walk towards her before stopping to turn and face his mother and the rest of his friends. Taking a deep breath, he sniffed back the emotion in his eyes and hurriedly wiped away the fresh tears before they could tumble over his cheeks.

"Fiona's going up to surgery," he told them quietly as he focused on Sam. "Thank you…if you hadn't found her…"

Sam stood and shook his head, uncaring that everyone could see that his own eyes were helplessly overflowing. "She found me, brother…It was all her…"

Michael shook his head and drew in a breath as he tried to keep in control of his trembling body. He wanted to flee, to take Fiona and move as far away from Miami as he possibly could.

"Mike?" Jesse asked worriedly when he moved to stand beside Madeline to slip an arm around her shaking form. "What did the doctor say?"

"She has a fractured humerus, broken ribs and a hunk of metal in her leg," Michael told him in what he hoped was a calm voice. "But…the baby…"

His words earned collectives gasps from the people gathered around him. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and closed his eyes briefly, uncaring that a tear leaked from beneath his closed lids. When he opened them again, he could see every one of his friends silently praying for a child that none of them, including himself, had known existed.

"Thank you," he told them quietly when the nurse caught his attention with a wave at the door. "I have to go."

"You give that girl our love," Madeline told him quickly. "Tell her we need her, okay? Make sure you tell her."

Michael nodded silently and turned away to follow the nurse who was waiting to take him to Fiona.

000

He wasn't prepared for seeing her like this…so pale and so…lifeless. Moving closer towards her still form, he could already feel the welling tears burning in his eyes. With trembling fingers, he reached down to gently stroke her hair before he bent forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. In that one touch, he felt his whole world come crashing down around him when the tears he'd been holding back slipped over his cheeks.

"We'll go away," he promised in a broken whisper, his voice a mixture of fear and pain. "When you're well enough…"

Lifting himself up, he stared down at her sleeping face and willed her to open her eyes and look up at him, but she didn't move. He wasn't prepared for the overwhelming burst of sorrow that coursed through his body. He didn't think he could ever feel as desolate as he had when he'd lost her to prison. But this was different…this was so much worse because he had her here beside him and he'd come so close to losing her again.

Movement behind him should have pulled him away from her side, but he couldn't seem to move. Reaching for her hand, he stroked her skin with trembling fingers and lifted his eyes to watch her face. Still there was no sign of movement, not an ounce of recognition and he suddenly felt his heart sink.

"Mr Westen, we need to take her now," a soft voice urged when he stayed glued to Fiona's side.

Swallowing hard, he nodded silently as he bent to rest his forehead against hers, the moisture from his eyes wetting her skin. Dipping his lips to her ear, he kissed her lobe as he whispered words of love and how much he needed her. He lingered beside her for a few more seconds before he stood back and watched on helplessly as the woman he loved was wheeled away from him, knowing there wasn't a thing he could do to help her.

Swiping at his eyes, he took a few moments to regain his composure before he felt strong enough to make his way out of the trauma room. He was just thankful that he had been able to spend some time with Fiona alone and at a time when the hospital didn't seem to be bursting at the seams.

All he could do now was wait, something that he wasn't accustomed to doing…even though Fiona knew the feeling all too well. He'd left her alone to wait far too many times before and it was only now after he had a taste of that helplessness he realised why she had acted the way she had.

Stepping out of the room, he avoided the eyes of his family and made his way towards the exit. He needed to call Raines and demand a meeting. If the CIA had anything to do with what happened to Fiona, he was going to tear the organization apart to find out who had ordered it. When he stepped outside into the warm sunshine, he squinted away the brightness invading his eyes and wished that he'd thought to bring his sunglasses with him. He needed them now, as much to hide from the sun as well as to hide his distraught eyes from everyone around him.

He felt raw and exposed, as if everyone in the entire hospital could see right through to his pain. Here he was, a man who knew how to reign in those emotions that most people found that they couldn't hide. Now he found that it wasn't an easy task, not anymore. The woman he loved was going through god knows what and all because of him…

Sudden anger burst through the pain and he reached inside his jacket to pull out his cell phone. He wanted answers, even though right now he knew he wasn't thinking straight. Switching on the phone, he heard the hospital doors slide open and knew instantly who it was who had come to stand beside him.

"I'm fine, Sam," he said, hoping his voice didn't sound as bleak as he felt.

He heard the slow movement before he felt Sam's hand on his shoulder. Neither man really knew quite what to do, which was an odd situation for both of them. They were so used to solving situations and finding ways out of scrapes…but this was totally different. _This was Fiona_…

"I'm glad one of us is," Sam told him on a sigh. "Cuz I tell ya, Mikey, I ain't fine."

Tears stung Michael's eyes and he struggled to keep himself from crumbling. He didn't know how to handle this feeling of total helplessness; it felt so different from when he'd lost her to prison. The phone in his hand suddenly sprang to life and he quickly swiped at his eyes before he looked down at the lit up screen.

"_RAINES_," he barked down the phone. "Wha—"

"_I just heard. How is she?"_

"You HEARD?" he hissed heatedly. "How the HELL did you hear about it? And why do the CIA want Fiona's car?"

"_Look, you're upset. I'll—"_

"You're damn right I'm upset," Michael blurted out, unable to hide the shaking in his voice. "The woman I love is on an operating table and it looks like _YOU_ had something to do with it."

"Me? Mich—"

"If I find out you were behind this, Raines, I swear I'll—"

"_I didn't do this to your girlfriend, Michael,"_ Raines's voice seemed to echo down the phone. _"I asked for Fiona's car to be brought in for our own guys to do the investigation. After you told me about MI6, I made some calls and it seems Arthur Meyers was suspended a week ago."_

"What?" Shaking his head in confusion, Michael tried to clear the fog in his brain. "What do you mean he was suspended?"

"_Like I said, Michael, Meyers is working rogue. He's on his own governments wanted list and, after this deliberate incident with Miss Glenanne, he's wanted by the CIA as well."_

"Wait, you're investigating to protect Fiona?" Michael asked in disbelief. "Since when did you ever care about my girlfriend?"

"_Since she became an official CIA asset,"_ Raines told him. _"Now, take some time off. Stay with your family and I'll check in with you as soon as we know anything."_

"I need some people down here right now," Michael demanded. "If he's got a vendetta against Fiona—"

"_Already on it,"_ Raines promised. _"There's four agents on their way to you now…I'll be in touch."_

Michael stared down at the now silent phone with a mixture of shock and disbelief. He felt his friend hover beside him and he turned to look upon him with incredulity.

"Meyers has gone rogue," he told Sam as he shoved his phone back into his pocket and turned to walk back inside the hospital. His senses were on high alert and he found himself looking around the grounds with suspicious eyes.

"Ya thinkin' he'll come here to try and finish the job?" Sam asked him worriedly as he followed him back inside.

"I don't know, Sam," he hissed out agitatedly. "I just don't know…"

"He won't get anywhere near her brother," Sam promised.

"Yeah, I know," Michael's voice was low and deadly as he strode into the hospital. "I'll _kill _him before that happens."

Sam recognized the tone in Michael's voice, he hadn't heard it since Fiona had handed herself in. He had hoped now that his friend was back in the CIA like he'd wanted all along that things were going to settle back down, but it looked as if that wasn't going to happen. Taking one last look around him, he moved towards the sliding doors and followed him back inside.

000

It was almost three hours later and there was still no news from anyone concerning Fiona's condition. Michael was starting to grow agitated and got up from his chair. He needed to be doing something, anything, that took his mind off of what was going on here.

Looking towards the entrance, he caught sight of one of the CIA agents that had been sent to assist him and tried not to think of what Fiona would say to him if she knew they were here. As far as she was concerned, the CIA had always been his one true love and no matter how much he'd tried to deny it, he knew nothing he could say now would ever erase the betrayal she'd had in her eyes.

He couldn't seem to escape from the pain he'd seen and felt. She had radiated it out from her tiny form, but he'd felt the shockwaves nonetheless. His passionate fiery Fiona, the only woman in this entire world that knew him in every possible way, and he'd betrayed her. It was only now that he was on the brink of losing her, possibly forever, that he realised what that loss would mean to him and he couldn't lose her. Taking a deep breath, he looked down at his watch again and sighed miserably before he made his way back towards the nurse's station to see if there was any news.

Jesse's eyes followed the man who had begun his pacing the second he'd got to his feet before he glanced across at the woman who was fidgeting beside him.

"What?" Madeline asked him guiltily as she sat back in her chair again.

"Will you stop?" he groused. "You're making me nervous!"

"Me?" she snapped before she yanked her bag back onto her lap and delved around for her cigarettes.

Jesse shook his head and sighed when she pulled the pouch out of her bag triumphantly. He watched her incredulously as she stood up and heaved the heavy strap over her shoulder.

"Again?" he asked. "That's the fifth time in an hour."

"I need to calm my nerves," she whined. "Hospitals make me edgy."

"Look, you know the drill. Meyers could be anywhere and every time you step outside, you have to have someone with you."

Turning to face him, Madeline huffed and stepped away from him defiantly. "He doesn't want me, Jesse. Hurting me wouldn't make any sense."

"Yeah it would, especially when Fiona wakes up and hears you got yourself shot out by the same guy who tried to kill her." Reaching out to grasp hold of her arm, he held on to her for a moment despite her objections.

"Jesse—"

"Look, at least wait until Sam and Elsa get back," he asked pleadingly. "Then I'll go with you."

"I don't need a babysitter!"

"Maddie…don't make Mike sit here alone," he tried. "He needs one of us here."

Madeline's eyes lifted to her son, who looked so lost as he turned away from the nurse's station. Her heart broke for him. He hadn't looked this broken since they had lost Nate, even though a lot of that was her fault. Returning to her seat, she sat back down and placed her bag back onto the floor.

Michael was on his way back towards them when a doctor appeared before him to stop him in his tracks. Both Jesse and Madeline watched on worriedly when he nodded to the words that only he could hear. Then, without warning, he turned to cast both of them a watery smile before he followed the doctor without another backwards glance.

"She's out of surgery," Jesse nodded with a relieved smile. "That's gotta be good news, right?"

"I really hope so, honey," Madeline told him hopefully as she reached out to pat his hand. "I really do."

000

Her eyes were closed when he quietly moved into her room and made his way towards her bed, trying to ignore the steady beep of the heart monitor.

His eyes felt raw and his emotions were already causing chaos throughout his body, but he hurriedly tried to push them away when he slowly sat down onto the chair beside her bed. For a moment, all he could do was watch the steady rise and fall of her chest before reaching out to gently take her hand in his.

"I'm here, Fi," he whispered softly. "I'm…"

Tears sprang to his eyes again and he hurriedly palmed them away. He'd never been one to show his emotions so freely and shedding tears was something that didn't often happen, but he couldn't seem to regain his usual control.

Leaning closer to her, he moved his other hand to rest over her stomach, laying his palm flat against the covers. He hadn't prayed for a very long time, not since he was a kid anyway, but over the last few hours he found himself praying more times than he'd ever done before.

Leaning forward, he laid his head down onto her hand beside her blanket clad leg and closed his eyes. He was with her now and that's all that mattered.

It seemed like hours until he felt her hand move under his. Lifting his head, he instantly rose up to look down into her face.

"Mi-chael…"

"I'm here," he told her tearfully as her eyes slowly blinked open to focus on him. "I'm right here."

"W-where…?"

"You're in the hospital," he told her with a relieved smile. "You're going to be okay."

Fiona blinked up at him in confusion and licked her dry lips. "What…happ-ened?"

"Don't you remember?" he asked softly, worry surging through his heart. "You were in a car accident."

Michael watched as she turned her eyes to his, the confusion slowly melting away. "I…remember…"

"It's going to be okay now," he told her softly. "Everything is going to be okay."

Fiona swallowed hard as she slowly moved her head so she could see him more clearly. "Th…then…why are you…crying…?"

"I'm not crying," he told her with a watery smile. "I'm just happy to see you."

Fiona smiled sleepily and closed her eyes again. "You're…here…"

"Yes," he told her gently as he sat down onto the edge of her bed and lifted her uninjured hand to his lips. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"M…maybe later…" she sighed, opening her eyes as his lips kissed her knuckles. "Mmm… tired…"

"Then close your eyes," he told her as he dropped his voice to a whisper. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Kay," she mumbled, but her eyes were already closing.

After a few moments, he finally allowed himself to relax. She seemed to be sleeping now and he found himself watching the rise and fall of her chest, the movements strangely reassuring.

"I love you so much, Fiona," he told her quietly when her breathing evened out again. "I don't want to ever be without you again."

"Love…you…too…"

Her voice caught him by surprise and he lifted his eyes to search her face for any sign that she was awake. Her eyelids fluttered open briefly only to close again as she struggled to stay awake.

"I thought you were sleeping," he told her in the voice he reserved only for her.

"Mm…am," she whispered before she fell into slumber again.

He watched her as she slept, unable to move or tear his eyes away from her. Even with the gash on her face and the bruising that was forming over her eye, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever known.

He held her hand in his and continued his gentle strokes over her fingers. Some time ago, one of the nurses had brought him Fiona's bracelets and watch in a small see-through bag and offered him a sympathetic smile before she disappeared again.

Fiona's hand moved beneath his and he instantly stilled his fingers. His gaze drifted up to her face, but when she didn't open her eyes, he settled back down and resumed stroking her skin. Whatever happened now, with the CIA, Meyers, everything…he knew that nothing was more important to him than the woman who was lying in the bed. He wouldn't risk losing her again…

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews, PM's and favourite story and author adds. I don't have a lot of time to send personal replies with RL getting in the way, but please know that I really do appreciate all of your comments.**

**Thank you to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me and for making me smile every day. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger for finding the time to BETA.**

**Lastly thanks to DaisyDay, Noelle and all the girls on twitter for your love and support.**

13

The waiting room had emptied, leaving only a handful of people to occupy the plastic chairs. They seemed like an unlikely bunch, all of them gathered together as they waited for news. A short time ago, Barry had arrived, his anger at the treatment he'd received at the hands of Riley pushed to the back of his mind. Unlike the others, he couldn't sit patiently for very long and he'd already made several trips to the drinks machines to deliver refills to all of the people he regarded as friends.

Sam nursed a Styrofoam cup in his hands. He'd let the brown liquid turn cold again as he kept his silent vigil, only looking up when someone passed him a hot refill. Elsa sat beside him, quietly watching him for any signs of distress. She kept her hand resting on his back, rubbing her palm over his shirt clad skin in reassuring movements. She'd only met Fiona a handful of times, but she knew how important she was to the man beside her. So she kept her vigil, hoping and praying that the woman who occupied all of their thoughts would make a full recovery.

Jesse hadn't spoken a word since Madeline had reached out to take his hands before pulling him into a hug when they both couldn't seem to take the anxious wait any longer. He wasn't used to sitting around doing nothing, especially when Michael had told them about Meyers. But with everyone enclosed in their own private thoughts, he'd taken it upon himself to watch over Madeline, at least until Michael came back to put their worries to rest.

"You think she's going to be okay?" Barry asked quietly when he came back with another two sodas and passed one to Jesse.

Jesse sighed heavily and took the offered can. Leaning his head back against the wall, he shook his head. "I don't know."

"She has to be." Sam lifted his eyes and tried to smile. "She's tougher than all of us put together."

"And stubborn," Jesse chuckled, even though there was no humour in his voice.

"Yeah, you got that right," Sam agreed with a smile. "She's a tough cookie."

Quietness filled the room as they all eyed each other in silent agreement. No one really knew what to say that wouldn't make everything seem so bleak. Fiona had touched all of them in one way or another.

"Why hasn't Michael come back yet?" Madeline asked with a whine as her eyes searched the open waiting room door as if he would suddenly appear. "This waiting isn't good for my nerves."

"We're all worried, Maddie," Jesse reminded her, not even hiding the annoyance in his voice.

"I thought they weren't speaking," Elsa mumbled when she straightened up in her seat before she looked at Sam as she spoke. "From what you told me, I thought it was over between them."

"She was pissed," Sam sighed. "Royally pissed."

"Yeah, I got that," Jesse chuckled. "I thought she was going to kill Mike on the spot!"

"Yeah…" A small smile curled the corner of Sam's lips upwards. "She tore him a new one."

"She's scary," Barry chuckled. "But I think I'd have liked to have seen that."

"Yeah," Sam sighed as the smile fell from his face. "They obviously got over it."

"Yeah," Jesse agreed, fixing him with another perpetual gaze. "Did you know she was pregnant?"

"No, not until today."

Getting to his feet, Barry made his way over to the door before turning back around to face them. "It's going to be a while before we know what's happening. I'm going to grab something from the cafeteria if anyone's interested."

"Yeah, I'll join you," Sam nodded, grateful for a distraction.

"I'll come, too," Elsa said quickly as she got to her seat and cast her eyes onto Madeline. "Madeline?"

"I'm not hungry." Madeline shook her head. "I'll stay here in case Michael comes back."

Jesse looked over at the woman beside him and suddenly felt the overwhelming need to comfort her.

"I'll stay here with Maddie," he told the others who all nodded before making their way out of the door and then turned his attention back to Madeline. "You know, she's going to be okay."

Madeline sighed and laid her head back against the wall before closing her eyes. "I really hope so."

"She will—"

"I don't want to leave until I've seen her," she told him quickly, breaking him off before he could finish speaking.

Nodding silently, Jesse leaned back in his chair and turned his head towards the door that Michael had disappeared through some time ago.

"Okay," he told her quietly. "Then, I'll wait with you."

000

Michael continued to watch the prone woman on the bed, his eyes dipping to her stomach every few moments. The doctor had been in to inform him of her injuries as well as give him the news that their child was still hanging on, but it didn't look good. There were so many scenarios floating around inside his head and he kept asking himself over and over: why hadn't Fiona told him?

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath as he tried to clear the fog from his mind. He loved her so much, something that he'd begun to slowly realise over the last few years. Whatever Fiona had thought his motives were when he'd returned to the job he'd _used _to love, they weren't because he had chosen _it_ over _her_.

The sudden movement of her hand brought his attention back to her and he lifted himself up to perch on the side of the bed. Leaning forward, he lifted her hand to his lips to press a soft kiss onto her knuckles as he whispered her name.

"M…Mich…"

"I'm here," he told her quickly, rubbing his thumb across her fingers to prove it. "I'm here, Fi…"

Licking her dry lips, she tried to speak again, but couldn't quite manage to speak through her cracked lips. Michael released her hand and eased himself off of the bed to pour some water into a cup from the jug that one of the nurses had brought in. There were some straws sealed in paper tubes on the side of the tray, so he tore one open and placed it into the cup before he turned and placed the straw against her lips.

"Take it easy," he told her softly when she eagerly swallowed the cool liquid. "Slow down."

Releasing the straw, Fiona laid her head back against the pillows and swallowed heavily as she eyed Michael with a careful gaze.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly when he replaced the cup back onto the side table to take hold of her hand again.

Fiona's eyes filled with tears when she felt him thread his fingers through hers. She could see by the emotion in his gaze that whatever she'd been through had scared him. Her mind tried to focus, but all she managed to do was give herself a major headache.

"I…"

Sitting forward, Michael squeezed her fingers gently to bring her eyes back to him. He could see her eyes swimming in confusion, but he didn't know how to ask her about the baby without upsetting her.

"Sam brought your bag from the car…" he started delicately, hoping that a gentle coaxing would stir her memories. "He found the…box…"

Fiona's forehead crinkled as she fought to focus on his face, but she couldn't seem to read his eyes. Her head hurt and her body ached, but she couldn't feel her lower body. Flashes of the accident burst into her mind only to be replaced with images of the man before her.

"Box?"

"Yeah, Fi," he nodded, trying to keep his voice from breaking as he spoke. "We…uh, found your…pregnancy test…"

The words slowly seeped into her mind with dawning realisation. Blinking heavily, she focused on the feel of his hand over hers and tried to fight through the fuzziness in her mind.

"I…didn't…take it…"

"So, you don't know if you're pregnant?" he asked numbly... "If there's no…baby…"

"I…don't…know…" Her words slurred slightly, but she pushed the fatigue away for a few seconds until she could form a coherent sentence. "I…think I...could be…"

"You think…" Shaking his head, Michael kept his eyes on her face and watched her slight shake of the head. "Why didn't you tell me, Fi?"

"Wasn't sure... didn't think…you'd be ... around.…"

Michael's breath caught in his throat as he fought to keep his emotions in check.

"Fi..." He was at a loss for words. What would he have done if she _had_ told him? The possibility of a baby had had Michael's head spinning from the moment Sam had handed him the unopened pregnancy test; he just couldn't wrap his mind around it. "I'm sorry...I..."

His words brought a wave of sorrow to form around her and she turned her head away so that she couldn't see the sadness in his eyes as she misinterpreted his apology.

"I…I lost it…didn't…I?" she choked on a sob as her eyes dropped down onto the sheet covering her stomach. "I—"

Michael felt his heart ache when her voice caught and instantly shuffled closer to place soft kisses over her knuckles. "No, Fi, no," he told her tearfully. "You haven't."

"But—"

"You haven't…lost him…" He tried to get the words out, but they seemed to stick in his throat. What could he say to her that wouldn't spark fear inside both of them?

Moving a hand to lie over her flat stomach, he tried to think of something reassuring to say, but he didn't know where to start. Instead he opted for the truth, no matter how much he knew it would hurt both of them. "But…there's a chance that you might…"

Tears welled in Fiona's eyes to slip over her lashes and tumble down her cheeks. "Michael?"

"We're going to get through this together," he told her firmly, even though his voice was thick with emotion. "Whatever happens."

"I don't want to lose it," she gasped out a breath and gripped his hand tighter as sweat beaded her forehead. "Michael…please…don't let me lose it."

Michael swallowed hard when he could see the pain flash through her eyes. "Fi, Fiona? What's wrong?"

"I feel…strange…" she mumbled as her forehead creased in confusion.

Hurriedly, Michael reached across to the call button and pressed it several times before taking Fiona's hand in his again. His eyes scanned down the bed, only to flare in alarm when the blanket covering her lower body began to show red. Reaching across to the call button again, he pressed it over and over, unable to take his eyes away from the red patch that seemed to be growing larger by the second.

Releasing the button, he turned back to the woman he loved and concentrated all of his efforts on her, hoping and praying that she would recover.

"It's going to be okay," he whispered, even though he knew that there was a strong possibility that it wasn't.

Michael held tightly onto Fiona's hand when the nurse came into the room and rubbed her arm with his other hand.

"She's bleeding," Michael hissed out, his voice hitching a notch higher when he looked down at Fiona's pain filled face.

The nurse's face switched from sympathy to shock within seconds and she immediately rushed back out of the room, again leaving Michael to watch on in complete devastation.

Fiona drew in a deep breath and groaned out his name, causing the helplessness to overtake him one more time. Shifting nearer, he tried to get as close as he possibly could to reassure her as much as himself that things would be better and he wouldn't leave her again.

"I'm here," he told her soothingly as he leaned in closer so that she could see his face. "I'm right here."

"D…don't leave…"

"I won't," he promised her, hoping that she couldn't hear his voice breaking as he spoke. It frightened him to see her like this. Out of the two of them, she had always been the strongest and to see her now…he felt so useless. All he wanted to do right at this moment was trade places with her, so that she wouldn't feel any more pain. He started to ask her to tell him what to do when the nurse's voice caused his words to die on his lips.

"Fiona, the doctor will be here in a second. Can you tell me if there's any pain?" the nurse asked when she laid a hand onto Fiona's burning forehead.

"B…baby…" Fiona moaned as she squeezed Michael's hand hard. "I think…it's the…baby…"

"It's all going to be okay, honey," the nurse told her soothingly as she made her way towards the door. Looking back at Michael, she indicated Fiona's prone form. "Try to keep her calm."

He nodded silently and tried to think of how he could soothe her when he was so terrified of what was happening to her.

"Michael…" her voice caught on a sob when she tried to pull him closer.

"I'm here," his voice broke as he tried to control his emotions. "I promise, I'm staying right here with you…"

"Don't…let Meyers…get away…"

"I won't," he told her, his voice hitching on a desperate sob as he watched the doctor rush into the room to ignore him completely.

"Fiona," the nurse smoothed Fiona's hair off of her forehead and leaned in close to her ear. "I need you to calm down okay? Take deep breaths."

Michael looked up at the young nurse who stood opposite Fiona and felt a lone tear fall down his cheek. He didn't know what to do. There was nothing he wanted more in this world than to take his girlfriend away from everything that could hurt her. Swallowing hard, he moved a little closer and bent over so that he could hold his face next to hers.

"I'm here," he whispered tearfully as she turned her head to bury her face into his neck as she sobbed.

He held her as best as he could while the doctor issued instructions to the nurse, who was rushing around the bed. He tried not to listen as the doctor blurted out that she was haemorrhaging and voiced his suspicions that Fiona was losing their child. He didn't want to believe it. All he wanted was to reverse time and go back to how they were before Anson, Card and Meyers steamrolled into their lives.

"It's okay," he whispered to her over and over. "It's okay."

Her voice shook in uncontrollable waves as she clung to him with her uninjured arm. "He wanted me to die…he tried-"

"Shhh," he whispered softly as he tried to conceal his own tempestuous emotion. "I know…"

"Mich-ael…I…" Her voice trailed away and her arm loosened around his neck to slowly slip away and land limply on the pillow beside her head.

Before he could lift up and look down at her, all of the monitors in the room began beeping erratically and he suddenly found himself shoved out of the way. He was left looking frantically from Fiona's prone body to the doctor, who was already on his way out of the room and shouting orders at the top of his lungs.

"Fiona?" Michael asked desperately, needing to see her open her eyes. When she didn't respond, he could almost hear his heart shattering inside his chest and he found himself reaching for her limp hand.

"Sir, you need to move," an older nurse told him gently when she pulled him away from Fiona's side. "We need to get her to surgery."

Michael's thoughts became a blur. He tried to comprehend the frantic chatter around him as more people entered the room, pushing him further away from her.

Everything happened so quickly that he didn't have any time to grasp what was going on. Before he could even ask what was happening, Fiona had been taken from him again amidst a flurry of people and he found himself being led out of her room.

"Surgery?" he asked frantically when the older nurse patted his arm sympathetically. "Why does she need surgery?"

"Sir, you need to calm down," she told him. "As soon as I know how she's doing, I'll come and find you."

"But, she was talking to me," he protested numbly. "A few minutes ago, she was talking."

"I'll find you when there's news," she promised softly as she ushered him down the corridor.

"But…" he shook his head in disbelief. "I…"

She touched his shoulder gently and manoeuvred him towards the family waiting room. "The best thing you can do is go home and get some rest...it could be a while before she's out of surgery."

"I'm…"Turning Michael looked at the nurse and focused on her face. "How long?"

"I don't know for sure," she told him. "But I'll try and find out what's going on for you."

"Thank you," he breathed. "I need to know."

"I'll do what I can," she told him with a small smile when they reached the waiting room. "Try not to worry."

He was about to ask her if that was even remotely possible, but she was already walking away and he found himself moving numbly into the room.

"Michael," Madeline was on her feet in seconds and by his side. "What's wrong? How's Fi?"

"She was…" He swallowed heavily and turned haunted eyes to first his mother and then Jesse. "I don't know…"

Madeline took hold of his arm and led him over to a chair and eased him down into it. "Tell me what happened."

Michael clenched his eyes closed and shook his head to block out her voice. He didn't want questions when he didn't know how to answer. All he wanted was to be by Fiona's side.

"She's a fighter," Madeline's emotionally charged voice drifted through the silence. "She'll be fine."

"I…" Lifting his head, he looked up and fixed her with tear filled eyes. "…I don't know what happened…"

"Honey—"

"We were talking. She was alert and…and then one second later, she was bleeding…" Leaning forward, he bowed his head. "They took her to surgery before I even had time to think."

"It'll be—"

"It'll be okay?" he asked, his voice hitching into a growl as he sprung to his feet and began to pace. "I'm so sick of hearing that it'll be okay. We both know it won't be." Those very words he had whispered to Fiona came back to haunt him.

"Mike, you need to calm down," Jesse stood up and went to grab hold of his arm to stop his furious pacing, but withdrew his hand at Michael's scathing glare.

"How can I calm down when Fiona is having god knows what done to her while I'm stuck out here?" Turning his back on Jesse, he felt his body start to shake and he sank back down into the nearest chair and hid his face in his hands.

Jesse gulped visibly while his eyes darted to Madeline's tear filled ones. He didn't know what to do. Michael's wildly erratic emotional state had completely unnerved him and his instincts were telling him to go and find Sam. But instead he moved from his chair to perch on the one next to his friend.

"Did the doctor say anything at all?"

Michael heard the worry in his friend's voice and felt a lump burning in his throat. Shaking his head slowly, he kept his face buried in the palms of his hands in a bid to hide just how broken he was feeling.

"Jesse, can you go and find Sam?" Madeline suggested when she saw his unease. "And bring some more coffee?"

"I don't want any more _damn coffee_," Michael snapped as he suddenly pulled his hands away from his face to reveal the wet tracks on his cheeks. Shaking his head, he palmed the wetness from his face and leaned his head back against the wall and exhaled a defeated sigh. "I _want_ Fiona _out_ of here."

For a moment, silence filled the small room until Michael turned his head to see the man beside him close to tears. Memories of all the times he'd lost his patience with situations filtered through his mind and he suddenly realized that, if Fiona was here beside him right now, she would be reminding him of what he was doing.

"Jess…" his voice came in a gravelled whisper and he reeled in his complete devastation to offer his friend some remnants of a smile..

"Yeah?" Jesse answered as he regarded the man beside him with a mixture of worry and grief.

"Meyers did this to her," Michael tried to keep his voice even, but despite his best efforts he couldn't stop the shaking, except this time it was shaking with anger. "I'm going to _end_ this."

"I know," Jesse nodded as he avoided Madeline's anxious gaze. "_Whatever_ you need, Sam and I are with you on this."

Michael pondered his words for a few moments before he nodded simply and leaned his head back against the wall. Closing his eyes for a moment, he opened them again when he felt a warm hand wrap around his.

"Jesse," Madeline spoke softly as she nestled her son's hand within hers. "That coffee would be good now."

"Yeah," Jesse nodded as his eyes flittered between Madeline and Michael. Getting to his feet, he moved towards the door and chanced a brief look behind him before he walked out of the room. His chest heaved when he saw Madeline wrapping her arms around Michael's still form, thankful that he wasn't there to witness his friend falling apart.

"I don't know what to do, mom," Michael's voice shook as he pulled himself out of her embrace and got to his feet. "Hasn't she been through enough?"

"Michael?"

"She's been so angry," his voice groaned out in frustration when he turned to face the window. "I did all of this… I didn't have a choice, not once I went after...but that doesn't matter now... I'm still the reason she's hurt..."

"How can you say that?" Madeline asked worriedly when he seemed to become more aggravated with every passing second.

"How can I not?" he asked when he whirled around to face her. "She was pregnant with our baby and... she didn't want to tell me..."

"Sam said she hadn't taken the test yet. She was probably just trying to get used to the idea herself," Madeline told him gently. "She didn't even tell me."

"This is my fault, mom…all of it…" He moved away from the window and slumped down heavily into the chair beside her. Unable to keep still for long, he leaned forward to place his elbows on his knees.

"Michael…" Madeline started. "This is not your fault. Don't ever think that."

"It's because of me that Meyers targeted Fiona."

"From what Fi told us it had nothing to do with you," she told him firmly. "She said he wanted her for something that happened in Ireland."

"_That_ was because of me!"

"Michael Westen, don't you dare start blaming yourself for this because you know I'll tan your hide," Madeline snapped angrily as she waved her hand in the direction of the doorway. "You have to be strong for _her_."

"I know," he sighed miserably when he buried his head in his hands. "What am I going to do?"

Madeline wiped the beginning of a tear away from her eyes and placed a warm hand on his back. "You're going to be there for her."

"But what if she loses the baby?" Lifting his head, he turned tear filled eyes on her. "What do I say to her?"

"You could tell her you love her."

"She knows I love her," he groaned.

"Well, she's going to need to hear you say it aloud and often after what she's been through."

"How do I even begin to understand how she feels…"

"How do _you _feel, honey?" she asked him softly as she rubbed his back.

"This isn't about me," he barked, already feeling frustration seeping through his words. Shaking his head, he swallowed at the lump in his throat and berated himself for not being stronger.

"Of course it is," Madeline told him firmly. "It's your baby, too."

Michael didn't know what to tell her. He had no idea how to put his feelings into words when all he could do was sit here and wait. Taking a breath, he tried to focus on Meyers and how he was going to make him regret what he had done, but he couldn't get Fiona out of his mind.

"I thought that we'd never... and...now… now that she's... I could lose them both," he whispered brokenly as his voice caught on a sob. "I…can't lose her, mom…"

Reaching out to grab hold of his hand again, Madeline urged him to face her. When he turned to meet her gaze, she couldn't keep her own emotions from flowing. He looked so lost, something she hadn't seen in him since they'd lost Nate.

"There's only one thing I'm certain of, honey," she told him with a watery smile. "You know what that is?"

When Michael didn't answer she shuffled closer and moved an arm around his shoulders as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Her heart broke for him and she lifted her fingers to his chin to turn his head so that she could see his face.

"You two will never lose each other," she told him with as much conviction as she felt. "Ever..."

Nodding slightly, Michael tried to smile, but he couldn't get through the heaviness in his heart. He needed to be doing something, anything, instead of sitting around waiting for news that could take hours.

"I can't sit here and do nothing," he groaned dismally before getting to his feet once more and making his way towards the door.

"Michael—"

"I'm not leaving," he told her brusquely. "I just…_can't_ stay in this room any longer."

Madeline stood to her feet and was about to go after him when he turned, the look in his eyes stopping her dead in her tracks. She didn't have to be his mother to know that he was utterly broken.

"I'm going outside," he told her before he turned back around again.

"But, what about Meyers?" she called after him. "Sam told me he's dangerous."

Michael stopped mid-stride and turned around to face her, his eyes darker than she had ever seen before. The emotion seemed to drain from him as he clenched his fists by his side and stood stock still.

"He won't show up while I'm here," he told her, his jaw twitching as he spoke.

"But how—"

"He knows I'm going to kill him," he told her, his emotionless voice scaring her. "That's why."

Madeline's mouth suddenly grew dry and she watched on helplessly when he turned away from her and left the room, leaving her to stare at the empty space behind him…

Tbc


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews, PM's and for all of the favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate all of your comments. I'm sorry I can't manage to send everyone a personal reply but RL takes up a lot of my time. **

**Huge thanks to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me and to JediSkysinger for the BETA. Both of you along with DaisyDay brighten my day with our daily emails and chats.**

**Special thanks and love also to Noelle and all of the girls on twitter**

14

The bright sunshine hit Michael's senses and he clamped his eyes tightly closed to block out the glare. His head ached and he felt completely numb and, for the first time in his life, he had no idea what he was going to do. Losing Nate had been painful and ripped him apart inside, but throughout it all he'd had something to focus on, something to drown out the grief. Having Fiona beside him had helped to ease the pain and he was forever grateful for having her by his side, even though he knew she thought he wasn't.

The pain he felt now was so different from what he'd felt back then. After Nate had died, he'd kept himself in check. He'd burrowed the agony so deep inside himself that, after a while, he'd managed to convince himself that he could mourn for his brother later, but like everything else, it had never happened.

Thinking back to a few weeks ago, Fiona's devastated face sprang into his mind. At the time, he was shocked by her reaction when she'd realized that he'd gone back on his word. He hadn't gone into it with the intention of returning, it had just happened that way. He hadn't planned it at all, he really hadn't. Thinking back to that day, he could only begin to understand now what she'd thought he'd done. In her eyes, he had chosen a different path to hers and he just prayed that he got the chance to show her that he hadn't strayed. They had been on the same path all along.

Opening his eyes again, he found himself focusing on the scenery around him, in some way hoping to spot Arthur Meyers lurking in the trees. He knew that someone like the rogue MI6 agent wouldn't stoop so low as to stake out the hospital himself; he was too much of a coward for that. But when the moment came when he did raise his head, then Michael knew that he would be ready for him. There was no restraint, no uncrossed line, when it came to anyone who tried to hurt the woman he loved. He would defend her and their child with his last breath and, if it meant killing Meyers to protect them, then he wouldn't think twice about it.

"What are you doing out here by yourself, brother?"

Sam's voice brought a well of sorrow through Michael's heart and he didn't know if he had the strength to face talking about what had happened in that hospital room. Taking a breath, he turned around to face his friend and tried to reel in the treacherous emotions that were reigning chaos inside him.

"Sam…"

"Hey," Sam's voice dipped as he stepped closer and laid a hand on Michael's shoulder. "Your mom told us what happened…are you doing okay?"

Michael felt his heart lurch with that word and he bit back the burst of anger that he knew Sam didn't deserve. Shaking his head slowly, he didn't speak; he couldn't. If he tried to utter a word about his girlfriend or the terror he felt when she was torn away from him, he would surely break down and he couldn't do that. He had to be the strong one and be there when she needed him to step up…something he should have done a long time ago.

"I…I needed some air," he managed to say before he drew himself up once more. "I should be out there tracking Meyers."

Sam watched his friend worriedly as he recognised the same signs in him that he'd seen a few months before. When Fiona had turned herself in, the furious, heartbroken man that had replaced the Michael Westen he'd known seemed to be spilling over into him now.

"Mike," Sam started slowly, preparing himself for the backlash that was sure to follow. "You need to be here right now."

"Don't you think I _know_ that, Sam?" Michael hissed, his voice rising slightly as he waved a hand behind him. "Fiona is in there and I can't help her. Nothing I can do will help her."

"Look, I know how you feel—"

"Do you?" Whirling around to face the man beside him, Michael's eyes narrowed as he fought the burning helplessness that had encased his heart. "How can you possibly know how _I _feel, Sam?"

"Hey, I was married once, remember," Sam snapped back. "I know how it feels to think you're losing everything."

"Sam…" Shaking his head miserably, Michael slumped back against the wall when he felt his legs shaking. "I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"I know how it feels, brother," Sam told him, his voice softening a little as he spoke. "I lost my wife because I always put the job first."

"I wasn't putting the job first—"

"Come on, Mike, I know how it is when the need to do your duty comes before anything else," Sam's voice cut through Michael's words, silencing him when he could see that he was trying to argue. "Don't make the same mistake I did, buddy. That's all I'm sayin'."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" Michael asked in exasperation as he tore his eyes away from his friend to stare out towards the row of trees that lined the parking lot. "I was with her, Sam…I wanted to stay but they pushed me out. They—"

"I know, brother," Sam sighed, laying a hand on Michael's upper arm. "Your mom told me."

Michael clamped his eyes closed and shook his head in a desperate bid to keep the sorrow at bay, but the more he tried to hide it, the more his bottom lip trembled. Opening his eyes, he blinked a few times and took deep breaths before he trusted himself to speak.

"I don't know what to do, Sam," his voice shuddered as he fought for control of his tempestuous emotions. "She's all I have…if I lose her—"

"You're not gonna lose her, brother," Sam told him firmly, asserting his promise with a nod of the head. "She ain't the type to just give up."

Michael listened to his friend's words and the conviction with which they were spoken and finally relented as he leaned back once again to rest against the wall.

"Now, come on back inside. I'm afraid your mom's gonna end up adoptin' Barry or somethin'."

"What?" Michael asked incredulously. "Barry's here?"

"Sure is," Sam grinned as he turned Michael back towards the hospital doors to lead him back inside. "And the good thing is he doesn't hate ya!"

000

Another hour had passed since Michael and Sam returned to the waiting room to take up the same vigil as the rest of their make shift family. Elsa had settled in beside Sam and hooked her arm through his as she leaned in against his side. She had taken the time to listen to the conversation around her, learning more about Michael and Fiona in that short time than she had in over a year. She could see just by observing the dark haired man who couldn't seem to keep still that the woman who they were all waiting to hear about was everything to him.

"Would anyone like sandwiches?" she asked suddenly when she heard someone's stomach growl. "I could have some sent over."

Sam smiled at her affectionately and squeezed her fingers before he shook his head. "That's good of ya, sweetheart, but I don't know if any of us are up to eating right now."

"I could eat," Barry piped up, shrugging his shoulders when all eyes turned on him. "What? I can't help it. When I'm nervous, I eat!"

"Well, I have to call the office," Elsa nodded as she glanced down at her watch. "Why don't you come with me while I make the call and you can get something to eat?"

"Sure," Barry agreed readily, getting to his feet. "Anyone want anything?"

He heard Madeline's groan as she suddenly stood up and lifted her bag onto her shoulder. Laying her hand on Michaels head, she stroked his hair lightly before she pulled her hand away and stepped back.

"I need a cigarette," she told him tiredly, lifting a hand to silence him before he could object. "I'll be fine."

"Mom—"

"Michael, I'm only going outside," she protested. "I'll take Jesse if it makes you feel better."

Jesse was on his feet before Michael could even open his mouth to ask him to keep an eye on her. Nodding his head, he ushered Madeline towards the waiting room door, intending to make her smoke break as quick as possible.

Elsa watched them leave before she met Sam's eyes. Reaching out, she patted his hand gently as she smiled reassuringly.

"I'll be right back, honey," she told him as she too slipped her bag over her slender shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"I'm good, baby," he grinned, even though the mirth of it didn't reach his eyes. "Hurry back."

"You know I will," she promised as she squeezed his hand before she followed Barry out of the room to leave just Michael and Sam to occupy the seats.

Sam leaned back in his chair, keeping a close eye on his friend who looked absolutely exhausted. Sighing heavily, he tried to think of something reassuring to say but he couldn't think of a single thing. So instead he turned his head and watched Michael slump back in his chair, knowing exactly how he was feeling.

"How you holding up there, brother?" he asked, intending to try and engage his friend in conversation, but the words died on his lips when he heard someone call Michael's name.

"Mr. Westen?"

Michael looked up quickly, getting to his feet when a woman in scrubs came into the room looking between the two men.

"I'm Michael Westen," Michael's voice gushed out, unable to hide the tremor in his voice. "How is she?"

"I'm Dr. Sergio." She extended a hand and Michael shook it lightly before he dropped his hand to his side. "Ms. Glenanne is out of surgery and doing well so far."

Sam heard his own relieved gasp and immediately moved to stand by Michael's side. Glancing across at his friend, he could plainly see his eyes welling with relief, but he blinked heavily to disperse the moisture before he allowed himself to breathe.

"So far?"

Dr. Sergio smiled and went on. "She's stable, but we're going to be keeping her in the ICU for a while, which means only one visitor at a time."

"Can I see her?" Michael asked, his words almost desperate, but he didn't care who heard him. All he wanted to do was be by Fiona's side.

"She's being settled into her room right now, so, soon."

"What about…" He almost couldn't bring himself to say it, but he knew he had to, for both of their sakes. "The baby?"

Dr. Sergio's eyes clouded over in sympathy as she slowly shook her head. "I'm very sorry…"

Michael's mind shut down, his heart shattering into tiny pieces. Lifting his tear filled eyes to the woman standing before him, all he could utter was a soft thank you before his voice broke completely.

"When…when can I see her?" he asked shakily. "I just… I need to see her."

The doctor nodded in understanding and looked beside Michael to meet Sam's eyes knowingly. Turning her attention back towards the distraught man, she indicated for him to follow her, knowing all too well how he was slowly losing the battle with his tears.

Michael met Sam's concerned gaze and silently thanked him for being there before he followed the doctor out of the room, allowing his need to see the woman he loved to spur him onwards. Sam looked after his retreating friend and found himself saying a silent prayer for the woman who had managed to burrow herself into their lives so deeply. He waited until Michael was out of sight before he went in search of Madeline and Jesse.

000

Michael was made to wait as soon as he arrived at the ICU and he did so reluctantly, planting himself next to the nurse's station instead of taking one of the seats in the hallway. Finally, one of the nurses waved him in. The room he was led into held two beds and their accompanying equipment, but only the nearest bed was occupied. The curtain was half drawn around it and already he could feel his heart leap inside his chest.

He couldn't remember walking from the curtain to the bed; all his eyes could see was Fiona's face, pale against the white pillowcase. He gazed over her features and tried not to let her complexion worry him, even though her lips were almost as colourless as her skin. A white blanket was drawn up over her chest and her bandaged arm lay outside of it so that the IV line for her blood transfusion could stay in place. Her other arm had a blood pressure cuff surrounding it, the lines hooking up to another machine.

He sat without checking to see if the chair was actually there, and, for a moment, he could do nothing but stare, watching for the slow rise and fall of Fiona's chest, checking that she was breathing even though the steady beat of the heart monitor told him that she was alive.

His hand was shaking when he reached out for hers. Her delicate yet powerful fingers were cold to touch and Michael desperately enveloped her hand in both of his, rubbing gently to try to transfer some warmth into her. The skin on her fingers was surprisingly soft and he tore his eyes away from her face to look down at her hand, remembering almost instantly just how beautiful her touch could be.

"Fiona," he whispered softly, hoping that she would hear him and open her eyes. "I'm here…."

He watched her face intently for any sign of movement before he shuffled a little closer and lifted her palm to his mouth and held it there as his eyes overflowed. Seeing her like this terrified him to his core and he knew now more than ever that if she woke up right now and told him she wanted him to walk away from his job, then he would do everything within his power to do so.

Movement behind him caused him to blink back the moisture in his eyes. He lifted Fiona's hand to his face so that he could hide behind her, unwilling to let anyone but her see how devastated he was.

"She's heavily sedated," one of the nurses told him softly as she patted him on the shoulder. "She'll be asleep for a while."

Unable to answer her, he just nodded his head when he heard her walk away, his eyes never leaving Fiona's sleeping face. Settling back into the chair, he kept a hold of Fiona's hand, unable even now to release her. They had grown so close over the last few years, closer than he ever thought he would ever get to another human being. She was interwoven within him so deeply that he knew that he would never be able to be happy without her.

Thinking back, he was reminded of his complete devastation when he'd seen her on the arm of Campbell. He knew back then that it was his own fault, that he had pushed her away so far that she'd sought happiness with someone else. What he hadn't expected was the deep seated jealousy that had clamped around his heart. He'd relied on his training to bury his feelings so far down but when push came to shove, he'd realised how much it had hurt.

It was the same when they had been apart a couple of months back. He couldn't get her reaction out of his mind. The way she'd shook as she broke down helplessly was burned into his brain and, up until that moment, he hadn't really understood just how much he had hurt her. He hadn't meant to…none of this was intentional…none of it.

Taking a deep breath, he swallowed down the wave of emotion that threatened to overflow and focused instead on the woman whose hand he was holding so tightly. He knew there were certain things he had to do before he could pull away from the CIA completely, but he was willing to do anything he could to keep his family safe.

"I'll make this right, Fi," he whispered as he rubbed his thumb across her fingers. "I promise you."

He watched her face intently for any kind of reaction, but when none came he felt himself deflating rapidly. He didn't know what he had been expecting…no, that wasn't right…he did know. He'd thought as soon as she heard his voice that something would awaken her mind and bring her back to him…but it hadn't.

The rustle of the curtain around Fiona's bed revealed a doctor holding a clipboard in his hands. The doctor looked at him kindly before he stepped close to Fiona's bed. Looking down at the clip board in his hand, he read the notes quietly, his actions making Michael even more anxious.

"How is she?" Michael asked through the tremor in his voice as he returned his eyes back towards the woman in the bed. He squeezed her fingers a little, even though he knew that she wouldn't respond.

"She's stable," the doctor told him reassuringly. "I expect her to make a full recovery."

"And the…baby?" Michael asked through the thickness in his throat. "It's gone?"

The doctor regarded Michael with a sympathetic gaze before he placed the clip board into the slot at the end of the bed.

"Miss Glenanne had a miscarriage hemorrhage. She lost close to five pints of blood, so we have her on a blood transfusion with blood and blood alternatives. The POC was trapped between the uterus and the—"

"The POC?" Michael asked, shaking his head in confusion.

"Products of Conception," the doctor told him officiously. "We had to give her an emergency D&C, but I'd advise you both wait at least a month before you try again."

"_Products?"_ Michael could feel his breath hitching in his throat as he eyed the doctor with barely contained anger, but before he could turn on the man who had referred to _his child_ in such a callous way, Fiona's hand moved in his.

Getting up from his chair, he leant over the bed and gazed down into her sleeping face. When she didn't stir after he spoke her name, he returned his attention back to the doctor who was checking Fiona's IV line.

"She moved," he told him hopefully, all traces of anger now gone. "Is she supposed to move so soon?"

Looking up, the doctor offered him a reassuring smile before his eyes scanned over Fiona's still form. Stepping closer, he regarded her carefully only to return his gaze onto the man beside the bed.

"She'll respond to your voice," he told him kindly. "She's going to be in some discomfort when she wakes up and she'll have questions."

"How long will she be asleep?" Michael asked as he eased himself back down into the chair without releasing Fiona's hand.

"For several hours at least. You should go home and get some rest."

"I'm _staying_ right here," Michael told him adamantly, even though the odds of Meyers slipping away were still pretty high. "She'll want to know about the baby when she wakes up."

"I'm sure one of the staff here would tell—"

"_I'll_ tell her," Michael told him gruffly, his voice slicing through the doctor's before he could finish. "Calling our child a _product_ isn't something she'll want to hear."

"It's just a medical term—"

"It was our _baby_, not a _medical_ term" Michael almost growled, but he kept his eyes fixed on Fiona's face to sooth his anger. "_I_ will tell her."

The ice in Michael's voice caused the doctor to nod affirmatively before he turned away and retreated from Fiona's bed. Michael knew he had gone as soon as he heard the swish of the curtain and the footsteps that led away.

Michael relaxed again and rubbed his thumb across Fiona's fingers, hoping that she hadn't heard any of the doctor's speech. The last thing he wanted was for her to have any kind of recollection. He'd been here for hours and waiting around in hospital corridors for even longer. It was a day that he knew would be burned in his memory forever and for all the wrong reasons.

Lifting his head, he spotted a passing nurse, recognizing her from the trauma room a few hours before. She smiled across at him as she slowly walked towards the next bed and it suddenly occurred to Michael that no one in the waiting room had any idea what was going on. Keeping hold of Fiona's hand, he half turned in his chair, watching for the nurse to pass again so that he could gain her attention.

He didn't have to wait long before he heard her footsteps and, when she was walking past, he held up his free hand and called out softly until she stopped to step closer towards Fiona's bed.

"Is there a problem?" she asked in a hushed tone as she looked over the sleeping woman in the bed.

"No…not with Fiona," he told her quickly. "My family is down in the waiting room, but I don't want to leave here. Could you pass a message on for me?"

The young nurse looked uncertain at first, but when he flashed her a hopeful smile, she watched him for a few moments before she reluctantly agreed.

"I'm not really supposed to discuss patients—"

"I'm not asking you to discuss anything. All I'm asking is if you could let my mom know that Fiona's okay," he explained softly. "Please…"

"Alright," she nodded with a small smile. "What's your mother's name?"

Michael blinked heavily as if he was trying to process what she was asking, until he softly answered, "Madeline… Madeline Westen."

"Leave it with me," she told him with a reassuring smile. "I'll see to it when I've finished here, okay?"

"Thank you," he nodded, keeping his eyes on her as she stepped backwards and turned away.

He turned his attention back onto Fiona's prone form and relaxed back into the chair, settling in for as long as it took until Fiona finally opened her eyes again.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, PM'd and for all of the favourite story and author adds. RL takes up a lot of my time so I don't have as much time as I'd like to be able to reply to everyone personally. Please know that all of your comments are very much appreciated.**

**Special thanks to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me, and extra thanks to JediSkysinger for finding time to BETA. Both of you along with DaisyDay keep me smiling every day.**

**Lastly special thanks to Noelle and all of the girls on twitter for your love and support. It means a lot**

15

"What did the doctor actually say?" Madeline asked with a whine when after an hour there was still no word from Michael.

"Just what I told you, Maddie," Sam sighed as the devastation on Michael's face flashed inside his mind.

"You didn't tell me much," she pushed impatiently. "All you said was the doctor told Michael that Fiona was doing fine and Michael went up to see her…that's it…what about the ba—"

"Maddie, come on," Jesse pleaded softly. "We're all worried about Fi."

"Don't you dare tell me what to do," Madeline huffed as she bent to place her bag back onto her lap and rifled through it. "My daughter in law is somewhere in this hospital and no one will tell me what the hell is going on!"

"She lost the baby," Sam blurted, his voice breaking as he sank back into his chair. "Is that what you wanted to hear, Maddie?"

"I—"

"I didn't tell you cuz I knew Mike would want to tell ya that kind of thing in private, but now you know," Sam hissed out. "Are _you_ happy now?"

Madeline froze, unable to find any kind of reply as the news spread through her body like rapturous fire. Blinking back the sudden moisture in her eyes, she reached across the gap between Sam and herself and laid her hand on his arm.

"I'm…she lost it?"

Instead of speaking, all Sam could do was nod. Elsa, who occupied the seat beside him, reached out a hand and wrapped it around his. Sam's eyes dropped down to their interlocked fingers, drawing strength from her touch. Taking a deep breath, he turned to regard Madeline and saw for the first time that she was just as devastated as Michael was.

"That's all I know," he told her honestly. "I don't know how or why…I just know that the baby is gone."

Madeline swallowed hard as she nodded slowly. Her heart ached inside her chest and all she could do was whisper her thanks to the man beside her.

Before Sam could reply, footsteps sounded in the doorway to the waiting room and everyone turned to look at the nurse who hovered there.

"Madeline Westen?" she asked curiously as she looked around the group of people in the room.

Madeline moved her bag back onto the floor and moved to stand, eyeing the young nurse with caution.

"I'm Madeline Westen."

"I have a message for you from your son," she smiled. "He asked me to tell you that Fiona is resting, but she's going to be okay."

"So…will we be able to see her?"

"Not tonight, I'm afraid," the nurse smiled. "Her husband is staying with her, but I'm sure he'll be able to tell you more when she wakes up."

A spark of warmth registered in Madeline's eyes when the nurse had referred to Michael as Fiona's husband. She had regarded Fiona as her own a long time ago and she loved her just as much as she did the rest of her family. Smiling at the nurse, she nodded her thanks and watched as she slowly turned away when something struck her.

"Oh, before you go," Madeline asked, her voice dipping lower. "Is it true? Fiona lost the baby?"

"I'm sorry. I—"

"I just need to know if it's true…that's all."

The nurse regarded the older woman with apologetic eyes. Stepping closer, she reached out to pat Madeline's arm sympathetically before she stepped away again.

"I'm afraid I don't know the details, but all I can tell you is that she will make a full recovery."

Turning away from the people gathered in the small waiting room, she scurried out of the door before they could ask her anything else.

When she had gone, the room fell into an eerie silence. No one really knew what to say, especially when the two people they were here for had disappeared a few hours ago.

"Okay," Sam sighed heavily and stood up to his feet. "If Mikey's stayin' here for the night, there's no point the rest of us bein' here."

"Yeah, I'm gonna head out," Barry agreed readily as he twisted his fingers through his hair to spike it up upwards. "I've got a thing tomorrow morning."

"A thing?" Jesse asked curiously, only to immediately regret asking when Barry's eyes lit up.

"Oh yeah," he grinned. "I've got a manicure and hot wax date with Monique…"

"A wax date?" Madeline groused out. "You're going for a manicure while Fiona is in hospital?"

"Uh…well, _yeah_, it's for my eyebrows," he told her seriously as he moved them up and down. "Look at them. I didn't get a chance to get them done cuz ya know I was _locked_ up and by the time I got out—"

"Yeah, Barry we get it," Jesse grated as he turned to walk out of the waiting room. "You're busy."

"See, that's what you don't get," Barry whined, throwing his arms in the air. Clutching his bag against his shoulder, he followed Jesse out of the door. "There's a waiting list…"

"I get it."

"I don't think you do…"

Their voices filtered away to leave only Madeline, Sam and Elsa in the room. Elsa rubbed Sam's thigh before she stood up and slipped her bag over her shoulder.

"Can we give you a ride home Mrs Westen?" she asked with a smile. "Or maybe you'd like to join us for dinner?"

Madeline met Sam's eyes before she shifted her gaze onto Elsa. She regarded the woman silently before she unzipped her bag and looked inside.

"That depends," she muttered as she reached inside for her cigarettes.

"On what?" Elsa's voice brought Sam to his feet and he patted Elsa's hand to tell her that he would take care of this.

"Maddie, you can't smoke in here."

"I know that," she griped irritably, holding the pouch in her hand. "I'll smoke outside."

"You can't smoke in the hotel either," he reminded her; he too feeling the strain of the last two days.

Madeline's eyes narrowed as she fixed him with an unwavering glare. Opening her mouth, she prepared herself to unleash the barrage of frustration that had been eating away at her for months, but before she could get a single word out Jesse came back into the room.

"Maddie," he spoke her name in the tone he always used to bring her around. But when she didn't acknowledge him, he stepped closer and placed himself in between her and Sam. "Look, we're all tired. We're all worried about Fi—"

"She almost died," Madeline's voice wavered slightly when she shoved her cigarettes back into her bag. "Don't you get that?"

"Hey, I get it just fine, Maddie," Sam told her, his voice calmer now. "I was with her while we waited for Mike to get there…I heard the accident over the phone, so yeah, I know how close we came to her not being here."

"Okay, why don't we all just take a breath," Jesse told them, looking at each one in turn. "It's been a long day."

Sighing heavily, Madeline swallowed the lump in her throat and eyed Sam apologetically before she spoke.

"I'm sorry, Sam," she told him tiredly. "It's just…it's Fi…"

"I know," Sam nodded understandingly. "Why don't we just head out, grab some dinner and get some rest?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Jesse agreed, turning his head to look at Madeline, who nodded tiredly.

"Okay, that's settled then," Sam answered jovially when Elsa slipped her hand into his. "Let's go."

000

It was dark when Fiona slowly came back into wakefulness, but her eye lids felt as if they were lined with lead. The sounds of a beeping heart monitor filtered through to her mind, the sound of it uncharacteristically soothing. Confusion seeped into her thoughts as she tried to un-jumble all of the images that bombarded her senses. The heart beat that she could hear echoing around the room quickened in pace and she found herself breathing in deeply when she suddenly realized that the sound was coming from her.

She could feel panic rising around her, especially when she managed to force open her eyelids to blink away the blurriness. Her heart rate sped up as uncertainty swamped her until she heard it; the soft breathing beside her.

She slowly began to get the feeling back into her fingers. The feather light touch on her hand sent powerful shivers down her body. She knew who it was beside her without even having to look. She knew the feel of his hair as it brushed against her arm. She knew the sound of his breathing as he slept. She knew everything that was associated with him because even after all these years she still loved him.

Turning her head to the side, she saw him. Even in the darkness, she could see that his face was etched in pain, his skin wet with tears. Then it hit her. A powerful memory burst into her mind. She gasped out loud as she suddenly realised where she was.

"Mich-ael," she croaked, her lips so dry that she could barely get the word out. Licking her lips she tried again, this time a little louder. "Mich-ael."

"Wh..." His head shot up as he looked around him, blinking rapidly as he tried to bring his heart rate back to some kind of normality

"Hi," Fiona whispered, her slurring voice causing his eyes to fall onto her face.

"Fi," he breathed, jumping to his feet. "You're awake!"

She gave him what she hoped was a smile, but by the way he was looking at her, she was sure that it was more of a grimace. She felt his hand tighten around hers and, when she met his tear filled eyes, she knew there was something wrong.

"I thought I'd lost you..."

"What hap…" she tried, but she couldn't seem to get the words out. Shaking her head slowly, she suddenly realised what felt wrong. She felt empty, and in a way that she couldn't seem to explain. Lifting her eyes back to his, she watched him struggling for a few more moments before she shakily lifted her hand to his face to lay her cool palm against his cheek.

"Fi…" His voice broke helplessly as he covered her hand with his. Clasping her fingers, he moved his face to press a kiss into the centre of her palm, fighting desperately to stay strong.

"It's…gone…" she whispered softly, her voice sounding strange as it stuck in her throat. When he froze against her hand, she knew for certain and she felt all of her breath leave her body.

At her words, his tears broke free to roll down his face and he found himself clutching at her hand in a desperate bid to disperse the pain for both of them, but he knew that nothing could take away the pain of a loss such as theirs.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly as he struggled to speak through tears. "I'm so sorry, Fi…"

Gripping his hand, she tried to find his strength, but there wasn't much of anything left for her to hold on to. Her own tears cascaded down her cheeks. Without any more words, they reached for each other, both crying quiet tears into each other, letting the pain slowly ease away.

After what seemed like an eternity, they finally drew away from each other, but kept their hands joined when Michael sat back down into his chair beside her bed. Michael's throat felt raw and his eyes were red rimmed, but when he rubbed his thumb across Fiona's fingers, he couldn't think of a single thing to say.

She grew silent, her sniffles reverting to hiccups and part of him welcomed it because then he knew he had a sort of reprieve. There were no words to describe how he was feeling and how could he?

He didn't understand how he had felt so much love for a child that he'd never even known about. Lying back against his chair, he allowed his eyes to scan her face, relieved when he saw that she had her eyes closed. He thought he'd been prepared for this, but he realised now that he wasn't…maybe he never would be.

"Was it my fault?"

Fiona's soft voice startled him and he shifted his gaze onto her before he sat upright in his chair again.

"Hey, I thought you were asleep."

"Was it my fault?" she asked again, keeping her eyes closed.

"Is what your fault?"

Fiona swallowed at the dryness in her throat, but the ball of emotion just wouldn't go away. Feeling her eyes welling with tears again, she kept her eyes closed, but felt a droplet spill over to roll down her cheek anyway as she tried to remain in control.

"The… baby…" she managed, opening her eyes as she felt another tear fall. "Was it—"

"No," he told her in a rush, getting up from his chair to sit beside her on the bed. Reaching out to her face, he thumbed her tears away as he shook his head emphatically. "No."

"But I—"

"It wasn't your fault, Fi," he whispered brokenly as he lowered himself forward to gather her to him, still mindful of the tubes carrying blood and fluids into her body.

"I…didn't…get a…chance…" she gasped out as she shook against him, her obvious distress coming to the fore.

Michael held onto her, holding her shaking body as he tried not to let his own emotions drown him once more. This baby had never stood a chance and, even though he tried to tell himself that he or she was never meant to be, it didn't stop him from falling in love with it.

"It won't be our last chance," he promised softly, punctuating his promise with soft kisses over her cheek. "We can try again."

"No…" she sniffed, shaking her head. "It'll happen…again."

"No," he urged as he leaned back slightly so that she could rest her head back against the pillows.

"But—"

"It wasn't anything you did," he told her again, hoping that she would banish those thoughts from her mind. "It wasn't your fault."

"It has…to be…" she whispered brokenly. "I lost it…"

"No…no…"

"Mich—"

"You had an accident; that's why it happened."

Fiona stilled and tried to focus on his face. Opening her eyes wider, she allowed his features to wash over her, noticing for the first time just how tired he looked. Lifting her uninjured arm, she placed her hand over his on her face and held it there.

"Accident?" she asked as she fought to remember through the fuzziness in her brain.

"Yeah," he told her softly, combing her hair with his free hand. "Don't you remember?"

Fiona closed her eyes against the bombardment of confusion that flooded her mind as she tried to unravel the images.

"I was…driving…" she blinked, as if the motion would clear her confusion. "And…"

"It's okay," he soothed. "It doesn't matter."

"I was shot…" she told him when realisation dawned and she inclined her head to look down at her bandaged arm. "My arm…"

"Yes," he nodded. "You were shot Fi, but your car rolled…and..."

"I called you," she told him in remembrance as she turned to look at him. "You…didn't answer your phone."

"I—"

"I called Sam…" Blinking again, she raised her eyes to his again and watched him carefully when he leaned over her. "You came?"

"I came," he told her with conviction. "I came as soon as I heard, Fi."

Fiona ran her tongue over her dry lips and glanced up to the pitcher of water beside her bed. Michael followed her gaze and released her within seconds to get to his feet. His mind was still warring within him. _Did she really think that he wouldn't have come for her?_

Pouring some water into a cup, he opened a fresh straw and placed it into the water before he lowered it to her lips.

She sucked the cool liquid into her mouth, swallowing it down to sooth the gravel in her throat. All the time she drank, she watched his eyes, knowing instantly that they held more of the story of her missing memory.

Pushing the straw away, she waited for him to place the cup back onto the cabinet before she held onto his hand as tightly as she could. The fogginess in her brain had started to clear and she was becoming more alert with every passing second. Her heart ached with a loss that she just couldn't comprehend and her body hurt with whatever physical injuries she had endured. By the look in his eyes, she knew that there were things he wasn't telling her. But, despite her injuries, she pushed him for answers.

"Who shot—"

"Shhh," he hushed her before she could ask the inevitable question that he knew would hinder her recovery. "It doesn't matter right now."

"It does…" she argued, wincing slightly as she tried to move. "I need to know…who to…look for."

"You don't need to look for anyone, Fi," he soothed, his thumb sliding across her palm. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

The ache in Fiona's lower body brought the swell of sorrow back into her mind and she bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. Having a baby hadn't even been on her list of priorities, especially given the circumstances of recent months. Just knowing that it had been possible, and that possibility had been ripped away before she'd even known, made it all the more painful. It was their child, something made from their love and she knew it would have been so perfect.

"Our baby would have been…beautiful," she whispered shakily, avoiding his eyes.

"Fi…"

Fiona felt him wrap her hand in between both of his before she had the courage to turn her gaze onto him once more.

"Did…they…" she stumbled over her words, not sure if she really wanted to know the answer. "How far along was I?"

Michael struggled to hear her over the sound of his own heartbeat. The ball of sorrow seemed to be permanently lodged in his throat as he tried to remember everything the doctor had told him. Shaking his head mournfully, he found himself clinging onto her hand like some kind of lifeline. He'd dealt with grief before, but this was something completely new.

"I don't know, Fi. I'm so sorry."

She regarded him silently and nodded sadly before she looked away. Sniffing at the well of emotion gathering in her eyes, she tried to banish the ache that had embedded itself inside her. She couldn't bring the baby back and, if she'd learnt anything from her mother after they'd lost Claire, it was to put on a brave face and carry on…so that's what she had to do. too. Dwelling on her lost chance at motherhood wasn't going to make it any different. So, even though it hurt, she had to push those feelings to the back of her mind until she was alone…she would cry then when no one else could see her.

"How long have I got to stay in here?" she asked him suddenly as she tried to quash the sorrow in her voice.

Michael shook his head in confusion; her reactions to the news were causing chaos inside him. His eyes dropped down to their interlocked fingers before he bent to press a kiss onto the back of her hand, knowing that this was how she dealt with loss. He just wished that he didn't feel so desolate.

"You're healing, Fi. It'll be a while," he told her as he lifted his head to watch her reaction. He had been expecting something akin to confrontation, but by the look in her eyes she just seemed so completely…defeated.

"I suppose it beats your mom's garage," she mused emotionlessly, knowing she must have looked as sad as she felt.

"Fiona, you're not living in my mom's garage when you get out of here," he told her firmly, tugging on her hand to gain her full attention. "Fi?"

"Where, then?" she asked hollowly as she looked across at him. "Your place?"

"It's _our_ place, Fi," he insisted. "Yours and mine; it's our home, just like I promised."

Fiona's eyes suddenly became wet again, but she didn't bother to hide it when a salty droplet slipped down her cheek.

"I don't have anything left," she whispered. "Nothing…it's all gone…"

Michael felt his heart lurch inside his chest. He knew he had made promises to her that now seemed so hollow, but he hadn't lied to her. He really did want everything they'd planned, everything. Sitting up a little straighter, he kept his gaze fixed on her face, promising himself that he was going to banish all of the sadness from her. He was going to fix the mistakes he'd made. He was going to restore her trust in him.

"Then we'll get new stuff," he told her, his voice lighter than he felt. "We'll go out and replace it all."

Fiona's eyes glazed over with sadness once more when the memories of the fire swamped her. They weren't just possessions she'd lost in the loft. If that's all they were, then she wouldn't have been so sad. Every snow globe had held a meaning, a story behind the glass. In only months she'd lost her home, her keep sakes, her boyfriend and now her baby…and she just couldn't see through the mist of loss right now.

"You can't," her voice caught in her throat as she closed her eyes, causing more tears to slip over her cheeks.

"Of course I can," he promised. "We'll go everywhere we visited before and buy new snow globes. When you're better, we'll—"

"Just like that?" she asked miserably. "We both know the CIA won't let you go."

"After everything they put me…_us_ through, they can afford to give us some time," he promised as his voice gushed out quickly. "We'll go anywhere, we'll get your snow globes back… you pick the place. We'll leave and—"

"Can you give me back the first snow globe I ever got?" she asked him softly when she opened her eyes again.

"I—"

"You gave it to me," she told him, the memory bringing a small smile to her lips. "Do you remember?"

Michael felt himself deflate a little when he thought back to Ireland when he was masquerading as Michael McBride. He could remember everything about that time, right down to the finest detail of the little shop in Dublin. He'd seen a small, perfect snow globe in the middle of the window amidst old photo frames and trinkets and for some reason it had made him think of her. Little did he know back then that the little glass ball that shimmered with gold would start off his girlfriend's collection.

His breath caught in his throat when he realised that he had effectively destroyed all of those years of collecting. When they'd set fire to the loft, all of her memories had gone up with it and it was only now, after all this time, that he finally got why she had been so upset. He hadn't just destroyed her collection; he'd destroyed her memories, too. Rebuilding her collection could be the perfect start to mending their relationship and he vowed he would start the second she got out of here.

"I remember," he told her with a smile. "It had an Irish dancer inside."

"You told me she looked like me." Her soft chuckle brought a spark of love into his eyes and he nodded emphatically when she squeezed his hand. "I loved that snow globe."

"Why didn't you take it when we left?" he asked her as he shuffled closer, bringing her fingers to his lips. "You could have—"

"You told me I could take two," she sighed. "If I'd taken that one, then Card would have known we'd planned the fire."

"How—"

"It was my favourite. He knew so much about both of us…and he would have known I wouldn't leave something like that behind on purpose."

Michael slowly closed his eyes when the regret soared through him. It was just another sacrifice to add to her list of so many, but he _would_ make it up to her, even if he had to contact Sean and send him on a mission to find another snow globe exactly like the one she'd lost.

"Then I'll buy you a new one," he promised as he opened his eyes to offer her a watery smile. "We'll start again."

"I can't live like that again, Michael." Her voice was soft and determined at the same time. "I can't."

"I know…" he told her honestly, holding onto her hand as resolve swept over him. "I know."

tbc


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has left reviews, PM's and for all of the follows and favourite author and story adds. I wish I had more time to send everyone a personal reply but RL takes up a lot of my time.**

**Special thanks to my wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through the various drafts of this. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger for finding the time to BETA even though she's so busy.**

**Lastly thanks to DaisyDay, Noelle and all the girls on twitter for the love and support. **

16

Michael was dozing in the chair beside Fiona's bed when he felt the vibrations against his thigh. Lifting his head up, he cracked his eyes open and sat up a little straighter so that he could see Fiona's sleeping form more clearly. Glancing down at his watch, he saw that only two hours had passed since she'd managed to drift off to sleep and he'd spent a lot of that time just watching her sleep.

The vibrating caught his attention again and he reached inside his pocket to take his cell phone out. Looking down at the lit up screen, he wasn't surprised to see Raines's name highlighted, but he resented the intrusion nonetheless. Lifting his gaze back onto Fiona again, he felt the tug of his heart when he knew that he was going to have to step into the hall to take this call. The last thing he wanted was for Fiona to wake up while he was talking to his boss and have everything they'd talked about last night to disappear.

Stepping away from the bed, he tiptoed towards the drawn curtain and ducked out of the opening as quietly as he could. As he passed the nurse's station, he smiled at the young nurse who had delivered his message last night and held up his phone as he pointed towards the doors. To her credit, she smiled and nodded at the same time, her eyes on his retreating form until he had totally disappeared.

The second Michael was outside in the corridor with just his cell phone for company, he resentfully pressed in Raines's number before he held it against his ear. Turning back towards the door, he looked through the glass window back into the ICU, as if just by looking inside that he was still in the room with his girlfriend.

"_Michael, where the hell have you been? I've been calling…"_

"Hello to you, too," Michael replied, sarcasm spilling from his voice.

"_Don't,"_ Raines groused. _"I was expecting you to call me hours ago."_

"Yeah, well, my girlfriend was in surgery—"

"_Surgery?" _

Michael could hear the concern in Raines's voice, but he knew all too well that his boss had no love for Fiona or their relationship, but he appreciated it anyway.

"There were…complications," he told him lowly as the images that would forever haunt him swept into his mind. "She…I almost lost her."

Raines was quiet for a short moment before he spoke again, his voice full of what Michael could only decipher as alarm.

"_Is she okay?"_

"Look," Michael sighed tiredly. "I know you didn't call to ask about Fiona. What information did you find on Meyers?"

"_To the point I see,"_ Raines told him flatly.

"Do you have information on Meyers or don't you?" Michael asked in exasperation, lowering his voice when one of the nurses came out of the ICU. "Raines?"

"Yes, I have. Come to my office to—"

"I can't," Michael declared, slicing through Raines's words. "I need to be here."

"_Michael—"_

"I _can't_ leave."

There was silence for a short moment before Michael heard the soft sigh at the other end of the phone.

"_Okay, I'll meet you at the hospital."_

Even though having Raines come to the hospital where Fiona was wasn't the best idea, Michael knew it was the only way he would be able to obtain the information that his boss held. Meyers had caused all of this and, if it was the last thing Michael did, he was going to bring the slimy MI6 agent down.

"Okay," he reluctantly agreed. "She's in the ICU."

"_How is she?"_ Raines asked again. _"How is Fiona?"_

Michael had to swallow his words before he blurted out everything that had happened to her. Since being reinstated in the CIA, he'd begun to realize that he wanted to keep his personal life private, but that wasn't going to be very easy.

"She's stable," he offered, but that was all he was going to say. "I should get back."

Without waiting for a reply, he shut off the phone and looked down at it for a long moment. He was sure that by now his mom would be on her third packet of cigarettes while she complained that he hadn't called. Pressing in her number, he held the phone to his ear and waited for the call to connect before he allowed himself to breathe.

"_Michael?"_

"Hi, mom…" he started. "I—"

"_How is she? Is she okay? What did the doctor say?"_

"Mom, slow down," Michael told her, smiling despite the situation. "She's asleep, but the doc says she'll be okay."

"_I heard about the baby,"_ Madeline told him, her voice shaking slightly. _"What happened?"_

The thought of their child brought a lump to Michael's throat and a fresh sheen of tears to his eyes. Swallowing hard, he tried not to let his voice waver, but his emotions were still very raw. Despite his resolve, he knew he couldn't hide his grief, not this time.

"We…lost the baby," he managed, as he reeled himself in. "I…I can't…"

"_Oh, sweetheart…"_ Madeline's voice caught as she spoke, the sound almost breaking Michael completely. _"I know…it's okay…"_

Michael nodded silently, not trusting himself to speak. He knew his mother meant well and he did appreciate her concern, but he just couldn't talk about his and Fiona's loss so soon.

"_Do you need me to bring you anything?"_ her voice sounded again. _"Does Fi need fresh clothes?"_

Taking a breath, Michael fought through the haze and leaned back against the wall. He didn't know how to be the one who waited; he'd never had to do this before. Closing his eyes briefly, he opened them again and smiled, despite the heaviness in her heart.

"She'll need new clothes," he told her softly. "But I don't know where she…I…"

"_Don't worry, honey,"_ Madeline told him reassuringly. _"Sam knows where her things are. We'll go get them before we come visit."_

"Thanks, mom," he told her on a sigh, relief swamping his senses. "I…love you."

"_I love you, too, Michael."_

Closing the phone, he slipped it back into his pocket and leaned back against the wall again. His heart ached in a way it had never hurt before and, although he knew this was the best place for Fiona right now, all he wanted was to get her out of here and take her home.

Lifting his hands to his face, he palmed the remnants of tears away from his eyes before he stood back up and looked toward the white doors that led into the ICU. Moving towards them, he pushed his way through and nodded towards the nursing staff that regarded him warmly.

When he got to Fiona's bed, he felt the warmth of love spread through his body when he realised just how vulnerable she looked. He moved on autopilot, his devotion to her spurring on his movements as he retook his place by her side once more. He sat down in the chair and leaned back against the cushioned seat, his eyes never leaving her face. Instinctively, he reached out to take hold of her hand, but stopped midway when he realised his need to touch her would disturb her much-needed sleep.

So he withdrew his hand and leaned back in his chair again, the warmth from the soft material moulding to his body. He watched her as she slept, the slow rhythmic beat of the heart monitor calming his stress-filled brain. He could feel the swell of depression eating away inside him as he found himself longing for the child they had lost. He didn't understand it; he couldn't comprehend how something he'd never even thought about before was the one thing he wanted desperately to have.

Children had never been in his thoughts, _ever_. Their life was built around chaos and bringing a life into it would have been something catastrophic, but…a child… Closing his eyes, he tried to drown out the images of his own creation, but he couldn't seem to stop them. A little girl appeared in his mind, a child with his colouring and Fiona's eyes…

Snapping his eyes open, he took a deep breath and looked up to the sterile white painted ceiling. He had to focus. They had a long way to go to rid themselves of Meyers and for him to fulfil his duty to Raines and the CIA before he could finally have the life that he and Fiona both craved.

He was so lost in thought that he didn't realise she had opened her eyes until her soft voice spoke his name. Sitting upright, he stood up and moved towards the bed, perching on the side as he took one of her hands in his.

"Hey," he whispered, his face becoming one big smile. "How are you feeling?"

Opening her eyes wider, she looked up into his face and focused on his eyes. She could see the turmoil in his cobalt blue depths, but before she could open her mouth to ask him what had happened, he leaned down to press a kiss onto her lips, silencing her words.

When he drew away, she gazed up at him adoringly, knowing that her love for him was stronger now than it had ever been. His actions, however welcomed, were also confusing. In all the time she'd known him she had never witnessed him being like this and she had to wonder how much of it was due to losing their child.

"Sore," she answered honestly when she attempted to shift just a little, but the ripples of pain that tore through her body caused her to gasp in a shaky breath.

"What is it?" he asked in a rush, already in the process of getting up from the bed. "Shall I get someone?"

Narrowing her eyes, she held onto the hand that had taken possession of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. She felt as if she'd been hit by a truck and it hurt to make even the slightest movement, but having him here beside her seemed to make all of the discomfort worth it.

"I'm fine," she told him with a tight smile, hoping to mask the pain from his eyes.

"You're not fine," he insisted. "I'm going to find—"

"Michael," his name blurted out of her mouth and she clung to his fingers to prevent him from moving. "I…"

Within seconds, she has disabled him and he returned to her side when he saw the uncertainty in her eyes. Perching on the side of her bed again, he nodded slowly, knowing that he couldn't mask the liquid emotion that threatened to tumble from his eyes.

"I'm okay," she told him again, her own tempestuous feelings running rampage throughout her body. "Was it Meyers?"

"Wha—"

"Meyers," she repeated. "Was he the one who did this to me?"

"Fiona," he sighed heavily, desperate to try to make her rest, but the sadness and determination in her eyes was a look he knew all too well. "We'll talk about it when you're home."

"No," she croaked, her bottom lip trembling before she could stop it. "Was it…"

"Shh," his voice soothed as he shuffled closer in a desperate attempt to comfort her through her see-sawing emotions. "Don't do this…"

A single tear slipped from her eyes to tumble over her cheek and she felt far too desolate to even begin to wipe it away. There were so many questions floating around inside her head and she knew that Michael was trying to protect her from the truth, but in her heart she already knew the answers.

"He _killed_ our baby," she hissed out in a mixture of loss and anger. "He—"

"He'll pay," Michael told her with as much conviction as he felt. "I promise you, _I'll make him pay_."

Nodding her head, she sniffed back the moisture growing in her eyes and lifted his hand to her face to rest his palm over her cheek.

"I want to be there," she whispered as she held his gaze. "I—"

"Fi…" he spoke her name so softly that her words died away. "Let me handle this…just let me take care of you for once…"

She watched him silently, her eyes searching through his depths as if she was trying to see right through into his soul. She wanted to argue with him and tell him that she was more than capable of taking care of herself, but there was something in his eyes that told her he needed to do this.

"Okay…" she told him in a reluctant whisper. "But…"

Michael moved his hand to lay a finger over her lips. He knew as soon as she was well enough she would be out there by his side, hunting down Meyers with every ounce of vengeance she could muster. He knew she deserved the truth, that Meyers was on the run from his own government as well as theirs, but he had an unwavering desire to protect her. He promised himself that he would tell her everything when she was out of hospital; there would be no more lies between them…never again.

"My mom wants to see you," he smiled as he removed his finger from her lips. "She's insisting actually!"

Fiona's lips turned upwards into a smile despite recognizing his obvious attempts to divert her questions and she decided to let him have this one, for now.

"Does she know?"

The smile slipped from Michael's face when the reminder of their loss sliced through his heart once more. He could see how Fiona's uncertain eyes held a certain amount of dread in them. She too was worried whether she could avoid breaking down when his mother asked her inevitable questions.

He nodded miserably while his fingers wrapped around hers. He moved their joined hands onto his thigh, holding her against him as he tried to offer her the strength she'd always given him.

"You don't have to see her," he offered softly. "If you don't feel up to it."

"No," she told him through the lump that was lodged in her throat. "I want to."

"Okay," he inclined his head to focus on their intertwined fingers before he spoke again. "There's only one visitor allowed in here."

"I know…"

"I'll go and get cleaned up while she's here," he mused, as the thought of his mother creating her own unique form of havoc left him of two minds whether to leave Fiona's side at all.

"It'll be fine," she smiled when she saw the uncertainty in his eyes. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Don't you have to report in, go on missions, or something?" she asked dejectedly, knowing all too well that the Michael that was here with her right now could revert back to the stoic spy in the blink of an eye.

"I'm not leaving you," he promised adamantly, squeezing her fingers as if to fortify his words. "I want to be here."

"Okay," she told him softly, taking strength from his touch. "Will we get through this?"

Her words cut right through him and he found himself nodding emphatically before he found the power to speak.

"We will," he promised. "It won't be like it was before…I won't let that happen again."

Fiona lifted her gaze to his and offered him a watery smile as she nodded her head. The look in his eyes told her that this time he meant it and she actually believed him. She just hoped that whatever happened when she was released from the hospital that they would be able to rebuild their lives again.

Suppressing a yawn, she thought she'd managed to hide it from him. But when she spotted his adoring grin, she blushed slightly.

"Sorry," she sighed apologetically. "I don't know why I'm so tired."

Michael smiled down at her and lifted her hand to his lips to press a kiss onto her skin before he laid it down onto the sheet that covered her stomach. Manoeuvring off of the bed, he bent to smooth her hair from her eyes and then to place a soft kiss onto her forehead, lingering against her for a few seconds more than he'd intended to.

"Close your eyes," he whispered softly. "I'll be here."

000

When Madeline arrived at the hospital with Sam in tow, they were shown into the visitor room where Raines was already waiting. Madeline eyed him suspiciously as she took a seat near the door, keeping her distance from the man she thought was merely there to visit someone. Placing the bag she'd brought for Fiona onto the chair beside her, she waited for Sam to finish speaking to one of the nursing staff before he came into the visitor room to join her.

"Did you get in touch with Michael?" Madeline asked him in a low voice when he sat down beside her. "Is he coming?"

"I sent him a message, yeah," he nodded. "He'll be down in a few minutes."

Raines recognised the two of them right away, being privy to their files a long time ago. He regarded the blonde haired woman with something akin to wariness. From the way Michael had described her, she was already living up to every one of his descriptions.

"Can I help you?" she asked him suddenly, her voice dripping with sarcasm when she glared at him.

Raines physically pulled himself upwards in his chair and stood up. He remembered Michael's warning regarding his mother and he could see by the way she was looking at him now, that every one of those descriptions weren't exaggerated.

"Mrs. Westen," he nodded, holding out his hand. "Your son works for me."

Madeline stared at him with barely held contempt before she lowered her eyes onto his offered hand.

"So," she told him lowly. "You're the reason my daughter in law is in this hospital."

Raines lowered his hand and shook his head, stunned. Glancing towards the man who was sitting beside her, he was more than relieved when he seemed to be able to silence her pretty quickly.

"You're Raines?" Sam asked as he got up from his seat and held out his hand.

"William Raines," he nodded, taking Sam's offered hand before he dropped it just as quickly. "And you must be Sam Axe."

"The one and only," Sam grinned humourlessly. "So, what brings you out here? I take it this isn't a social call?"

"Uh, no," Raines told him tightly as he eyed Michael's mother warily. "I have some things to discuss with Michael."

"You're here to take him away from us again, aren't you?" Madeline groused in annoyance. "You couldn't wait until Fiona was out of hospital first?"

"I—"

"Maddie," Sam turned towards her and silenced her almost immediately. "Let Mike do things his way. I'm sure Mr. Raines here only wants to talk to him about the guy who hurt Fi. That's gotta be good, right?"

"Good?" Madeline snapped. "How the hell is there anything good about it? I've lost my son and now my grandbaby because of—"

"Mrs. Westen," Raines turned to face her and felt her icy glare freeze the blood in his veins. "I was very sorry to hear about your youngest son. I'd offer my condolences—"

"Well, you're a little too late for that," she told him abruptly. "I've had my life turned upside down by you people and now you can't even let my son grieve for his baby in peace? What kind of _man_ are you?"

Raines's eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth to ask why Michael hadn't told him when the man in question appeared inside the room. Michael looked from his mother and then to Raines before he stepped forward to take hold of his mother's arm.

"Mom," he spoke her name, his voice halting the retort she had already formed on her lips. When she turned to face him, her eyes softened and she offered him a bright smile.

"Michael," she gushed, the smile falling from her face the second she saw his weary eyes. "Honey, you look terrible."

Whatever Michael had planned to say to her died on his lips when he caught Sam's worried eyes. Nodding his head towards his mother, he looked down at her and offered her a tired smile.

"Fiona's awake," he told her, hoping she wouldn't detect his efforts to manoeuvre her out of the room. "She wants to see you."

The second Fiona's name fell from Michael's lips, something changed within Madeline's eyes. Her smile grew, and when she met his gaze, she could already feel her welling tears.

"Is she okay?" she asked in a soft voice. "Does she need—"

"All she needs is for you to talk to her, mom," he lowered his voice and steered her away from Sam and Raines. "Just sit with her until I have a chance to talk to Raines?"

Her eyes snapped to his and within seconds a flash of annoyance replaced the love that was there only moments ago.

"You're abandoning Fiona for him?" she asked lowly as she gestured towards Michael's boss who still stood in the same spot as moments ago. "Does she know you're—"

"I'm not going anywhere," Michael snapped, fixing her with a thunderous glare that softened within seconds. "I promised Fiona I'd find Meyers and I can't do that while I'm worrying about her. So could you just stay with her for an hour…and talk to her…?"

"Michael—"

"Please, mom?" he tried again. "As soon as Meyers is caught, I can bring her home."

"Michael that face didn't work on me when you were a little boy. What makes you think it'll work now?" Madeline asked him with a scowl which soon melted away the moment his lips turned upwards into a grin. "Oh, alright, just stop with the puppy dog eyes."

Moving towards her vacated chair, she picked up the bag she'd brought for Fiona and hooked it over her wrist before she made her way towards the door. When he didn't move, she watched him expectantly, casting him a look that he knew all too well. After a few seconds, he suddenly found his feet and ushered her out of the door, leaving Sam and Raines to look after his retreating form.

tbc


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and for all of the favourite story and author adds. RL keeps me away from the computer so I don't have a lot of time to reply personally, but please know that I really do appreciate all of your comments.**

**Huge thanks as always to my wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger for giving this a BETA despite being incredibly busy.**

**Lastly thank you to DaisyDay, Noelle and all of the girls on twitter for the love and support**

17

Outside in the corridor, Michael nodded towards his mother and laid a hand on her shoulder before he steered her towards the ICU doors

"She's waiting for you," he told her softly. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Of course I'll be okay," she told him with a wry smile. "You go and do what you have to do. I'll take care of Fi."

"Okay," he said on a sigh. "I'll be back soon."

"Just go, she'll be fine," she replied, moving a hand out to squeeze his arm reassuringly. "Just don't do anything stupid."

Nodding silently, he turned away from her and made his way down the corridor towards the exit, leaving Madeline watching after him. When he was out of sight, she took a deep breath and walked towards the double doors that led into the ICU. Pushing them open, she took a cautious step into the room and headed towards the nurse's station.

Fiona was staring off into space when she walked in quietly and Madeline had to swallow the gasp that ached to break free from her lips. Fiona's bruised face had all but taken the breath from her lungs and, even now as she came in to sit down on the chair beside her bed, she wasn't sure what she was going to say to her.

"Hey," she whispered, her voice cutting through the silence in the room, "How are you feeling?"

Fiona heard Madeline's voice breaking through her solitude and, for a few moments, she welcomed the intrusion. Her thoughts and feelings were fraught in an agonizing turmoil and, even as she tried to block the returning images from her mind, they came back full force, bombarding her entire body with pain. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her breathing while trying to project an image of her usual strong self to the woman beside her.

Madeline watched the struggle that seemed to consume Fiona and she knew right there and then that she would do whatever it took to rebuild the family that Fiona had lost. She couldn't give her back her birth family or ever be the mother that Fiona had longed for, but she could be the next best thing.

"Jesse and Sam send their love," Madeline told her softly, unsure if Fiona actually realized she was in the room, as she engaged in the one-sided conversation. "They've been so worried…I think all of us—"

"I lost it," Fiona blurted suddenly, her voice rasping through her lips as she finally turned her eyes onto the woman she had always regarded as her second mother. Closing her eyes tightly, she fought to keep the bile from rising into her throat. Her whole body was shaking with the force of the memories as she found herself once again immersed into her chasm of loss.

Madeline's breath caught in her throat and she found herself unable to speak. She looked around the room briefly as if to find some sort of answer, but when she ran her worried eyes over the young woman beside her she knew instinctively what she had to do. Pulling herself out of the chair, she stood beside the bed for a few moments before she moved to perch on the edge of Fiona's mattress.

"It's—"

"It's okay?" Fiona asked, her voice hissing through her lips as she turned tear filled eyes to Madeline's.

"Honey—"

"Michael says that. He always tells me it's going to be okay, but I can't…" Her voice cracked as the tears leaked from her eyes once more. "I just want…"

"Oh, honey…" Madeline soothed softly, her heart aching for her. Moving closer, she reached forward to take Fiona's hands in her own and smiled at the woman she clung to when she met her tear filled eyes.

"I didn't even get a chance to take the test," Fiona told her, as tears tumbled from her eyes. "And I'm so _damn _angry…"

"Of course you are," Madeline soothed. "You lost your baby. No one expects you to bounce back so soon."

Fiona swallowed at the thickness in her throat as she focused on their joined hands. She wanted to tell Madeline that she was afraid that she would never be enough for Michael. How could she tell her that she had trouble believing him when he said he wanted to stay…

Lying back against the pillows, Fiona suddenly felt more vulnerable than she had ever felt. Tearing her eyes from Madeline's, she lifted her gaze to the ceiling as she fought for the words she wanted to say.

"Michael cares. Never doubt that honey," Madeline told her gently, knowing instantly what was running through Fiona's mind. "Take it from someone who knows."

Fiona closed her eyes briefly and nodded silently, not knowing what to make of this new turn of events. "I keep thinking of the things I should have done…I should have told him the minute I suspected, but… everything was so mixed up…"

"Sweetheart," Madeline whispered, squeezing her hand. "Nothing matters now except for you to get well."

"But if—"

"You can't change the past," Madeline told her as gently as she could. "You and Michael can start again. There's still time; it's not too late for either of you."

Tears slipped from Fiona's eyes again when she found Madeline's gaze. For the first time, she could actually see the compassion in the older woman's eyes, filling her with some much needed courage to fight the battle a little longer. Nodding silently, her eyes dropped down to Madeline's hand that still held one of hers.

"I'm sorry about Nate," she whispered finally, knowing that she hadn't spoken the words aloud before now. "It's my fault he died…"

"What?" Madeline asked just as quietly. "It wasn't your fault."

"But I…"

"No, Fiona, you can't blame yourself for Nate. I learned the hard way that you can't hold onto the grief and anger. All it does is make things worse." Swallowing hard, Madeline pushed the guilt away from her heart and once again squeezed Fiona's fingers, coaxing her to look up into her eyes. When Fiona finally lifted her head, Madeline could feel the change within them. "I'm sorry."

Fiona nodded tearfully and offered Madeline what she hoped was a smile. "It's been a rough year hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it sure has," she sighed. "It can only get better though, right?"

"I wish it would…I hope it does."

"It will, I promise," Madeline smiled, an idea springing into her mind. "Have you had anything to eat yet?"

"No, not really… I'm not hungry."

"Well, why don't I go and find you some magazines or something? I'll come back here and keep you company for a while until Michael gets back?" Her smile widened even further when she saw Fiona's eyes slowly begin to lose the tears that still held her down.

"Aren't you tired?" Fiona asked softly, her small smile lightening her mood slightly.

"Tired? Nope… not yet, anyway." Releasing Fiona's hand she slipped down from the bed and picked up her bag. "I'll be right back."

Fiona watched her leave, swishing the curtain to the side as she left. This was only the second time she'd been left alone and, even though she fought against it, the feeling of loneliness crept around her. Her life was in a mess. Motherhood had been ripped away from her and she had a man out there somewhere who was intent on killing her. But if she'd learned anything from her past, it had been to suck it up and carry on. That's what she intended to do.

000

When Michael returned to the waiting area where Raines and Sam were waiting, he eyed his boss and friend tiredly as he tried to shake off the exhaustion.

"You look like hell, Michael," Raines greeted him gruffly when he held out the file for him. "When's the last time you got any sleep?"

"Since when have you been interested?" Michael snapped back as he opened the file in his hands to read down the information listed.

Raines watched him uncomfortably before he caught Sam's gaze. He could see that the older man was looking just as anxious as Michael was while he waited to see what his friend's reaction was as he read what was written in the file.

"This is _all _you've got?" Michael asked suddenly when he flipped the pages back in annoyance. "There's not much to go on."

"It's only been twenty four hours, Michael. I have people working on it—"

"So all you have so far is that he's still in Miami?" Michael asked in disbelief. "My girlfriend almost DIED!"

"Michael—"

"No!" Michael hissed out, his voice slicing through Raines's words. "I agreed to your deal because you promised you could keep my family safe. So far that promise of protection hasn't worked."

Sam stepped between the two men and held his hand up to silence the tirade that he knew was going to spill from Michael's lips at any second. His friend was caught up in a jumble of emotions. He was grieving over the child that had never made it into the world, as well as almost losing the woman he loved. There was only so much that one person could take before they broke into pieces completely and, as far as he could see, Michael was very close to his breaking point.

"Look, Mike," he started, keeping his voice deliberately low. "Why don't you let me take you back to the hotel so you can shower and change? Your mom's with Fi—"

"And what happens if Meyers comes here while I'm gone?" Michael asked desperately, his tired eyes sparking with fire. "I almost lost her once, Sam. I _won't_ let it happen again."

"Ok, well, at least take a break and let me and Jesse handle this." Reaching forward, he took the folder from Michael's hands and held onto it adamantly. "I know you need to be here right now."

"What I _need is _to find Meyers," Michael's gruff voice caught in his throat and the weariness of the last few months was starting to wear him down.

"We will find him," Raines told him officiously. "I want you to take some personal time."

"Personal time?" Michael ground out. "You tell me I have to come back to keep my family out of prison and now you want me to take personal time?"

"You're angry," Raines nodded knowingly. "I can see that."

"Angry?" Michael laughed humourlessly. "Is that what you think this is?"

"Look, I don't want to make this an order, but I will if you force me to," Raines warned. "You deal with things here and I'll have my people work with your people to—"

"Hey, buddy, we're not _his _people," Sam told him offensively. "We're a team, all of us and that includes Fi."

"I know. I just meant—"

"Oh, relax, would ya?" Sam grinned. "Just let us do what we do best and don't get in our way."

"It says in the file that he's not used his credit cards since he went rogue, which means he'll be using the motels to lay low," Michael told him as he ran through the information in his head. "He'll know he's on every government watch list, so unless he's stupid, he'll be looking at ways to get out of Miami—"

"Yeah, we got it, Mike," Sam nodded as he laid a hand on his friends arm. "But keep an eye open all the same, just in case."

"You think he'll seriously show up here?" Raines asked, shaking his head dubiously.

"Hey, the last time a guy from the UK had the hots for Fi, he got help from one of your guys and told him where to find her." Sam moved the folder and tucked it under his arm as he stood to his full height met Raines's gaze head on. "And, I tell ya, _buddy_, none of us are gonna let that happen again."

"Why didn't I hear about this?" Raines asked in exasperation as he looked from first Michael and then to Sam. "What else are you keeping from me?"

"It was a long time ago," Michael shrugged. "And no one in the CIA was prepared to listen to me."

"You could have come to me," Raines insisted. "You know I never really believed the accusations against you."

"So why didn't you come to my defence?" Folding his arms across his chest, Michael fixed his boss with a hardened stare, one which made the other man look away.

"I said I didn't believe the accusations," Raines told him as he lifted his eyes to watch Michael once more. "Not that I could have helped in any way, not from my position."

"Yeah, I felt you all the way back there," Michael growled. "So, tell me something…did you know Card was dirty?"

Raines opened his mouth to tell him no when Michael's cell phone buzzed inside his pocket. Pulling it out, he looked down at the screen suspiciously when it displayed a number he didn't recognise. With everything that had gone on in the past few months, he had become even more suspicious than normal. He only trusted his team with his life, regardless of the mixed rabble they appeared to be.

He heard Sam's voice beside him, but his mind drowned him out. His focus was purely on the cell phone in his hand as he warred within himself as to whether he should see if his suspicions had any foundation.

Without a word, he pressed the call button and lifted the phone against his ear, hissing out an emotionless greeting.

"_So…I hear you're looking for me?"_

Michael froze and pressed the phone closer as he waved to gain Raines's attention.

"Meyers?" he asked, his voice dripping with contempt.

"_Ahh, so you have heard of me."_

"Yeah, I've heard of you. You tried to kill my girlfriend."

Raines pulled his own cell phone out of his pocket and pressed in a number that he knew by heart before he tapped Michael on the shoulder to indicate that he was leaving the room so Meyers couldn't hear him.

"_Well, technically, it wasn't me who pulled the trigger,"_ Meyers drolled. _"But nevertheless you're right."_

"I'm going to find you, Meyers," Michael warned lowly, his voice dripping with hatred. "And when I do, I'm going to _kill_ you."

"_Really?"_ Meyers asked with a hint of laughter in his voice. _"By the time you find me, I'll be gone…but mark my words; I'll be taking Fiona Glenanne with me."_

"You won't get near her," Michael warned. "I'll make sure of that."

"_Really?"_

"Yeah, _really_," Michael hissed. "I'll find you and when I do—"

"_You'll kill me, blah, blah, blah,"_ Meyers mocked. _"You American's think you know everything, don't you? Even down to keeping an Irish terrorist amongst you."_

"What do you want, Meyers?"

"_Oh you already know what I want,"_ he chuckled. "_And I intend to take her."_

"I'll KILL you first," Michael spat. "You hear me you _bastard_, I'll _KILL_ you."

"_Yes, well, Good luck with that."_

The phone grew silent and Michael glared down at it for a few seconds before he launched it against the wall to shatter it into tiny pieces.

000

"Honey, you should really eat something," Madeline urged, noting that Fiona's sandwich still lay untouched in the cellophane wrappings on her bedside table.

Closing her eyes, Fiona laid back into the pillows and swallowed the dread that had suddenly overwhelmed her. Opening her eyes again, she met Madeline's worried gaze and instantly knew that she wouldn't be able to hide behind her false smiles this time.

"Did Michael tell you anything?"

"You know Michael, he doesn't really say much of _anything_," Madeline told her as she closed her magazine and placed it onto the end of the bed. "Why?"

Fiona pondered on her question for a few seconds as she tried to formulate some kind of reply. She had always been so strong and so capable, but how could she let the woman beside her know that she was feeling so utterly vulnerable right now.

"Nothing," Fiona spoke on a sigh, deciding that there were some things that Madeline didn't need to know. "It doesn't matter…what are you reading?"

"Don't…" Madeline moved out of her chair and came to sit on the edge of Fiona's bed. "Don't change the subject like that. It never worked for my boys and it certainly doesn't work for you!"

Fiona was silent for a long moment before she turned her haunted eyes onto the woman beside her. Michael had been the ideal boyfriend lately and refused to leave her side. He had expressed his love for her countless times and she really did believe him…but she was also afraid to let her defences down completely. Opening her mouth to speak, she clamped it closed again when she realised she really didn't know what to say. So instead she shook off her insecurities and plastered a fake smile onto her lips

"I'm just tired," she lied. "It's nothing."

"Well, why didn't you say something," Madeline smiled, reaching a hand over to pat her arm gently. "I'll go and find Michael and leave you to get some rest."

"_NO,_" Fiona gasped, her voice louder than she had intended. "You don't have to go."

Madeline regarded her knowingly and settled back down onto the bed. Her eyes scanned the younger woman's face to linger over every bruise and scar. She knew that Fiona had her doubts about Michael's devotion to her, but the desperate man she had witnessed while they waited for word on her condition left no doubts in her mind.

"I can stay," Madeline told her with a smile, grasping her hand gently as she spoke. "You don't have to go through this alone, honey, so don't you even try."

Fiona smiled slightly, grateful for the support that had been almost overwhelming from the woman beside her. Everything had changed in those split seconds of the accident, the impact of it not just leaving her with physical injuries but emotional ones as well. Things that had previously been unspoken had risen to the surface, breaking through the wall of pain that had kept her gripped in its depression and she really didn't know how to pull herself back from it. Regardless of the rules she had set herself, sucking it up and carrying on was going to be a lot harder than she thought.

"What are you thinking?" Madeline asked softly, reaching forward to brush an errant strand of hair away from Fiona's eyes, noting how silent she had become. "It's really over now. You don't have to worry about Michael leaving again."

Fiona swallowed the lump in her throat. The welling emotion that accompanied the sorrow burned behind her eyes as she fought to keep the tears at bay. She seemed to have been consumed in chaos for months. She knew she had been heading towards a downward spiral the minute she had given herself up and gone to prison. The fact that she'd lost everything she owned didn't seem to matter so much now…not after losing the tiny life that had been growing inside her.

"Before this happened…before the…" Closing her eyes, she leaned back into her pillows and automatically placed a hand over her abdomen. Opening her eyes just as quickly, she pulled her hand away when she realized what she was doing and looked away. "I was ready to give up…"

Madeline's heart was breaking. She had known the complete joy of carrying a child to term and delivering safely. Despite the upbringing of her two young sons, no one, not even Frank, could have taken that away from her.

"I think we all were, honey," Madeline told her on a sigh as she took hold of the younger woman's hands. "But I learned a long time ago that staying mad at Michael would have meant I lost him, too—"

"You almost did." Turning to meet Madeline's eyes Fiona could see the love and loss that still swam within them. "He was running on grief for a lot of the time."

Madeline released Fiona's hand and pulled her forward while she fluffed up the pillows behind her. She could feel the younger woman's eyes upon her but she was a little afraid to meet her gaze. She knew she had reacted badly to Nate's death and she'd blamed her eldest son for everything that had happened. She'd been angry and sick with grief. Reacting with fury had been the only way she knew how to deal with it.

"There," she soothed, hoping that her voice had masked her pain as she gently eased Fiona back down into the pillows. "That should be a little more comfortable now."

"Madeline—"

"I made mistakes," she nodded, regret seeping into her words. "Don't you make the same mistake I did because you're grieving. He loves you, honey. I don't think any of us really knew just how much until he was in that waiting room going out of his mind."

Fiona regarded her silently, Madeline's words slowly sinking in. She knew Michael loved her, of course she did. For a long time she questioned herself if just having his love was enough. Love didn't bring stability and it didn't come with any guarantees that it would last forever…but she wished for it anyway.

Nodding her head, Fiona leaned back against the pillows and took a deep breath. Maybe when she got out of here she would feel more in control. She could rebuild her life and maybe…just maybe, Michael would be here to rebuild his life too.

"Can you ask when I can get out of here?"

"Honey, you've just had a mis—" Madeline stopped herself from saying the actual word, instead choosing to clamp her eyes closed as to avoid the flash of pain in Fiona's eyes.

"I had a _miscarriage_," Fiona told her shakily. "You can say it, Madeline."

"Honey—"

"My baby is gone and there's not a damn thing I can do about it," Fiona growled out as she used her good arm to push herself upwards, wincing as she managed to manoeuvre her body slightly. "And sitting here in this bed isn't going to change it."

"I know," Madeline told her on a sigh. Reaching forward, she patted her leg softly and moved to help her but Fiona shook her hand away.

"I need to do this by myself," she managed through gritted teeth before she lifted her pain filled eyes onto the woman beside her. "But there is something you can do for me."

"If you're asking me to smuggle you out of here—"

"No," Fiona gasped out, releasing her breath when she finally managed to get into a more comfortable position.

"Okay," Madeline told her suspiciously. "I'm listening."

Relaxing back against the pillows, Fiona took a deep cleansing breath as she attempted to breathe through the pain. When the ache in her body had subsided, she fixed Madeline with a determined gaze and attempted a reassuring smile.

"I need you to get me a gun."

"A _gun?_" Madeline asked, her voice rising into a whine before she reeled herself in and looked around her. Lowering her voice, she stepped closer towards the bed and hissed out her words. "You're in a hospital!"

"Yeah and I'm a sitting duck," Fiona told her adamantly. "If Meyers comes after me here, I—"

"He wouldn't come into a hospital," Madeline argued. "Not with so many people here."

Fiona opened her mouth to reason with her, but before she could get any words out, the curtain was pushed aside and Michael stepped inside.

"Hey," he told her with a bright smile as he moved around his mother so that he could grasp Fiona's hand.

Fiona watched him suspiciously, noting that he was using his fake smile, before she tugged on his fingers to gain his attention.

"What's wrong?"

"What…nothing," he lied, following it with a tight smile. "I just—"

"You're a bad liar, Michael," Fiona grinned only to wince when a twinge of pain hit her body. "I…know you, remember?"

"Yes, you do," he smiled as he lifted her hand to his lips and placed a kiss onto her fingers.

"Listen you two, I'm gonna go…"

"Thanks, mom, Sam's waiting for you downstairs," Michael told her, nodding his thanks when she backed away.

"I asked your mom to get me a gun," Fiona blurted quickly before the older woman could escape behind the curtain. "She thinks Meyers won't come here, but you and I both know this is exactly where he's going to come."

"Will you talk to _her_, Michael?" Madeline asked as her voice lifted into a whine before she pushed the curtain aside to step through. "I need a cigarette."

When she had gone, Michael turned towards his girlfriend and pulled his gun out from the waistband of his pants, thankful that it had been concealed by his suit jacket. Handing it to her, he smiled knowingly when she released his hand and took hold of the weapon.

"I've missed this," she mused, her lips lifting into a smirk before she became serious once more. "Meyers isn't going to leave without finishing the job, is he?"

"Fi—"

"Michael," she griped, keeping him locked in her gaze. "Don't lie to me."

Michael thought about everything he'd planned to say to her on his way back up here, but he'd forgotten how well she knew him. Taking a breath, he took the gun from her hand and placed it beneath her pillow where she could reach it easily before he turned his attention back to her.

He had a lot of explaining to do…

tbc


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews, PM's and for all of the favourite story and author adds. I wish I could reply personally but RL keeps me away. Please know that I really do appreciate all of your comments.**

**Huge thanks as always to my wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger for her excellent BETA work.**

**Lastly thank you to DaisyDay, Noelle and all the girls on twitter for your constant support**

18

Sam paced up and down outside the ICU doors, glancing up at Madeline as he moved. Stopping abruptly, he shook his head in exasperation before he slumped back against the wall.

"What?"

"Will you quit walking up and down?" she griped irritably. "It's bad enough that you won't let me leave, but then you drag me back up here to stand outside ICU."

"It's not safe, Maddie."

"I can't even smoke up here!" she snapped as she folded her arms across her chest.

"That's why you're so pissed?" Sam asked haughtily. "Fiona is being targeted by an out of control MI6 agent and you're griping cuz ya can't smoke?"

"What…no…" Madeline unclasped her arms and hung them limply by her sides. "It's just this whole situation, Sam. Can't they just live their lives?"

"Well, when Meyers—"

"Oh come on, Sam, there's always someone else! This Meyers guy won't be the last," she hissed. "There's _always_ someone else."

Sam sighed heavily and tried to find a reason to tell her that she was wrong, but he knew from experience that she wasn't. Trouble seemed to follow Michael wherever he went and since he'd been involved with Fiona that trouble had doubled.

"I know it looks bad—"

"Bad?" Madeline laughed humorously. "Michael takes bad to a whole new level."

"Could you at least _pretend_ to be supportive?" Sam hissed out as he pushed himself off of the wall and turned his attention towards the small window in the ICU door.

"I am supportive," Madeline told him lowly, her voice losing some of its whine. "I just want this whole thing to end."

"Yeah…"

"It seems that since Michael left home, he only came back to me when Fiona came here. She means the world to him…" Releasing a sigh, she watched the man who had become one of her best friends. "I just hope he doesn't mess it up."

"Yeah, well, ya know Mikey," Sam mused. "He never does anything easy."

"You can say that again," Madeline chuckled. "Did you call Jesse?"

Moving away from the doors, he turned back to regard the woman beside him and grinned knowingly. Madeline was predictable and manipulative. Mike, Fi and himself had become immune to her, but so far Jesse hadn't learned to question every one of her motives.

"You want him to go outside with you, don't ya?"

"What?" she gasped out as if the mere suggestion offended her. "No, of course not. I—"

"Oh, come off it, Maddie. Ya forget I know ya…and yeah, Jess is on his way, so when he gets here you can go outside."

"I—"

"Am I right?" he grinned.

"No!"

"I know I'm right! Ya know how I know I'm right?" he asked with a wide smile.

"Well, why don't you enlighten me?" Madeline huffed sarcastically. "As you think you know me so well."

"I know cuz I could really murder a mojito right about now."

"Sam," she squeaked. "It's not even ten in the morning!"

"Hey, that's the best time!" he chortled. "The mint's fresh!"

Madeline stared at him seriously before she slowly burst into a soft chuckle. Despite the situation, Sam Axe always managed to find the funny side in everything and for that she was grateful. She was thinking of something to say when Sam's cell phone chirped to life.

Taking his attention away from Madeline, Sam retrieved his phone from his pocket to look down at the screen and was more than relieved to see Jesse's name displayed the box. Ignoring the quizzical stare that Michael's mother cast his way, he hit on the call button and pressed the phone against his ear.

"Jesse."

"Hey, I just got here," he breathed. "Where is everyone?"

"Hang on I'm with Maddie. We'll come down to meet ya," Sam chirped cheerily, more than a little relieved to be offloading the woman who seemed to be staring right through him.

"Is Fi okay? Is—"

"Fi's fine," Sam told him quickly as he began to walk away from the ICU, ushering Madeline along the corridor. "We're on our way."

"You want me to babysit Maddie again, don't you?" Jesse asked in a whine. "Come on, man, I took my turn yesterday."

"I owe you one," Sam grinned, even though the other man couldn't see him. "I'll buy you a beer."

"You can buy me several beers," Jesse griped. "But if I have to—"

"You won't have to do anything; just keep an eye out."

When Jesse had grown silent for a long while, Sam took the phone away from his ear to check that the call was still connected. Seeing the screen still lit up, he pressed it back to his ear again and spoke his friends name hopefully.

"Jess?"

"Yeah, I'm still here…"

"Look, it's only for today, okay. Scout's honor!"

"Wait a minute, you were never a—"

Sam turned off the phone and shot a grin at the woman walking beside him, hoping that Jesse wouldn't be plotting his demise. Ignoring the scowl that Madeline was shooting his way, he ushered her into the foyer and pressed the button for the elevator, keeping the smile plastered on his face.

000

Fiona's gaze dropped down to Michael's fingers as they glided across her skin. She watched the hypnotic movement, taking the comfort she drew from his touch.

In the last few months, she didn't think that they would ever become this close again. But since the accident, he was showing her a side of himself that she never knew existed. She wasn't a hearts and flowers kind of girl…she didn't need trinkets and love letters to make her feel like she was worth the effort. It was moments like this when they sat in silence, drawing strength from one another in a way that only couples in committed relationships could. There was only one thing that was standing in their way to being perfectly happy and so far neither of them had addressed it.

"How long do you have to stay in?" she asked suddenly, lifting her eyes to meet his shocked gaze.

"I—"

"Please don't lie to me anymore, Michael," she sighed tiredly. "Not after this."

"Fi…I…" Michael stumbled over his words and tried to think of the best way he could tell her, but in the end he opted for the truth. "The deal I made doesn't have a time limit…"

Fiona felt her heart sink inside her chest. She had hoped to be able to put the pain into a box and tell herself that there was a time frame for when they could be together…but…

"I know it sounds bad," he urged softly as he moved closer towards the bed. "But it isn't…it really isn't."

"How can you say that?" she asked sadly, already feeling her emotions rearing up inside her. "You've just told me that you'll never be free. There's always going to be another mission and another…it'll never be over."

"Fi—"

"What do you want, Michael?" she asked him brokenly as she fought off the strain of depression that was already welling around her. "If it's the CIA, then let me go…just…let me go…"

"What? No," he urged quickly, his words coming out in a rush. "I want the same things you do."

"What things?" She felt his hand tighten around hers as if she was some kind of lifeline. "I need to know there's an end to all of this, Michael."

"After we get Meyers—"

"Like after we got Grey?" she asked knowingly. "You gave me the same speech in Panama, followed by promises that you couldn't keep."

"I had no choice," he told her on a sigh. "But this time…We'll find Meyers. After we take him down, I'll talk to Raines and we'll work something out."

Fiona met his anxious gaze and saw the uncertainty in his eyes. There were so many bad things that had happened lately, far too many. There had been disappointment after disappointment, the strain of each one weighing her down. She had been lied to countless times, but as she regarded him now, looking so tired, she knew that something had to give.

"What do you really want, Michael?" she asked softly, urging him to answer. "You wanted to get your job back for as long as I've been here…now you have it."

"Fi—"

"Let me finish," she insisted, squeezing his hand to silence him. "I need to say this, okay…?"

"Okay," he nodded, even though he feared what she had to say. He watched as she lowered her gaze onto their joined hands for a few moments before she met his eyes once more.

"I'm not going to give you an ultimatum, not now. We've both lost far too much. I can't see my family again…I've lost the chance to have my own. There's nothing left for me to lose…" Her voice cracked slightly but she pulled herself back, "…except…you."

"_No,"_ he told her emphatically as he held onto her hand in desperation. "We'll make this work..."

Fiona could feel the sincerity radiating from him and found her defenses waning. She was formulating some kind of reply when the curtain around her bed parted to reveal Sam who had his head turned away.

"Is everyone decent in here?" he asked, shielding his eyes dramatically before he turned back to part his fingers so that he could look through.

"Sam!" Fiona's smile widened as soon as she saw him and instantly she felt her spirits lift. "Get in here."

"Hey, sister," he beamed. "You're lookin' good."

"And you haven't learnt how to lie any better than Michael," she told him with a wide smile.

Sam's gaze lowered to Michael and he tapped him on the shoulder before he stepped further into the tiny room.

"Mikey, I need to speak with ya for a second."

"Why?" Fiona asked suddenly before Michael could speak. "Has something happened?"

"Now don't ya be getting yourself all—"

"Sam," her voice ground out as she released Michael's hand to attempt to push herself higher in the bed. Clamping her eyes shut, she waited for the wave of pain to subside before she opened her eyes to see the two men watching her worriedly.

"I'm okay," she assured them. "I'm just banged up that's all."

"You're in pain," Michael argued, already getting up out of his seat until she stopped him.

"Michael, I'll be fine. I'm just stiff," she assured him before she turned her attention onto Sam. "So, what do you need to tell Michael?"

"I…" Sam stumbled, his eyes flashing with uncertainty until he saw Michael nod his head slightly. "Meyers was spotted by one of Raines team heading towards the hospital about ten minutes ago."

"WHAT?" Getting up sharply, Michael turned back to Fiona as he looked around the tiny space she occupied. "I need to get you out of here."

"Raines has four agents on it. He wants to meet with you to widen the search area." Holding up his hand, he stopped Michael's speech before it could even begin. "I already told him you'd need protection for Fi while you're out there lookin' for him."

"You need to go, Michael," Fiona urged. "Get that bastard and kick his ass all the way back to the UK."

"I'm not leaving you."

"That's why I'm here," Sam told him. "Jesse has taken your mom and holed her up in a motel and I'll stay here with Fi."

"You'll need this," Fiona moved her good arm behind her and pulled his gun out from under her pillow to hold it out for him. "Take it."

Michael looked at the gun in her hand for a long moment before he reached out to take it, brushing his fingers across hers as he did. His eyes flashed with determination and he stepped closer towards her, skimming his fingertips over her cheek before he bent to place a soft kiss onto her lips.

Their lips lingered together for a few moments, both of them reluctant to draw away. When Michael finally moved backwards and broke the connection, he dropped his hand and stepped back. Meeting Sam's eyes, he indicated for him to follow him outside without looking back to the woman he was leaving behind.

Both men walked silently out of the ICU and stopped just outside the doors. Sam knew Michael well enough to know that Michael was still processing this new development.

"She'll be fine," he promised as he patted his friends shoulder. "I'll take good care of her for ya."

"You'd better, Sam," Michael warned stonily, his eyes devoid of mirth as he spoke. "I'm trusting you with her."

"You know I'd never let anything happen to her."

"I know," Michael nodded solemnly, his eyes softening as he spoke. "She's all I have left, Sam…"

"I know, brother. Now go and catch the bad guy so we can all go home."

"Okay," Michael sighed, determination shining in his eyes as he inclined his head and turned without another word.

Sam watched him walk away from him and, even though he knew the sensation building in the pit of his stomach was a feeling he knew all too well, it didn't stop him from worrying anyway. They were technically one man down, or two if he counted Jesse, but if he knew Fiona. He knew that she wouldn't let a small thing like pain come between her and her target.

When Michael had disappeared, Sam turned back towards the ICU and pushed the doors open. The sterile smell hit him as soon as he stepped over the threshold and he tried not to let his mind wander back to when he was last in a hospital room himself. Nodding towards one of the nurses on his way back in, he stopped to hover beside the desk.

"Hey," he drawled, casting a middle aged nurse his best smile as he waited for the magic of his charm to begin to work.

As if on cue her eyes lit up and a smile spread across her lips as she looked up at him.

"Can I help you?"

"Well, I sure hope so," he grinned, oozing his charm as he leaned a little over her desk to see her name badge. "Laura."

Nurse Laura flushed brightly at his use of her name and she leaned forward to place her elbows on the desk before she smiled up at him questioningly.

"My uh…sister… in the first cubicle…she's gettin' restless, ya know and I was wonderin' when she'll be well enough to get her own room."

"Oh," Laura smiled as her eyes darted behind him to the cubicle in question. "You're the second person to ask me that question today."

Sam's senses sparked instantly and he automatically regarded every single person in the hospital beds with suspicion. Glancing across at the occupied bed that was directly opposite Fiona's, he realized that any one of the patients in here could be a potential threat. Swallowing hard, he turned back around to face the nurse, offering her a worried smile.

"The second?" he asked, already thinking of ways to get Fiona out of here and to a safe place. "Who was the first?"

"He didn't leave a name," Nurse Laura shrugged. "But we're not allowed to give out that kind of information over the phone…"

"So, if anyone would turn up here, they couldn't just walk in?"

"No, if there isn't a name on the scheduled visitors list, then they aren't allowed into the unit." Looking down at the computer screen, she brought Fiona's visitor ledger up and reeled off four names one by one. "And by the description listed here, I'm guessing you're Mr Axe? Miss Glenanne's _brother?"_

Sam knew the second she looked up at him that she didn't believe that he was Fiona's brother any more than he did. The need to keep Fiona protected overtook every other thought and he shook off her sarcasm as he met her eyes.

"What can you remember about him, the guy who called? Did he ask for any other information?"

"No," she shook her head, "but he _did_ have a British accent."

Sam felt his stomach tighten and he tried to formulate some kind of plan in his mind. He needed to move Fiona and get her to a different room; he just hoped that his charm worked in his favor this time.

"Listen…would you be able to do something for me? My sister has had trouble sleeping." Looking behind him, he lowered his voice into a conspiring whisper. "The guy next to her bed…_snores…_"

Nurse Laura regarded him dubiously before she leaned closer over the desk, her smile dying away to leave a more serious glower in its place.

"Mr Desmond is in a coma."

Sam's mind sprang into overdrive as he frantically tried to come up with some excuse that he could use, but in the end he said the first thing that came into his mind.

"Yeah…well, he still makes noises!"

"Sir, I'm sorry, but _your sister_—"

"Look, Laura, let me level with ya," Sam started on a sigh, his voice slipping into a more serious tone. "I'm not supposed to be tellin' ya this, but my sister… see, she's not really my sister…"

Sam could see that this new information didn't seem to faze the nurse before him at all and he had to wonder just how much of his story she actually believed. Resting the palm of his hand onto her desk, he leaned further forward and lowered his voice.

"…I've been assigned to protect her."

Taking his wallet out of his pocket, he flashed it quickly before he swiftly closed it again and stuffed it back inside. Looking around him, he was grateful that he had only one nurse to contend with and not any more. Any later in the day and he knew there would be doctors doing rounds as well as extra nursing staff.

"That guy who called, the British guy…he's coming here to hurt her and it's my job to keep her safe."

"What?" Laura gasped, instantly reaching for the phone, but Sam moved swiftly forward and laid his hand over hers.

"You can't call anyone. If he knows she's been moved, then he'll only come looking for her." Taking his hand from hers, he smiled down at her when she nodded her head in understanding. "Can you help me?"

"I'm afraid it's not my call, sir," Laura told him apologetically before her eyes flashed with an idea. "Although… I could deem it necessary for her to be temporarily moved if she is disturbing other patients."

"Disturbing patients?" he asked with an impish grin, now that sounded more like Fiona. "That's perfect, Laura."

The nurse flushed instantly and averted her eyes back to the computer screen and scrolled down the list of available beds when Sam leaned across the desk to touch her hand again.

"Can we get on it?" he asked, even though his eyes sparked with mirth before he became serious once more. "There's no tellin' when this guy's gonna get here."

Picking up the phone, Nurse Laura nodded emphatically and pressed in a number before she met him with a smile.

"Leave it with me."

"Thanks Laura," he grinned. "You're a life saver."

000

Michael stood at his place behind the main reception station, hidden from view behind a potted plant as he watched the entrance for any sign of Meyers. He had agents covering every exit, connected to each one of them by the microphone in his ear.

Glancing down at the small surveillance photograph in his hand, he took in Meyers' features and felt the hatred welling within him. This man had set out to steal his girlfriend from him in a way that was unforgivable and, if it was the very last thing he ever did, he would make sure he paid for that action.

The sea of faces swamped the lobby as people came and went in a steady flow, but Michael remained undeterred. Finding Meyers was his number one priority right at this moment, the intensity of it briefly deterring his thoughts of Fiona's questions. He knew he had made so many mistakes over the last few years and the biggest one had been made only a few months ago when he had executed his former trainer and mentor.

That disastrous decision had been born out of a mixture of hatred and grief. His training had all but disappeared and his emotions had taken over. His actions had created a domino effect with everyone he cared about paying the price of his mistakes. Associates old and new were rounded up and corralled one by one all because of that day…and he had spent every day since paying for it.

Fiona's questions had thrown him off balance and he thought he had been honest with his answers, until she pushed him further. She wanted an end to all of this. She wanted him to give her the peace and stability of a secure relationship and after everything he had put her through she deserved just that. It was just that _at first_ he wasn't sure if he was ready to give up the career that had shaped him for most of his adult life, not until he had almost lost Fiona because of it.

He wanted her in his life. He wanted to make a future for both of them and live out his remaining years with her by his side; he just had to make her understand that there were some obligations he had to fulfil first. He'd unofficially promised Raines two years of his life and he knew it was a gesture on the CIA's part to make up for his burn notice and Tom Card's involvement in it. Raines had asked him to go undercover and weed out any stragglers left over from Card's regime before he retired from the CIA for good with no questions asked. He just had to convince Fiona that this time he really meant it.

The voice in his ear piece brought him out of his reverie and he sparked to full attention, his eyes scanning the faces of the people coming into the hospital. Meyers was _arrogant_, arrogant enough to show himself when he knew full well that he was on a US watch list. He had made no secret of the fact that he alone had been the one to bring about Fiona's demise and it seemed he had shown himself once again.

"_We have Meyers,"_ the voice echoed in his ear. _"Repeat…all units stand down…We have Arthur Meyers in custody."_

Michael's heart thundered inside his chest as he stood up straighter and thought about everything that had happened. There was something that wasn't quite right here…Meyers wasn't a fool; he wouldn't allow himself to be caught so easily. No, there had to be something else here. Michael found himself running through so many different scenarios inside his mind and he kept coming up with the same questions. Meyers wasn't one to be careless, not after all the trouble he went through to get here… unless…

Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he pulled the earpiece out and punched in Sam's number before pressing it against his ear. It took only a few seconds to connect and direct him to voicemail, but those few seconds seemed to take so long, feeling like a lifetime to him.

He acted on instinct, spurred on with a mixture of vengeance and love. Meyers had already told him once before that he'd sent people out before to extract Fiona. He didn't do the job himself; he was the kind of guy that wanted the glory, not the hard work. If he'd allowed himself to be captured that left Fiona wide open…

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he began to run back towards the stairs that took him back up to where Fiona was in the ICU. As he moved, he placed his earpiece back into his ear before he barked into the receiver, loud and clear.

"IT'S A SET UP…I NEED AGENTS UP IN THE ICU, _NOW!"_

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for your reviews, PM's and for all of the favourite story and author adds. I'm sorry I can't reply to everyone but RL takes up a lot of my time. Please know that every comment is very much appreciated.**

**Special thanks to my wonderful friends Purdy'sPal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me. Extra thanks to JediSkysinger who gave this a BETA despite being incredibly busy.**

**Lastly thank you to Noelle and everyone on twitter for your support**

19

William Raines held his hand up and silenced the agent who had informed him that Arthur Meyers had been captured on the hospital ground before he had even had a chance to advance. Holding his cell phone against his ear, he listened carefully to an agent who was with Michael and felt his stomach sink.

"Okay," he sighed in aggravation. "Keep me informed."

Shutting off the phone, he shoved it into his suit pocket and turned his attention to the agent who stood before him.

"We have Meyers in custody," Agent Cameron told him officiously. "He was apprehended close to the hospital perimeter."

"Did he fight you?" Raines asked as they began to walk out of his office. "Hide his face?"

"Negative, sir," Cameron shook his head as he kept pace with the man beside him. "He came in willingly."

"Willingly?"

Raines stopped in his tracks, causing the agent beside him to crash into his side. He hadn't thought that someone like Meyers would have gone to all the trouble of hiring an extraction team for someone like Glenanne, but it seemed that Michael's suspicions had come to fruition.

"Get a team over to Westen, _now," _he ordered as he turned away from Agent Cameron.

"Sir?"

"Just do it!" Raines snapped before he walked swiftly, making his way towards the holding cells where Meyers was being detained. It was time to meet the man himself and see why his hatred of Glenanne had turned him rogue.

000

Back in the ICU, Sam winced when Fiona fell heavily against his side, the cast on her arm adding extra weight against her tiny frame. He knew she was in a considerable amount of pain and he tried not to notice the spots of blood on her hospital gown.

"Sorry…Sam," she hissed when she pressed her foot onto the floor. The white hot pain roared through her body, but she didn't have any time to recover before he urged her to take another step.

"Come on, Fi," Sam told her encouragingly. "Just think of how ya can kick my ass when this is over!"

"Oh…" she hissed again but forced her foot forward. "I'm…_so_ gonna…kick your…arghh…_ASS_…"

"That's the spirit," he grinned as he attempted to quicken their pace. "Just a little more and then—"

"Sam," she gasped out, her hand clamping around his arm so tightly that he was sure it would leave gouges in his skin. "I—"

Her voice suddenly disappeared to be replaced by retching as she threw herself sideways and dry heaved. Sam was by her side in seconds, not really knowing what to do. Here she was, his ferocious best friend, reduced to a shadow of her former self and he didn't know what to do to help her.

"It's okay," he soothed, unsure whether he should pat her back or hold her hair, so he opted for holding her up until she had recovered.

Looking around them, he caught sight of the restroom door and headed her towards it. He knew it wasn't the most ideal hiding place, but at least it had a lock. It could at least give them twenty seconds to prepare, and twenty seconds was better than nothing at all. The only problem now was to get there before Meyers showed up, but they wouldn't be able to do that if they kept at this pace.

"We need to pick the pace up a little," he urged her, knowing that his words were likely to earn him a blackened eye when she was well enough.

"I'm…moving…" she groaned as she bit into her lip to keep herself from crying out.

"Yeah, I know." Keeping his voice soft, Sam stepped closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. "This is gonna hurt…but ya know I have to—"

"Yesss…" she hissed, already knowing what he was about to do and braced herself for the searing pain that she knew was going to follow. "Just…do it…"

Nodding silently, he tightened his grip as he wrapped both arms around her. Lifting her off of the floor, he felt her body stiffen and he knew that the silence she was keeping right now wouldn't last for long. Hoisting her upwards, he hurried them towards the restroom, surprised by how cumbersome Fiona's cast was even though he was sure that the weight of the cast weighed more that his friend actually did.

He rushed them forward and kicked the restroom door open before he ferried her inside and hurriedly moved towards the handicapped stall at the back and the lone toilet within before lowering her down onto it. Without waiting to see if she was secure, he turned back around and rushed back towards the door, pushing it closed. Turning the lock, he stood back and tried to regain some of his composure when Fiona's soft voice caught his attention.

"Bleach…" she managed through her strained voice as she pushed herself upwards, using the back of the wall for stability. "Cleaning…solutions…"

"What?" he asked in confusion as he moved closer towards her again. He allowed his gaze to wander over her pale features and could already see the beads of sweat peppering her forehead. He'd probably put her recovery back another few weeks just by moving her, but they couldn't take any chances where Meyers was concerned.

Fiona gasped in a breath and released it slowly, willing the pain in her body to ease away but there seemed no end to the rolling waves.

"Find me some…Methanol…" she managed through gritted teeth as she placed her uninjured arm beneath her knee to lift her leg into a more bearable position. "And…I need…sheets…"

"Where the hell am I going to find—"

"We're in a…_hospital_…" she ground out, pushing her body back as far against the wall as she could. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep lung-fulls of air and breathed through the pain before she opened her eyes once more to focus on Sam's haunted eyes.

"I don't know what you're plannin' sister, but ya ain't blowing up a hospital!"

"I wasn't—" her voice suddenly dropped away when her stomach lurched painfully once more. She couldn't seem to catch her breath between the heaving which produced nothing but noise.

"Dammit, you shouldn't be up," Sam gasped out as he reached for his phone, but found his pocket empty. Patting his other pockets, he felt the dread of the situation creeping around him and felt his face pale when he saw how Fiona's face had become whiter that the wall behind her.

"We…need...containers…" her voice trailed away again as she drew in a shaky breath, before she held up a clammy hand. "I need...a…weapon…"

"I know Fi, but ya can't go around blowing up hospitals—"

"Meyers…won't come…alone…"

Sam regarded her fondly when he saw the stark determination shining in her dull eyes. She had always been the stubborn one out of all of his friends. She was also fiercely loyal and the only one he knew would drop everything to join in a fight.

"Okay, we'll do it your way," he told her, nodding as he spoke. "But your cocktails are for the last resort."

"Okay," she told him with a tight smile as she tried to hide the pain that coursed throughout her body. Holding up her hand again, she swallowed down the bile that forced its way back up her throat. "Now…help me…up…"

"No," he told her firmly as he forced her back down. "You need to sit here and conserve your strength."

"Con-serve…" she asked as she was caught between a laugh and a cough. "Did you…swallow a…dict-ionary…?"

"You can joke all ya want," he scolded. "But when I'm done saving your ass, I'll remind ya of this!"

"Sav-ing?" she asked with a wry smile that quickly dissolved into a painful grimace. Clamping her eyes tightly closed, she nodded rapidly and laid all of her weight onto the wall behind her.

"Fi," Sam told her urgently as he stepped closer to kneel down before her. "Listen, I need to go and find your stuff, but I need you to focus for me okay?"

Fiona's eyes slowly opened and she blinked rapidly as she fixed her eyes onto his. Drawing in a shaky breath, she reached out her uninjured arm and grasped hold of his shoulder.

"You…need to…help me…up…"

"Fi—"

"I…have to…lock the door…" Shifting forward, she groaned as she leaned forward to rest her clammy forehead on his shoulder for a few seconds, before she used him as leverage to get to her feet.

Sam felt his breath catch in his throat and he was sure that she would rib him for being so emotional later, but he just couldn't seem to help it. She was in tremendous discomfort, but she fought him the entire time, aiming to prove to him that she wasn't about to succumb to her pain.

Holding her upright, Sam steadied her and became her crutch to lean on, leading her towards the washroom door.

"Lock it behind me," he told her softly, expecting a snappy retort, but it never came.

Turning to look down at her he felt his heart sink inside his chest when he realised that he missed their light banter. She was probably one of his favourite people, ever, but he would never come out and openly tell her that, not on purpose anyway. Patting her shoulder affectionately, he opened the door a crack and chanced a look outside to see if the coast was clear. Seeing that it was, he stepped out into the corridor and pulled the door closed behind him, waiting for the reassuring click of the lock before he went in search of Fiona's shopping list.

000

Michael headed towards the ICU and tried not to forget every part of his training. All he could seem to focus on was that the woman he loved was stuck in a hospital bed and the man that had put her there had come to finish the job.

Glancing behind him, he nodded in response to the question one of the Dade County finest threw at him, but motioned for the deputy to follow. Keeping his voice to just above a whisper, he pulled the man into the wall beside him while he chanced a peek into the glass windows in the door that led into the ICU.

"There could be several assailants, so stay vigilant," he told the man behind him. "I have men all around the building but one wrong move and—"

"I get it," the deputy nodded, a little irritated that someone from the CIA was giving him orders. "We—"

"No," Michael hissed as he spun around to offer the younger man a furious glare. "I don't think you _do_ understand."

"Hey, I understand plenty," the law enforcement officer groused. "Some guy wants—"

"That _some guy_ is a rogue MI-6 agent who is here to extract a woman who is in the ICU," Michael told him coldly. "_Your job_ is to make sure that doesn't happen…_understand?"_

Whatever retort the rookie had, it died on his lips when he saw the ice in the other man's eyes. Nodding officiously he reached down to pull his gun from his holster and swallowed down the nervousness that the older man has suddenly instilled in him.

Without waiting for the deputy behind him to adjust, Michael moved forward and cautiously pushed open the ICU door and stepped inside.

At first, everything seemed to be perfectly normal. But the sudden smell of copper and gun powder hit him to spur his senses into overdrive. Already on high alert, he responded to the agents who were already in position at the other side of the unit before he moved further inside with his gun drawn.

The nurse's station was eerily silent, something that sent all kinds of red flags spinning in his mind. Michael tried to concentrate over the hammering of his own heart. He knew exactly what was at stake here and if he failed he ran the risk of losing Fiona again, maybe forever this time.

Moving slowly forward, he took a tentative step towards the nurse's station, only to experience every form of dread hitting his heart. The nurse he had spoken to when Fiona first arrived was slumped on the floor and bleeding heavily. She moaned something inaudible and only succeeded in forming a soft whimper before Michael reached her side. Glancing behind him, he motioned for the deputy to follow but the younger man seemed to be glued to the spot.

"_Get over here_," Michael hissed in a whisper, the fury in his eyes seeming to fuel the other man's fears.

The deputy stepped forward and knelt down on the nurse's other side. He watched as Michael took off his jacket to make a pillow to prop up the nurse's head before he turned towards him again.

"Call for the paramedics," Michael told him in a whisper. "Stay with her."

"O-Okay…"

"Call them now," Michael ordered when the rookie still seemed to be in a state of shock. Turning his attention to the woman on the floor, Michael smiled down at her. "Can you tell me how many men were in here?"

The nurse swallowed and drew in a haggard breath as she looked up at him and for a moment Michael was reminded of when Nate had looked like this. The image threw him off balance and it took an enormous amount of strength to keep his control. Taking a steadying breath, he dropped his eyes onto her again.

"Please…" he urged, his voice lowering even more. "The woman in here, my girlfriend …she was in the first bed…"

"S-She…moved…"

Michael took a deep shuddering breath and smoothed his hand over her hair as he lowered himself closer. She was grasping onto his shirt with more force than he thought possible, the momentum tugging him downwards.

"T-Three…" she gasped out. "There…were…three…"

"Three?" he asked softly, nodding his head in answer to his own question.

"Y-Yess…"

Movement beside him caused him to cover her hand with his own as he attempted to uncurl her fingers from his shirt. When he removed her hand, he clasped hold of it tightly as he regarded her with a solemn half smile.

"Where did she go?" he asked hopefully, not realizing how much desperation he could hear in his own voice. "You said she'd moved…"

"The paramedics are on their way up," the deputy beside him spoke, moving the nurse's attention onto him as he squeezed her arm reassuringly. "You're going to be okay."

"Hey," Michael tried again as he looked down at the nurse's name badge. "Laura…"

Nurse Laura rolled her head to the side and looked up at him in confusion as her concentration waned. Licking her dry lips, she closed her eyes only to open them again just as quickly to focus on his face.

"S-She's…with… b-brother…"

"Brother?" Michael asked urgently. "Laura…she's with her brother?"

"Yess… with the…shirt…"

Relief swamped Michael in one sudden rush as he released Laura completely and shuffled backwards. Looking towards the deputy who had come in with him, he patted his arm and nodded towards the wounded nurse.

"Stay with her."

Getting to his feet, he drew his gun and moved cautiously forward. He felt his heart lurch inside his chest once more when he came to what had been Fiona's bed. It was deathly quiet without the heart monitor beeping around him and he couldn't help but see the spots of blood that were over the floor and the white sheets. Sam had obviously thought the situation bad enough to warrant the need to unhook her from the various machines that she's been attached to for the last few days.

Moving around the bed he stopped suddenly when he saw Sam's cell phone on the floor, smashed into pieces. The men that Meyers had sent to extract Fiona had to be close by and he was determined that they wouldn't leave here alive.

000

Back in the washroom, Sam continued to watch Fiona like a hawk as she worked between holding herself upright and stuffing strands of her ripped hospital gown into the plastic urinal bottles that he'd had managed to find. He was half expecting her to rag him about his choice of vessel, but she hadn't and that worried him more. She was becoming quieter by the second and he couldn't help but notice that her hand was shaking.

"Let me do that, Fi," he pleaded. "You need to sit down."

"I…need to finish…this…" she bit back. "How many are…there?"

Sam took the completed bottle from her hand and lined it up against the others that they'd stored against the wall. So far they'd made eight makeshift Molotov cocktails, more than they could possibly need, but Fiona's philosophy had always been that it was best to have more than not enough.

He regarded her fondly as she worked on the last one of their cocktails and forced himself to think of all of the scrapes they had helped each other out of. She had been close to breaking point when Michael had returned to the CIA. He'd seen what that betrayal had done to her, even though he knew his friend would have had his reasons. Fiona was driven by grief and anger, a deadly combination even without the Irish temper added to it.

"I saw three," he told her softly, finally answering her question. "But I left them a little present, and now there's two."

"You had fun…without me?" she asked with what she hoped was a smile. Handing him their last bomb, she sank back against the wall and clung onto the sink to stop herself from falling.

"You need to sit down," he told her urgently as he placed the bottle with the others before he helped her to the floor.

"You've…gone soft…" she told him through a wheezing cough only to hold her hand over her mouth when someone tried to open the door.

Moving forward, Sam pulled her back to her feet and pushed her towards the handicapped stall that held the separate wash basin and toilet and ushered her inside. Leaving her to leverage her way over the sink to the toilet, he grabbed as many of her homemade explosives as he could before barricading her in the stall and drawing his gun, ready for whoever came through.

Within seconds chaos erupted and the door suddenly flew open, the force sending dust and metal shards into the room. Something was thrown into the washroom causing Sam to dive back through the stall door towards Fiona to shield her when thick smoke began to billow from the can, plunging the whole room into darkness.

Michael heard the ruckus from inside the ICU and instantly headed towards it. Pushing his way outside he was hit by thick smoke and found himself forcing to focus when he was met by one of his own men.

Everything happened so fast that it was impossible to predict who shot first. A flash of yellow highlighted the dense smoke followed by a heavy thud and it took all of two seconds to realise that the man on the floor was unconscious. Diving to the wall, Michael laid his palm flat and edged himself along it, feeling his way along the corridor.

He could hear the trill of the fire alarm and, all along the corridor, the sprinkler system had sprung to life to spray all over the smoke filled space. Kneeling down when he got closer to the man on the floor, he gingerly checked for a pulse. He made sure that he could feel it thumping beneath his fingers before he got back to his feet. He had only known David Johnson for a few months and he had never given him any reason to think that he was working against him. Now, with all of this uncertainty, he realised that he didn't know which of the men under his command he could trust. It seemed that he was not only dealing with Meyers, but with the poison he had spread to his men, too. He just wished he knew how far it had spread and to how many.

The sudden sound of Sam's voice spurred Michael forward and he followed his instincts and rushed ahead into the smoke filled washroom. Through the smoke, Michael could see his friend grappling with the unknown man, but before he could react, there was another noise behind him and he whirled around to be faced with another man he recognised as one of his own.

"_Why?_" Michael hissed when the other man leapt towards him but he reacted instantly and dodged out of his way.

"She's a terrorist!" Andrew Hodge hissed viciously. "A _TERRORIST!_"

"Was," Michael challenged. "WAS a—"

Before he could finish speaking, there was a dull thud that echoed through the air, followed by flesh pummelling against flesh. Sam and Michael worked in unison, both of them defending a woman that they both loved. Michael dodged another blow and kicked back, forcing the other man to careen backwards and smack the wall face first.

Rage coursed through Michael's entire body and he rushed forward, landing another powerful blow onto Hodge's back before he grabbed his arm and twisted. A shrill of pain echoed throughout the room, but Michael was spurred on by pure fury. Keeping one of his hands gripping his victims arm behind his back, he grabbed a fistful of his hair with the other. Forcing the man's head backwards, he didn't wait for more than a second before he pushed forward to slam the rogue agent's head into the wall, only to repeat the process again and again. When the man who had threatened Fiona's life finally stopped moaning, Michael hit him one last time, the force of the blow rendering his unconscious. Michael finally released his grip and the man crumpled to the floor into a messy heap.

Sam's voice hung in the air, the warning coming a little too late. A shot was fired, a light flashed and then everything became hazy and confusing. Sam slumped to the floor and the man standing over him turned his gun on Michael who in turn searched for his gun. Taking a step backwards, he tried to find it, but the smoke was too dense. Michael fought to come up with some kind of plan, but his mind was working on overdrive. He was caught up with the sight of his best friend on the floor and he didn't even know where his girlfriend was.

A sudden scream erupted throughout the room and Michael struggled to focus over the thumping of his own heartbeat. The man before him lit up the room, his body becoming a flaming torch as he lurched forward only to drop to the floor and roll around in agony. Sounds of shouting filled the corridor as police entered the scene, but Michael didn't care about any of it. He saw her, the woman he loved with a burning match in her hand and he knew right there that she had helped him…again…

Sam pulled himself upright and gingerly felt the lump rising on his forehead before he witnessed something he had thought he'd never see again. Fiona tossed the burned out match onto the floor beside his feet and he caught her worried gaze, but he waved off her concern and urged her onwards.

Michael moved forward, his eyes on the woman who stumbled towards him. She was pale and gaunt, her hair hanging in lank clumps around her shoulders, but to him she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Holding out his arms, he rushed forward and grasped hold of her shaking body, holding her against him like she was his lifeline as the pair of them crumpled to their knees.

It was over…finally over…

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, PM'd and for all the favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate every single comment. RL takes up a lot of my time but please know I am humbled by your kind words.**

**Huge thanks as always to my wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me. Extra special thanks to JediSkysinger for giving this a BETA.**

**Lastly thanks to Noelle and all the girls on twitter for your love and support.**

20

There was something to be said about the loyalty of friends, especially when one of those friends was Sam Axe. Right now he stood on some kind of sentry duty outside Fiona's hospital room with his arms folded across his chest. Michael was inside with her, refusing to leave even when the hospital staff insisted, and after everything they'd been through no one was going to evict him from her side.

In all the commotion, the FBI had come into the investigation and already they were butting heads with Raines and the CIA. It didn't help matters that the two agents who turned up were the ones who had arrested Fiona when she turned herself in and it seemed that, despite her CIA protection, the Feds still held a grudge.

"_SAM…_"

Sam felt his whole body surge into defense mode when he heard the shrill of Madeline's voice from the end of the corridor. Sighing heavily, he lifted his eyes to see her racing towards him with Jesse following closely behind. With expert precision, he plastered the false smile across his lips and prepared himself to lie through his teeth.

"Maddie," he greeted cheerily before he caught Jesse's eyes and realized in that one moment that the other man saw through his façade.

"Why did you call Jesse and not me?" she whined angrily as she attempted to look through the small window in the door behind him.

Sam instinctively moved his body to block her view and held his hand up to direct her to his side and gestured towards a row of plastic chairs.

"I promise I'll explain everything later, but right now—"

"You can explain it to me now," she snapped haughtily. "I've been—"

"Come on, Maddie, we're all worried about Fi, but snapping at Sam isn't going to help any," Jesse told her as he touched her shoulder.

The icy glare she shot his way wasn't exactly unexpected, but he smiled down at her anyway. Meeting Sam's gaze, he nodded in understanding before he asked the one question that had been burning in his mind since he'd taken Madeline somewhere safe the second they heard about Meyers and his intensions.

"What about Meyers?"

Sam's smile this time was genuine, brought on by a sense of relief that he knew he couldn't hide. Glancing behind him, he saw that the curtain was still drawn around Fiona's bed and that Michael was obviously behind it with her and the doctors. Glancing again towards the empty row of chairs, he placed a warm hand on Madeline's arm and guided her away from Fiona's room.

"Meyers is in custody," he told them lowly when they reached the plastic seats. "He was grabbed the second he got into the grounds. That's all I know."

Motioning for Madeline to sit, he glanced behind him for any signs of the FBI agents who were waiting to talk to his friends, but so far they hadn't made a reappearance.

"So what happened to Fi?" Jesse asked even as his eyes wandered back towards the closed door to her room. "I wanted to visit, but—"

"Yeah, look, I'm sorry, Jess," Sam sighed, his voice cutting through his friend beside him. "With all of this crap with Meyers, I had to get Fi out of there and somewhere safe. You can see her when Mike gets out."

"What happened in there, Sam?" Jesse's voice dropped as he spoke, his anger and fear both creeping through his words. "How did Meyers get to her?"

"I know as much as you do," Sam shrugged even though the pride he felt for the tiny little Irish woman was soaring throughout him. "But…Fi…she was really somethin'."

"Yeah?" Jesse grinned knowingly. "I bet she was."

"Would you two just stop?" Madeline groused irritably. "We've been back and forward to this hospital so many times, I'm starting to forget what my house looks like!"

Sam regarded her before he opened his mouth to speak. Part of him wanted to tell her that this whole thing wasn't about her, but he knew that Madeline lashed out at everyone when she was scared. Instead of berating her, he found himself slumping down into one of the seats beside her and leaning forward to rest his elbows onto his knees.

"Look, we're all tired. It hasn't been a picnic for me either, but this is about Mike and Fi." Lifting his head, he met her irritated gaze and watched as the annoyance suddenly melted away from her eyes.

"Is she okay?" she asked, worry etched in her gaze. "When I saw her, she was in so much pain…"

"Yeah, man, how's she doing?" Jesse asked him, he too moving to sit down on the opposite side of Madeline. "With everything that's been going on since…"

Sam's eyes turned to watch Jesse as his voice trailed away. It seemed like the events that happened up to and surrounding Michael's return to the CIA were strictly taboo. No one seemed to want to support Michael in his decision, even though Sam himself knew why his friend had gone back. Part of him was unable to openly support Michael's decision because it felt like a massive betrayal to Fiona. Out of the two of them, she seemed to need that support more and, after what they had both been through in the bathroom, he knew now more than ever that she would have his undying respect as well.

"She's going to be okay," he nodded more to reassure himself than the two of them. "She'll be fine."

Madeline moved a little closer to his side and laid a reassuring hand on his arm before she offered him a bright smile. "Of course she'll be fine. She's tough."

It was on the tip of Sam's tongue to tell her that Fiona wasn't as tough as she pretended to be, but the hope in her eyes silenced his words. Instead he nodded and offered her a wide grin before he leaned back in his chair and looked towards Jesse's slumped form.

"When we get out of here I'm gonna get a mojito..."

"Sounds like a plan," Jesse grinned as he nodded in agreement. "And sleep…I'm gonna sleep for a week."

"Two weeks," Sam chimed in. "Two weeks of sleep and mojitos…now you're talkin', brother!"

"I think we should have a family get together," Madeline told them, not noticing how the smiles dropped from the two men beside her. "A real family dinner with all of us together."

"Uh…yeah," Sam nodded dubiously. "Are you gonna cook?"

Madeline dropped her hand from his arm and turned to face him, a look of thunder in her eyes before it all melted away to be replaced by the mirth in her voice.

"God, no!" she chuckled. "We want Fi to get better, not put her back in here!"

Jesse grinned and thought of something to say, but in the end he kept silent. He was still in Madeline's doghouse from before so he wasn't going to tempt fate by joining in.

The door to Fiona's door suddenly opened and the doctor who had been treating her came out into the corridor, followed closely by Michael. Seeing him sent a surge of elation through the remaining family members who got up from their seats to make their way towards him. He shook the doctor's hand before he turned to greet his mother, Sam and Jesse.

Madeline hurtled towards him, grabbing him into a tight embrace that almost crushed him when she refused to let go.

"Hey, Mike," Sam greeted when Madeline finally released Michael from her grasp. "How is she?"

Taking his mother's hands, Michael held onto her and stood back before he offered all of them a relieved grin. Glancing behind him, he allowed a wistful smile to linger over his lips before he turned back towards them again.

"She's a little beat up, but she's going to be fine," he nodded as he took a step backwards. "I know she wants to see all of you."

Without waiting to be asked again, Sam pushed past Michael and barraged into Fiona's room, unable to hide the emotion in his eyes. She looked so pale and her hair hung limply over her shoulders, but she met him with a smile the second he met her gaze. Without thinking, he moved forward, not caring who saw how relieved he was to see her as he bent to gather her into a delicate hug. He held her for as long as he could before he slowly disengaged and pulled away, knowing that this moment would give her ample ammunition for teasing comments later when she was well enough…and he knew he would welcome them.

"How are you feelin'?" he asked in a rush as he kept hold of her hand for a few more moments before he released her. "You doin' okay?"

Fiona gazed up at him with complete adoration and offered him the brightest smile that she could muster. "I'm good," she told him with a raspy voice. "Thanks to you."

"Hey, I didn't do anythin' that you wouldn't have done for me," he reminded her, even though he was pleased to hear her say the words anyway.

"How's the head?" she asked him when her eyes drifted up to the healing gash on his forehead.

"This?" he grinned as he touched it gingerly. "Oh, it's nothin' a cold beer can't fix. You wanna see the bruise I got on my ass?"

"Uh…no…" Fiona told him with a smile as she shook her head from side to side. "I really don't!"

"Well, I ain't offerin'," Sam mock scowled, only to break out into a wide grin. "it's good to have ya back, sister."

The adoration in Fiona's eyes caused Sam to break out into a rosy blush that tinted his cheeks and he hurriedly averted his gaze. Offering her another fleeting grin, he stepped away so that Michael could retake his place by her side.

He was amazed at how far his friend had come since those early years. He had changed from the man devoid of emotion to a man who almost wore his heart on his sleeve when it came to the woman at his side. Fiona had brought back his human side and even though the man before him was a toughened spy, a damn good one at that, being in love looked good on him.

Stepping to the side, he moved backwards so that Jesse could step a little closer, noting how the younger man was watching Fiona with eyes that had been spared the horrors of what she had been through. Laying his hand on Jesse's shoulder, Sam patted him on the back and made his way towards the open door, his heart seeking the woman he knew could make all of his injuries disappear.

"I'm gonna go call Elsa," he announced to no one in particular, not even bothering to wait for anyone to reply as he walked out of the room and down the corridor to find the nearest pay phone.

Michael slipped his hand into Fiona's and linked their fingers together as he glanced up at Jesse and Madeline. He couldn't help but notice the flash of something in Jesse's eyes and in some way it caused a surge of male pride to encompass his heart.

"Fi…" Jesse seemed to trip over his words as he edged a little closer. His gaze flittered over her battered form as he tried to hide the horror in his eyes. For someone so tough, she looked so tiny, swamped against the pure white pillow behind her.

"I'm okay," she told him in a soft voice as she clung onto Michael's hand for support. "It looks worse than it is."

"Yeah…" Jesse couldn't stop the hitch in his voice, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Fiona was the strongest woman he had ever known, but now…

"How are you feeling, honey?" Madeline asked, giving Jesse a much needed breather as she perched on the side of the bed. "You've got more bruises than you had before."

Fiona nodded tiredly and leant against Michael's side, yawning despite trying to keep it at bay. She was so desperately tired and not just from the injuries etched all over her body. She was tired of not knowing if the next person to enter her life was a threat. She knew she was done with this. She couldn't keep running for her life while trying to live it at the same time. Something had to give and, if this experience had shown her anything, it was that life was far too short to spend it wondering if she had made enough of an impact for Michael to choose her over his job. She couldn't fight a battle she knew that she may never win.

So, for now she chose to ignore that doubting voice that told her she was crazy if she thought she could change him. Just for now, she wanted to enjoy this closeness and relish in the glow of the love her showered upon her.

Lifting her eyes up to Madeline, she offered her a tight smile before she regarded the older woman who had come to mean so much to her. This woman could be impossibly annoying and incredibly stubborn, but beneath it all she had a good heart.

"I'm fine," she lied, hoping that the false smile she plastered over her lips could placate the knowing eyes that watched her. "The doctor checked me over and I'm—"

"Fine," Madeline nodded dubiously. "Yeah, so you keep saying!"

"She's going to be okay, mom," Michael told her. "The doctor wants her to stay—"

"I told you, Michael," Fiona's voice broke through his words as she pulled herself away from him slightly. "I'm not staying in here for a night longer than I have to."

"Fi…" he sighed out her name and squeezed her fingers helplessly when she met him with defiance once more.

"I'm no safer from Meyers in here than I am out there," she grumbled. "At least out there I have places to –"

"Meyers is in custody," Michael promised as he pulled her back against his side. "I told you he can't get to you anymore."

"That's what you said last time," she told him on a sigh. "But he just hired people to do his dirty work for him."

"Not anymore, you're protected now. I can make sure of that."

Michael knew that the second the words had slipped from his lips that it was just a reminder to her of where this promised protection would come from. He knew the CIA had always been a sore point within their relationship, but after this he knew he had to show her that their relationship was more important to him.

"Hey, guys…" Jesse started jovially as he tried to break the seriousness that had overcome the couple whose words had turned from love to frustration within seconds. "So, how soon can we break Fi out of here and take a vacation? I _need_ a vacation!"

"We _all _need a vacation, _sweetheart_," Madeline told him with just a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "But it's never going to happen. We tried to start over and look how well that turned out!"

Fiona knew there was so much anger and disappointment that had remained unspoken and it was only a matter of time before the dam burst. She only hoped that Madeline could release the hurt and anger and say what was on her mind before she bottled everything up like last time. Loving Michael Westen came with the price tag and for her, it was never knowing if the next time he said goodbye would be the very last time. She knew how it felt to lose everything…but for Madeline it was so different. She was still grieving for a son she would never forget. Seeing Michael return to the agency that had effectively killed her child couldn't have been easy. She knew all too well from experience that life after a death became incredibly hard for the people left behind. But Madeline needed to forgive if she was ever going to be able to move on.

"We'll go on vacation, mom," Michael told her with some essence of reassurance. "I promise."

"No offense," Madeline scoffed as she focused on her son. "But I've heard _that_ before."

"Mom—"

"Can we not do this now?" Fiona asked with another yawn as she fought against the sudden tiredness that overwhelmed her senses.

Michael dropped his eyes down to her and pressed a kiss onto the top of her head, not caring who saw his open display of affection.

"You okay?"

"Hmm…" she sighed as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "Tired…"

"It's the pain meds," he soothed, his words disappearing into her hair. "The doctor said they'd make you drowsy."

"Mmm…" she sighed tiredly, nestling against his arm

"Mom," Michael spoke his mother's name, keeping his voice low. "I need to…"

"Yes, I'll stay," she agreed before he could even ask, nodding towards the woman nestled into his side.

Michael glanced down at the woman he loved and he suddenly felt something clench inside his heart. She had been fighting the weariness for the last hour and now, after everything she had been through, she'd finally succumbed to it.

Easing himself away from her, he gently lowered her head back onto her pillow and sat back to watch her. She looked so peaceful even though she was battered and bruised. He knew he had to meet with Raines to discuss his future before he would even be permitted to speak to Meyers or the men he'd hired. This obsession he'd had with returning back to the CIA had almost destroyed the woman that he had always adored. He wouldn't let anything else happen to her, not now…not ever.

Moving off of the bed, he gazed down at her for one more moment before he bent to press a lingering kiss against her forehead. He found that leaving her side was becoming more difficult each and every time. He loved her, really loved her. She had always been his heart and it was because of her that he was the man he was today.

Reaching down he smoothed a strand of hair away from her closed eyelids, touching her with gentle fingertips. She brought out a side of him that he knew the other man in the room hadn't seen in him before. But even though he could feel Jesse's eyes upon him, he couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the woman he loved.

"Come on, honey," Madeline told him softly, her voice being the reasoning that broke his gaze. "Go to your meeting or make your call, whatever it is that you need to do."

Michael tore his eyes away from Fiona's slumbering form and met his mother's knowing grin. Nodding silently, he moved away from the bed, glancing back as he reluctantly moved away. Jesse met him by the open door and placed a hand on his back, manoeuvring him out of the room with a gentle push.

"Come on. man," he urged as he kept his hand on the Michael's shoulder only dropping away when they were fully out in the corridor. "I'll drive."

000

By the time Raines finally arrived, Michael was already pacing the floor. Turning sharply, a shard of anger spiked in Michael's eyes as he looked upon his boss with barely hidden scorn.

"I want to see Meyers," he demanded forcefully before Raines could even utter a word. "You told me I could have some time with him _and_ his traitors."

William Raines held his hand up to silence the man before him as he tried to calm him down. He knew just by looking at Michael Westen that he was nothing more than a ticking time bomb ready to blow at any second. Moving around to his desk, he pulled out his chair and sat down, motioning for Westen to do the same, but the younger man was having none of it.

"WHERE is Meyers being held?"

"You'll have your time with him," Raines told him calmly. "AFTER we have spoken about your future in the CIA."

"You want to do this now?" Michael hissed. "We already spoke about this an hour ago. I want out, I told you—"

"And I told you to think about it," Raines challenged, cutting through Michael's words before he could finish his tirade. "You're too good an agent to just let go."

"_Really?" _sarcasm dripped from Michael's voice as he turned his fury onto the man who was watching him emotionlessly. "If I was so damn good, then why didn't any of you listen to me when I got burned?"

"Now Mic—"

"No," he fumed as he threw his arms in the air. "You don't get to tell me how good an agent I am. None of you would help me. The only people who stayed beside me and helped me through it was the people I betrayed to get back here. Well, you know what? I'm done! I don't want this life or you telling me what I can and can't do anymore. I'm done, finished."

William Raines regarded him for a few moments before he opened the file on his desk and took out a sheet of paper. Lifting his eyes up to the man who looked upon him with thunder in his expression, he slid the sheet of paper across the desk towards him.

"What's this?" Michael asked as he looked down at the form with distrust.

"It's a proposition…something that I think you'll find beneficial to both of us."

Michael eyed the sheet of paper warily before he reached down to pick it up, all the while shooting shards of annoyance at the man who looked upon him with a satisfied smile.

"You want me to take over from Dan Siebels?" he asked in disbelief. "Now?"

"That's right," Raines nodded with a hint of a smile. "Dan was the one who suggested it."

Michael's eyes scanned the paper in his hands again, as if the words would somehow change if he read them more than once.

"Actually," Raines chuckled. "Dan did remark that he hopes _your _field agents give you as much trouble as you gave to us!"

"But…the deal…" Michael was aghast as he looked up at his boss, still trying to comprehend what he was being offered here. "What happens to Fiona if I take this? My mom…my friends?"

"Exactly as before," Raines told him as he nodded towards the paper that Michael was holding in his hands. "This is a change in the deal, that's all… a compromise."

"Okay," Michael muttered, his voice coming out on a sigh. "I need you to give me something first before I agree to anything."

Raines watched the younger man with a hint of pride in his eyes. He knew that Michael could never settle for a quiet life. Sitting forward in his seat, he placed his elbows onto his desk and and met Michael's determined gaze.

"What's that?"

"I want to question Fiona's attackers…" Michael told him officiously. "_All_ of them."

"Michael, you know—"

"That's what I want, take it or leave it," Michael ground out. "Either way, they'll tell me why they did it."

"Michael," Raines sighed. "What exactly are you hoping to achieve by interrogating them? Your job is done, just accept the offer and go. Spend time with your family."

"These men went after my girlfriend, Raines," Michael's voice raised in pitch and volume as he fixed his boss with a deadly glare. "Meyers wants Fiona and he doesn't care how or who he steps on to get her and I want to know why."

Leaning back in his seat, Rains clasped his hands together and regarded the man before him for a few moments before he sat forward again.

"Okay, I can give you five minutes with Meyers. MI-6 agents are on their way to take him into custody. He's being shipped off back to the UK within the day."

"Five minutes is all I need," Michael nodded. "And what about the two men who were working with him? _My_ men?"

Raines sighed heavily, he already knew what Michael's reaction would be when he told him something that he didn't want to hear. Bracing himself for the young agent's furious tirade, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak, but his expression told Michael all that he needed to know.

"No!"

"It was taken out of my hands," Raines told him, holding his hands up in apology. "They were taken into custody before I could get to them."

"So where are they?"

"Out of your reach," Raines sighed as he pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "Now, do you want to see Meyers or don't you?"

Michael Westen kept his eyes focused on his boss, the anger and frustration on his face vibrating all around his body. Taking a deep breath, he clenched his fists and nodded curtly, knowing that he couldn't fight the red tape surrounding this. But red tape or no red tape, he was going to find out just why Arthur Meyers was so intent on taking Fiona and the reasons behind his vendetta.

"Yes," he hissed out tightly before he folded the paper with the new deal written on it and shoved it into his jacket pocket. "I want to see Meyers…"

TBC In the final chapter


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, PM'd and for all of the favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate every single comment and for all the time taken to read and review. RL for me takes up much of my time so I don't have a lot of free time to get online and reply personally. I am humbled though by the kindness I have received.**

** Thank you to all of you. I am taking a break until the new season starts, but I am being nagged…I mean **_**coerced**_** into writing an epilogue for this, so that's something I may do before I hang up my keyboard for a little while. Thank you to all of you who have stayed with this story from the very beginning. I hope you have all enjoyed it**

**Thanks as always to my wonderful friends JediSkysinger and Purdy's Pal for reading through the various stages of this chapter and the whole story. Extra thanks to jediSkysinger for always finding the time to BETA for me despite being super busy.**

**Lastly thank you to Noelle, DaisyDay and all of the girls on twitter for your love and support. I can finally start reading Caroline Jessamine's brilliant story It's not Over, something I have been looking forward to immensely. **

**000**

_**Coming soon A brilliant new story co-written by my two wonderful friends Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger. Their pen name is Jedi's Pal and they will be posting from next Monday. **_

_**The new story delves into Fiona's past and her affiliation with Arthur Meyers. It explains why Meyers has such an interest in Fiona and wanting her back on British soil. It loosly ties into Paying The Consequences and there is an excerpt at the end of this story**_

21

Arthur Meyers sat stonily silent. His hands were cuffed and chained to a bar on the top of the table and he knew all too well that the empty chair opposite him wouldn't be empty for long. Whoever came through the door next would be someone looking for answers and he was determined to keep his mouth shut. He had his reasons and that's all anyone needed to know. That bitch would pay just like he had and he was going to enjoy watching her suffer.

The sudden clank of the door handle being lowered brought a wave of apprehension throughout his body, but he quashed it down before it could take hold. Lifting his eyes to the heavy brown door, he smiled icily, his gaze flickering with recognition when he saw that his _interrogator_ had arrived.

Michael Westen came into the room with an air of officiousness about him. He kept his temper under control as his focus settled on the man who was chained to the table. He had performed interrogations on so many occasions, but this one was very different. He was awash with fury, but he congratulated himself on his ability to project an air of calm. There were still too many unanswered questions as to why the arrogant English had orchestrated this whole thing.

Meyers kept his eyes on him, the egotism seeping from his stony stare. Michael quickly understood that the man before him had no sense of morals and, by the way he kept eye contact, he had no qualms about his part in all of this.

"Ahh…" Meyers spoke, his attitude causing Michael to clench his fists beside him. "So…Michael Westen, we meet at last."

Michael glanced up at the camera in the corner of the room as he mentally calculated how long it would take for him to jump over the table and choke the life out of the English son of a bitch, killing him before the guards could get in there to drag him off. There were things he needed to say to the grinning bastard that he didn't want anyone else to hear so before he sat down, he made his way towards the camera and reached up to the wires that looped just below it and yanked them out.

Glancing back towards Meyers he was more than a little amused to see that slimy smile slip from the Brit's face. Turning back towards the camera, he pulled at the back of it to dislodge the circuit panel, sliding it out completely before he wrenched it away and threw it onto the floor beside his feet.

With a satisfied smile he turned back to the table and moved around it to stare at the man whose eyes were fixed on the circuit board that lay shattered on the floor. Pulling the chair out, he sat down calmly, his expression one of pure hatred as he slowly lifted his eyes to bore into the man opposite him.

"_Why?"_ he asked simply, his voice unwavering as he spoke that one single word. He watched Meyers carefully, trying to see something, anything, that told him that this man had some depth of regret, but he saw nothing but contempt in his stare.

"Why?" Meyers asked calmly, his lips turning upwards into a smile. "Why what?"

"You know _damned _well what I'm talking about," Michael snarled. "_YOU _tried to have Fiona KILLED!"

"Ahh, the terrorist," Meyers drolled. "I thought you Americans—"

Before Meyers could even finish, Michael leapt to his feet as the chair clattered to the floor behind him. Towering over the conceited man, Michael glowered down at him and tried to keep in control of his temper. He knew there were two guards outside the door who would burst in if he didn't get the answers he wanted out of Meyers quickly and quietly enough. He'd been granted five minutes so he was going to make the time he had count.

Michael drew himself back and stood up to his full height and lowered his arms down to his side without taking his eyes off of the grinning Englishman.

"You're _laughing_?" Michael hissed when Meyers continued to smile. "You almost got my girlfriend killed and you think it's _FUNNY_?"

"She got no more than she deserved," Meyers told him obnoxiously as he continued to smile. "The fact she survived prison and her deportation failed, was a minor technicality that required me to take more drastic measures…"

"A tech—" Michael slammed his fists onto the table, completely enraged as he glowered down at the man who refused to even flinch. "Was MY child a _TECHNICALITY?_"

"I don't understand," Meyers visibly softened as his eyes narrowed.

"What don't you understand?" Michael seethed. "That you killed our baby?"

"I—" Meyers stuttered, just realizing that his target had been pregnant and who the father had been.

"Our child..._my_ _child_... was a casualty of this damn vendetta of yours," Michael growled, balling his fists to thump on the table once more, causing Meyers to flinch. "I want to know _why_!"

"Ask her fanatical family," he sniped, but with considerably less self assurance than before. He knew that even though he would probably be imprisoned for his crimes, it would be his chance to make MI6 listen to his side of the story without CIA interference. They would have to listen now.

The door to the holding room suddenly opened to reveal the two guards who had been outside the door. Silently they both moved towards Michael who was still glowering down at Meyers but he drew back and scowled at them both in turn and held his hands up to indicate that he was calm. Taking a step away from the table, he moved towards the door but stopped before he stepped through. Casting Meyers one final scathing glare, it was his turn to smile as he delighted in delivering his news to the arrogant Brit.

"Oh, I already have and they couldn't think of a single reason why you were trying to kill their sister," Michael told him calmly, enjoying the spark of recognition in Meyers eyes.

"You called…" Meyers stammered as he shook his head from side to side. "Wait—"

Turning away, Michael ignored the pleading voice coming out of the holding room that he had just left, knowing that as soon as Meyers returned to British soil, then justice for his and Fiona's child would be done. There were some things that needed to be dealt with in a timely manner and, after his conversation with the eldest Glenanne a short time ago, Meyers would definitely be dealt with.

"Wait…" Meyers started, rising out of his seat only to be shoved back down by a heavy handed CIA agent. "I need to make a phone call. I need—"

"SIT DOWN."

"You don't understand. I need to talk to—"

"I SAID _SIT,_" the brusque CIA agent ordered, slamming Meyers back into his seat and ignoring every one of his protests.

Stepping away, both agents left the disgraced rogue MI6 agent to protest into silence when they moved out of the holding room and closed the door behind them.

000

The glare of the sunshine poured through the windows of Michael car, but he paid it no attention. He had so much on his mind right now that he didn't know whether this offer he'd been given was a way forward or not. He knew Fiona would never be happy until he was out of the CIA and, if he was honest with himself, he wouldn't be either…but it was a way of life for him and security for their future.

Thinking back to his meeting with Raines, he did feel some sense of satisfaction that Siebels had negotiated with the CIA to change their original deal. All he had to do now was discuss what this meant with Fiona before he contacted Raines again. This was after all her future too and he wasn't going to risk losing her again.

Taking a deep breath, he looked up at the hospital building and felt a wave of relief wash over him. Meyers was on his way to his own personal hell and he wouldn't be back. Fiona was safe, that was all that mattered now. Whatever she wanted to do, he was ready to give it all to her…he was ready for that life now.

Taking the paper out of his pocket again, he unfolded it and allowed his eyes to linger over the printed words. A few years ago this would have been the pot of gold he'd been waiting for, but now it was causing him to question everything he'd thought he'd wanted. There was only one way to do this; there had only ever been one way. Folding the paper up again, he shoved it back into his pocket and climbed out of the car, needing to see Fiona so that she could ease his mind.

The room was quiet when he stopped to stand in the open doorway to watch the woman he loved. She was so beautiful, even with all of the bruises littering her face. She made him see things in a different way. She cut through the chaos and…

"Michael…"

Her voice caught him by surprise, taking the breath from his body. He couldn't stop the smile that lifted his lips as he moved further into the room to make his way towards her bed. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his mother watching him curiously but his focus was on Fiona.

Taking her offered hand, he clasped it between both of his and perched onto the side of her bed to rest their joined hands on his thigh.

"Hey," he whispered adoringly as he clasped her hand closer to his face, relishing the softness against his skin as he pressed his lips to her fingers. He felt her shudder beneath his hand, a soft tremble that cascaded throughout her entire body as she sought to control her breathing.

Beside them Madeline watched, her eyes widening with every passing second. Smiling brightly she couldn't stop the elation that seeped into her expression as she witnessed the complete devotion between the two people before her. They were so involved in each other that she doubted they even remembered she was there. Despite wanting to jump for joy, she also knew she should make herself scare, even though she wanted to hear Michael's tales of Meyers and the CIA.

Hearing his mother's movements, Michael tore his eyes away from the woman he loved to meet his mother's amused gaze. He knew he was blushing, but right at this moment he didn't care. All he wanted was to tell Fiona everything from the CIA's offer to his plans for their future, but he wouldn't be able to do that with his mother listening in.

"Thanks for staying, mom," he nodded, offering her a wide smile when she gathered her bag into her lap.

"Hey, I wouldn't be anywhere else, honey," she told him as she got to her feet.

"How are you getting back?" Michael asked her, suddenly remembering that she probably came in with Jesse in his car.

"Oh, don't you worry about me," she replied, taking her cell phone out of her bag to wave it in front of him and grinned. "I have Jesse!"

"Is he—"

"Oh, will you quit whining," she grinned. "I'll be fine."

"Mom…"

Waving off his concern, Madeline stepped closer to Fiona's side and rubbed a hand over the younger woman's arm as she smiled down at her. "You get home to us soon, sweetheart."

"Thanks for staying with me," Fiona whispered, feeling more emotional now than she had in a long time. "You made the stay here…bearable."

"Anytime," Madeline told her adoringly, surprising Fiona as well as herself when she dipped her head to kiss the younger woman's forehead. "I'll see you soon."

Fiona nodded and offered Madeline a smile when she backed away and repeated the process, kissing Michael on his cheek before she turned around and walked out of the room.

Both Michael and Fiona watched her retreating form, trying to fathom just when Madeline Westen had become so…soft. Michael was sure it was a phase that wouldn't last, but he was thankful that she had at least finally forgiven him for all the pain he'd caused. Turning back to look at the woman he loved, he met her eyes and instantly felt himself sinking in deeper. She was the answer to every question he'd ever asked and it was time she knew that.

"We need to talk about what happened," he started, his voice dipping into a whisper as he brought her hand to his lips again.

"I know," she told him as she brushed one of her fingers against his lips in wonder, losing herself inside the depths of his eyes. "But not here, not now."

"Why not? You're always the one who wants to get things out in the open," he smiled, feeling some of the aching pain ease away from his heart when he saw a hint of a smile cross her sad face.

"And you're always the one in denial," she countered, her heart melting under his gaze as he once again pushed the pain aside to take hold of her heart to reel her in towards him.

"This time it's different," he told her, his finger tracing her lips as he spoke "I'm different."

"What happened with Meyers?" she asked him suddenly, catching him off guard for a few seconds. "You've never been like this before."

"Like what?" he asked questioningly as he returned their joined hands back onto his thigh.

Regarding him slowly, Fiona kept her eyes focused on his face as she spoke, watching for his reaction.

"Before this happened to me, you were happy to disappear for weeks, months at a time, and now—"

"I almost lost you," he urged, his words breaking through hers as he shuffled closer. "For good this time…and I can't lose you, Fi…"

"You're the one who left," she told him through a shaky breath. "It's always you."

"Not anymore," he told her fiercely even as his eyes glistened with emotion. "I…"

"Michael, what happened?" she asked him softly, suddenly worried by the way he was holding onto her hand so tightly. "Talk to me…"

Swallowing hard, Michael's gaze dropped down to their joined hands as he focused on her slender fingers. Rubbing his thumb across them he lingered over her ring finger, holding his thumb there as he lifted his eyes back up to hers.

"Meyers wouldn't tell me why he was so hell bent on getting you back on British soil," he told her with a defeated sigh. "He told me I'd have to ask you—"

"Meyers is a bastard," Fiona ground out. "He blames me for…"

"What?" he asked softly when her voice trailed away. "What happened, Fi?"

"Look, all you need to know is he'll get what's coming to him, that's all …" She told him, knowing that ever since Meyers had tried to have her deported and her family killed, that the MI6 agent could no more leave Miami and go back home than she could. "Now can we not talk about him?"

Nodding silently, Michael toyed with telling her about his phone call with her brother, but he decided against it. She would no doubt be furious, especially since she had asked him not to tell her mother about the accident because the strain of worry would be too much for her heart.

"I spoke with Raines today," he told her suddenly, steering the conversation onto the other issue that was fresh in his mind. He watched for her reaction, hoping that she was ready to hear what he had to say.

At the mention of William Raines, Fiona automatically stiffened. She knew whenever he was involved, it usually ended up with Michael running off in whatever direction Raines had pointed him in. That man had managed to drive a wedge between them on so many occasions and it looked like he was doing it again.

"When do you leave?"

Her question threw him for a moment and he jerked his head up higher when he saw the obvious defeat in her eyes.

"No…" he told her urgently. "No…it's not…"

Shaking his head, he chuckled in some kind of relief when the situation became almost laughable. Bringing her hand up to his lips, he placed a kiss on the back of her hand before he lowered it only to lean forward to kiss her. He lingered over her for a few moments, but pulled away to smile at her as he released her hand to skim her cheek with his fingertips.

"He offered me a new deal."

Fiona's eyes found his, holding his gaze as she tried to read him. He seemed happy…something that she hadn't seen in him for a very long time. Even after he came to meet her when she was released from prison, that moment that should have been so joyous and so perfect, had all but been swallowed up with grief. They didn't have a reunion. There weren't any candle lit dinners in nice restaurants, no special moments that they would remember for a life time…

"A new deal?" she repeated hollowly. "I'm guessing it still involves the CIA?"

Sliding his fingers from her cheek, he sat back and rummaged inside his jacket for the folded paper that held their future. Pulling it out, he unfolded it and handed it to her, indicating for her to read it when she just looked at him in confusion.

"Read it," he told her with a smile. "Raines wants me to take over from Dan Siebels."

"A handler?" she asked incredulously as she scanned the written words before she lifted her eyes back up to his. "But—"

"I want a life with you," he told her adamantly as he reached across to lift her face upwards so that he could look at her. "If I take the deal, it means I'll be based here. The only assignments I'll get will be based at home."

"But, you wanted your old life…" she protested. "You wanted—"

"I want _you_," he told her firmly, cutting her words off when he covered her mouth with his.

The paper that was in her hands suddenly became crushed between them as they kissed, both of them seeking to end the last few months that had encased them both in pain. Feeling her relax against him, he encompassed her in his embrace, letting her seek refuge in his warmth. He hoped she understood by now that everything he had to give was hers for the taking and nothing would change that.

When their lips slowly parted, they stayed close together, peppering tiny connecting kisses on one another that kept them together before Fiona smiled and rested her forehead against his shoulder. Part of her didn't know what to think. He was giving her some semblance of the life that they had both envisioned, yet still she was a little apprehensive…not quite willing to believe him this time.

Raising her head, she smiled up into his eyes, hoping he could see the pure emotions that swam in her blue green depths. Lifting up slightly, she reached up to place a soft kiss on his cheek, then another closer to his lips, but not quite touching. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest as she watched him incline his head down towards her. Their magnetic charge raced through her body, lifting her into higher realms as he hovered over her lips.

"Fiona," he whispered, his breath tickling her face as he came dangerously closer to her lips. "Whatever you want, I'll do it."

Swallowing hard, she nodded numbly, her voice failing to respond to him. The second his lips touched hers, everything faded away, all the hurt, all the pain, everything that had happened over the last few years was erased by a single touch of his lips. Increasing the tender pressure, he ran his tongue across her bottom lip, silently begging for entry into her silken depths. When she readily accepted him into her warmth, something inside him opened to leave a fountain of emotions to cascade out of his heart. He loved her, only now could he readily feel it as it washed over him.

Fiona was losing herself in his kiss, taking everything he had to offer her. Delving her tongue into his mouth, she kissed him with some kind of desperation, seeking his love to eradicate the final vestiges of doubt. Sliding her hand up his chest, she gasped into his mouth when her cumbersome cast restricted her movements.

Sensing her need to feel him, Michael shuffled even closer, keeping his lips joined with hers. With expert precision he manoeuvred her body so that her cast could rest more comfortably against her before he sank further into their kiss.

After a few moments, the need to breathe pulled them slowly apart. Their eyes locked, conveying everything they needed to say without the need for words. Reaching out to her face, Michael cradled her cheek in his hand before leaning forward to kiss her lips gently this time.

"I need to give him an answer," he whispered reluctantly, her eyes pulling him back to her again as he spoke. "I told him I wouldn't take the deal without talking to you first."

"You waited?" she whispered softly as tears sprung to her eyes. "I thought—"

"No," he told her with a watery smile. "This is about us and _our_ future…I need to know you're okay with this."

Fiona swallowed hard and found herself lost in the heat of his gaze. There were so many questions racing through her mind right now, but she couldn't deny that in many ways this new deal was an answer to their problems. This way she could still do her own work and have a life with him, too… but it still meant he was part of the thing she hated the most.

"So is this the kind of deal you can get out of, or is it an _instead_ of kind of deal?"

"He didn't really make that part clear," Michael admitted, albeit reluctantly. "But if I take it, then I'll be here. It won't be _me_ disappearing for months at a time on missions…I know it's not ideal, but—"

"Take the deal," she told him as she nodded her head. "Tell him you'll take it."

"Are you sure?" he asked her as his face bloomed with a bright smile. "Because if you want me to walk away—"

"You can't walk away, Michael. It's not in you to walk away."

"I will this time," he promised.

"Michael, I've had a lot of time to think while I've been in here. I don't have a lot left to lose, but if I don't accept your life, then I know I'll lose you too…so…take what he's offering… we both know there's no other way."

"I need to tell you why I went back," he started as he tried to keep her gaze. "I know you think I wanted it, but I _was_ ready to spend my life with you Fi. I _am _ready…I—"

Fiona surged forward to steal the words from his lips. She had missed him so much when he'd left, but the betrayal had cut her deeply. Only now, he was showing her that this time he was doing something for her…he was putting her first…and she had never loved him more than she did right now…

Deepening their kiss, Fiona moulded herself to him, kissing him with as much passion as she could muster. His arms wound around her shoulder, carefully pulling her closer to his body, a movement that she welcomed. She was desperate to feel his heart beating against her own. She only felt alive when he was around her and now, after her near death, she knew there was nothing more important than this. To have his arms around her…to feel his love surrounding her…he had brought her heart alive. Breaking apart, she took a deep breath and smiled as he moved forward to lay his forehead against hers.

Michael skimmed his fingertips over her cheek and closed his eyes. He was fighting against the well of emotion that had suddenly reduced him into a man who was so far away from the CIA agent he portrayed…but now, he didn't even bother to try and hide his feelings.

Opening his eyes again, he drew away slightly and looked down at her as she slowly moved a hand to his face. His gaze locked with hers as he leant his face into her palm as her warmth seeped into his skin. He couldn't seem to pull away from her, but he hoped he was conveying everything to her in his gaze, giving her the love she needed to see. In a silent communication, she untangled herself from him but kept a hold of his hand before she reluctantly released him.

"Go," she told him with a soft smile. "Tell him you'll take his deal and when you come back you can work on the doctors to get me out of here!"

"Okay…" he chuckled, the happiness he felt cascading from his smile. "I'll see what I can do."

"I really can't wait to get out of here," she sighed. "I just want to go home."

Swallowing hard, Michael rubbed his finger over her knuckles as he watched for her reaction when he asked the question that was burning in his mind.

"Home?"

Fiona smiled sadly when she met his gaze, already knowing what he wanted to know. She was still attached to the loft in so many ways, but maybe it was a time to let go of the past and move forward.

"I wish we could go back to the loft… but it's gone…and I don't really want to live with your mom…"

"If you don't like the apartment…" he blurted, urging her to look at him. "We can find somewhere else. A house maybe, if you—"

"Maybe we could go shopping when I get out of here," she told him in a rush, silencing his rambling words. "For the…apartment…"

Michael looked at her as if she had grown a second head, still not quite believing what he was hearing. Without waiting for her to speak, he nodded rapidly and clutched hold of her fingers.

"Anything you want," he grinned as he lifted her hand to his lips to place a kiss into her palm. "I'll take you anywhere…"

"Anywhere?" she asked with a wide smile when he manoeuvred himself off of the bed and released her hand.

"Yes," he chuckled, already knowing that he would probably come to regret those words. Leaning over her, he placed one last kiss onto her lips before he retrieved the crumpled paper from the bed and shoved it back into his pocket.

"I'll see you later," she smiled brightly when he hovered beside her bed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay," he sighed as he fought with his irrational mind. The threat to Fiona's life had been dealt with but still…

"Michael, just go," she told him with a bright smile. "I'll be fine."

"I'll call Sam—"

"I'm fine!"

Backing away from her, he nodded happily, even though he had every intention of calling someone to come and stay with her. Turning away, he hurried out of the room and pulled his new cell phone out of his pocket. It was going to be an adjustment for both of them, he knew that. Meyers was gone and he _wouldn't_ be back to cause any more damage_, that_ he was sure of.

Taking one last look over his shoulder at the room he'd just left, he couldn't help but smile… it was time to start living the life he and Fiona had planned and suddenly he knew exactly how to start.

Shoving his phone back into his pocket, he headed back towards Fiona's room and grinned knowingly when she looked up at him questioningly.

Slipping his jacket off of his shoulders, he draped it over the back of the chair and moved towards her again.

"Michael?"

"Raines can wait," he told her as he retook his place by her side on the bed. Taking hold of her hand he manoeuvred his body so that he was sitting right next to her with his back resting on the pillows. "I think we should take a vacation."

Fiona looked up at him in complete shock. This was so unlike him and she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say, but before she could utter one word, he spoke again.

"As soon as you're okay we'll go, just the two of us."

"I…okay…"

"I'm serious, Fi," he told her with a sincere smile. "I'm taking you somewhere, anywhere, you want to go."

"Even Paris?"

Michael smiled as he released her hand and slipped his arm around her shoulders, careful of her injuries. Pressing a kiss onto her temple, he hovered close to her ear as he spoke, whispering the words that he had always been so afraid to say.

"I think we should get married."

Fiona's breath caught in her throat as she struggled to comprehend what he had just said to her. Turning slightly she moved herself around until she could see his eyes, knowing that she could read him if she could just see him.

"What do you think?" he asked softly, showing no signs of changing his mind. "Do you want to get married?"

"I… do you?"

The smile that graced his lips told her everything that she needed to know and she found herself nodding before she could even agree.

Her fingers stilled on his shirt and her eyes lifted to gaze up into his. For a few worrying seconds, she thought he was going to withdraw again and she started to move away, but his hand snatched hold of hers to keep her where she was.

"I don't want you to do something you might regret later," she whispered softly as he brought her hand to his lips to kiss her palm.

"I won't regret it," he assured her, his voice hoarse as he shuffled a little closer to her body. "Will you?"

"No," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "I won't."

His breath fanned her face and her eyes fluttered closed as he descended on her lips once more, pouring every ounce of love into their kiss…because this was truly their beginning…their happily ever after…

The End

**Coming Next Monday**

**Below is a small taster of what is to come from Jedi's Pal, the fantastic new story co-written by Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger…**

**000**

_**The phone sitting on his desk rang and Meyers sat up straight and touched his fingers to his regimental tie as he quickly composed himself. Lifting the hand set, he raised it to his ear.**_

"_**Meyers," he answered in the crisp, slightly bored drawl of an English aristocrat.**_

"_**It's been agreed, You can have your time with Glenanne... I'll be sending two men from the State Department to escort you out to Allarod."**_

_**Meyers smiled, his anger and hatred locked away behind a thin veneer of civility and good manners.**_

"_**Thank you. I won't forget this."**_

_**Placing the handset back on its base, Meyers laid one hand on top of the folder, his long elegant fingers tapped a beat on the well worn cover of the file that held all the details of the tragedy that had ruined his life. They were all victims of war in a sense, but that didn't change the burning hatred he felt...**_

"_**And I'll make damn sure she won't forget it either."**_


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of your reviews, PM's and for the favourite story and author adds. I really do appreciate all of your kind words. To answer your questions, yes I am hanging up my keyboard but only for a short while. There are a lot of RL things going on for me and my family in the coming month, so I won't have time to do any writing.**

**As a thank you to all of you who PM'd me on here and on twitter asking for a honeymoon epilogue, I wrote this for all of you. It's only short, but I hope it cheers you up after the news that broke yesterday. I will miss Burn Notice but it will live on in all of us for a very long time.**

**Special thanks to my wonderful friends JediSkysinger and Purdy's Pal for being the main nagging…I mean…**_**coercing**_** squad for this, and of course for reading through for me. Extra thanks also to JediSkysinger for giving this a BETA.**

**Just a reminder that JediSkysinger and Purdy's Pal have co-written a brilliant new story under the author name Jedi's Pal. It is truly an epic read and I know you will all be blown away. Look out for the first chapter on Monday.**

Epilogue

Sunlight streamed through the large open windows of the Hotel Plaza Athenee, bathing the two occupants in the bed. The windows were slightly open and the warm breeze billowed the heavy drapes that looped across them, still held secure by the luxurious silk tie backs. The gentle movements cast delicate shadows all over the pale blue walls, dancing over the plaster mouldings that adorned the ceiling.

Michael slowly opened his eyes and, for a moment, he fought to remember where he was. It took all of two seconds for the memories to come flooding back and he felt his heart surge inside his chest. Two days ago, they had taken breakfast out on the balcony and admired the views and the Eifel Tower that was close to their hotel. They had eaten freshly baked croissants and sipped champagne, feeling totally at ease with each other and succumbed to their wedded bliss.

Turning onto his side, Michael watched Fiona as she slept. The bruises on her cheek had faded and her injured arm bore no scars of the accident that had almost taken her from him. There had been so many changes in her since he'd returned to the CIA as a handler. Her eyes had regained their vibrancy, something he'd feared had been lost with his apparent betrayal, and her beautiful smile had returned. He'd hated being apart from her and his love for her had only deepened when she'd forced their separation.

Reaching out a finger, he traced her tanned shoulder and marvelled once again how lucky he really was. After he'd re-joined the CIA, whenever he'd woken from a restless sleep, he would automatically reach across the bed for her. He hadn't realized how much losing her would hurt…until he'd actually _lost_ her. She had made so many sacrifices for them to have a life together. She had left her friends and family behind when she'd chosen to stay with him and all he had given her was heartache… until he finally understood what he had put her through.

When he'd first been burned, being so connected to her would have scared him, but instead of instigating fear like he had once suspected, this beautiful woman beside him had breathed new life into him. She had shown him how to love.

Leaning closer towards her again, he watched her eyes slowly flutter open as he placed a soft kiss onto her nose and then moved away just enough to look into her eyes.

"Hey," he whispered with a smile when she stretched like a cat before she sighed contentedly.

"Mmm," she smiled lazily as she snuggled in closer to his body. "What time is it?"

"A little after seven," he whispered against her lips. "We need to get up soon if we're going to make it in time for the…"

When his words trailed away, she opened her eyes fully and shuffled even closer towards him, peppering tiny kisses over his stubbled chin. She heard his soft sigh and kissed him once more, dragging her lips over his throat before she angled her head so that she could see his face.

"Where are we going?"

"I told you," he grinned. "It's a surprise!"

"You're not going to tell me?" she asked teasingly as she laid a hand onto his stomach and splayed her fingers wide. "Not even a hint?"

Lifting a finger to trace the outline of her lips, he watched as her eyes drifted closed with his touch. The gold band on his finger glinted in the sunlight and he found himself staring at it, still in complete awe. Less than forty-eight hours ago, they had exchanged wedding rings and spoken soft endearments to each other before being pronounced that they were now legally husband and wife.

"We're married," he announced, saying it aloud as if he had only just realised.

"Yes, we are," she chuckled as she ran her fingertips over his bare torso.

"You're my wife," he told her with an amazed smile, part of him still in shock that they had really taken the final step.

"Yes, I am."

Lifting herself up onto an elbow, Fiona smiled down at him as she placed a soft kiss onto his forehead before pulling away slightly so that she could gaze down into his eyes. She loved this man with every fibre of her being. He had given her the perfect wedding, the perfect honeymoon and she knew that he would love her for the rest of his life. He was everything…

"How do we tell the guys that we did this without them?" Michael asked in a whisper as he raised his fingers to push an errant strand of hair away from her eyes. "You do know my mom isn't going to be happy."

"I know," Fiona sighed when she leaned her cheek into the palm of his hand. "But we didn't want a big ceremony and we both know that if your mom knew in advance, then there would have been flowers and bridesmaids…" her voice trailed away when she leaned down to capture his lips in a soft kiss before moving back to smile down into his eyes.

Michael caught her mood and reached up to kiss her lips once more, pulling her back down onto the bed with him cupping her face in both of his hands. "…Receptions…churches…and you know she would have wanted to cook!"

"Oh god, can you imagine the cake?" Fiona giggled. "And the sandwiches?"

"I'm trying not to," he chortled before he became serious once again. "We did this the way we wanted to… just the two of us."

"It was perfect," she told him breathlessly when he dipped his head to drag his lips across her throat as he kissed his way over her skin.

"Michael," she groaned when his kisses brought her body alive. "I...I…can't…"

"Shhh," he whispered as he trailed his lips back up her body, closing the short distance between them to kiss her again.

Fiona lost herself in his touch, succumbing to his movements as he aroused her with the gentle strokes of his hands. When neither could withhold from their passion any longer, they both frantically kicked at the sheets until they were skin on skin. Each touch provoked another, each kiss adding a burst of flame to the now burning fire that raged throughout them.

Fiona closed her eyes, revelling in the sensations that he always caused inside her and succumbed to his touch. Making love with this man went far beyond anything she had ever experienced before in her life... he was her lover, her friend, her soul mate...her _husband_.

"Fiona," he groaned throatily as he lost himself in her, matching her movements until the pace quickened and the soft moans became more urgent.

Pushing her head back into the pillows, Fiona clung to him desperately as she felt herself tumble over the edge of their own private heaven, only to pull him along with her seconds later.

He collapsed on top of her, his breathing heavy and unsteady. He didn't want to move from her body. She made him feel complete and he never wanted to lose that feeling ever again. His heart hammered inside his chest and he gulped in lungful's of air as he tried to bring his body back to some kind of normality. After a few moments, he realized that he was practically lying on her and lifted himself up so that he could run his fingers over her flushed cheek.

"I love you," he whispered, those words no longer so hard to say to her.

Offering him a watery smile, Fiona answered him with another loving kiss that took his breath away. There was no one who could ever have replaced her, ever. She had always held his heart, even when they had been apart for so many years before he was burned.

With their lips still joined, he rolled over to his side, taking her with him so she was cocooned against his body. When their lips finally parted, she sighed contentedly into his chest, placing a soft kiss on his skin before she closed her eyes in complete contentment.

Michael tightened his hold on her body, once again revelling in her closeness and forever thankful for having her in his life. He could feel her relax in his arms and reached down to pull the cover up over them. Settling back, he closed his eyes succumbing to the sleep that tugged him down into slumber, but just as he was falling deeper, he heard her soft whisper fill his senses to send him into another blissful burst of love.

"Love you," she mumbled against him, tightening her arms around his body until she lost the battle to stay awake. Opening his eyes, he leaned down to place a soft kiss into her hair before closing his eyes again, surrendering to sleep himself.

Some time later, Fiona opened her eyes to the sound of Michael's cell phone ringing by the side of their bed. Sitting up slightly, she nudged his shoulder gently. "Michael, wake up."

"Mmm...?" he mumbled, cracking his eyes open.

"Your phone," she told him as she stifled a yawn. Lying back down beside him, she snuggled into his body as he pulled the phone down from the cabinet and sank back down into the pillows. Lifting his arm, he moved to accommodate her as she laid her head on his chest while he answered the phone with the other.

Fiona ran her fingers lazily up his chest, enjoying the warmth of his body. Sighing contentedly, she turned to place a soft kiss onto his chest and then lifted herself up on one elbow to offer him a smile when he ended the call and tossed his cell back onto the cabinet beside the bed.

Running one hand gently over Fiona's face, he leant up to kiss her soundly, trying to ignore the disappointment that shone in her eyes as he said. "We have to go."

"I heard," she whispered, hovering close to his lips as she spoke. "Wanna share the shower?"

"Uh..." he started only to be silenced by her lips coming down to his for a lingering kiss. He could feel himself losing the battle to push her away. After the alarm call he'd just taken, he knew they had to leave to make their trip on time. But when she kissed him, he contemplated forgetting the whole thing and spending their whole honeymoon in this bed. Opening his mouth beneath hers, he surrendered to her touch, her intoxicating kiss sending his senses into overdrive as all thoughts of the Seine River Cruise he'd arranged melted from his thoughts.

In the far reaches of Fiona's mind, she knew she had to pull away and fight the urges that kept her bound to him. Breaking the kiss, she lifted herself up so that she could sit up. His soft groan of frustration caused her to smile and she found herself leaning back to kiss him soundly on the lips again. "We'll finish this later," she whispered as she pulled back and climbed out of their bed and exited the room.

Michael stared after her, instantly missing her presence. With a groan, he sat up and moved to the side of the bed in search of his pants. Reaching down, he pulled them on and took a lazy stretch as he followed her into the bathroom, knowing that he would never grow tired of this. He was married…connected to another person in a way that went far beyond a promise of love. This was what happiness felt like…

He and Fiona were forever and, if he had to spend the rest of his like showing her how much he loved her, then he would do it because she was his wife…

End

Thank you for reading


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